Hell’s Kitchen: Yakety Yak. Don’t Talk Back.

So we’re down to the final six in Hell’s Kitchen. What will this week bring us? Incredible teamwork? Amazing food? Or incompetence and whining?  Join me after the jump to find out.

Up at the bitch/smoke session Ben tells Robert he was ready to take his coat off. Robert tells him that he was not going to throw him under the bus. Which is true. Robert said he thought he was better than everyone, not just Ben.

He goes on to tell us: “Ain’t no friend of mine here, I don’t need no friends, I will step on the back of their necks to get to the top any time I feel it’s necessary.” So, in other words, he’s willing to kill to win? I’m pretty sure none of them would survive Robert’s neck-stepping.

We jump right into the next morning. As usual, the teams are lined up in the dining room. Ramsay asks Paula who she thinks the weakest cook on the red team is. Her answer is Andrea. Same question for Danny regarding the blue team. He, of course, chooses Ben. And as you would expect, Ben completely agrees.

Ramsay tells Ben and Andrea to step forward. Ben, why should you stay in Hell’s Kitchen?

Andrea, why should you stay?

Ramsay tells them he hates to do this, but they both need to take off their jackets. They step forward, removing their jackets. But it’s a giant fake out. They’re all taking off their jackets and getting the black jackets. That was dumb.

Andrea is so relieved. She thought she was going to be the first person to get eliminated from Hell’s Kitchen for doing nothing.

Now it’s time for their first individual challenge. Ramsay has an amazing prize for the winner. He will be taking the winner with him to one of the top culinary cities in America. San Francisco. Oooo, that’s a good prize.

Danny really wants to win this one. Aside from never having been to San Francisco, Danny wants to spend time with Chef Ramsay. Alone time.

So for this challenge each chef has the same fourteen ingredients. They must create a phenomenal dish using every ingredient. Piece of cake, right Andrea?

They have thirty minutes. "Off you go!"

C&A: "For the first individual challenge, the chefs must use the same fourteen ingredients, which include: red wine, penne pasta, mushrooms, rosemary, and chicken." Hey C&A! That’s only five ingredients. What are the other nine?

No answer.

At Paula’s station, I can also see red onion and lemon, but I can’t make out anything else. So we only know half of the ingredients they have to use.

Andrea tells us her dish evolved immediately, when she picked up the rosemary. She is using the rosemary sprigs as skewers for her chicken. Meh.

Ben tells us that Danny saying he’s the weakest member of the blue team was enough to really push him forward. He is going to bring the heat. And then he sets his dish on fire.

And time! Let’s see how they did.

Andrea has made rosemary skewered chicken kabobs with rosemary au jus and caper tomato sauce. Ramsay says "That’s it?"

Ben tells us that for one as classically trained as himself, the rosemary skewers are like culinary school 101. I just think they’re boring.

Andrea knew putting the rosemary skewers on the plate was a huge risk. Especially after last week’s crab earrings. Then why put them there?

Ramsay tells her that it’s a lot better then it looks. He just wishes there was more chicken.

Next up is Gio. He made a pasta pomodoro. He stuffed the chicken breast, and made a sauce with merlot, chicken stock and mushrooms. Ramsay thinks it’s nice. He likes the contrast between the tomatoes and the richness of the sauce. WTF is that green thing on his plate?

Paula, you’re up. She made a mélange of mushrooms, tomatoes, capers. The chicken is basted with the sherry wine (I thought C&A said red wine?) and herbs. Ramsay thinks it’s delicious.

Robert made a chicken cacciatore with deep fried capers, just like grandma does. Chef Ramsay thinks it’s just a little dry. He should have sliced it at the last minute. Other than that, the flavor was lovely.

Danny’s next. He roasted the chicken in the oven with the rosemary, cooked the mushrooms in the red wine with some shallots, and put a little salad on top, "kind of like a bruschetta." Ramsay thinks he delivered on flavor, execution, and it’s easy to eat. Very nice.

Last up is Ben. He thinks all the other dishes so far were just sort of bleh. He has prepared both the leg and the breast. He starts in on one of his three hour long explanations again. Let’s just say he stuffed the breast. I have no idea how he prepared the leg because I tune out every time he starts rambling.

