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So, now that the games are over, the family is enjoying some air conditioning and some light snacking. The snacking includes Oatmeal Cream Pies, Cheese balls, Pork rinds, potato chips, and something on a plate that I can’t identify (is it ketchup?).
Chubs has decided that she is getting too fat. She asks Mama if she will be willing to lose weight with her (Sugar Bear wisely keeps his mouth shut and a smile firmly in place). Mama says that she is happy with herself but is willing to do it in support of Chubs. Chubs shays she wants to lose 20 or 30 pounds. Then, Chubs shares this gem of dieting advice that she learned from Mama: If you fart 12-15 times a day, you will lose weight.
When she said that, I laughed and then made myself sad. That pretty much describes how back and forth I have been about this show.
Mama says that there are plenty of people that are bigger than her, she only has 2 or 3 chins versus 500, and she embraces her fatness. All of the women weigh in:
Honey Boo Boo (Alana) age 6: 69.6 Pounds
Jessica (Chubs) age 14: 175.2 pounds
June (Mama) age 32: Gets an error message before the scale reads 309 pounds
We don’t see Pumpkin or Chickadee weigh in. Instead, Mama talks about losing 100 pounds and not being called Jabba the Hutt. Except she can’t pronounce it. She says that once she gets to down to 200 pounds people will be calling her sexy something or other (they didn’t caption that part).
Now it’s time for the pageant. They are in Macon, I only mention that because I went to college in Macon and am pretty familiar with the town – not that it matters at all for the purposes of this recap.
Honey Boo Boo is getting her hair did and raring to go. Seriously, you guys? I totally see why this little girl in particular got a spinoff. Her sassy attitude really reminds me of those old Shirly Temple movies that I would watch on the AMC channel as a kid.
The pageant is starting and, did they really give that kid a McDonald’s frozen coffee drink? She is spinning around until she falls on the floor. I’m kind of glad I haven’t watched Toddlers and Tiaras so I don’t know what other things are being done in the name of getting the girls to “show their personality.”
Alana does her turn and she is very cute and it’s so nice to see how supportive her family is. Alana takes it hard when she doesn’t win. And I feel bad for her. This first episode was only 21 minutes and I feel like I’ve been through the wringer with trying to decide how I feel about it. I mean, I have my views about childhood beauty pageants. But, seeing her just cry because she was so disappointed made me sad.
Sugar Bear does the dad thing. He simply says that if she practices and does everything she is supposed to, she will be Miss America some day.