Heroes: Now Hiring Monkeys with Typewriters

Remember the Mad TV skit “Lowered Expectations”? Heroes was kind of like that this season, but I must say, they pulled it together by the end. Sorta. But I’m not really worried about the Shanti virus anymore, now that Ebola has broken out again in Uganda. You gotta credit those writers for being timely.

Previously: Victoria Pratt proved herself efficient with a shotgun but still died at the hands of Adam, Elle monitored Claire and her family more poorly than an ankle bracelet, Monica decided to dress up like a ninja to disastrous results, Alejandro and Sylar duked it out for Maya, Bennet came back from the dead with his superdaughter’s blood, Claire causes some damage to Elle’s car (insurance policies don’t cover spite), and Hiro went back in time multiple times, rendering Ando useless.

New York, New York

Mohinder arrives at his depressing Brooklyn apartment to see that Sylar and Maya are better surrogate parents to Molly than he and Parkman have been. Sylar has added some eco-friendly fluorescent lightbulbs and Maya is whipping up some chilaquiles in the kitchen. Sure beats generic frosted cereal and nightmare comas.

Who wears this when Maya’s not around?

I’m shocked that Maya isn’t confused that she’s shaking hands with a Dr. Suresh who is 40+ years younger looking than the book jacket, but I suppose Sylar told her that Dr. Suresh Senior died at some point. Also, Mohinder, why didn’t you pick up a few guns or call The Company on the way back? Really, I’m disappointed in your conflict management skills.

Mohinder is horrified to find himself at a killer breakfast – that is, everyone sitting at the table has killed people, either intentionally with blows to the head, with shitty mascara, or with a Company-issued gun. As Maya gushes on excitedly about finding a cure for her affliction, Mohinder realizes she knows him as Gabriel Gray and not Sylar.There are no Mohinders in the Bible, though, so she can’t dub him an angel.

Sylar says he also needs Mohinder’s help, and that he was perusing his work on the laptop (smart people have password protection, but I expect too much). Mohinder has started mixing his blood with Claire’s, presumably because they can’t keep sampling Claire’s or diluting it. The mixture restores people’s powers after they’ve been afflicted with a strain of the virus. Maya lets it slip that Sylar has no powers at the moment, and that he perhaps is afflicted with the virus as well. Seeing his chance, Mohinder grabs his serrated bread knife and faces off with Sylar, who has a gun. Gun beats knife, kids.

Maya panics when she realizes how her woman’s intuition is useless and that she gave it up to a greasy-haired killer (and is totally going to hell for that sin), so everyone’s eyes start filling up with the blackness. Molly’s screaming because it feels like summer camp all over again, when people tape your eyelids shut and saran wrap the toilet and swipe your towel before you get out of the shower. Sylar commands Maya to get control so she doesn’t kill a sweet, innocent little girl. Maya is next on Sylar’s shit list.

Woman, make me a sammich!

With three lives at stake (but only 1.5 that I care about), Mohinder has no choice but to do Sylar’s bidding. The Company should really issue GPS panic buttons like those given to old people. They reach Isaac’s loft/lab, where Maya’s all, “You’re nothing like you were in bed,” as Sylar smirks. He offers to take her powers if she doesn’t want them, as Maya rues her brother was right. And dead. Sylar shows off the commemorative spot where he killed Isaac, right on the mural of New York blowing up on the floor.

Mohinder preps a reluctant Sylar for a blood sample, so he can figure out what strain, if any, of the virus Sylar has. Sylar is suspicious, demanding he just be given the remedy. Mohinder tells him he can’t risk it, it might kill him. Sylar revels in the poetry of Mohinder’s father helping him find his gift and Mohinder restoring it. Mohinder can’t take the salt being rubbed into his wounds and barks that Sylar killed his father, to which Sylar counters, “He betrayed me. Don’t make the same mistake.” Mohinder angrily jabs the needle into Sylar’s arm without even disinfecting the area. Maybe it’s a leftover needle from Isaac’s heroin junkie days that’s been infected with Sylarnide.