Chef Ramsay wonders where the off button is. Flavor-wise he thinks it is delicious. He also gets point for cooking the leg, which no one else has done. According to Ramsay that is one of the hardest parts of the chicken to cook. I had no idea.

It’s so hard to pick a winner. The level of individuality was fantastic. That has confirmed in Ramsay’s mind that he has the right final six. Let’s see how long you can hold on to that feeling, Chef!

He calls up Danny and Ben. He thinks the flavor inside Ben’s chicken was dangerous. He loved Danny’s sauce. But who will win? Ben!

Ben thinks that this could be the win that he needs to take this competition by the horns and ride it to victory.

It actually really surprised me that Ben won. I thought for sure he would pick Danny. Especially given how he’s been giving Ben such a hard time lately.

Ben can pick one person to go with them to San Francisco. He immediately chooses Robert. I’m sure that has nothing to do with Danny saying he was the weakest chef on their team.

For the losers, it’s delivery day in Hell’s Kitchen. When they hear the delivery truck’s horn, they are to stop what they’re doing, run outside, and get the deliveries. Oh, and they have to prep for the next service. Yipee!

They all go upstairs. Andrea and Paula tell Ben he’s going to love San Francisco, while Danny quietly smokes a cigarette. You can just tell he’s really happy for Ben and Robert.

Robert tells us he feels a little guilty because Danny had the second best dish. Ben talks some crap about the evolution of Robert and how far he’s come, and says that’s why he picked him. Bull. At least have the balls to say you don’t want to share your reward with someone who thinks you’re weak. He goes on to say he wishes they all could be there.

Gio asks Danny if he’s alright, he looks upset. Danny says he’s disappointed and leaves. Paula says that none of them take losing very well. Too true.

Ben says he has no guilt about choosing Robert. He says that he didn’t taste Danny’s dish, but was unimpressed by the cosmetics of it. Perhaps a little more mascara next time?

And onto the private jet Ben and Robert go! Ramsay tells Ben he thought he’d pick Danny, but obviously not. Robert has no words to express the gratitude he has toward Ben right now. "I really got, you know, no gay feelings for him, but I got some feelings for him." Thanks for sharing!

Back at Hell’s Kitchen, the first delivery truck has arrived. Sous Chefs Scott and Gloria are on hand to yell at them to hustle. Gio says it’s pretty tiring to run and rush yourself. That’s why I avoid running at all costs. And then he drops a case of water.

Paula tells us this was one of the most aggravating punishments in Hell’s Kitchen. "It’s a pain in the ass." Gio’s box issues are not over as the bottom breaks on another, spilling more bottles out of it. It’s just not his day.

How are things in San Francisco? The guys are on a private trolley ride, seeing the sights. To Ben it was "just amazing." Robert loves experiencing San Francisco with Chef Ramsay. "It couldn’t get any better."

Ben says, "At this very moment Giovanni is saying, I don’t know if I can keep carrying these boxes, guys."

Cut to Hell’s Kitchen. Another delivery truck is honking. Gio looks up and says "I’m not running. I am not fucking running. I’ll tell yous right off the bat." Hahaha.

Not only is Gio not running, he has decided to take a little snack break.

Everyone seems pretty annoyed that he’s just disappeared. Gio tells us, "It was a long ass day today. I’m hungry, I’m tired, I’m getting cranky." I know the feeling. I get really cranky when I’m hungry and tired.

When he finally gets outside, Paula wants to know where the fuck he’s been. His little snack does not seem to have improved his crankiness.

Back in San Francisco, they have arrived at One Market Restaurant. Ramsay tells them it has just won a Michelin star. Nice. They will be eating at the chef’s table, which is in the kitchen. I’m jealous. I’ve always wanted to do a chef’s table.

Ben knew they were in store for something extremely special. First course is wild nettle ravioli served over fresh California snails. Ben asks Robert what he thinks of his first extremely high end dining experience. Robert says it’s delicious, and then spouts off some nonsense to us about popping collars and being up there with the richies. Wha?

Ramsay would like for them to take this experience and put it into practice when they get back to Hell’s Kitchen. Yeah, that’ll happen.

