-
TV Social
Login
Recent Comments
- Derek Hazelton: I think since we’re posting about our favorite memories: I remember the RHOA recaps from a few...
- PinkTop: I’m heartbroken.
- brebay: 1. rudimentary 2. WTF?????? None of your post makes any sense, is it meant to be...
- captain picard: So very sad! This site has been my go to sanctuary since 2007! Can’t believe it.
- blazergirl: @sororsalsa, the word is that Sabra had a falling out with either Nigel or the show (not...
- MargoRita: While we’re on the \Cora\ subject, can we PLEASE not forget to mention a...
- zbird: I have been around here for. ever. Since the B-side and J-unit days. Remember Honey Bunny? Yeah. I do. This...
- zbird: ^^^ Doesn’t do well with change. *whimper* Such a bummer.
- SororSalsa: Just watched the Top 20 show…I think they picked a good group. All of my faves are in!...
- pageantkidgrownup: It’s 10 something pm. My oldest two kids are playing Black Widow...
Hot Shows
-
Fresh Tweets!
Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.
Damn y’all seems like just yesterday I was writing a Hell’s Kitchen Recap……anyhoo, this one involves our chefwannabes cooking for the Marine’s y’all! Semper Fi!
Damn. That’s about a week too late.
We start off as usual with someone whining about how much they sucked.
Hey soldier boy, sucky sucky love you long time.
Yeah I know, it was awful and I should be slapped. Anyway we then move on to one arm Dave and his quest for a pot pie. Poor thing is determined that even though he can’t whack it properly he shall master the microwave.
That shit gave me blisters y’all.
The next morning the wannabes have to face their next task as well as Chef Ramsay’s guest. Raven Simone? No. Hmmmm. I give up.
oooh I know that look. Banged into oblivion.
Oh I get it, there’s a theme. This is LaTashia James. WIFE of Staff Sgt. Otis James of the USMC. He just returned from a 30 month tour of duty in Iraq. Holy shit. My husband was gone way less than that and I was locking myself in the bathroom on day 3. I’m surprised the poor thing can walk. Oh hell I see, he just flew in last night. That’s why she has that shell shocked look. God bless her. And God Bless our troops and anyone who doesn’t like that can suck it.
Girl yo ass in IN for it TONIGHT!
Ramsay tells them that tomorrow night they will be hosting an amazing welcome home feast for Staff SGT. Otis James. Everyone is all psyched especially this one.
I loves me some Marines y’all. Hoorah!
Again the husband steps in to explain that marines yell oorah! not hoorah. Fight amongst yourselves.
Ramsey then explains that the next challenge is for each team to come up with one stunning appetizer, two stunning entrees and then LaTashia and he will be tasting them to choose who wins. Whichever team loses will be water boarded on the spot. Ramsay
chooses Chicken Lips and Fatty McButterpants to go and talk with LaTashia to find out Sgt. James’ likes and dislikes.
Does your husband like, spam? I always heard military folks like spam.
LaTasha tells them her husband loves seafood. Then McByPass asks her if they enjoy southern cooking. That’s code for fried chicken. Why don’t you just ask her if she likes water melon and grape soda you dingbat?
Downstairs they go.
Both teams are running around like crazy shouting shit like steak, surf and turf, taters! ChickenLips seems to be stuck on lobster tails since that is what LaTasha said they loved. McByPass is running his team smoothly while ChickenLips is confused and just keeps saying no sauce for the steak. Her team is not happy with her. To hear her tell it she was doing everything perfectly. Ha!
There is no way I can lose. Do my teeth make my lips look thin?
Van tastes the greens and is asked if they are good and he says “Makes ya wanna slap yo mama!” Oh please everything makes me want to slap my mama. It just seems to be against the law for whatever reason.
With 5 minutes left ChickenLips decides to ask WhoppiG how she feels about the menu. I would have said it sux and we should start over just to mess with her little chicken lipped head.
Someone on the mens side keeps screaming for a doily, sheesh shut up. Ariel is worried that this menu is a suck ass mess. But, it’s time for tasting!
