Heroes: Niki, I Hear the CW is Casting, They Already Took Candice

Previously on Heroes: Mohinder met with Bob the stalker and received his first assignment, played house with his life partners Parkman and Molly, infused the Haitian with his blood and sent him along to Bennet, and pretended to get mind-sweeped. Maya PMS’ed some more and accidentally killed her old family friend Nidia, leaving it up to Alejandro to croon to her while clasping her hands and reversing her terrible mascara tracks. Claire practiced auditioning for the school play, which happens to be a musical tribute of “The Big Lebowski”, but was caught by peeping Emotard, Peter didn’t get to put his junk in the box and was blackmailed by the Irish Spring gang, Hiro failed to find an AA group for Kensei in feudal Japan, and Bennet is on the search for the rest of the series of 8 Isaac Mendez paintings. Oh, and Mr. Muggles joined the cast of “The Biggest Loser” to regain his doggie pageant physique.

This week, we learn that our heroes just want to get laid, which they work towards under the guise of being kindred spirits. “Oh, you’ve got powers? Me too! We’re made for each other — now take off your pants!” Bone, bone, bone.

Pub of Broken Dreams, Cork, Ireland

“Tell me what I need to do to to get my life back,” says Peter O’Petrelli. Still negotiating with the Irish gang, are you? Are you scared that it’s unfair for you to use your powers? Ricky, the gang leader, promises to hand over Peter’s identity box if he helps them out with one little favor.

Step 2 – Put your junk in the box.

We all know how one becomes “a couple” and then leads to a life of indentured servitude. This is what the box contains: a huge vial of Prozac, a note saying “You’re a Petrelli. Sucks to be you” and a little snippet of wisdom from our favorite poet/recluse Emily Dickinson. “Hope is the thing with feathers / That perches in the soul.” Is it worth committing a crime?

The Irish Spring Gang is planning a heist of the cash that’s bet on an upcoming football game. “We’re talking soccer, eh?” says one of the cronies. “I lost my memory, I’m not an idiot,” retorts Peter. All the money placed on bets is put in a lockbox (a Social Security plan of Al Gore’s, who claimed he would put interest savings into a lockbox) and transported by an armored car. All Peter has to do is get rid of the guards so that the money never makes it into the car. Easy as pie.

Alright, who farted?

“So if I get you your box, you’ll give me mine,” clarifies Peter. Someone would’ve rocked the LSAT’s logic problems. “Everyone wins,” says Ricky.

“Not everybody,” a voice says. “That cash is mine, and I’m gonna kill ya for it.” — but it’s one only Peter can hear, because he’s picked up Parkman’s psychic abilities. It’s coming from the goon who looks like a used car salesman, whose name is Will.

“What’d you say?” accuses Peter.

“Not a word,” says Slimeball Will.

“You said you’d take the cash.”

“Are you accusin’ me of something?”

A scuffle breaks out, but Ricky intervenes, and points out that Will has a tattoo that makes them all brothers. Like brothers don’t betray each other *cough* Nathan *cough*. Ricky doesn’t believe Peter, saying he trusts Will. Peter logically points out that he has no reason to lie (but I guess if he was really crafty, he could set up conflict as a point of diversion so he could run off with the box. Which he could do right now by freezing time or stunning people and then flying away. Lame.) “You don’t even know yourself,” Ricky says to Peter. I can’t handle this display of Emmy-Award-winning dialogue.

Slimeball Will just smirks throughout the exchange. Comeuppance, anyone?

Somewhere in Mexico

The Ying Yang Twins are walking in plainsight during the day (bad idea). Alejandro demonstrates his knowledge of healthy habits as he points out that Maya is dehydrated, exhausted, hungry, and has blisters on her feet. Maya protests that they can’t stop, they’re close to the border. What they haven’t thought about is eating at Taco Bell’s new stores in Mexico, which probably take American dollars. Alejandro doesn’t know if they’ll make it, and decides they need to steal a car. Not an inconspicuous little Honda, but a Cadillac (bad idea).

“Have you ever pooped a balloon?”

