I’m Gonna Live Forever

Hit Me Baby One More Time

By admin | Friday, June 17, 2005 | 11:27 am | 46 Comments

The novelty of Hit Me Baby One More Time hasn’t exactly been lost for me, but let’s just say that I am glad there are only a couple of more episodes left. Originally, the show was supposed to end with the third episode, but with ratings success that NBC hasn’t seen since Joey, they decided to air a few more episodes. And honestly, with a couple of more weeks before Big Brother gets started, why not try and fill in that space. I am not sure who they are going to bring out for the final two episodes though, because they are already beginning to scrape the bottom of the barrel of marginal 80s talent willing and able to make fools of themselves on camera. But with Wang Chung, Sophie B. Hawkins, and Irene Cara going this week, I knew I couldn’t miss it.First up was Wang Chung, performing “Everybody Have Fun Tonight.” It’s a classic song where everybody knows the refrain, but nobody knows the actual words. Once again, the show started off with performers who weren’t fat. This is really starting to piss me off. What’s worse, Wang Chung was not exactly lighting it up on the screen. The lead singer looked like what I imagined Rutger Hauer looked like in 1987.

One of the highlights of the evening was Sophie B. Hawkins. You could tell she was very excited to be on stage to sing “Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover.” Sophie wasn’t that old when she fell out of our minds, so thirteen years later, you have to admit that she really isn’t looking half bad. She is, unfortunately, a huge hippie. I’m sure she burns hemp-flavored candles from the Yankee Candle Company, drives a Prius, and buys only organic fruit from the most obscure of farmer’s markets. Still, you have to give it to her, she was really into her song, and was dancing around (no shoes, of course) and throwing her hands up in the air, displaying her pit stains for all the world to see. It was so hot, she decided to take off her shirt, and finished the song wearing nothing but a wife beater (she obviously burned all of her bras). Also, was it irony or vanity that inspired her to wear the wife beater with “Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover” in pink lettering across the front?

Only raise your hands if you’re Sure…

Next up was Cameo. I could bother to write the song that they sang, but I am sure some poster will help me if I leave it blank. Cameo is a funk band from Atlanta, and they were known for the leather pants and cod pieces they would wear to concerts in the 80s. Well folks, they are still wearing their leather pants and cod pieces, and God were they awful. As bad as they looked, it was the fit that was even more disturbing. It’s about now that I realize this show is good for about two and a half episodes worth of material before you start noticing some of these second-level chart toppers just aren’t that exciting.

Speaking of not that exciting, let me introduce you to Howard Jones. I also didn’t write down the song he sung, but he looked very old and was also super boring. As he played, I imagined that if I were going to a Coldplay concert thirty years from now, this is the type of act I would expect to see. I can’t believe this guy sold so many albums. I used to complain that my dad played too much Rod Stewart when I was a kid, meaning songs like Maggie May, Reason to Believe, and Tonight I’m Yours, have a really unnatural sort of appeal for me. As horrible as all that pain was growing up, my dad thankfully spared me from any Howard Jones

Thankfully, we got a lot of excitement after Mr. Paul Simon-with-leukemia in the visage of Irene Cara. Even if you thought the 80s sucked, and I definitely think that the 80s for the most part sucked, how can you not love Irene Cara, or as we all know her, that hot babe from Flashdance. How popular was she? Well, as b-side mentioned, it’s odd to think that she has an Oscar and Martin Scorcese does not. But “What a Feelin’” really is that great of a song.

Irene has put on a few pounds, but she was so tiny back in the day, even by today’s standards, what did you expect? She came onto the stage, and you could see that she would soon be a crowd favorite. Sophie B. Hawkins really got the crowd going with her gyrations, but the audience was so very, very into “What a Feelin’.” She started off with just a couple of shuffle steps back and forth, then went from one end of the stage to another, and when she finally bust out some of the moves from her Flashdance dance routine, everybody was really on their feet.

As sucky and boring as I thought Wang Chung was during their first song, I figured that they would have the most interesting cover of the night. Rutger Hauer said that he was going to be peforming “Hot in Herre” by Nelly. Wow, what a daring song to cover. Really outside of what we would normally expect from Wang Chung, and it would be interesting to see their take on the song. Or at least that is what I thought at first.