Mohinder looks up hopefully at the security camera disguised as a beeping smoke alarm, taking his sweet time and praying that someone notices. Ah yes, of course. Elle’s watching, because no one at The Company is actually paid to do surveillance.

Maya and Molly are having a little slumber party in a loft more depressing than the Company prison rooms. Molly can’t remember where she put Mall Madness, and Maya frets that she sent her brother away because he could’ve saved all of them. Seeing an opportunity to get the Honduran girl to shut up, Molly offers to find Alejandro with her powers. To give Molly an idea of who she’s looking for, Maya pulls a crumpled picture of the twins out of her pocket.

Kodak: Helping remember your wedding massacre.

Someone actually developed those photos, which is a little ridiculous/creepy. Unless Maya had a tiny digital camera tucked in her bra and just decided to print them out her scrapbook at the nunnery. After running away the night she killed everyone. In high heels. Yes, that’s definitely what happened.

After squishing up her face for awhile, Molly is unable to locate the other dunder twin. “He’s…not…anywhere,” she reveals. It finally dawns on Maya that Alejandro is dead and this is why she was rejected from MENSA. Mohinder is diagnosing Sylar with the same strain of the virus that is afflicting Niki, concluding that the Company must’ve injected him as well. Sylar is reasonably pissed, setting up Sylar’s vendetta against The Company in Volume 3. Maya starts yelling at Sylar for killing her brother. Sylar, not one to mince words, shoots her in the chest and she collapses on the floor the same way that Isaac did.

But not before she impersonates a zombie from “Thriller.”

“Where is the healing blood?” Sylar demands, pointing the gun on Mohinder. Mohinder stupidly pulls out the case with vials meant for Niki (Sylar > Niki, marginally), and Sylar, surprised the cure was there the whole time, points out that they have trust issues. Sylar insists that Mohinder try it on Maya first to make sure it works, ensuring that he can still be able to take her powers if it works.

Mohinder injects Maya. Her wound spits out the bullet and seals itself, Claire-style, and she comes back to life. Damnit. Elle shows up and snarls at Sylar as he swipes the miracle cure package. She shoots electricity at him (but not enough), but he shoots at her with his gun and runs away. Pissed that Sylar got away, Elle slams the door frame in frustration. “My dad’s going to kill me!” she agonizes. Mohinder reassures her that if it weren’t for her, everyone would’ve been slaughtered. Elle likes the idea of being a hero, and we get a glimpse into her character evolving into ambiguously evil nymph to praise-loving do-gooder. Bob probably didn’t praise his daughter very much as she grew up — or perhaps he went about it the wrong way, as psychological studies have recently shown.

Back in Costa Verde, Casa De Bennet

The Company should buy some industrial-size paper shredders, because Bennet kept records of everything he did for the company. They’re just lying around in Primatech cardboard boxes. Real secure. Claire is determined to take the company down while Mama Bennet weeps. I can’t be the only one confused by Claire’s reasoning as to how going public with her powers will take The Company down. Wouldn’t they just reason with the frightened public, leveraging the fact that they have the most experience in dealing with freaks? At most, The Company would get the backing of the Bush administration if it’s March of 2007. Sandra realizes this too, and starts worrying they’ll take Claire again, cite the Patriot Act, and test on her in their facilities.

Claire continues to pack up the boxes as Emotard enters. She’s glad to see him until he reveals he’s there to stop her, because he doesn’t want the secret to be let out. Claire insists that if she goes public, everyone will have to listen to them, because they’re special. Claire Bear, you’re special, just not that special. He says that The Company didn’t take everything away from him, and after she goes public, it’ll destroy the connection they have together. Exposing themselves isn’t going to bring her father back, he insists. Claire, unused to not getting her way, angrily shoves his file at him and tells him there isn’t an “us” to worry about any longer. Breaking up is not so hard to do. Goodbye, Emotard! He shoots her a teary look before flying off into oblivion and hopefully out of the series, while Mr. Muggles poops on her shoe.