Alejandro stupidly tries the “break the window with your hand wrapped in a shirt” tactic without looking around first, and a badgeless cop is standing five feet away. Ensue running and jumping over fences (ooh, barbed wire this time) but Alejandro pretends to run really slow and allows the cop to catch him. That’s how it looks, anyway.

Las Vegas

Niki and Micah are in a convertible, and Niki reassures him it’s time for a fresh start. Without Dad? asks Micah. Niki assures him he can see DL whenever he wants — and it’s obvious they’re in a cemetery. You think DL is really dead? He can definitely phase through a coffin if he wants to. Why couldn’t you kill off Niki, Tim Kring? Why? Niki places flowers over DL’s headstone. Hey Haitian, mindsweep me, so I can forget she is still on this show.

Should’ve gone for the cremation option.

Maui, sorta

A bikini-clad redhead answers her phone as Sylar wakes up on what appears to be a secluded beach in Maui, which is clearly not Maui. She introduces herself as Michelle, and explains that she used to be known as Candice — she dragged Sylar out of Kirby Plaza after he was stabbed in the chest with a Samurai sword and is now offering him a daiquiri. She’s even hidden his stitches. He asks her to show him what’s really going on, and of course Sylar freaks out because it looks like an alien has burst out of his chest cavity. He predictably loses it and starts screaming from the pain. They’re in a grey little cell somewhere, and it is a lot more depressing than the beaches of Maui.

…and that’s why you shouldn’t overturn Roe v. Wade

Some time later, in Paradise Lost, Sylar sits at a table trying to channel his powers of telekinesis. Candice brings him some breakfast, but he’s so distraught that he can’t make the mug move. “Thanks for making breakfast, Michelle, you’re a real sport,” snits Michelle Formerly Known as Candice. “Why can’t I do this?” snaps Sylar. “Um, they must’ve disappeared, with your injuries? Remember those?” she replies.

“You said you were taking care of me,” he says. “Uh, I’m sorry, are you breathing? No collapsed lung, no infection from the wound?” she retorts. Touche. Sylar is a little whinypants, definitely less well-behaved and compliant than Micah was. Candice/Michelle tries to reassure Sylar that he’ll be able to reaquire his powers, but he persists in freaking out. Stop fighting, Mommy and Daddy!

Sylar thinks Candice/Michelle is useless, but she tells him she can make rehabilitation easy — and fun, as she appeals to his penis with a little fantasy action. For the Asian fetishist, a perfect, docile little geisha girl. For the frat boy at heart, blonde twins clad in yellow short-shorts. Or “something more familiar,” as Candice/Michelle morphs into a clone of Sylar. Creepy.

Pick the bimbo twins.

“I underestimated you,” says Sylar, quickly picking up on how useful it would be to posess her power (and foreshadowing last season’s future episode where Sylar pretended to be Nathan Petrelli). He pretends to be attracted to her, caressing her face and kissing her as he grabs the smiley face mug from the table. He promptly smashes it into the back of her head. So much for having a good day. The music crescendos into the familiar ticktock, ticktock, ticktock we’ve come to associate with Sylar and his former life of watch repair.

Once Candice is unconscious/dead, the illusion ends and Sylar sees that Candice/Michelle has been eating too many twinkies. He doesn’t seem to have cut off the top of her head, though, so maybe he forgot that’s part of his MO? He concentrates on a location to create the corresponding illusion but he’s still stuck in the concrete shed. Nothing. “JAPAN!” he screams, ripping his chest sutures open. It’s not working. None of his powers are working. He busts outside the hut to find himself in the middle of a gigantic rainforest. Well, it won’t be so lush after those slash and burn farmers are done.

Is that a mullet? That’s your first problem, Sylar.

Casa de Bennet

Claire’s looking at the pictures in Activating Evolution, when Bennet announces that Mama Bennet made waffles for breakfast. They’re probably not as good as Roscoe’s chicken and waffles. Mmmm. Bennet apologizes for having her keep secrets and tells her she can ask him anything in the privacy of their own home. Lies!

