Heroes: Who Wants Cake?

Welcome to the holidays, y’all! I think the last couple of weeks of November are my favorite time of the year for TV. Sweeps are almost over, and the Super Dramatic Action Episodes give way to the lets-just-have-fun-cuz-no-ones-watching episodes. It’s like dessert after the big meal. If the preview is any indication, this week’s episode may bring us some action turkey and some pumpkin pie fun to chase it down. Grab your forks and let’s dig in!

I’m ready for something Very Special.

Samuel’s watching Pa Suresh’s film projected on the ugly wallpaper inside his trailer. Robert Knepper is doing his best Evil Genius impersonation. I bet Michael Emerson calls him up all the time to gloat about winning the Best Bad Guy Emmy last year. Wannaben Linus is interrupted by Hiro banging on the trailer door bugging him about Charlie for the 14th time. T-Sam turns off the crazy like a light switch and tells Hiro to take a hike. Hiro puts a hand on T-Sam’s shoulder, which is probably as close to throwing a punch as a guy like Hiro can get. T-Sam calls Hiro’s bluff and sends him off to set the table with the womenfolk.

So it must be Thanksgiving Day already-better known anymore as Black Friday Eve-because HRG is turkey shopping, and no single guy in his right mind would get food for Thanksgiving before the last minute. He’s got Claire on the phone asking her over for dinner. Claire, and Mama Bennet, and Mama Bennet’s new boyfriend. (But not Lyle. Lyle doesn’t exist anymore except when Claire name-checks him.) He tells Claire she should invite Gretchen, because a dysfunctional family holiday makes a terrific third date. Too bad Retchin moved all the way across campus, so she’s totally unreachable. Not like she has a cell phone or anything, because that would blow Claire’s flimsy excuse. HRG blames himself for driving Retch away. Sorry, but exactly how is that your fault? Claire called you to clean up her mess. HRG hangs up, looks at a headshot of old flame Lauren on his fancy new Sprint Palm Pre brought to you by Nissan, and whaddayaknow, here she comes up the aisle right now!

Her hair has gotten worse in the last three years. If possible.

HRG flirts with her like somebody who hasn’t flirted in twenty years. And it’s as big a mess as it sounds. Involving stalking and canned yams and the CIA. Lauren works for them now. Because intelligence agencies never do background checks, and even if they did, a cover job at a fake paper company wouldn’t raise any red flags. Nah. Lauren points out that HRG is on the wrong side of town, so he must be stalking her. This relationship is off to a fantastic start; they’re trying to out-spy each other already. She also mentions that HRG’s frozen turkey will never thaw out in time for dinner tonight. Obviously she wasn’t watching last week when a 110-pound Claire Bear thawed in ten seconds. But anyway. HRG invites Lauren to dinner just to complete the trifecta of awkwardness.

Up at Peter’s apartment, Peter debates whether or not to kill Fathan in his sleep. Looks like he’s seen the writing on the wall.

Yeah, we figured it out. Thanks.

Mama Petrelli and her servants invade the apartment and start setting up for Thanksgiving dinner. Peter takes the opportunity to confront Ma and let her know they’re onto her. Ma does her best hand-in-the-cookie-jar.

Think fast!

Improvising is not one of Angela Petrelli’s many skills. The best lie she can come up with is that the body belongs to a shapeshifter who was posing as Nathan to get to the President. Which I guess is close to the truth, with the bodies switched around. “Is my brother dead?” Peter wants to know. Ma turns away, but Fathan is right there behind her. Ma threatens to leave if they don’t all sit down to dinner together. Fathan starts to morph into Sylar for just a second.

Guess who’s coming to dinner?

Bennet Family

Claire shows up for dinner, and guess who else is there already?

O HAI!

“Does Mom know you brought a date?” Claire asks. HRG mumbles something about a complex modern family. Maybe, but there’s such a thing as boundaries, don’tcha think? Mama Bennet shows up with Mr. Muggles, aaaaannd Dougie the boyfriend in tow. HRG gets an awkward frosty peck on the cheek from the ex. I will take my kids to their 8 grandparents for 4 different dinners anytime over this. Claire, for some reason, gets the same awkward peck from her mom. Oh, and they brought someone else along too: Penelope Jean Lovegood III.

