Mama is telling us about the “Natural Beauty” pageant that is coming up, while TLC shows her spackling Alana’s face with make-up. And all of the set ups are so obvious that it is almost jarring. But, what I am loving is that the family seems to be completely aware of how they are being portrayed and they just don’t give a shit. They are like the Honey Badger of redneck families. It’s appalling and endearing at the same time and I spent the better part of both episodes expecting my head to explode from the contradiction.
The family head’s out to the Redneck Games in East Dublin, Georgia. For those who don’t know anything about this, the Redneck Games started out as a joke. They were formed around the time that the Olympics were being hosted by Atlanta. The joke was, “This is how the rest of the world will assume the Olympics being held in Georgia will be like.” But, then the event kind of took off and toothless folk with too small clothing and ridiculous rebel flags have been going every year since.
What I love about this is that Mama is sure to differentiate her family from all of the rest of the rednecks. It’s very much a, “go ahead and laugh at those fools, because we are laughing too” kind of thing. Mama is hilarious in her interviews when she first describes it as “similar to the Olympic games, but with a lot of missing teeth and a lot of butt cracks showing.”
She goes on to say that there are some broke down people on display at the games. She admonishes “voluptuous women” to dress appropriately because “all that vajiggle jaggle, is not beautimous.” Her delivery tells me that she is so far in on the joke of this show, that she practically wrote the script. She goes on to say that you don’t see her three bellies hanging out as she then starts talking about all of the fashion fouls that we witness at the games.
Now we are up to the grossest thing I have seen in probably ever. It’s time to “bob for some pig feet.” And it is exactly what it sounds like. They put a bunch of raw pig’s feet in a tub of water and have contestants bob for them like they would apples. The one who gets the most wins. Pumpkin actually competes in this one and doesn’t win. But her family was cheering her on anyway. I don’t understand how she didn’t get sick doing that.
We move on to how hot it is and how the girls want to get in the water. But, Mama doesn’t want them to because of all of the flesh-eating bacteria in the lakes and rivers. She also doesn’t want them jumping into “the redneck bathtub.” Pumpkin really wants to risk it, but Mama is firm and Honey Boo Boo is yelling at the folks in the water that if they get flesh-eating diseases she is going to laugh at them.
It’s belly mud flop time. Honey Boo Boo and Chubs have decided to compete. It’s so freaking cute. Like every single one of my instinct alarms is going off and I’m fighting the urge to call DFACS, but I can’t not love seeing them have so much fun. Honey Boo Boo is bragging about how awesome she did and how she is going to do it again. And to see her face clean of makeup and covered in mud with so much joy, actually made me say, “awww.” Of course, that could have been the booze, but I’ll take it.