“If someone found about me, what would happen?” asks Claire. The worst case scenario, says Bennet, is that they’d have to go deeper into hiding and possibly forego jobs and school. Sweet! Claire, you’ll never have to sit through a lecture on regeneration again.

We quickly cut to Claire at school, where she angrily confronts West at his locker, similar to the way he sidles up beside her locker as she slams the door shut. You know, foreshadowing the sexual tension between them that causes them to yell at each other a lot, realize their similarities, and make out. The dialogue that follows is extremely trite.

“That was a pedicure,” Claire states.

“Sorry?”

“That’s what I was doing last night, I was giving myself a pedicure.”

“Right…”

“If I want to start a book club with you, I’ll let you know.”

“I didn’t see you cut your toe off?”

“Why are you such a smartass?”

West and Claire argue over her botched pedicure, but they’re definitely not as witty or believable as Logan and Veronica Mars. For two people who will inevitably make out with each other, it’s not cute or funny. Gag.

Brooklyn

Parkman wakes up to noises in the apartment and sees Molly still safely slumbering. He pulls out his gun from a drawer and heads towards the kitchen, where Mohinder is making some jasmine tea and buttery scones. “Freeze!”

Turns out it’s not the boogeyman, and Mohinder and Parkman resume their roles as The Odd Couple. Seriously? Their conversation is reminiscient of married couples who haven’t seen each other in awhile but don’t know how to express their affection for each other, so they bicker lightly, instead. It’s a perfect little domestic scene.

I don’t like sleeping alone — I have needs, too!

“What are you doing home? I thought you were in Cairo.”

“Haiti, actually.”

“I’m going to work from the city from now on. I’ll be around to help with Molly.”

“Oh great, so you’re doing to do dangerous spywork in our own backyard and get us killed.”

“Someone’s grouchy when they don’t get their sleep.”

“Molly’s having trouble in school, she’s having nightmares. I can’t babysit her and you!”

“Don’t blame me here, we’re in this together! We decided to have this child together! Wait, why do I need you to take care of me again?”

“You could get killed! It’s not my fault — oh, oh, don’t start crying again, I hate when you do that…No offense, but Mohinder, you’re a professor, not 007.”

“You wanna help Molly? Don’t die on her.”

“Mohinder, you’re home!” squeals Molly, awake.

“That’s right, and I’m never leaving you again again,” coos Mohinder.

Mohinder is definitely the Mommy.

Yamagato Industries, Tokyo

Ando’s been upgraded to a semi-office, because his work quarters definitely look less cramped than his old cubicle. That, and he’s not looking at Niki-porn anymore, but engrossed in a game that looks like “Tokyo Drift: The Fast and the Furious.” He’s interrupted by a superior, who yells at Ando for not being a productive drone. Ando quits the game with admirable speed, pulling up spreadsheets and other windows that look like they could pass for work. Ando apologizes for taking a break, but the boss still chews him out, accusing him of thinking he’s special since he spent a few months with Kaito. I still can’t quite explain the office upgrade, since Ando never went back to Japan until after Kaito was murdered.

Here’s where I get a little more confused — Ando turns to open a filing cabinet, and pulls out what looks like Hiro’s/Kensei’s sword, with the crest and everything. I suppose they just didn’t show him discovering it the first time, because he acts like a kid who’s checking to make sure his contraband POGS are still in his desk (for fear of the teacher confiscating the illegal toys). It’s not the same sword as the one he tried to procure for Kaito, right?

Examining the sword’s hilt, he notices “Ando, open” inscribed on its bottom. The bottom comes off easily, and he pulls out…black crayons? They’re rolled up messages on tiny scrolls. What an innovative way to pass notes through time, Hiro. “Ando, I write to you from the greatest adventure of my life. I know I might disrupt the time/continuum, but I’ve teleported back to 1671 and met Kensei. He’s not exactly what I imagined, and that’s why I’ve decided to stay. To turn him into the man history needs him to be.” And so on. He mentions that Kensei can regenerate and heal, but I’m not sure how this helps Ando.

As Hiro’s letter drags on, we flash back through recycled footage from last week’s episode.

