High Society: Sexy Social Suicide

We meet again for this week’s High Society with some unexpectedly fabulous news – there will be a season two! And it gets even better – they’re recasting! Consensus is that Tinsley needs some more “likable” friends. Meanwhile, Sexy Deborah Denise Trachtenberg is bucking for her own show, and feeling undoubtedly hurt and betrayed that she’s been cast as the “villain”.

Tinsley is getting her hair and makeup done. She says she’s getting “trashed” in the press, and tonight’s her opportunity to stand up for herself. There’s a party for a former Page Six editor, and Tinsely’s going to ask her advice on how to deal with the “horrible headlines”. Quippy!

As Tinsley gets made up and Dale stands by, Tinsley’s pal Alex who we haven’t seen since she was almost killed by an errant glass thrown by wimpy John Paul Methhead, storms in. Alex is upset.

Alex carries on about some NY Magazine article that Sexy Devorah Denise Trachtenberg instigated. Then she calls Sexy Tracht a piece of white trash. Tinsley continues to get her hair and makeup done.

Tinsley repeats that she does not know Sexy Tracht very well, the article she wrote about her was two years ago and Sexy is / was obviously just using Tinsley for press. But Dale confirms that Tinsley is not doing such great PR. “I keep reading what a failure you and your marriage are,” Dale trills helpfully.

Tinsley says her stomach is turning over the thought of confrontation. I hear that, I’m the same way. Dale says that if people heard that Tinsley “nailed this girl”, it would be all over. She tells her to do it like a lady and tell Sexy, “I beg your pardon, but I have never considered you a friend.”

Tinsley tells her Mom that’s mean, but her Mom reminds her that Sexy’s out there saying mean things about her. Got to fight fire with fire.

And fight scrawny acne-ridden ugliness with an even uglier t-shirt and plaid jacket combo.

So, it’s Chuck Ass Methface going to meet his model friend Tommy. Ass feels bad for making Tommy cry. He says he wants to make it work, he feels vulnerable blah blah blah.

And back to Dale. She’s camped out at the Parker Meridian ready to deal with “this Devorah situation”. Dale tells us that since Sexy is a classic social climber she was probably thrilled to get a call from Tinsley’s mother.

Sure enough, Sexy is full of phony baloney when she meets Dale. The first words out of her mouth are, “How gorgeous are you?” Dale responds by making Sexy’s fish lips at us.

And Dale immediately gets down to business. She tells Sexy Tracht that she read the article about Tinsley online and she’s not happy about it. Dumbass Tracht tries to tell her she knows where she’s coming from. Dale tells her she has no idea.

She also tells us that Tracht is “common”. Ooooh. “I know Tinsley. I know Dabney. And you know Devorah,” she tells Sexy Tracht. Well, okay. So, um, and? Dale seems kind of confused herself, so she just tells Tracht that if she were her mother, she’d give her a spanking.

Of course Tracht follows up with the ballad of I’m hurt and betrayed, and Dale flat out tells her that she and Tinsley were never friends.

Dale correctly points out that Sexy Tracht wants desperately to be accepted by Tinsley and her friends, but “she’s just not at that level.” Ooooh again! Dale’s lethal in that sugar coated way. I love that.

And again Sexy starts in on how hurt and betrayed she was. She felt like she gave Tinsley the cover of her magazine and then Tinsley disappeared. Dale shuts her down and tells Sexy that Tinsley had a lot of covers and Sexy had nothing to do with any of them. Sexy doesn’t like that so she leaves.

But as we all know, it’s impossible to leave Dale, especially in a public venue so she chases Sexy down, telling us she’s a coward. She can put it out there, but she can’t take it.

They meet up in a vestibule. Sexy tries to tell Dale again that she just felt used, but Dale cuts right through that crap and tells her if she wants to throw darts at people, she better get ready to have some thrown back. And that if she puts bad things out there in the universe, bad things will come back to her.

Then Dale tells us that Sexy will never be part of Tinsley’s world, because girls who were raised properly and are lovely would never start a public war the way Sexy did. It’s totes okay to flaunt it on low grade cable, though.

Sexy goes back inside to cry alone.

Back to Tinsley. She’s going to that party for some lady who used to write for Page Six. Weren’t we getting ready for that party like days ago? I hope they throw a little cash the editors’ way for season two. This is ridiculous. So, on whatever day we’re pretending to be on, Tinslely’s at the Page Six lady’s party. She used to write bad things about Tinsley, who is now turning to her for advice on how to get the press on her side. So there’s Tinsley, all blonde and draped in lavender feathers, and there’s the Page Six lady in a black turtleneck looking like the wicked witch of the west.

The Page Six lady says that Tinsley needs to “put herself out there”. And that she should have called Page Six directly when she was reading bad stuff about herself. Tinsley is shocked. She had no idea. Now I’m starting to wonder if she really did push Olivia Palermo down some stairs. Although I’m hopeful that rumor was true.

Then we have to check in with Vile Jules who’s stinking up Equinox with her vileness and telling us how upsetting it was getting kicked out of the hotel. And how she needs to get out of the gossipy circle of Tinsley and Dabney. Yeah, Tinsley and Dabney are clearly the cause of all your problems.

Back to Dale, she’s off to meet with some Upper East Side matchmaker who only works with men who can give her $100,000 deposits.

Dale says that she wants a man who’s kind and compassionate. He also has to dance and make her laugh. Dale says she has everything she needs in life, but she really wants to fall in love. I was wondering where Tinsley’s Dad was in all of this – turns out, he and Dale were divorced eight years ago. Anyway, the matchmaker is “beyond confident” that she can introduce Dale to someone fabulous.

Then it’s time for Sexy Tracht again. She seems to have recovered from Dale’s lashing, and now she’s off to be the “face” of a new swimsuit line. She got the gig, she tells us, because the Brazilian designer just loved how she looked in a bikini.

And then all hell breaks loose as Vile Jules makes an appearance. Sexy tells us how awful Vile is and how she reminds her of something sticky on the bottom of her shoe. Vile tells us how bad Sexy looks in a bikini.

Sexy confronts Vile, and then you know, it’s just two ugly chicks fighting. It basically comes down to this.

So, then Vile leaves, Sexy tells us how she just didn’t understand why Vile wouldn’t leave it alone, and then proceeds to follow Vile down some stairs and a very long hallway.

She confronts Vile, tells her she’s classless and then throws a drink at her. Vile throws a drink back.

The Sexy tells us Vile is a trash bag. Vile tells us that for a man, Sexy looks amazing in a bikini.

And then Dabney shows up! She sits down, and tells us she feels pressure. And then, Jules starts talking about the night she got thrown out of the hotel, and how maybe it was Dabney’s fault. Apparently, Dabney had been fighting with some guy outside, and since that was the reason why Jules was thrown out, she wants Dabs to take responsibility.

Dabs tells her that regardless, Jules had been so awful to the hotel staff that she had it coming. It actually kind of does seem like Jules is telling the truth, and if it were anyone else, I’d say Dabs was out of line, but it’s Vile Jules so who cares. Dabney scurries away like a guilty little rabbit and tells producers she’s not going to do this because Jules is really rude.

For next week’s episode, make sure you’ve got some crackers handy for the High Society debut of cheese oozer and former American Idol contestant, Constantine. Airkisskisskiss!