Lost, X-Men AND Harry Potter refs? That’s a lot for one little dog to live up to.

Dougie talks the uggy wuggy doggy talk even better than Mama B does. Lauren makes a grand entrance and Sandra assumes she’s the cook. Lauren does not help the moment. “Mistaken for a domestic? That certainly breaks the ice.”

Mama B: “You. Brought. A. Date?”

HRG: “No… that’s… Lauren.”

So far, I give this episode 7.5 out of 10 on the Michael Scott Awkwardness Scale.

Sullivan Family

If you remember, T-Sam sent Hiro off to help get ready for dinner. He’s setting the table, grumbling under his breath in Lydia’s general direction. “Not a fan of Thanksgiving?” says Lydia. Hiro points out that he’s Japanese and doesn’t celebrate it. Plus he’s a prisoner, and Samuel broke his promise, so not much to be thankful for anyway. This is the first that Lydia’s heard about Hiro being held against his will, so she goes straight to confer with Edgar. “If time travel fixed the past, where’s Joseph?”

“Good question,” is all Lydia can think of to say, which is odd. So T-Sam told them he was using Hiro to go back to the past and rescue their ex-leader-but seems like they’d be a LITTLE more interested in the outcome of the mission. “Huh. So I guess it didn’t work. Oh well.” Lydia runs back to Hiro to get more info, but Hiro doesn’t want to endanger Charlie by opening his mouth, so Lydia gets out the big guns.

I guess we are kinda overdue for some skin from her.

This will never work on Hiro, who has the libido of a ten-year-old boy to go with the brain of one. “Naked Lady! You are trying to seduce me!” Yeah, probably not the best way to help a guy get his girlfriend back, skank. She’s not trying very hard anyway, spouting weird lines like “I can be inside your soul… We can be as one… I need closeness to make this work… I can feel what you feel.” Hiro finally gives in and lays a finger on her back, which leads Lydia to a revelation: “You care very much about this girl.” Figured that out all by yourself, didja? Thanks, Einstein. She wants him to take her back to see what T-Sam was really up to 8 weeks ago. So here we go again, back to the past. Mohinder and Joseph exit the trailer while T-Sam waits outside. He takes Joseph out into the field for a talk. Hiro wants to head back to the future before they step on a butterfly, but Lydia takes off in hot pursuit. As if Hiro could screw up the space-time continuum any worse at this point.

Fathan refuses to give thanks for the Petrelli feast until Ma fesses up. “It’s Thanksgiving,” she protests. “The one day we should express our gratitude.” Well, if that attitude doesn’t explain a lot about the Petrelli family. She finally coughs up the truth while insisting that Nathan is more or less still the same person and everything’s cool. Total denial.

Someone’s in denial about the power bill. Can you only afford 20-watt bulbs on an EMT’s salary?

Bennet

HRG shouts out Lauren in his Thanksgiving toast, and manages to piss off everyone in the room simultaneously. Mama B and Dougie explain how they met. Seems Mr. Muggles and Miss Lovegood um, took a liking to each other. AWKWARD. Sandra wants to know how Lauren and HRG know each other. “Frozen food aisle. I troll the place for eligible men.” She says she used to work with HRG at Primatech.

Sandra: “The paper company, or that other thing?”

Lauren: “Oh, you know about that other thing?”

Sandra: “Yes dear. Memory can be erased only so many times.”

Hey, who brought the date first, Mama B? Payback’s a Penelope Jean Lovegood III, ain’t it?

Dougie tries to break up the catfight by asking what everyone is thankful for. The Bennets are thankful for Claire, Lauren for canned yams. HA. Claire isn’t feeling particularly thankful, and I can’t imagine why. HRG explains that she’s bummed because her roommate moved out. “Why? You’re so likeable!” says Dougie. OK, the zingers have got to stop. I keep having to pause the show to transcribe. Claire takes the opportunity to announce that she’s thinking about dropping out of school.

And you were doing so well letting everyone else be the bad guy.

Sullivan (8 Weeks Ago)

Lydia and Hiro watch the brothers Sullivan arguing out under the light of the silvery moon. You have the power to kill millions, Joseph says. Samuel wants to know how. I guess he always wanted to grow up to be a genocidal maniac. Joseph’s devoted his whole life to watching over Samuel, and is feeling a bit resentful today, so he’s called up the government to take Samuel off his hands. Man, that’s pretty cold even if your brother is a hot mess like Samuel. Samuel does his rock-gun trick and hits Joseph in the throat. Lydia and Hiro poof away horrified as Samuel walks by.