1671

“Yatta! Godsend!” Kensei freaks out because he can heal from wounds while Hiro excitedly tells him this is how he becomes a hero.

Don’t worry, I’m an Eagle Scout.

Apparently it still hurts when arrows are yanked out of you, even if you can regenerate. “Lazarus risen, you’ve cursed me! You’re a devil!” yells Kensei. That’s ironic — isn’t the white man considered the devil in foreign countries? And what’s with the biblical references? Kensei takes off while Hiro continues to squeal that he needs to be a hero and that they have to write history.

Ireland, with a side of potato famine

Peter seems to think he’s in a live-action role playing game (a LARPer, for those in the know), because he’s trying to summon his powers with the command, “Lightning! Lightning!” and an outstretched hand. Which looks a lot like THIS GUY.

Stop, in the name of love!

Caitlin enters. “So you just yell it out? I’m just trying to understand how it works,” she says, trying not to laugh. “It’s a shame you can’t order up lightning like a plate of chips.”

“I feel powerless,” says Peter, as he finally puts on a shirt — a red checkered flannel this time.

“Don’t worry about tonight, I’ll be there to get your back,” says Caitlin. And by “back” she means “ass” because she’s only keeping mum about Peter’s powers so she can bed him. “I’m pretty excited to see you open the box,” she continues. Peter is swayed by the possibility of poontang.

Generic jail, Mexico

Alejandro is being brought into the jail for attempted GTA. The other cops in the office look sufficiently lazy and negligent. Alejandro notices the wanted poster that features his sister and him on the wall. I kind of doubt that people in Mexico already found out about them, if they started in Guatemala. I’m sure Maya is about to cry and kill everyone, which will set everything straight.

And then I realized that both hookers were dead.

He’s thrown into a cell next to a scruffy looking hipster who’s wearing Tevas (eww) and who tries to make conversation with Alejandro. “Dude, you look like ass.” Alejandro ignores the tard by using the age-old excuse: “No Engleesh.”

Later, Maya is creeping around in the alley outside the jail, applying her killer mascara. She enters, asking for her brother to be released, but the fine is 2500 pesos.

Respect my authoritay, I have a magically appearing badge!

She offers them 14 American dollars. Even Canadian dollars have caught up to us, do you really think pesos are far behind? “Honey, this is a prison, not a flea market.” Maya plays the sick card, but it becomes evident she doesn’t have traveling papers. She then spots the cartoonish wanted posted for her arrest. The cop gives her a chance to leave before he calls the border police, but she yanks the poster off the wall and says it’s her and her brother. The cops try to put her in cuffs (um, what else did you think would happen, darling?) and Alejandro and his cellmate rise to see what’s going on. Noticing the cellmate falls down and starts to die, he calls for Maya and sees that her mascara is running. Again.

Alejandro calls for her sister to come to his cell, where he holds her hands again but doesn’t sing — and the transfer of power/black stuff revives everyone. But only the American jailbird is really aware of what’s going on.

They revive the stoner American guy who has a car — he’s not doing so hot. Hm, from that “Go!!! Conquistadors” bumper sticker and the fact that no one else would buy a Nissan Rogue, I’d deduce that it’s Claire’s car.

You’re allowed one exclamation point a year. This is unnecessary.

Science Class, the only class Claire attends

Mitosis is…well, it doesn’t matter because it’s not going to be discussed today. Emotard plops himself down next to Claire like usual and asks a question, passive-aggressively getting back at her for her earlier denials.

“I have a question about regeneration and lizards,” says Emotard, “but what if a lizard mated with a girl? I think I met a lizard girl, and what if that lizard girl cut off her arm or leg or appendage? Would said appendage re-attach itself, back onto her lizard body?” His question just makes him look stupid in front of the class, but Claire jumps out of her seat like she’s got explosive diarrhea and leaves. Emotard follows her immediately, yet that doesn’t arouse any suspicion from the teacher. Interesting.

Elsewhere, and the Feudal Forest

Ando reads the tiny notes from Hiro. “Ando, I’ve met the most beautiful woman Japan has ever seen.” Hiro makes the mistake of falling in love with someone who is a horrible conversationalist, but it’s not the first time that’s happened in history.