What are the losers up to? Well, funny you should ask. Another delivery truck has pulled up. Well, more like a delivery van. This one is dropping off twenty John Dory and thirty-six lobsters. Oh, and five cans of scallops. Oh. Did they only use fresh for the episode where they had to open them? Very interesting.

As they bring the boxes into the kitchen, Sous Chef Scott says he would open all the boxes and inspect all the fish to make sure they have gotten all that they are supposed to. Was it last year that they forgot to check and ended up with fish skeletons? Fun times.

While Danny’s outside at the van signing off on the order, Paula says they only shipped thirty-four lobsters, not thirty-six. Sous Chef Gloria tells them they better go fucking catch that guy.

Gio’s off and running, but will he make it in time? Danny’s getting his copy of the invoice. The van driver is putting it into reverse, Gio runs out yelling, "Tell him to wait!" Now Danny is running after the van, it’s all so suspenseful. Will he stop?

He does stop. And we cut back inside the kitchen to Andrea saying that there are thirty-six lobsters. Is it really that hard to count to thirty-six? Christ, my four year old can count that high.

Outside Gio is telling the driver he’s not leaving the invoice the way it is. He wants credit for two lobsters. You tell him, Gio! Oh wait, don’t tell him. Andrea is here to tell you that all the lobsters are in fact there. Well that makes you look a little foolish. How do you feel about that?

He walks back into the kitchen saying, "Hey! I got this great idea. The next delivery comes? How about we take two minutes, cause I’m tired of running back and forth, and I’m way too old for this shit, and we check it before we run it in."

Paula takes offense at that. She’s irritated. She knows how to check in produce, she doesn’t need someone to teach her how to check in produce. Then why did you say you were two short on lobsters?

Ben and Robert return from their trip. Ben decides it would be nice to share tales of his wonderful day with everyone. Yeah, that’s always a solid plan. Everyone definitely wants to hear about the fabulous time you had while they were prepping and unloading deliveries. I have never understood why people do this. It just gets everyone annoyed at you.

He goes on and on and on and on, and I was thinking that any moment one of them was going to kill him. Robert is giving him a look like "Shut up dude", but he continues to tell his epic tale. What a dummy. Then he says he’s not trying to rub it in. Seriously, dude! Do yourself a favor and shut up.

Gio says it all (but to us, not Ben): "Shut the fuck up, eat your Cheerios, smoke a cigarette, go fuck yourself." I think he’s really glad you had a good time, Ben.

We skip forward to the next morning. Prep time. Wait! I thought the losers had to prep as part of their punishment? Now I’m confused.

For the first time, it will be one kitchen serving all of Hell’s Kitchen. Paula says the strongest people are left. They should be able to crank it out tonight. Hope you’re right, Paula.

Ben tells Paula he’s excited about working with her. He doesn’t repeat that sentiment to Andrea. I wonder why. Oh wait, I don’t. He tells us he is not worried about being outshined by anyone. Well, his chicken made it onto the menu tonight, so congrats for that, Ben.

Robert says, "Chef Ramsay is going to be on us like white on rice, man. He’s going to find anything and everything. So you gotta just cook your ass off."

It’s time for the pre-service pep talk. Ramsay tells them: "This service is going to be our best, because tonight you’re going to show me why each and every one of you are worthy of being in the final six. Is that clear?" Crystal.

He goes on to say that the best way to show him that they are all strong individuals, is by being phenomenal teammates. What if they’re just a bunch of assholes, Chef?

JP, open Hell’s Kitchen.

First order is in. Gio tells us that only the strong will survive, so he’ll find out if he’s one of the strong. Sous Chef Scott tattles on him for opening and closing the oven door, and Ramsay tells him he’s going to be sorry if he keeps doing that.

This may be a stupid question, but how else is he supposed to get the food in and out of the freaking oven? Is there a food teleporter in the kitchen that we haven’t been told about?

"Where are the scallops?" Ramsay yells. Robert brings them over. Unfortunately for him, they are shit. Cooked to rubber. Robert tells us the scallops were smaller, and he had the pan too hot. He refires.

