High Society: If You Speak To Tinsley, Could You Let Her Know We’re At War?

This week on High Society things are pretty dull. But this fellow gets the pleasure of officially not taking her crap and kicking Vile Jules Kirby out of his hotel.

Because life is so very difficult for Tinsley and her sister Dabney, they decide to shut down La Perla for a private shopping experience. Then they go home and do a bunch of pseudo girl on girl jumping around on the bed in their thousand dollar lingerie. Tinz tells us very sweetly how much her relationship with her sister means to her. She’s full of sage advice, such as, “Tinz, get it together. Step it up.”

Then it’s off to Paul Michaelson Methface who is still basking in the glory of his moment in the spotlight as an apartment building light smasher. Apparently, the news has travelled to Page Six. Once again, he giddily reads the item aloud. This time, he got real creative with his comment. “It’s not like rock stars don’t smash up hotel rooms all the time,” he quotes proudly. Well, rock stars have talent to justify their destructive habit.

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Furthermore, he’s found an article online making fun of Tinsley’s pink frilly Marchesa dress that she wore to the opera. He laughs his head off and calls a friend to brag that if she had worn his stuff, she would have looked hotter. No, they would have been flat out laughing at her. Monkey hair clothes are stupid. And monkey’s are cute! Why do we have to make clothes out of them? Oh, but I wouldn’t expect old Scabby to understand any of this. We’re still not sure of the origins of his family’s lineage, and he certainly wasn’t invited to the opera.

Well, if there’s anyone who can make this gross piece of trash look good – well, that’s impossible. But if there’s anyone who can make him look better, it’s Vile Jules. She’s on the phone with hotel management complaining that there’s puke on her carpet and she’s been calling them all morning to come clean it up. “I don’t understand what the problem is,” she snaps. If I were on the other end of the line, I would have told her ugly ass to lick it up, but they just send up housekeeping.

Then she continues her reign of terror in the hotel by scaring the receptionist in the hair salon with a request for a manicure and blowout.

I love this receptionist, because she tells Vile Wretched that they’ve accommodated her every time, but they can’t today. Vile slurs that she has a party to go to that night, so she’s just going to take her business elsewhere, “where they’re better at doing fucking everything.” Oh, good one. Way to tell her.

And then it’s back to Paul Michael Acne. He actually tells us that he’s celebrating his Page Six item. It’s beyond comprehension to me. Then he comes up with the really genius idea to send Vile Jules some black flowers to thank her for getting his name in the papers.

Methface invited his friend Tommy to celebrate what he keeps calling his victory over Vile Jules. Really? I’m still not getting it. They snuggle in the limo, Methface asks Tommy if he’s in a relationship and Tommy plays along cause it’s worth it for some free junk and a blow job.

The black bouquet is delivered to Vile Jules, whose comment is, “Ew.” Then she ever so gracefully informs the camera people that she is displeased with their presence.

Then she swears. A lot.

And back to Methface, who’s taking his hooker to a benefit. Where’s Tinsley? Whose show is this anyway? Well, no Tinz, but we do run into Deborah Denise Trachtenberg, aka Devorah Rose. She and Methface predictably tell us what a loser the other one is.

Sexy Trachtenberg works the room and is telling anyone who will listen that she and Tinsley are in a war, and Tinz is on the downward spiral. This is a really one sided war. I’m not sure Tinsley’s even aware of it. But I guess that’s Sexy Trachetnberg’s idea, since Tinz won’t speak to her, she’ll declare war on somebody’s blog.

Back at the hotel where Dabs is currently serving a prison sentence with Vile Jules, guess who’s back on the warpath?

Dabs appears onscreen to tell us that Vile has really overstayed her welcome at the hotel. “She’s on her last straw,” Dabs informs us seriously. Vile bitches to someone on the phone, and a few minutes later, there’s a knock on the door. Her friend answers it. “Are you Jules Kirby?” asks a man in a fuchsia tie. “No, I’m not,” she replies, already exhibiting the most class we’ve seen so far by not replying, “Hell no and what did I ever do to make you insult me like that?”

The manager starts with a savory, “During your stay at the hotel…”, but that’s as far as he gets before Vile Jules starts flipping out and yelling that she doesn’t want this to be on camera. Oh, not so tough anymore?

Well Vile, who by the way has stains all over the front of her dress, runs away from the manager and the cameras but can’t escape the fact that she is kicked out. OUT! Ha! Dabs tells us that apparently there was some sort of fight outside the hotel and they believe it was Vile’s fault. The escort her out of the hotel and tell her she is not welcome back. Vile tells them they’re making a scene. Dabs tells us she’s ready to separate from Jules.

And then back to Methface. “What I like about Tommy is…he’s hot,” he tells us. They drink and party and he jumps all over everyone and the table and then Tommy decides he’s had enough of the circus and tells his clown that he’s ready to go. Either that or Methface couldn’t afford him for the whole night. Or he just wanted the free drugs already.

Of course Methface has himself convinced that Tommy just can’t take how popular Meth is. “Dude, you’re at a club with me,” he informs him. And then Tommy the model guy does some whining and tells Methface that he’s only with him to be seen with a model. Methface laughs and tells us he thinks it’s funny that Tommy would think he was being used when hello, “I’m fucking Paul Johnson Calderon,” he sneers. Not of the Johnson & Johnson’s, though. Furthermore, where exactly did Tommy think he was going to take him? “Where is there to climb when you’re already at the top?” he asks. I’m sorry, the top of what? What are you the top of? The top perpetrator of juvenile crimes commited as an adult? What?

Then it’s Tinsley on a train. She tells us that although there’s a huge gala going on in the city that night, her Mom Dale has invited her to Newport.

Tinsley tells us it’s time they had a heart to heart. So, first thing, Dale drags her to the Marble House where they want Tinsley’s name on their gala. They show her around the place, casually stopping in front of a portrait of a Vanderbilt who they casually happen to mention got divorced and things were never the same for again.

“Tinsely’s going through that right now!” Dale chimes in. Tinz is annoyed. But thoughtful.

And then we go back to the city to Sexy Trachtenberg who’s prancing the streets in a dress she ripped off from some poor child’s doll. She’s going to the gala that Tinsley’s missing, and she’s trying on jewelry for the event. She ends up with three million dollars worth of diamonds. Three mil of diamonds, but they don’t make her pretty.

And back to Newport. Tinz takes Dale outside for the big heart to heart. She knows Topper isn’t a good husband for her, and her Mom is taking is his side. “I was trying to save you Tinsley!” Dale yells dramatically. Well, you know that sucks, your Mom taking your husband’s side in divorce. Tinsley makes a big deal about how he couldn’t even be a good guy to her for two weeks. What does that mean?

Finally, Dale and Tinslely make up. Tinsley understands that Dale just wants what’s best for her, but she tells her no matter what, she has to choose her daughter in the battle of Tinsley and Topper. Nothing to see here. It’s actually very sweet.

And then we have to go with Sexy Trachtenberg to the big gala, but it looks pretty beat to me. She poses for some pictures on a nearly empty red carpet and once again tells anyone who will listen about how Tinsley snubbed her.

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Sexy tells us that her “master plan” is working. How deluded are these people? What plan? What’s the point?

Next week, it looks like there’s some kind of a fashion show and I think it’s when Sexy Trachtenberg gets called a trash bag. There’s also drink throwing. Kisskiss til then…