Also, she’s dumb as a brick — can’t she tell the difference between Kensei’s gaijin accent, and Hiro’s authentic Japanese? Hiro walks along with Yaeko, and they find Kensei, who is still playing with his powers by cutting himself with his sword. Cutting yourself is emo. Kensei’s coming around, and asks Hiro what he can do. I can stop time and move through space, says Hiro. And demonstrates, as if Kensei forgot that Hiro had transported them out of danger before. Blame it on the alcohol.

What is the mechanism for this again? Oh yes, EBOLUTION! “Ebolution means that you can heal from any wound.” Darwin is rolling in his grave. “This will make me richer than the pope,” says avaricious Kensei. Asshole. “If you’re so obsessed with my stories, why don’t you handle them?” Hiro decides it’s 90 Angry Ronin time (it sounds kinda like macaroni, though). Green screen to the rescue — Hiro knows he has to force Kensei to learn the hard way, and that Kensei has a chance at being a hero if he sends him to get the fire scroll. Whatever that is.

“You just need to assemble the Silver Monkey…are you not familiar with Legends of the Hidden Temple?”

Time elapses

Yaeko and Hiro stroll along, meandering through the trees. They talk about how Kensei often acts like an idiot. “I want to trust him so much, sometimes, he seems as if he is two men. The other Kensei..he is gentle,” she sighs. Stupid girl. “I felt like I was home…under the cherry blossoms.” Hiro’s face lights up and burns out in the same second when he realizes she is in love with Crazy White Man Kensei, not him. You know he’s secretly hoping Kensei gets killed by the Angry Ronin, but that’s not to be, as Kensei shows up, looking battered but alive — and bearing the Fire Scroll. YATTA! Yaeko is all over the hero, kissing him and showering him with affection. Love hurts.

Later, Hiro finishes up his teeny-tiny scroll note to Ando about Kensei proving to be a hero, which means he’ll come home soon — but we all know that Hiro is too smitten with Yaeko to really leave. But if Hiro got the sword to Ando, where did Hiro go? He starts saying his goodbyes to Kensei, who seems to have grown fond of his funny friend.

“I have another life to go to!” protests Hiro.

“But I can’t do this without you,” says Kensei. “You’re like a conscience.” Hiro is the new Jiminy Cricket, who is just as cartoonish as Hiro’s character is becoming. “I almost broke history by coming back here,” replies Hiro. “If I stay, that just makes things worse.”

Kensei thanks Hiro and now says it’s his honor to have met him. Just a second ago, you were calling him the devil, buddy. I’m so confused. Do you think Kensei is being sincere, or secretly manipulative? Hiro hands the note-stuffed sword to Kensei, thinking Kensei won’t notice that the hilt’s balance is now off. How does Hiro get the sword to Ando, then? Did Ando still posess the original Kensei sword that Hiro swapped him before he went to stab Sylar? This time/space continuum stuff makes my head hurt a bit, but it’s quite convenient for explaining away gaps in plot. Yaeko joins the two to say her goodbyes and thanks Hiro.

Translation: You’re like a brother to me.

Being the comic book nerd that he is, Hiro doesn’t understand that what she says is code for “I would never sleep with you, you probably have a small penis.” Such is the plight of the Asian man. Yaeko goes off with Kensei, who lacks time/space bending powers and has to shake the sakura tree manually so the blossoms shower her. Hiro casts a longing gaze at the two lovers, and realizes that anime girls just aren’t as soft and good-smelling as girls in real life. He makes his decision to be the third wheel.

“I’m sorry Ando. I can’t go home. Not yet.” Hiro runs back to Kensei and Yaeko, as the “Three’s Company” theme plays.

Costa Verde High

Claire is blubbering, as Emotard comes down the stairs to apologize for being a jerk.

“I take it you’re annoyed.”

“What is it, West? Huh? What do you want from me?”

“I want you to admit you’re different.”