Andrea is trying to get ahead on the garnish station. Oh, that never works out well. Apparently she is putting potatoes in a cold pan, which will make them fatty and greasy. Sounds like the diner down the street. Maybe she can get a job there when she gets kicked off.

She then goes to throw away the pan of potatoes, and gets yelled at for that. Not off to a good start, is she?

C&A: "With Chef Ramsay’s attention focused on one kitchen, each dish is under more scrutiny." No shit. "And the Caesar salads are no exception."

Ramsay wants to know who dressed the Caesar salads. It was Paula. "Very nice." He also thinks her risotto is delicious. Good job, Paula!

Thirty minutes into dinner service, Gio is ready with his first entrée, which is Ben’s chicken special. The drum’s bloody. That’s not good. Maybe if he was allowed to open the oven doors he would be able to tell when it was done.

He says it was one of those dishes he didn’t know much about. The dish was new to him. He probably wasn’t paying attention when Ben was explaining it either. Or he fell asleep trying to listen to Ben explain it.

Ben’s excited to have a dish on the menu, and he thinks people will enjoy it, if Gio can figure out how to cook it right. Well maybe if you could explain it in less than three hours, he could cook it right.

Another order: "Two Wellington, two chicken, one lamb, one Dory. Wellington medium." They all answer, "Yes, chef." He asks Andrea what’s going. She does not respond. There’s a plan that always works.

Ramsay tells her that he’s not in the best of moods. "I don’t like to be ignored in my own fucking kitchen." He asks her again what’s going. She has no idea.

Robert tells us that when you’re on garnish you have to be thirty seconds ahead of everyone else. "If she’s not checking the tickets for us, we’re screwed."

Ramsay calls her over for a little verbal spanking. He tells Gio to tell Andrea what’s going. He starts to, and then goes blank. Now everyone is randomly yelling out the order. Ramsay repeats the order. "Two Wellington, two chicken, one lamb, one fucking Dory. One Wellington is medium, the rest is fucking normal. Unlike us." Hee.

He asks Andrea again what’s going, and again she has no idea. He tells her to fuck off. He points her toward the dining room, and tells her to go out that way. As she heads out, she tells the cameraman to get the fucking camera out of her face.

But then along comes JP to ruin my good mood. He’s come after Andrea, to talk to her. Why, JP, why? I thought we were friends.

He tells Andrea that Ramsay wants her to come back, to fight back. I fear he’s right. "If you don’t, you’re finished."

She says this is the hardest thing she’s done in her entire life. Then she starts telling JP that it’s been out of control all night, there’s no communication, blah, blah, blah. Why is he listening to her? Just let her leave!

He asks her if she wants to stay. Of course she does, JP! "So give it to Gordon." Wait, what? Oh, I get it! He’s trying to goad her into yelling at Ramsay. JP wants to see a little bloodshed in Hell’s Kitchen. Carry on, JP!

Alas, no. He seems to really want to help her. "So now you need to be strong. Go back in there and give it your best shot." And off she goes, ready to redeem herself.

When she gets up to the pass Ramsay asks her what is going, and SHE GETS IT WRONG. She says, "Two chicken, two lamb, one Wellington, one Dory." And Ramsay lets her back into the kitchen!! WHAT? Was he not paying attention? Ridiculous. If you’re going to make that big of a deal about getting the order right, then why do you let her back into the kitchen when she got the order wrong? That is such crap.

Now Robert’s in trouble. He has decided that the bacon for his scallops wasn’t crispy enough. Why not crisp it up a little in the pan he’s using to cook his Dory? Chef Ramsay asks, "Suppose they’re allergic to bacon?" That would truly be a horrible allergy to have. I myself am allergic to apples. Them, I can live without. Bacon? Never!

Ramsay tells him he could send someone to the hospital doing that. Robert’s response? "Oh, you’re right." "Of course I’m fucking right, get the fucking bacon out. Come on, Mr. Bacon Man."

The first entrees still haven’t left the kitchen. Gio has fucked up Ben’s chicken dish once again, and Ramsay calls Ben over to take a look. "That’s your special. Have a word with him, yeah." He brings all the garnish back to Andrea telling her to do whatever she wishes with it.