The winning team for sure. No doubt about it. None what so ever.
Ariel is up first with a caesar style salad with baked prawns. Ramsay and LaTasha like it. Kevin is next with a spicy seafood style bouillabaisse . Again it’s a hit! But she has to choose between the two and she chooses…Team ChickenLips!!!!
Kevin makes a stupid comment about ya give a woman a salad and she’ll pick it 9 out of 10 times. He has obviously never seen my ass at Taco Bell. Shut up Kevin.
Oh hell it’s Tequila Girl Amanda. Can’t tell yet if she’s sober. She has a bacon wrapped fillet with grilled shrimp. Andy takes this opportunity to tell us it looks like shit. Hey Andy, SHUT.UP.
She likes it. Andy next has a four cheese mac with stewed collards and buttermilk fried catfish.
Blue Team wins!
ChickenLips and McByPass are up next. ChickenLips has a broiled lobster tail with a seafood something or other pasta and a light wine sauce. LaTasha likes it giving ChickenLips the impression they “have this in the bag.”
Oh you could definitely use a bag.
BcByPass has a bone in New York strip with a cajun rub served with twice baked potato mash and a grilled lobster tail. And the winner is……….BLUE TEAM!
What? Ya think I weigh this much eating’ cheetos?
WhoopiG says she’s so pissed off that if she didn’t think she’d have to pay for it she’s be breaking shit right now!
Yeah that’s how I lost my prized Flintstones Collector glasses. Don’t be judging.
The prize for the men? They will be fighter pilots for the day. Man I hope they mean in a simulator, cause, well, ya know what I’m saying.
I’m not fat I’M BIG BONED!
Nope they will be on a real fighter jet doing maneuvers. I bet I know what at least one of those maneuvers will be. Baaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrffffffffffffffff!
Ladies punishment will be to redecorate the entire place for the celebration. The boys run off to celebrate while the girls go off to sulk and lay blame. ChickenLips is confused as to why everyone blames her. Uhhh cause you talked to the woman and you were the team leader.
Then we see this.
The girl has a point.
TequilaGirl explains that WhoopiG is upstairs right now pissed off. She wanted to do some soul food but ChickenLips shot her down every time.
WhoopiG tries to explain to Brain dead ChickenLips that she offered to make a jambalaya sauce for the pasta. ChickenLips feel her pasta was just fine. Damn she’s delusional. Hey twit, YOU LOST! It obviously wasn’t “just fine.”
Off the men go for their fighter jet experience.
All the WRONG stuff!
Yay the men are having a ball and the women look like they want to kick someone in the balls.
Holy shit a wife sighting! Ramsay tells the women there is only one person he would trust to coordinate this event and here she is!
Be afraid peasants.
Ha! Sabrina makes the comment to us that for someone as mean as Ramsay is he sure can snag a good looking wife. Looks aren’t everything missy! There’s money too!
Mrs. Ramsay is a no nonsense do this shit my way kinda girl. And Ariel doesn’t like it. Meanwhile the men are in the skies having the time of their lives. Damn no one puked.
Unless you count me.
Back to the women, its just tedious bullshit until they discover helium. Then its like being in chipmonk hell.
The men come back bragging and further pissing of the hellium nuts. Then Sabrina says with helium breath… “Boys ya got nuthin on Tom Cruise or Val KilMORE.” First of all, Val KilMER is fat and gross now and Tom Cruise is a nut.
Both their little peckers together aren’t this big.
The boys plan to crush the women and keep this momentum going.
Next morning everyone is preparing. The menu is the guys menu but when the girls try and get info about the menu the guys refuse to tell them any details and are clearly sabotaging them.
Ramsay gets all militant and says tonight’s service will hinge on one thing. Teamwork. He tells them to repeat it and they half ass shout it. Then he does the trademark “I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”
And with that Hell’s Kitchen is open! Tonight’s menu includes the guest of honor’s other favorites like stuffed mushrooms, fried catfish and surf and turf. Sgt. James has no clue that friends and family he hasn’t seen in more than 2 years are waiting for him. Mrs. Ramsay tells everyone to shut their traps and be absolutely silent or she’ll kill them all with an evil glare. Only she said it all mean like.