A moment later, Bennet returns to Claire’s shock and amazement. Later, in the kitchen, he explains to Mama Bennet, Lyle, and Claire that he survived because of Claire’s magical blood. Lyle lost too many brain cells in the last Haitian mind-sweep and doesn’t get it, and Bennet explains it’s an impossible situation and that it wasn’t his decision to play dead. He tells Claire that her plans to expose the company are unacceptable. Claire still believes if they destroy them, they get their lives back (um no, you don’t, the government gets you and perhaps the circus, too). Bennet says he made a deal to keep everyone alive – he has to go back with The Company, and everyone else can live a normal life. He tells Claire she was right, it was all his fault. He chokes up as he says he never meant to hurt anyone. And leaves without so much as a hug or a quick hand squeeze, to my disappointment. No one runs after him, probably because they didn’t believe zombies were real. “It’s done,” he tells Bob, who is waiting outside.

Scarsdale, New York, Company

Bob reprimands Elle for provoking Claire. “I couldn’t help it, she was so weepy! Who knew she would turn whistleblower?” Bob berates his daughter further, saying Claire isn’t even in Elle’s league. That’s a backhanded compliment if I ever heard one. Elle defends herself by pointing out her gunshot wound, but Bob decides to bench her anyway, citing that she’s performed well below what she’s capable of. Ouch. No more field assignments. He’s starting to make Joan Crawford look decent. Elle starts tearing up, offering an apology in a feeble voice. Bob looks like a sad panda and says he regrets raising her at all.

“But Daddy, I even color-coordinated!”

Bennet, the model prisoner, is playing handball while sitting on his cot. Looks like he got his glasses fixed! They must have an on-site Lenscrafters. Elle watches forlornly and demands he tell her about her ability and what her father did to her. “I’m stuck in this hellhole, my family thinks I’m dead, there’s not a lot of incentive to share,” snarks Bennet. Elle threatens to make him tell her with a little ball of electricity. “You could try,” retorts Bennet awesomely, causing it to sputter out from lack of confidence. Elle pleads. Bennet confides that her father wanted to see how much wattage she could discharge, from powering flashlights to entire city blocks. Seriously, the UN could use the girl in Darfur and other third-world countries who need electricity. Elle, join the Peace Corps and get the hell away from The Company. After testing she’d pass out from the strain, and would want to call it a day. But Bob would say “my daughter is tougher than that.” The girl was only seven. At this point, I keep thinking that they should be playing the song “Breakable” by Ingrid Michaelson to amp up the emotional factor. Oh wait, that’s ABC. Bennet says that the hardest thing for a parent to see is their child experiencing pain, but not so for Bob. Ouch again.

The trick is: kick someone’s ass the first day, or become somebody’s bitch. Then everything will be alright.

Bob interrupts this parallel universe bonding moment and Elle leaves abruptly. He informs Bennet that they have a problem, Claire’s going public with her powers to TMZ.com. “She’s becoming difficult, you know, it’s that time of the month again,” he intones. Bob wants to know if she has any hard evidence that could leave this company exposed. Besides boxes of cocaine and paper with obscene watermarks? Oh yes. By his silence and smirk, Bennet reveals she does, and Bob threatens to take measures to keep Claire quiet. Offer her a car, one that’s not a Nissan Rogue.

Elle peeps into her daddy’s office of antiques, where she runs to her well-labeled, totally not coded file. It’s empty. She logs into the world’s most secure administrator system, which coincidentally has the world’s stupidest log-in screen, where you can see what the password is as you type it. “Midas” and not M1D4S with more random numbers. I can’t help it, I like some realism when the rest of the show gets absurdly implausible! I’ve a sneaking suspicion The Company also has dial-up internet and AOL. Oh, Cisco, I hear your stock falling. She looks at a bunch of blank screens, then hones in on Suresh’s lab/loft, where she spots Sylar’s face. “Oh daddy, you’re going to be so proud of me,” she grins.