Ramsay goes on to say, "Your special is not very special, thanks to fuck face there." Ouch. He tells Gio to hurry up. And I think Gio has lost it because he replies, "Yeah, but I’m not a fuck face, Chef."

O. Now it is on. Like Donkey Kong. Everyone else in the kitchen has this O Crap moment. And then Ramsay tells him to say that again. And he does!!! And Ramsay loses it.

He gets right in Gio’s face yelling about how pissed off he is. Gio stands there, and I think common sense has won out, but then Ramsay calls him a donkey and he says, "No." He really is bringing this on himself at this point.

Wow, Ramsay is not letting up on him. This is why it’s better to just shut up and take whatever crap he’s going to dish out. You don’t want to add fuel to his fire. Gio tells us he’s an emotional person, but Ramsay was not going to break him. Don’t be so sure about that, Gio.

Ramsay is following him around the kitchen yelling and really just hoping he mouths off again. Gio wisely has decided to retreat into answers like "No, Chef" and "Yes, Chef."

Chef Ramsay tells him that this isn’t personal, it’s professional. Um, okay. Since when is calling someone a fuck face professional? Oh, sorry, I forgot where we were for a minute there. "Now pull it BACK!"

Ben gets sent over to the meat station to help Gio. Ben tells Gio to just worry about the Wellington, he’s got the rest. Now that Ben’s cooking his own special, you know, the one that he created, all is sure to go swimmingly, yes?

Oh no, you sillies. Ben cannot cook his own special. Typical. He has sliced the chicken, and now is putting it back into the oven. Why? Because it wasn’t done. Ramsay says it will go dry if he cuts it and puts it back in. "It’s juicy, Chef, it’s juicy."

Ben tells us that every single service Ramsay finds something to just nail his ass to the wall about. Maybe that’s because every single service you find a way to fuck stuff up.

Ramsay points out that all the delicious juice of the chicken is all over the cutting board, rather than on the customers’ plates. He thinks the customers should be tasting that, not Ben. "I bet you’ve tasted enough." Hah.

Paula says, "On any given day, Chef could be up anybody’s ass. It just so happens that Ben has more of those days than some of us." How right you are Paula.

Ramsay has a giant bug up his ass tonight. He is still yelling at Ben about cutting the chickens. Let it go, Chef. You’ll live longer.

We are now two hours into dinner service. Only five tables have been served their entrees. It’s not looking too good for the rest of the dining room.

Andrea has sent up garnish for food that Gio hasn’t yet delivered. He tells Ramsay he needs two minutes. Where’s the teamwork? Where’s the communication?

These guys are just falling apart. Andrea asks what’s on deck. No answer. Then Gio just starts stuttering out stuff, and no one knows what the fuck he’s talking about. Robert’s asking if he can drop the Dory. No answer. Ramsay asks how long, and Gio says four minutes. That means Robert has to restart his Dory.

Ramsay calls Gio, Robert and Andrea up to tell them how wonderful they are what shit they are. He thinks all three of them are pathetic. Gio doesn’t care, Robert’s way behind, and Andrea doesn’t have a fucking clue. He tells them they need to start working as a team.

Robert asks Gio where his Wellingtons are, and Gio goes over to the fridge. When he turns around, he burns Robert with the pan he is holding. Why does he have a hot pan in the cooler? Robert’s question and mine.

Robert goes off to see the medic, while Gio stands around looking dopey. Robert says he could hear the sizzle as his hand hit the pan. I bet that smelled good.

His fingers are already starting to blister. Owww. The medic tells Ramsay he has second degree burns on the tips of his fingers and his thumb. That does not feel good. At all. I once burned myself on a pan that came out from under the broiler, and that shit hurt so bad. That’s going to be hurting for a loooong time.

Robert tattles on Gio for having a hot tray in the fridge, and Ramsay is off to yell at Gio again. Gio was just trying to cool it off. He feels horrible. When Robert returns to the kitchen, Gio tries to apologize, but Robert is ignoring him. I can’t say I blame him for being pissed.