Shut your bloody holes or else!
The restaurant goes dark and everyone is silent and then in walks Sgt. James and the lights go on and everyone screams Welcome Home! Is it really a good idea to ambush a dude who just spent 30 months in Iraq?
American Hero.
All went well and as you can see he is smiling from ear to ear. Balloons start dropping and everyone is clapping and even the chefwannabes are touched. Ramsay welcomes him and then has one more surprise up his sleeve.
It’s Mama!!!
Now everyone is crying and I am about to squeeze out a few so lets get to cooking and cussing!
Ramsay yells out the first orders and they are off. Blue Team is off to a great start. However on the Red Team they seem to be missing a stuffed mushroom. Everyone is screaming where’s the mushroom.
Apparently she thought it might be up her nose.
When said mushroom is finally found it’s cold as ice and we hear Ramsay’s first “Fuck off will ya.” He’s screaming at them to touch it touch it! They finally get their first table served as the Blue Team has served ALL the appetizers.
In case ya haven’t noticed, the Red Team sux.
Suddenly the Blue Team seems to be having issues. Ramsay yells out an order and Jim does not answer. That is a gian’t no no in Ramsayland! Ramsey screams at him “Have you switched off?” Jim denies it. But he does look a little dazed.
Mama always did say life was like a box of….something.
Kevin jumps in to help out while Ramsay is distracted and the Blue Team gets back on track. Except Ramsay heard everything and knows Kevin just saved Jim’s ass. This pleases Kevin no end.
Yep I’m a hero. Sort of. Not really.
Sgt. James is enjoying his meal from the Blue Team and the Red Team has finally finished their appetizers. And then Tek is attempting to cook steaks. Tek is an idiot. Anyone who can do this to a steak, needs to be put away forever.
Oh the humanity!
WhoopiG tries to help Tek but she blows her off claiming she knows what’s she’s doing. Ramsay yells out yet another order of steaks and Tek doesn’t even bother to answer him. Ramsay starts having a fit. After yet more horrifying acts of molestation done to the steaks he loses it completely.
You are embarrassing me you stupid cow!
It’s chaos in the Red Kitchen. Nobody can get anything right and Ramsay is almost hopping up and down with fury at these dingbats screwing up such an important night.
I didn’t know I was expected to KNOW how to cook.
Meanwhile the Blue Team is rocking. Except Andy won’t shut the hell up and leave one armed Dave alone. He’s doing better with one arm than the entire Red Team!
Back up off me Gump before I knock your tater off.
Next thing you know Tek is royally screwing yet again and Ramsay drags her ass into the closet to scream and yell some more. And since I am in an evil mood I am enjoying this.
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!!!!!!!!
Over on the Blue Team Jim starts screwing up and Kevin again takes over and saves the day.
Chef hates me. Wah.Wah.Wah.
Blue Team has served their final entree and are moving on to desserts. In the Red kitchen Tek finally manages to serve an entree. But then TequilaGirl screws up the lobster and all hell breaks loose in Ramsayland again. He’s yelling so loud and kicking the garbage can and then we see this.
Ok usually I enjoy these tirades but when you start scaring cute little kids, it’s time to take it down a notch.
One hour and a half into service and not one Red table has recieved an entree. People are getting pissed. Besides Ramsay who is yelling stupid cow every few seconds. Ramsey leaves Kevin on desserts and then sends the rest of the Blue Team to do the Red Teams job.
Then Fatty McButterpants does this.
Shit dude, warn a bitch before you go all psycho. I almost choked on my Snickers bar. I mean apple.
Haha Jim finally says something funny. Talking about the burned meat everywhere in the Red Teams kitchen.
It looked like a hand grenade went off in a cow’s ass.
Finally with the Blue Teams help everyone has been served. I just have to show this picture though.
That is exactly how I look every time someone brings me food.