The guys stood there, and they were actually pretty good with the lyrics, but there was almost no movement on the stage at all. The lead singer sort of stood behind the microphone, put his arms up every now and then, and sort of motioned to the backup singer every now and then. I was wondering how he came to choose this song, and I realized it must have been something that his kids played all the time in the house. He probably told them to turn it off a thousand times, but he eventually learned the words. Oh, and that reminds me, I thought I was going to see a lot more withered old groupies like that Flock of Seagulls guy, but this dude had a normal family with happy kids. I want to mock them, not respect them. What a joke.

Now, I suspected that Sophie B. Hawkins was a hippie, but little did I know how true it was. After her recording career went to shit, she settled in Venice, CA, also known as the Cheesy Tourist Henna Tattoo Capital of the World. I thought it wouldn’t get any more stereotypical, but then I saw that not only has she taken up painting, but she rides her bike everywhere as well.

Ms. Hawkins stepped up to perform Five For Fighting’s “100 Years.” Seriously, I don’t know how you white kids can listen to the radio. This song is absolute shit and I can’t for the life of me figure out how anybody could have filled a whole album with songs like that, or why anybody would buy it. Maybe it was worse because Sophie was going crazy, but man oh man, this nearly killed me. Luckily, I was too distracted by Sophie’s dress to pay too much attention to the song. It looked like a normal, sleek, black number, but a lot of Bedazzlers had to die putting on all of the sequins and rhinestones that were lining the top part of the dress. But don’t think she is selling out her hippie roots – she wore the black dress, but the stilettos were nowhere to be found. She still went barefoot.

Cameo, oh, Cameo. Now I remember the song they sang in the first part was “Word Up!” The whole group comes across as the band you would call to play at your funk party if Parliament wasn’t available. They got some funk, but with no George Clinton, Mickey Atkins, or Collins brothers, you are left with a lead singer who wears a cod piece and looks like the unholy union of Samuel L. Jackson and Sideshow Bob

Cameo played “1985″ by Bowling for Soup. They still had on their leather pants, even though everybody else had the decency to change. What else is there to say except we’ll see you for happy hour at the Gold Club.

Howard Jones came out and sang something. I am sure it sounded like pretty much everything else he has written and/or performed since he was 15. He did take time to tell us how much he loves living in the English countryside. Howard also says his son loves it, probably because there are fewer kids to beat him up after they hear how boring his dad sounds on the piano.

That leaves us with one last performance of the night – Irene Cara. We learn that she loves the ocean and she has a band and, WHOA! her band has a new album coming up. Her band is called Hot CARAmel. Get it? It’s funny because her name is Cara and she worked it into the name of her band. They should have called it Hot Caravan, because it takes two trips to haul her ass anywhere around town. HA! I kid, I kid. Hot Caramel looked pretty fine to tell you the truth, and I wasn’t paying attention to what they were singing, but the crowd was into it, mainly because the band actually had some life in it on stage. You could have said the same thing for Sophie B. Hawkins and Cameo, but they played songs that nobody really can jam to in the audience. I am assuming Irene Cara was doing an original piece, and it was uptempo enough that people were dancing, even though they didn’t know the words.

Hot Caramel’s slightly less than comatose movements were enought to win the audience favorite and $20,000 for “Women in the Arts,” a charity that is for, well, women in the arts. I don’t know who they’re bringing out of mothballs to get this show together for the last few episodes, but I do have some suggestions. Whatever you do, please, please, please bring back the Fat Boys.

What did you think of this episode? Who do you think NBC should bring out of mothballs for their next installment?

Comments (46)
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46 Comments

1

sg-dub

Posted June 17, 2005 at 11:53 am

J-Unit –

Sadly, Darren “The Human Beat Box” Robinson passed away 10 years ago from, well, being too fat (cardiac arrest). This would severly hamper a Fat Boys reunion.