During the commercial break, the tension is broken by an AT&T commercial starring Luke Wilson. I bet dude is banned from Wes Anderson movies for life. He was probably tired of tracksuits anyway.

Bennet

Now that Claire made herself the center of the family argument, HRG asks if she wants to drop out because of Gretchen. Well gee, I don’t know, but could it possibly have to do with her splitsville parents who brought dates to Thanksgiving bickering at the table? Remember how Mommy and Daddy used to tell the kids the divorce wasn’t their fault? Yeah, those were the days. Claire just wants to fit in and now HRG thinks this is all about Samuel. Mama Bennet is clueless. I think Mothers Bennet and Petrelli were rebooted to their Season 1 nutcase selves this year. Dougie tells Claire that feeling like a misfit is normal. Claire responds by slicing her arm open with a carving knife. “How’s that for normal?” Poor Dougie passes out. I think this is my new favorite Heroes scene of all time.

Who wants cake?

Sullivan (The Present)

Hiro and Lydia (who I want to keep calling Lauren for some reason, probably because I hate them equally) are back from their fact-finding mission to the past. Lydia wants to tell everyone the truth about T-Sam. Hiro says no. He still thinks he has a prayer of getting Charlie back. Lydia says they have to stand up to Samuel and goes to fill Edgar in. Samuel finds Hiro. Looks like he knows something’s up.

At least he upgraded his poison. Wine > cheap bourbon.

Bennet

Dougie is still passed out despite the attentions of Penelope Jean Lovegood III. “Guess he’s never seen a regen before,” says Lauren. “Some dinner, huh?” Mama B wonders why HRG and Claire have been spending so much time together. Maybe that’s why she’s being kinda cold to Claire. Meanwhile Claire is looking at HRG’s Wall of Sam. For the 49th time, HRG pulls out the “I’m worried about you” speech. For the 51st time, Claire counters with the “I’m not a child” speech. This exercise in deja vu is interrupted by a knock on the door.

NOOOoooooOOOOooooo

“Sorry I’m late,” she says. How can you be THAT late? What other plans does one make on Thanksgiving? And why couldn’t she just have stayed away?

Petrelli

You could cut the tension with a knife at the Petrelli table. To prove my point, Mama P pulls out a huge Crocodile Dundee knife to cut the pie. I mean it’s at least as big as the one Claire filleted her arm with. Fathan stops her, probably afraid she’s about to use it on him.

Because who uses this beast to cut a pie?

Some family this has turned out to be, Fathan says. He’s starting to talk like Sylar again. “You never should’ve gone to Texas, Pete.” Did someone say Texas Pete? Love that stuff. Best Thanksgiving condiment money can buy. Fathan’s powers start to go berserk. He’s shapeshifting back and forth. Guess who’s left standing at the end?

Now where’s my mustache? I feel the urge to twirl it.

Sullivan

I would really like to hear this scene, but I can’t because an Amber Alert has preempted the sound on my TV. Excuse me while I walk outside at 6AM to peer around in the dark for a kid who went missing 100 miles from here. Not to make light of the whole kidnapping thing, because I have 2 kids and aeything. But really, I would love to know how many children have been saved by someone who was notified on primetime TV. Car radio, sure. Big flashing road signs, by all means. But a five minute spiel overriding a recorded program? Overkill territory. This reeks of politician pandering. And while I’m on that subject, let me say how much I’m looking forward to flying this weekend and having airport employees ask me eighteen times if I let anyone else near my bag. I’m so glad Someone is Doing Something.

(UPDATE: I should note that they found the missing kid unharmed. And not by someone who heard about it while watching Heroes. So get off my back, you PC vultures.)

Now that I’ve stalled for long enough to figure out how to turn on closed captioning, let’s continue with our regularly scheduled program. T-Sam is speechifying about destiny and heaven. He’s thankful because the future is here. Unfortunately he can’t tell them about it yet, because there’s a traitor at the table.

Maybe it would help if you all didn’t look at each other so suspiciously.