Ramsay sends the Blue Team off to clear down and then he points his evil little eyes on the sucky ass Red Team. He calls them pathetic and then tells them to clear down. For some reason the Announcer Dude claims that tonights service was another high point for Hell’s Kitchen. Ok. Ramsay goes over and shakes hands with Sgt. James and wishes him well.
And America wishes you well also.
Ramsay then tells the men they saved the evening and the women were crap. He lists all their faults which are many many many. He sends them off to decide who should be booted. The Blue Team celebrates and totally enjoys their victory.
The girls go back and forth arguing about who sucks the worst. Tek claims she can cook. Ha! What it comes down to is who has the balls to stand up and fight for themselves. Back down in the kitchen they face Ramsay. When asked who the two are the suckiest, WhoopiG tells him Tek and that for some reason her punk ass team chose her. Ramsay makes this face.
Pfft whah heh who eh huh?
Ramsay calls Tek and WhoopiG up even though she fought back and used the fuck words 72 times. He asks her who she thinks the 2nd nominee should be and she doesn’t hesitate to say TequilaGirl. Ramsay agrees and calls her ass down too. He then gives WhoopiG a chance to tell why she should stay. The jist of it is this is a bunch of bullshit and she can cook and fuck fuck fuck she ain’t by no means the worst. Again Ramsay agrees and tells her to get the fuck back in line.
When all else fails cry like a bitch.
Ramsay gives Tek and TequilaGirl the same opportunity to beg. He starts with Tek and she claims she has a passion for cooking and blah blah blah. He then moves on to TequilaGirl and accuses her of having nothing left. She denies this. And cries. Then we see a montage of Red Team fuckups and Ramsay tells Tek to take off her coat and piss off.
Coming to a McDonald’s Drive Thru near you.
Ramsay then reminds the rest of them of whats at stake here. He doesn’t want to be made to look stupid. Then he tells them to piss off. I think that means I love you in England.
Well sweeties that’s it for this one. Hugs and smooches,
Cherie
TV Social
-
13 Comments
Hehehehe…you are absolutely HILARIOUS Cherie!!
I was cracking up the whole time.
This is looking to be like another entertaining season of Hell’s Kitchen.
Did you notice that they didn’t show Robert ever getting on one of the fighter jets? Was he over the weight limit again?
Can’t wait until the next episode!!
Good job Cherie.
See..my passive agressive harrasment paid off! Lol. j/k.
It looks to me like ChickenLips is getting the same edit Andrea had last time..a smarmy, punkass, know-it-all, tattletale.
Someone please make Robert go away already!! We all know he could NOT have even gotten INTO a fighter jet! Sheesh!
Am I the only one who thinks Tek was a bit too “herbally relaxed” to cook properly?
Oooo.. looks like WhoopieG is gonna whoop a trick next week.. good times.. can’t wait to see G-Ram’s reaction!
Actually I think there was a shot of Robert in one of the craft when it was flying. Those craft would have different insurance regs regarding weight then a passenger helicopter would. Since they are doing aerial dogfight manuevers likely anyone wanting to go on the things would sign a disclosure form admitting there were risks to the flying such as crashing into the ocean, crashing into another aircraft etc.
Tek’s problem like ChickenLips was that neither listened. Chickenlips was told the style of food and instead of telling what she learned she decided to well act like male management types are supposed to act and dictate everything. Robert on the other hand interestingly enough acted like women managers do and tell what the requirements were and listened to the advice and opionons of the team mates and was hands off unless needed.
Tek was told to put the meat in the convection oven to cook properly instead of relying on the grill since well that grill was more to get meat started cooking then finish it off.
Great recap Cherie, thanks for the giggles!
Chicken Lips sucked as a manager – she is great at tattling and trying to make herself look good, but awful at disseminating info to her teammates. While I agree with Knackered that she is getting the “Andrea Bitch” edit, I still can’t work up the hate for her that I had for Andrea whenever she was on my screen. But Tek took suckage to a new level this week – how many people tried to tell her to mark the steaks on the grill then use the oven?? And she refused to listen, claiming “I know how to cook”. Ummm, not that we’ve seen darling.