It is with a bowed head that I say, “Brrrr Stick ‘em, ha ha ha stick ‘em.”
2

jack

Posted June 17, 2005 at 12:05 pm

the fat boys may be out of the question, but chubb rock or biz markie might be nice.
3

Pap

Posted June 17, 2005 at 12:09 pm

I read they’re getting Glass Tiger and that they tried to get Night Ranger, but NR couldn’t get legal clearance to do one of the songs they had chosen.
4

tv freak

Posted June 17, 2005 at 12:14 pm

I’d like to see Little Richard, or Survivor. I would laugh out loud if they got Micheal Jackson but I doubt that is a risk tv is willing to take.
5

Is my hearing impaired?

Posted June 17, 2005 at 12:17 pm

My husband and I must be crazy or have hearing problems. We loved Cameo and Howard Jones and expected one of them to win.
We both thought Irene was really off-key and not sounding nearly as good as she did back in the day (although the two other chicks from Hot Caramel sounded great). We were shocked she won.
And Sophie B. Hawkins scared me. She has the crazy-eyes like the runaway bride.
6

J-Unit

Posted June 17, 2005 at 12:24 pm

Yes, I know that Darren Robinson died, but since when has the death of one member of a group stopped the others from performing?

Also, I forgot to mention in my post that Irene Cara basically looks like Maya Rudolph went tanning and ate a lot of fried chicken.
7

IndianJones

Posted June 17, 2005 at 12:41 pm

damn you, I must now download all these lame 80′s songs.
8

Papercuts!

Posted June 17, 2005 at 12:45 pm

Every time I hear “Word Up!” now, I always think of the SNL skit where they did the Napster hearings. Cameo (played by Tracey Morgan) testified and all he could say was “Word up!”

BTW, poster “Pap” was me, earlier. Me no type good today.
9

Winn

Posted June 17, 2005 at 12:47 pm

I have to agree with “is my hearing impaired”, at least half way. Howard Jones was lovely and his performance of “White Flag” was moving. I thought Cameo was awful, Wang Chung suprisingly not bad, and Irene Cara a shadow (vocally, not physically) of her former self. I was shocked she won, especially with her shameless plug for her group (the other two singers sang more in the final number than she did!) BTW, I’m not sure what Flashdance routine you are referring to, but it certainly wasn’t from the film as Irene Cara wasn’t in it, she merely sang the title track. And her final number was by big-in-Europe singer Anastacia, not an original number.
10

J-Unit

Posted June 17, 2005 at 1:07 pm

All of you people who think that Howard Jones or Wang Chung should have won are obviously confusing this show with some other show where people are actually judged on talent. The audience votes, and if you can’t get them excited, you aren’t going to win. Musically, Howard Jones should have beat them all, but he was such a snoozefest to listen to (and watch).

I thought Irene Cara was in the video for the song, but maybe my memory is hazy since I was 4 years old and stuck in a rain forest at the time.
11

America's Next Top Fan

Posted June 17, 2005 at 1:11 pm

This post was hilarious.
12

dawn

Posted June 17, 2005 at 1:17 pm

I absolutely love this show! It is great! And the line about the performers not being fat and pissing you off really cracked me up! I always watch with eager anticitpation to see who has gotten fat!! The last two episodes have actually been decent compared to the first – talk about BAD! And I thought everyone on this episode sounded pretty damn good – I loved Wang Chung’s cover of “Hot in Here” – I thought it was great, as long as you didn’t watch them! And I thought HoJo sounded great, but looked a fright! I can’t wait for the next episode!!
13

Gidget

Posted June 17, 2005 at 1:29 pm

Europe? Staci Quatrro? Quaterflash? Falco? Golden Earring? Let’s get the ball rolling, people! You know there are tons of has beens out there yearing to suck the sweet teat of success (?) yet again.

BTW, just discovered the site and delight to everything you have posted thus far. Keep up the fine snarky work!
14

Whaaaaaa

Posted June 17, 2005 at 1:42 pm

Good call on the Mya/Irene resemblence.

I”d like to see Stacey Q, Black Box or C&C Music Factory (really Marth Wash) or Salt & Pepa.
15

Nichole

Posted June 17, 2005 at 1:47 pm

Stacy Q? Corey Hart? Winger?

While watching last night, I too, saw the similarities between Irene Cara & Maya Rudolph.
16

Lady J

Posted June 17, 2005 at 2:03 pm

Like you imagine Rutger Hauer looked like in 1987? Are you kidding me? He was making movies then. See “The Hitcher” with C. Tommy Howell. Anne Rice always imagined Hauer as the Vampire Lestat.