The traitor, says T-Sam, is the person who killed Joseph. Edgar pipes up. Tell them it was you, he says. Hiro saw you. O RLY? says Sam. Sorry, Hiro says. I Know Nothing. Thinking about Charlie here. In return, Samuel accuses Edgar of being the traitor. Samuel is just about to pop a rock in Edgar’s ass, when…

Hiro stops time just in time!

And finally I have audio again. Hiro’s left Edgar unfrozen, so he can escape. Edgar would rather kill off Samuel now while he has the chance. Which is probably the best idea anyone’s had all season, Charlie or no Charlie. Edgar listens to Hiro, though, for whatever odd reason, and zips off. Sam thinks Edgar just used his super speed, so Hiro’s butt is covered.

Petrelli

Sylar’s got the Petrelli family all stuck in their chairs. He congratulates Ma P for raising the evil bar and “giving me something to strive for. Time to carve the turkey!” Sylar gets out his Finger of Doom.

Off with ‘er head!

But something stops him. It’s Nathan in there, they think. How? How can Nathan be in there? He’s. Dead. Sylar starts bouncing off the walls, face morphing back and forth. Fathan wins this time, asks “What have you done to me?” and does an Edgar exit.

Bennet

Retchin is back. I think “Bah humbug” covers it. I’d just as soon skip this.

No? OK, fine. HRG called Retch and invited her to dinner. What’s she been up to? Her new roommate is boring, no one’s tried to kill her lately, so yawn. Claire asks her to move back in. How many times in one semester is Retchin going to move? Didn’t she move in with Claire after the first roommate died? Or maybe Claire moved in with her. Who cares. Retchin says yes. Sigh. HRG’s all ready to invite Lauren over for Christmas. How about a movie, she says, and offers up her number. He’s probably already looked it up somewhere. After all, he’s the government.

Mama B gives Claire another cold peck and gets ready to head out with the recovered Dougie. Sandra told him he ate a peanut (which he’s allergic to). So the secret of Claire’s power is, against all odds, still safe. They’re running out of ways to keep it under wraps. Mama B sticks up for Dougie, because he may not be the sharpest bulb in the shed, but he’s a good man. Unlike your mind-erasing overprotective jerk of a dad, dear. Retchin goes to wait in the car. In the back seat, no doubt.

Time for the holiday farewell, HRG gives Claire a last-minute pep-talk, telling her that she does have choices for what to do with her life. Claire is like well, as if, Dad, Retchin’s back so of course I’m going back to school. In fact, Retch is driving her back. (Which makes me wonder how she got there, since she knocked on HRG’s door earlier.) She runs out to Retch’s fugly Nissan Cube and shows her the power compass she stole from Daddy. She wants to go find the carnival, which shouldn’t take too long if Mohinder can get there all the way from India in like half a day.

Road trip!

Carnival

T-Sam is pretty sure that Hiro saved Edgar (although I’m pretty sure Edgar is fast enough that he could’ve dodged Samuel’s rock-bullet on his own). Hiro counter-calls T-Sam’s bluff by threatening to leave unless Sam tells him where Charlie is. T-Sam has an ace in the hole, though: the mind doctor with the dreads. Guy sneaks up behind Hiro, grabs him by the head and much flashbacking ensues. Looks like Hiro’s memory has been wiped AGAIN. He’s like R2-D2 who gets fried every 5 minutes in the Star Wars movies. I sure hope dreads guy didn’t send him all the way back to age 10 again. “I must rescue Watson!” Hiro says in Japanese. “Beam me up, Scotty!” And like that, he’s gone. Is he trying to rescue the cat from the first episode?

Guessing that’s NOT what was supposed to happen. Oops.

Petrelli

Peter treats Ma’s cut head.

Might need a bit more than a napkin to patch up a hole in the skull, you think?

He wants to go after Fathan, save the Nathan inside him, and bring him back alive. “I’ll find a way,” he says. Fade to black.

Next week: Peter vs. Sylar, just in time before the winter break! It’ll be the last episode until January, so expect a cliffhanger. Also expect the recap to show up a couple of days late: I’m off to Vegas to blow my TVgasm paycheck. Speaking of gambling, I bet we’re done with Hiro until 2010. Probably Emma and Parkman too. Looks like there’ll be more Retchin, though. Go ahead and sleep off your turkey coma. I’ll watch it for ya.