Loved it when G-RAM’s wifey was explaining EXACTLY how she wanted the tables decorated and one of the ladies said “oh yeah, she’s Gordon’s wife all right”. LOL, good stuff.
The Whoopie/G-RAM smackdown looks like it will be interesting. She can be a bit scary with her ‘tude, I hope they put away the sharp knives before the throwdown. I really am not liking Robert this season, but still sorry to see (from the previews) that his health might again be a factor in his continuing. He needs to work on the priority of getting his health in order asap.
Hugs Cherie! xoxo
hi all –
Not trying to nitpick but did they really say he was gone 30 months? The captions came up as 13, which is awful as it is but 30? No one deserves that! His son looked young enough that if Otis was gone for 30 months, he left RIGHT after they conceived.
Could someone clarify this for me?
kara-
I googled just to be sure and everything I found said 30 months. He probably had leave here and there. When someone is gone that long they usually do.
Thanks for reading guys!
Cherie -
Thank you so much for the clarification. Still way too long!
Also, excellent recap!
” The captions came up as 13, which is awful as it is but 30? No one deserves that!”
Then you haven’t been paying attention. This is a well known issue where the soldiers have extended tours and often times come back for a month then go back out back to Iraq for another year that turns out to have an additional three months. This despite the supposed recruiting promise and papers they were only supposed to serve a year then have a year back home.
You also have what is known as the back door draft in which National Guard and reservist volunteers get extended tours of duty and would get thrown in prison if they tried to back out of taking additional tours of duty past what their obligations are supposed to be. This has been occuring for years btw.
yeschef, thank you for the clarification as well. It is not that I have not been paying attention… with friends coming and going on the constant, I will admit I do try to block that stuff out because while I support the soldiers and the USA with every fiber of my being, I do not agree with the war, and do not think such extended tours are fair.
This is a personal opinion, I have incredible respect for the soldiers, and their families. I grew up the daughter of a military man who served in 3 wars. I know what its like to be a young child whose parent is gone. I just simply feel it is unfair. I am not ignorant in any sense of the word, so I apologize if it came across that way.
Sorry it’s just how that came off sounded like you were just one of those people who just puts a support the troops sticker on their SUV and considers any notion that the war is wrong is traitorous. Yet these same bumper sticker supporters laugh off the notion that the war should be adequetly planned, that the right reasons should be used for going to war, that the soldiers need well enough manpower, medical assistance, as well as equipment yet the reports coming out that the Bush admin did all the wrong things that wind up going to an unneeded war in Iraq that has costed trillions, caused over a million innocenent people to die, spawned whole legions of terrorists as well as not supporting the troops properly both in Iraq (causing over a dozen to die by electrocution deaths to faulty electrical work, they died while taken showers) and over here when they needed medical care (Walter Reed was handed over to a private company instead of being gov’t run).
Supporting the troops seems to be a hollow phrase and the people claiming to be patriotic only seem to want to have dissent with the gov’t when a black person or a percieved liberal is in charge. That isn’t patriotism that is facism and nationalism at work.
So my blood got a bit worked up from seeing something I associate these supposed patriots often express when confronted with a piece of evidence that things aren’t going well over in Iraq.
No, I totally respect and apppreciate your point of view, and in re-reading my original post, I can see why you thought that, but that is not the case at all and I apologize for coming off that way, and appreciate you calling it to my attention that is how I was coming across
Yeah sorry it’s just words on the net cannot often express satire and are often poorly constructed especially in fit of typing fast.
I myself cannot join the army or any branch of the military due to life long disability and this is a real disability not an anal cyst like Limbaugh has or any of the other deferants a lot of war mongers get due to things like bad acne. Ever wonder why those who want war often really suck at it yet those opposed to it except as a necessacity tend to do far better on it?
I understand, I have had my fair share of trouble with the internet because I tend to be very witty and sarcastic in real life, which does not translate well over the Internet as well as I would prefer!
I am also unable to join as well due to a hearing impairment (which isnt bad enough that I am unable to communicate or speak clearly, but in a dangerous situation like that, would definitely put me an increased risk), so I hear you on the disabled thing (see what I did there?! haha)