Irene Cara wasn’t in “Flashdance.” That was Jennifer Beals, currently of “The L Word” on Showtime. Cara sang the movie’s theme song “What A Feelin’” which put me to bed every night of the fourth grade.

I grew up in the ’80s and that decade rocked. Now I go to my office and watch junior employees walk around in ’80s retro clothing. Like they could possibly get it right.
17

Jumpcut

Posted June 17, 2005 at 2:09 pm

You think Irene Cara is a tub of lard now? You should have seen her on the PBS 80′s music pledge-break special about a year ago…she was at least twice the size she is now.

Irene obviously slimmed down and layed off the CARAmel to prepare for this big night.
18

MK's dilated pupils

Posted June 17, 2005 at 2:28 pm

I would LOVE to see the band a-ha sing “Take on me.” I must have watched their video a thousand times back in the day.

I loved Howard Jones last night. He clearly has the most talent out of all of them. Everyone else was off key and just sad, really. I will give props to Wang Chung for their Nelly song, though.
19

Gino

Posted June 17, 2005 at 2:28 pm

This show is like a bad car wreck. I know I shouldn’t look at it, but yet I can’t turn my eyes away.

I’m shocked Irene Cara won as well. Not that I wasn’t a huge fan back in the day, but her band sounded like crap last night. I thought they were all shaky and off key. I’m sure Anastacia was not pleased that they butchered one of her songs. (Though seeing as how she’s got an album coming out in August and she needs the publicity maybe she wasn’t.)

The only thing cheesier than Irene’s band’s matching outfits and jaunty hats was Mike Reno’s turkey waddle/chin in episode 1. *shudder*
20

mountain girl

Posted June 17, 2005 at 2:29 pm

Irene Cara had her big break as Coco in Fame (the movie not TV show). I’m surprised none of the guys got that since you got to see her topless…
21

DJB

Posted June 17, 2005 at 2:30 pm

WHA?! Irene Cara sucked! I usually see eye to eye with you, but I think you had last nights show all wrong.

I thought Howard Jones sounded like the only one who had talent?! Sure, it wasn’t the most action packed song, but it was surely the cleanest vocals flowing that night.

Wang Chung was just flat out amusing. It’s was like watchign your parents try and be hip. They didn’t sound too bad singing a Nelly song either.

Ok, Sophie B. Onmeth just needed a good old fashioned Ike Turner beating! I’m sure this is the only performance she’s done in a long time where the front row wasn’t chomping on corn dogs, but DAMN! I WISH I WAS DEAF! I think I hate her…no, I pretty sure I do.

Irene Cara? I don’t Care-a! It’s also a jip that her cover song was done by a group I watch teenagers hook up to when the stage rises out of the floor at tommorrow land at Disneyland?! There is no way she should have won when she only sang a couple of bars and let the other girls rant one with some sort of soulful singing? I think her and Sophie B. were sharing the same rolled up dollar in the dressing room too!

Where the hell do they get those folks to get their lip synching grooves on in the front row too? Weird?

AND SCENE!

Discuss amongst yourselves. Thank you.
22

laska

Posted June 17, 2005 at 2:39 pm

Was I the only one that thought Howard Jones looked like an albino sleestack?
23

happy_gal

Posted June 17, 2005 at 3:00 pm

Please, please . . . Rick Springfield and Corey Hart! I saw them together in concert in 1985 and I have never been the same since. I would love to hear Corey belt out “I wear my sunglasses at night.” In the concert I was at, he threw a pair of sunglasses into the crowd, and I actually touched them!