Signs that Daddy doesn’t love you: He photoshopped this fish in.

New Orleans

“I swear, we just went to Narnia.”

Micah comes home at daylight. Niki is fully dressed and worried out of her mind. Micah reveals what he’s been up to, Niki says “I told you so” and starts calling the police. Not sure why she hadn’t already called the police or woken up Nana (who I’m convinced still has crazy powers related to wallpaper). Micah wants to be a hero and rescue his cousin, but Niki reveals she has no strength, due to side effects of the virus. Thank you Santa, she’s totally about to croak. Insisting that all she needs to do is drive, Micah convinces Niki to get in the car. Excellent.

The thugs have tied Monica up to a wall post in the soon-to-be-torched building. One of the thugs echos Niki’s lament that being a hero only gets you killed. Unfortunately, she doesn’t have can’t trade a pimped out grill for her life and doesn’t bother seducing the guy. He proceeds to take his red gasoline tank and pour it everywhere. Hey buddy, arson and murder are two very different things in a court of law, so I don’t know why you feel compelled to kill someone.

Micah is tracking Monica’s cell phone, triangulating her system with the GPS. The Micah system could totally outsell Tom Tom, if marketed properly. The kid’s also able to change traffic lights and screw with police radars. They’ve almost reached Monica who is trying to use her phone when the thug notices. He flips out and uses the St. Joan copy of 9th Wonders as kindling, having no qualms about setting the place or girl on fire.

Niki does some crazy driving in an attempt to play chicken with the red van guy, who calls her a crazy bitch. How apt. She kicks him in the balls, gets his gun and asks where Monica is. Micah points out the building that’s on fire. Thanks, Captain Obvious. Niki knocks the thug out, and runs in and unties Monica. I’m a little perplexed by this next scene, where Niki gets caught up trying to move a heavy support beam while urging Monica to leave behind her. It’s not like she’s actually trapped. Monica escapes right before the muffaletta joint blows up, clutching a horrified Micah. Bye, bye Niki. See you in Resident Evil: Extinction DVDs.

It’s a shame about that comic book.

In another dimly-lit but way more expensive apartment in Manhattan

Nathan and Parkman have managed to get Mama Petrelli out of jail. I’m not even going to question how they managed it, but try this thing called “suspension of disbelief.” Nathan is still pensive about Peter, and Mama Petrelli makes a half-assed attempt at thanking them for freeing her. Parkman tells Mama Petrelli that Victoria Pratt is dead, and that Adam signed the photo with the Heroes symbol using her blood. It seems that Adam’s knowledge of Victoria Pratt’s whereabouts was independent of Parkman coercing the information from Mama Petrelli. A nice link to this volume’s title, Nathan asks his mother: “How long are we going to suffer for your sins, for your generation’s deeds?”

Oh shit, these expired last year.

Mama Petrelli says Adam wanted revenge on those who betrayed him, and that they should let it go. Does she want the world to get wiped out by the virus? Is Mama P. the Big Bad Mastermind of The Company? Parkman drops that Peter was at the murder scene with Adam, and his fingerprints were everywhere. Mama P. says it all went so wrong. Thirty years ago, a group came together to change and fix the world, and Adam had a perspective on history that was “compelling.” You mean hindsight? Everyone believed Adam was a guru, including Mama P, Pops, and Linderman. In the beginning, she helped him, but eventually Adam felt the world wasn’t worth fixing and needed to be wiped clean with the virus. Mama P. realized how “wrong” it was but Nathan points out her hypocrisy in that she and Linderman wanted to blow up NYC.