You mean, admit that you’ll sleep with him? That’s what he really wants, he could care less about you proclaiming your abilities to the rest of the school. Claire rants about her freak-status for awhile, and it’s predictable and stupid, so Emotard realizes the more she talks, the less he wants to do her.

“Claire, shut up,” he says, as he leans in…to pick her up and fly her away from school. Point those toes, Emotard!

Can you read my mind?

Pinsky’s Sportsbook, Ireland

They’re sporting beanies, because that’s what all Irish gangs wear. The armed guards enter for the pickup, and Peter approaches, saying, “I want my money back. Give me my 200 dollars back.” Um, wrong currency, smartypants. I’m pretty sure it’s the Euro, which is worth 1.4047 US dollars right now — we suck.

The armed guards laugh for a little bit, but then the Irish goonies pull rifles on the guards and usher them away. Another guard rolls out the lockbox on a dolly and is stopped by the Irish Spring gang. Ricky knocks the guard out with his rifle butt and the guards from inside start shooting. Peter uses his power to swing the armored car in front of the entrance to block the shots, and runs away. Caitlin is not the ideal getaway driver.

Do you like my chapeau?

New Orleans

Niki and Micah are parked on a ghetto-looking street. She gives him the usual crap shpiele about wanting him to be safe, normal, to not use his powers, so they can be together as a happy family. Really? Why are you shipping him off to relatives you’ve never even met, then?

Great mothering skills, Niki — your son is on to you. “I have to do this,” she tells Micah. “That’s what you always say before you do something bad,” he points out. I’d file for emancipation, if I were you, Micah. Your parents are incompetent and/or dead.

Niki raps on the barred door, and who should open it but…

Halle Berry as Storm from X-Men, if she guest-starred on “The Golden Girls.”

Ye Olde Pub

Ricky and the Irish Spring gang are back at the pub, drinking Guinness and celebrating their glorious, glorious cash. “I get knocked down! But I get up again!”

“Standya!” barks Will, brandishing a gun. Que? I could not decipher what he just said. “This is no joke, give me that damn money!” Peter was right after all.

“Hold your horses, sweetheart!” screams Will. Who says that?

“Aboot that money. Give me the damn money!” says Will the Traitor, who sounds more Canadian than Irish at this point. Yes, you read that as “aboot.” All Caitlin can do is keep gasping, “Peter!” as if it could perform miracles.

Will points a gun at Ricky, but shoots Peter instead. Peter activates his telekinetic powers and flings Will against the wall, holding Will there as he stands up and pulls away his flannel shirt to show his body throwing up the bullet lodged in his chest.

He’s more powerful than a fully evolved Pikachu.

It’s like a sorority girl puking up the four cups of Natty Ice she just drank, to get rid of unnecessary calories. Complete with purging sounds. Incensed, Peter resumes his iron grip on Will, choking him as Caitlin screams “Peter!” Caitlin shakes her head, Peter releases his hold and Will slumps to the floor. Will gasps for his breath, clutching his neck, and runs off.

After the outing of Will the Traitor, Ricky tries to act all buddy-buddy with Peter as Caitlin gives Peter a tattoo on his arm — hm, it’s the Irish Spring family crest. For once, it’s not that goddamn Heroes symbol that pops up everywhere.

“I don’t know what you are, but I know who you are. You’re one of us,” he says, as Caitlin nods. “And we have no secrets in our family.” It reads like a Hallmark greeting card for convicts. Ricky places the Mystery Box on the table and walks away, grinning.

Peter hesitates to open the Box O’Mystery. “It’s your life,” says Caitlin. “What if I don’t want that life?” asks Peter, afraid he’s a killer at heart. Um, you’re not really a killer unless you have previous tattoos, buddy, and I don’t see any on you. And it’s not Pandora’s box or anything. Just open it and get the fuck back to New York City so you can save your family.

But no, television is never that simple, and Caitlin throws out the brilliant suggestion that if Peter likes who he is right now, maybe he should leave the box alone for the time being. Because making out is way more important than one’s journey of self-discovery and identity. Is it incest if you make out with your gang leader’s sister, who is symbolically your family member too?

Step 3, Peter, Step 3!