I know, I know–I am lame. But now the biggest concert thrill I get is taking the kids to see The Wiggles and Dora Live, so forgive me if I live in the past at times.
24

riggie

Posted June 17, 2005 at 3:28 pm

I thought that Wang Chung was the most amusing of the night, personally. Irene Cara was ok but not great, Howard Jones was pretty good talent wise but boring as h.e. double hockeysticks, Cameo was ridiculous, Sophie was defintely hippie-ish but sang ok. Too bad Debbie (oops, Deborah) Gibson wouldn’t come on. Also, I’d like to see Cindy Lauper, Pet Shop Boys, Survivor, Ratt, David Lee Roth would kick ass too!
25

dumbanddumber

Posted June 17, 2005 at 4:54 pm

My dream lineup for this show would be:

Dexy’s Midnight Runner’s
MC Hammer
Thomas Dolby
Musical Youth
Carl Douglas

That would be a show!
26

dumbanddumber

Posted June 17, 2005 at 4:55 pm

Assuming that they’re all still alive, that is!!!
27

jrossi4r

Posted June 17, 2005 at 5:39 pm

Howard Jones’ voice has held up the best–by far. And Irene Cara couldn’t hit any of the high notes she used to.

But it should be noted that I don’t know if many of these performers were ever good “live.” The 80s was a time of great artifice………..
28

katie

Posted June 17, 2005 at 9:27 pm

Falco can’t come on this, he is dead.
29

flush it all away

Posted June 17, 2005 at 9:59 pm

Next episode? Easy. One word: Asia. It was the heeeeat of the moment…
30

jack

Posted June 18, 2005 at 8:01 am

i also thought howard jones was surprisingly good (always liked him, along with his american counterpart, joe ‘steppin’ out’ jackson), though he clearly wasn’t playing to win with those pretty ballads for pussies and whiners (coldplay, anyone?). wang chung tanked, but they actually did some respectable work back in the 80s, most memorably scoring the soundtrack for william friedkin’s ‘to live and die in LA’, one of the best and most underappreciated crime thrillers of the decade. it’s creepy and stylish (michael mann actually unsuccessfully sued friedkin for ripping off ‘miami vice’), featuring great performances by the young william l. petersen (now there’s a guy who’s packed on some pounds since the 80′s) as a reckless secret serviceman, willem dafoe as the creepy-androgynous-psycho counterfeiter villain, a cameo by future ‘frasier’ star jane leeves (daphne) as willem dafoe’s bisexual girlfriend’s girlfriend, a killer surprise ending, and an ambitious chase scene including a trip up the l.a. freeway in the wrong direction . . .

. . . all set to the surprisingly excellent and otherwise unknown tunes of wang chung.

irene cara also got a huge plug on entertainment tonight, meaning she is probably the only performer on the show with an agent who doesn’t work out of a booth in the back of an old nightclub, which may have influenced the irene-centric audience. literally millions of ripped sweatshirts and leg-warmers have been sitting amongst moth balls in old trunks and dresser drawers across america, waiting for the second coming of irene cara.

oh yeah . . . wouldn’t mind seeing whitesnake, white lion, the guys that sang ‘white pony’ or any other groups of the albino animal persuasion . . .
31

Helenann

Posted June 18, 2005 at 7:12 pm

My husband votes for: Air Supply. Sing with me, “I’m all outta love, what am I without you…” He also likes the Bangles. *sigh*

How about the lady who sang, “I’ve been to paradise, but I’ve never been to meeeeeee….” That was playing at Safeway the other night. Now there is a cheesy and song waiting to be snarked upon!
32

oscar

Posted June 19, 2005 at 10:08 am

How about some real has-beens, like:

Johnny Hates Jazz
The Outfield
T’Pau
Living in a Box
Scritti Politti
Nik Kershaw
33

Ali

Posted June 19, 2005 at 10:15 am

Gidget – Falco died in a car crash in the Dominican Republic about 8 or 9 years ago.

I’m all for having Taco on though.
34

Genevieve

Posted June 20, 2005 at 6:51 am

Lady J got it right. Cara wasn’t in Flashdance, just sang the song. However, wasn’t she Coco in Fame? I’m pretty damn sure.

p.s. I owned the Wang Chung tape )
35

Sharla

Posted June 20, 2005 at 8:46 am

Oscar, I think you and I are the only 2 people who still remember Nik Kershaw.

I also recommend Donnie Iris. No one could ever vote against “Al, Leah.”
36

Sharla

Posted June 20, 2005 at 8:46 am

Oscar, I think you and I are the only 2 people who still remember Nik Kershaw.