Only Peter can get near the virus with his abilities, so Adam chose him. I don’t even know how Adam realized Peter could absorb so many powers, it was only because they were cell neighbors that he even spoke to him. Fine. I give up. Let’s call it fate, predestination, whatever. Nathan and Parkman exchange nods of agreement to head to Primatech in Odessa. As Nathan shoots his mother a look of supreme distaste (I believe the technical term for this look is “I can’t believe you expelled me through your evil uterus”), she grabs his arm and tells him Adam will never quit, and a bullet through the head is the only way to end it. She communicates a thought to Parkman via mental signals, that if Peter can’t be stopped, he needs to be killed with a bullet to the head as well.

Adam and Peter stroll into Primatech, which looks an awful lot like the Dunder-Mifflin warehouse. Oh, NBC, stop toying with me. Hiro freezes everyone, except Peter. He turns and faces off with Hiro, who charges with his samurai sword. Peter’s got a ball of electricity in his hand ready, but Hiro teleports past him in front of Adam. After informing Peter that Adam killed his father, Hiro admits, “He was my friend too, 400 years ago.” This was before friendship bracelets were invented. Hiro lunges again towards Adam with the sword, and Peter stops him short with his telekinetic powers.

HIRO:”He murdered my father!”
PETER: “He saved my brother!”
HIRO: “He defiled the love of my life!”
PETER: “But he’s so suave and well-dressed!”
HIRO: “I guess he looks pretty good for an old fart.”

Peter tells Hiro he was locked up in the same prison as Adam. Hiro disappears again, and Peter looks around only to be grabbed from behind by Hiro, with the sword. Peter tells him he’s been to the future (“DEY TOOK OUR JEBS!!”) and that the virus starts today, making it March 20, 2007 if anything in this series is to be believed. He and Adam are going to stop it it, and by “stop it” he means break into a vault and disturb a deadly virus that has been sitting around for 30 years.

“Ooh, that’s the spot, Hiro.”

Peter charges Hiro’s sword with a jolt of electricity, knocking him out and reviving everyone who’s been frozen including Adam, who is reunited with his sword. Adam is slightly surprised to see Hiro, and grabs his Kensei sword. Peter confides that Hiro told him Adam was not to be trusted, but when Adam asks him “what do you think about that?” Peter avoids answering and says to concentrate on killing the virus. I know who I want to die in this episode, if only because he wastes his telepathy skills. Surprisingly, Adam doesn’t just lop off Hiro’s head. Maybe he’s a little decent after all.

Parkman and Nathan have flown together to Odessa. It’s both hilarious and awkward as Parkman begs Nathan to slow down for the landing. Nathan appears to have thrown out his back, and Parkman warns him, “We don’t talk about that ever again.” Before they enter, Parkman confides that Peter is still dangerous and that if he has to, he’ll kill him (as Mama Petrelli said to). Nathan says listening to Mama Petrelli has never led to anything good. A slightly stunned Hiro comes out of the building and raises his arms while yelping, “Frying man!” Hee. It’s a significant moment in Heroes history, as this is the first time Parkman and Hiro have ever really met, other than being at Kirby Plaza at the same time.

I swear to God, if I have to do this one more time, I’ll quit.

Peter and Adam ravage Primatech as the security system goes off with warnings and useless messages. Guards are flung sideways. While Peter is just knocking guards out, Adam is using his unsheathed sword and probably slicing and dicing. Adam has Peter take care of a fuse box, which supposedly deactivates the system. It’s not hard for them to find the world’s most obvious vault, which isn’t hidden behind any fake doors or ANYTHING. The Company Vault might as well have been decorated with Vegas lights and a “You are Here” sign. Adam says Peter will have to pry the vault open with his brain.

“At least my attic was hidden by a swinging cupboard.”

“Not much at stake here, just the fate of the human civilization and your hot girlfriend,” says Adam. “No pressure.” Peter asks him if he killed Hiro’s father and Adam freely admits it, saying Kaito deserved it for locking up the virus instead of destroying it. Again, Peter asks Adam why he should believe him, but doesn’t use his fucking mindreading powers.