As Peter and Caitlin play some tonsil hockey, his Irish Spring crest tatto transforms into…you guessed it, the butterfly favored by girls everywhere (a la tramp stamp). And then it morphs into the Heroes symbol a la Niki/Jessica, and vanishes. Makes sense if he can regenerate like Claire does, because a tattoo would never stay permanent as the skin heals — but his previous captors must’ve done something to him besides give him a commemorative Heroes necklace.

Costa Verde Beach

After finishing their “A Whole New World” duet, Claire and Emotard are officially BFF’s. They marvel at each other’s powers.

“Anytime your parents get annoying, you can open a window and take off!” marvels Claire.

“Are you kidding? You’re indestructible! You could skydive without a parachute.”

“You could skydive without a plane!”

It becomes apparent that Emotard just can’t get laid and hopes that lizard girl Claire will free him of his awkward virginity. She reveals that she does feel pain, but that she gets over it quickly. Emotard sees it as his cue to get touchy-feely, and pinches her ear. And we all know that leads to tickle wars, which leads to wrestling on the ground (From Here to Eternity this is not), which leads to making out and bowchicka bow wow.

It’s all fun and games until you realize you’re related.

I’m surprised Claire doesn’t still have trauma from the last time she made out with a guy. We all know how that ended. She pulls away Emotard’s collar to reveal the hickey left by The Company. It’s the Dark Mark. He’s been bagged and tagged by Claire’s dad — “I remember this man stepping out of the bushes, and he looked at me, like I was an animal he wanted to trap. The guy with the horn rimmed glasses.”

Claire may have a negative IQ score, but she figures out that HRG is her daddy. Maybe a little therapy wouldn’t hurt.

Isaac Mendez’s loft / Laboratory of Evil

Mohinder is surprised by the news that Isaac was murdered by Sylar, but Bob informs him that they’ve pumped money into refurbishing the place into a laboratory for their newest mad scientist. “Welcome to the family,” Bob smarms. How convenient for Tim Kring’s budget.

Bob is supervising Mohinder as he works a microscope, implying that he should work faster. Yah, mule! Bob steps outside to take a call from The Company, and Mohinder takes the opportunity to call BFF Bennet and scope out the place for any hidden paintings. I still think it’s highly unlikely that The Company wouldn’t be eavesdropping on Mohinder’s cell phone calls, wouldn’t you agree?

Guess who? It’s Niki on the phone with Bob, asking him if he’s sure they can cure her. He guarantees it, and mentions that they want something in exchange from her. Don’t call me racist, but there’s a blurry African-American guy in the background where she is — do you think that’s DL?!?! It’s just a guess, but I just don’t buy his death.

Meanwhile, Mohinder is inside rifling through Company crates, and comes across a painting labeled 8/8. He expresses his concern. “As long as you’re alive, you will be taken care of,” reassures Bennet. “I’m sending you a jpeg of the photo I just found,” says Mohinder, snapping a shot with his camera phone. And what a great one it is, since it sends an unbelievably crisp, hi-res image to Bennet’s e-mail. Take that, iPhone!

Making out while your father dies is a really fucked up turn-on.

This does not bode well for Bennet, because his glasses are wrecked beyond repair. Pretty sure Lenscrafters’ warranty doesn’t apply in this case. He’s also lying on the ground, dead and covered with broken glass. There’s a female figure embracing a dark shadowy man in the top corner, but maybe it’s not Claire? Just to keep us thinking it is her, though, Claire picks that exact moment to step in the doorway of Bennet’s office to say goodnight. The scene is much more emotional than any of the dialogue-filled scenes the father and daughter have had lately, and more telling than their recent exchanges. The tension between the two is spot-on, as Bennet starts to wonder what role his daughter plays in his death, while Claire starts to doubt her father’s motivations.

So. Three romances, a powerless Sylar, and the return of Niki.

Next week: Who are the original heroes, and who’s coming after them? Molly stays awake long enough to envision the boogeyman, to disastrous results.That’s what I’m guessing. Take a drink every time Niki shows up in a scene, ’cause a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down.