Now they are rapidly unraveling. Gio’s got one piece of meat that’s ready, but the other isn’t. Gio sets a pan on fire. Ben sets a pan on fire. And Ramsay has finally had it for the night. "Dynamic six, my ass. Fuck off, the lot of you." But he says it in that defeatist tone that he gets when he’s really, really disappointed. It’s worse than him being a raving lunatic. And out of the kitchen he goes.

Post service smackdown. Ramsey is not happy. He thought tonight’s service was going to be a dream; instead, it was an absolute nightmare. He tells Andrea she was a disaster. Robert gets a "Not good enough!" And Gio, well Chef thinks that he’s special. Aw, Chef, that’s so sweet of you to say.

Since Paula gave a solid and consistent performance, she gets to nominate two people for elimination. Now, fuck off.

As they leave the kitchen, Gio apologizes to Robert again. Gio says it was an honest mistake, he would never mean to hurt anybody in the kitchen. I do believe him there. That was a stupid move, not a malicious one.

Robert thinks it’s a dumbass mother-fucking move to put a five hundred degree sizzle pan in the cooler. Gio says he’s sorry again. Can we please move on now?

Paula thinks they all talk the shit but then when service comes, they don’t deliver. She thinks it’s really annoying to have six professionals in the kitchen, and they can’t bang anything out. You said it sister!

She tells them, "You wanna see a fucking leader? I can be really fucking hardcore in the kitchen." Alriiight! Go Paula! But she’s not done there: "Gio, you were working like fucking Lacey in the kitchen tonight." Ooooooo. "Between you and Andrea, it was like you guys didn’t know what was going on in your own stations. I thought Robert, you were on a teeter totter tonight too."

Paula tells us they all had a chance tonight, they all needed to shine, there are only three choices tonight, and two of them are going to be up on the chopping block. Oh. Yeah.

Down in the dining room, Ramsay asks Paula for her first nominee. First nominees is Gio. Based on tonight’s performance, and also because he hasn’t really been a solid force during challenges. She’s seen a downhill fall from him. I don’t agree with her on that last part. I think he’s done well during the challenges. In fact, he helped them pull their shit together and work as a team last week.

Second nominee is Andrea. She’s got a lot of heart and determination, but she has struggled with communication. You better watch out Paula. You’re going to be on her list now.

Andrea and Gio, step forward. Andrea, why should you stay in Hell’s Kitchen?

Ramsay asks if she really thinks she gave her best tonight? What kitchen was she in? And JP said you didn’t even offer him a tug and a rub in the back, what’s up with that?

Gio, why should you stay in Hell’s Kitchen?

Ramsay points out that Robert also sucked tonight. The person leaving Hell’s Kitchen, for all the right reasons, is…..Gio. Awww, Gio, you shoulda sucked some cock. It can take you far in life.

Gio tells Robert he’s sorry about his hand again as leaves. He talks a little about how much he’s learned from everyone, and off he goes.

Inside, Andrea turns to rejoin the others. Ramsay stops her. He didn’t tell her to move. "Glad you think I’m done. I love the way you take for granted that you’re all fucking smartasses, out smarting." What? He has lost it, I think. But I start to get a little excited, maybe it’s a double elimination! Then he tells her to fuck off back in line. BAH!

He tells them all to get back upstairs. They head up to bitch/smoke. Hey! Don’t we normally have this section at the beginning of the show? Anyway, Andrea feels like she’s never going to get it right, and Ben feels closer to the prize more than ever, now that Gio’s gone.

The chefs snuggle up in their beds, ready for some sleep after a rough night.

But then the phone rings! It’s Chef Ramsay, and he wants them downstairs immediately. And when he says immediately, he means fucking immediately.

So off they go. He tells them he just spent the last hour with the producers upstairs in his office, trying to think of a stupid twist thinking. "It just doesn’t make sense. How can the final six be so shitty?" Do you really want an answer to that question, Chef? No? You sure?

On the back of their performance tonight, he is going to do something he has never, ever done before. He’s shutting down Hell’s Kitchen. Puh-lease. Like I’m going to fall for that one.

Next week…. Will the doors to Hell’s Kitchen ever open again? Who gets taken away in an ambulance? It’s the most unpredictable Hell’s Kitchen yet. C&A keeps saying that word. I do not think it means what he thinks it means. See you there!

SWAK, PottyMouth