Peter is not, as I previously assumed, trying to pick the lock with masterful skill, but pulling it apart physically with his telekinetic powers. It sounds like people having sex on geriatric washing machines. Not that I would know what that sounds like. The vault starts to pull away, pulsating like the doors in The Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland. Peter’s nose starts to bleed from the strain as bolts and nuts start coming loose. The nosebleed has also happened to Parkman and Mama Petrelli while they were overusing powers. It’s finally unlocked, and Adam is about to enter when Hiro stops at the entrance and says he must stop Kensei. Oh, Hiro. You could never be a villain, you’re straight out of N64.

Peter flings Hiro aside as easily as he would booger from his nose – someone needs to work on their reflexes. Adam walks into the vault and leaves Peter to picking up Hiro with his mind. Peter’s bent on finishing a moaning Hiro off when Parkman starts transmitting thoughts into Peter’s mind. “Let go of Hiro, go after Adam, stop being a naive twat.” That sort of thing. It’s comparable to a game of ping pong.

PARKMAN: “Adam is evil.”
PETER: “I don’t think so, his eyes are so dreamy.”
PARKMAN: “Adam is evil.”
PETER: “No one that pretty could be mean.”
PARKMAN: “Seriously, he wants to destroy the whole world.”
PETER: “You’re wrong, fatty! I don’t believe fat people.”

Peter ultimately pushes Parkman away (slower than he could move Hiro) and informs him he’s on the wrong side. Big brother to the rescue. “What about me, Peter?” says Nathan, stepping out from the wings. “Am I on the wrong side too?” Hiro regains consciousness and teleports into the safe. Wait, why didn’t Peter just teleport himself and Adam directly into the safe? Or walk through it instead of take it apart? I am a bundle of unanswered questions. Kensei says that they were more than friends, that Hiro was his the wind beneath his wings until he clipped them. In the vault are playing cards (all queens), a brain suspended in formaldehyde (the technical term is formalin fixing, for you Bio nerds), a golden key, an ornate-looking horse sculpture, and something that resembles St. Joan’s knife.

Antiques Roadshow goes to Odessa.

Adam draws his sword, one hand behind him. He’s clutching the vial containing the Shanti virus, which is evidently just lying around, super easy to grab, and not sealed away in yet another vault/triple layers of security. I don’t think Kaito would be that negligent. He tells Hiro after 400 years, the patterns are the same. When God was unhappy with what he made, he made it rain for 40 days and 40 nights. Adam wants to be that hero to give humanity a second, err, third chance. Seriously buddy, if you’re tired of living, just kill yourself and let humanity deal with global warming. Hiro declares he should’ve killed Adam long ago, for his father. And that he has to do it now. Adam says that he might live another 400 years without ever needing Viagra or Rogaine, and that it sucks that he’s never made it into the Guinness Book of World Records.

Concurrently, Nathan is trying to persuade Peter to see how evil Adam is. Peter tells Adam he healed his wounds and should be grateful. Nathan’s compelling argument is that Adam used Nathan to get to Peter, emotionally. Nathan states that he believes in Peter, and throws down the big three words. Needy Peter of course melts at the word “love.” It’s a Christmas miracle! He doesn’t even bother reading Nathan’s mind, and starts running towards the vault.

Hiro puts a hand on Adam’s shoulder and teleports them away, leaving the vial to free-fall and spin slower than the final scene in Chariots of Fire. Peter arrives just in the nick of time to stop the vial before it shatters and rids Earth of Perez Hilton and Ahmadinejad. Again, why the virus wasn’t locked up tighter than Jessica Simpson’s virginity is beyond me. Parkman echoes my confusion with my favorite line, “What is all this stuff?” I’ve been accused of being a packrat, one who hoards useless sentimental stuff and someone who’s guilty of stocking up on paper napkins at fast food joints. But I’m not sure why a deadly virus is stored in the same facility as a brain in a jar, though. That’s like giving a filched roll of butt-friendly brand-name toilet paper the same value as generic ketchup packets. Peter clasps the virus vial in his hand and irradiates it into dust. Not gonna lie, it was sort of anti-climatic.

