You guys? I accepted this show on the belief that it would simply give me reality gold. And, I was totally right.
I watched both premiere episodes with my mouth agape and was even too stunned to remember to drink. In short, I think I have to start paying Flipit in cheese balls (not Cheetos, because that’s not how Honey Boo Boo and the Fam rolls), for the honor of recapping this delight.
I had a bit of difficulty trying to figure out the best format for this recap. I suspect that it is already a comedy, which means that I would be just repeating the jokes and that would be boring. But, then, everyone is so serious (that is when they aren’t obviously mugging for the camera – seriously, they should get these people some acting lessons) that I can’t tell if this is supposed to be a documentary series.
In short, I spent a lot of time worried about these people being exploited, laughing my ass off at their antics, being irritated that there would be those who honestly believe that everyone in Georgia is like them, and wondering if I’m part of the problem.
Then, I decided to say, screw it, and just enjoy the ride. Let’s meet the family.
We start out with Alana, AKA Honey Boo Boo Chile, introducing the main players. There’s Pumpkin (Lauryn), the crazy 12-year-old. There is Chickadee (Anna), the pregnant-17-year old. Chubs (Jessica), is Alana’s favorite and at 14, she is Alana’s BFF.
Of course there is also Sugar Bear – Alana’s dad who looks like he is totally just along for the ride. Finally, there is Alana’s mother, June. Alana calls her “The Boss,” but I suspect that June just did what TLC told her to do in order to get that pay check and extra recognition for Alana. Which doesn’t make her the boss so much as a mid-level pimp, but I have to grudgingly admire her hustle.
I’ll have to check a local map, because I’m not quite sure where McIntyre, Georgia is. But, It’s summer in McIntyre, and the whole family wants to have some fun, even though there is a pageant looming for Honey Boo Boo.
At 32 years old, June (AKA Mama) is about to be a grandmother, and is very proud to tell us just how lazy her entire family is. Well, except for Sugar Bear. He works seven days a week so his girls can just sleep as late as they want. And, apparently, the only thing that gets the women out of bed is having pageants and now this show to do.
So, sometime around noon, all of the girls are finally up. They are planning to go to the Redneck Games in South Georgia (trust me, it’s important to differentiate South Georgia from other parts of the state).
Mama talks about how they have had to get creative since there are 5 girls trying to get ready all at the same time.
She goes to her kitchen sink, one side has plenty of dishes in it (Are they clean? Are they dirty?), and washes her hair in the empty side (Seriously? Did she wash the dishes afterwards? Did she wash out the sink? Was there any washing happening besides her hair?).
She goes on to say that when you are sitting in a bath, you are sitting in your own filth (how dirty are these people?), and how you don’t want your hair to be nasty. Then, TLC immediately shows her scratching her hair and saying she is scratching her bugs. Even BRAVO isn’t brazen enough to pull that kind of shit. Imagine a Real Housewife of Atlanta being portrayed that way. Miss Andy would be crapping his pants at the maelstrom of hate and violence coming at him from the stars of the show. Seriously? TLC has some major pimp game.
The girls eat a breakfast of cheese balls. Honey Boo Boo spills them on the floor and decides it would be the same thing as throwing away money to put them in the trash – that’s how you know she is a daddy’s girl, right there. Her dad is the only one bringing in money, besides her, and she can see cost in things that get thrown away – Go on Alana, with your bad self.