I also recommend Donnie Iris. No one could ever vote against “Ah, Leah.”
37

hjordanc

Posted June 20, 2005 at 9:33 am

No no no, a thousand times no on Donnie Iris. I loved that western PA man (saw him in concert at the Erie County Fieldhouse in 1983 – eeek!) but there is no way in hell he could hit those notes these days. Sometimes, its better to hold on to those memories than to see them battered on the rocks.
38

Juicecake

Posted June 20, 2005 at 12:40 pm

I like to see Van Halen with David Lee Roth. Dave’s hair plugs would make my day.
39

Gidget

Posted June 20, 2005 at 2:30 pm

Ali,
Thanks for the heads up. Actually I do remember reading of his demise. Sigh.

Shout out to Asia. I hate to mention they had another hit. “Only timmmeeeee will teeeelllll…”. Remember that girl in the leotard doing bad gymmatics in the video?

God, I am such a geek.
40

lemoyneken

Posted June 20, 2005 at 7:01 pm

How about the Divinyls ” When I think about you, I touch myself?”

ahh, 1990….
41

Matt

Posted June 21, 2005 at 11:39 am

Um…dumbass!

Howard Jones was amazing!! It was great seeing him play a favoritesong of mine from the 80′s! He did Dido’s “White Flag” better than Dido herself!
42

Kurt

Posted June 21, 2005 at 12:12 pm

Three simple words

Sieg Sieg Sputnik

… Actually that’s just two words
43

Shannon

Posted June 21, 2005 at 12:30 pm

What is up with the host on this show? His teeth are way too white and he never moves the microphone from his chin! He makes me feel funny.

Love this site!
44

dudeoreason

Posted June 21, 2005 at 2:37 pm

What’s the Runaway Bride doing singing on this show?
45

huh?

Posted June 22, 2005 at 8:07 am

Sharla: count me among the Nik Kershaw fans. I have all his albums (yes, albums!) and would love to see him up on stage again.
46

Jeff Albright

Posted June 25, 2005 at 1:41 pm

June 24, 2005

Contact: Jeff Albright/The Albright Entertainment Group
(E-mail: RockStarPR@aol.com)

NIGHT RANGER SAYS “HIT ME BABY ONE LESS TIME” TO NBC SHOW PRODUCER:

NIGHT RANGER – the multi-platinum rock outfit best known for such hits as “Sister Christian,” “(You Can Still) Rock In America,” “Don’t Tell Me You Love Me” and “Rumors In The Air” among others – is firing back at “Hit Me Baby One More Time” producer Paul Jackson for comments made in this week’s US Weekly (June 27, 2005 issue) regarding the band’s withdrawal from the show. According to Night Ranger front man Jack Blades, “We were absolutely stunned and appalled when we read that we supposedly pulled out after a bad rehearsal and that Paul Jackson would have the audacity to make the comment to US Weekly in regards to Night Ranger that ‘You have to be good and prepared to do the show.’” As any Night Ranger fan or follower of the band over the years would attest, they’re always good and always prepared. “That statement is an absolute lie about the reasons for us not doing the show,” continues Blades, who still does an average of a hundred dates a year with Night Ranger band mates Kelly Keagy, Jeff Watson and Brad Gillis. Time to set the story straight¦ “What precluded us from being able to do the show at the time was that, as you know, the bands need to pick a second recent hit song by someone else to perform and we were without a second song,” comments Night Ranger’s Jeff Watson. “We chose and re-chose, submitted and re-submitted almost ten songs to perform — from a list and guideline of songs provided us – that NBC couldn’t get cleared for use¦ Less than 48 hours before we were supposed to fly to Hollywood to film, the network still hadn’t cleared a song and it would’ve been physically impossible for us to learn, rearrange, re-record and then perform someone else’s song live to any degree of our standard or professionalism and talent within that space of time. That’s why we didn’t do the show.” “We were hesitant about doing the show to begin with,” adds Blades, who, admittedly, wanted to see the first episode before making a commitment. “But now that we’ve seen it, frankly we’re glad that NBC couldn’t get a second song cleared and it turned out this way¦ however, someone should’ve gotten their facts straight and not misled our fans and readers of US Weekly. It’s downright pathetic.” Needless to say, you won’t be seeing “Sister Christian” performed any time soon on the NBC Thursday night show.

# # # # #

http://www.nightranger.com

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