Parkman is fed up with parental issues and calls for a team huddle in the vault. The trio vent about how they’ve been used, in generalizations that have no dramatic effect whatsover. The buck stops here. No more secrets. The lies end now. The final solution starts soon. Nathan decides to have a press conference and asks for Parkman’s help in ensuring everyone listens to him (creeping towards the dark side, no?). They’ll take down The Company by brain-addling the press into believing them. Hey guys, red flashing lights usually indicate security cameras are working.

Japan

Ando returns to his desk to find Hiro at his computer, dressed for work and watching Japanese YouTube. Hiro confesses he went to confront his father’s killer. When Ando asks Hiro if he killed him, we flash to Adam in a coffin, buried six feet under, yelling to be let out. The cemetery appears to be in Japan. He really should’ve just shot him in the head but I guess Adam can always come back for Volume 3. Of Kill Bill or Heroes.

Like a Japanese capsule hotel, but with child-proof locks.

Odessa Police Station

Nathan preps for his press conference, but not without reuniting joyfully with his brother. He tells Peter not to think of himself as monster, or it’ll eat him up inside. They exchange loving words.

And nearly make out.

Parkman interrupts the hug and says he made it so everyone will listen to Nathan. At the podium, Nathan launches into an eloquent and poignant speech about losing everything, including his way and all regard for hygiene and trim facial hair. He had the chance to see the world through newly humbled eyes, witnessed amazing things, as a montage of our heroes plays: Mohinder and Molly, DL saving a child, ordinary people doing things to be heroes. Ordinary people capable of extraordinary things. But there are organizations, other people who don’t want the truth to come out. “First I was afraid, I was petrified,” he starts singing. Nathan is about to tell them that he has the ability to fly when two shots ring out and anchor themselves squarely in his chest – Peter, give him your blood! Everything gets silent as Peter holds his dying brother in his arms and Parkman hovers. Nathan can’t die, surely Claire has to revive her other daddy too.

FEMA finally gets its comeuppance.

A figure in black slowly walks away, and despite the fact that they are in a fucking police station, not a single cop runs after the assailant. Oh Texas, how you disappoint me. Vigilante justice, my ass.

Mama Petrelli is watching the news of her son’s assassination and on the phone with someone. “I know that it was unavoidable,” she says. “But you do know you’ve opened Pandora’s box.” Cristine Rose is my hero/villain. END OF VOLUME 2.

Don’t tell me the woman isn’t at least half evil. Deliciously evil like a gingersnap laced with arsenic. Or something like that. What does it all mean? Was she talking to Bennet, who’s now the Company’s biatch? Who else is such a sharp shooter and trim-looking? Does she mean that she will seek revenge on whoever killed Nathan, or that evil will be unleashed on The Company for their actions? Perhaps she’s afraid, and is the supreme villain after all. Or maybe she’ll head up a vigilante force with Micah and Monica as her sidekicks. Does the modern feminist interpretation that Pandora’s box represents the womb and unease with female sexuality come to play? Why, oh why, did the wrong Petrelli have to “die”?

Is Caitlin stuck in the future, one that doesn’t exist anymore? Or was she zapped back to the present? Because Mama Petrelli didn’t seem to have any problem being in both places. My brain hurts. The teaser for Volume 3, “Villains” has Sylar shooting up in an alley with the Mohinder/Claire regenerative blood mix. He watches his wounds disappear, with delight, and summons a can of spinach with his regained powers. “I’m back,” he proclaims with sinister glee.

RIP, Popeye.

It’s so hard to say goodbye. Can we all just exchange friendship bracelets to tide us over until we meet again?