So, the first season of Hit Me Baby One More Time is now in the history books. NBC had a surprise hit on their hands and tried to milk two more episodes out of the piles of has-been musicians that line the streets of Los Angeles. Unfortunately, these last two weeks were not very stellar. I had originally stated that I wanted to watch this show so I could revel in the depths of disgrace that these former stars are now accustomed to, but even my sadism has its limits. This week, the artists barely elicited a response from the audience, but we did have enough material to muster up a recap.
Juice Newton first sang Queen of Hearts. She’s not fat, and dare I say that she is actually a MILF.
I love this song and turn up the stereo whenever it comes on during Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
Animotion came on to sing Obsession, another of my favorite songs that is featured in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City
I thought the audience would like this more, but the strange faces the singers made seemed to turn them off. Did somebody in the front row have some beef schwerma at Zankou beforehand?
Shannon came out and I was about to turn the TV off, but what is that!? My favorite dancer returns and she brings that apple bottom with her! Hey, maybe I’ll stick through this thing after all.
I spent nearly fifteen minutes looking at this painting wondering if the singer from Animotion actually owned those F-16 earrings or if they were just painted in for this portrait.
Missing Persons was the final act, singing a rendition of Kylie Minogue’s “Can’t Get You Out of My Head”
Years of throat trauma(either smoking or gang bangs – I’m not sure) made this the worst cover ever peformed….ever. No really, it was that bad.
PM Dawn won, likely because they guy on the left has diabetes and couldn’t even walk to the chair on the stage without help. They gave their $20,000 in winnings to the Juvenile Diabetes Association, which was about 25 years to late for this guy.
I wanted to say more about this episode and try to be funnier, but it was literally painful to watch. Whatever they were paying the crowd wasn’t nearly enough to get them to pretend that they were interested in any of the acts. To be honest, nobody was that exciting, the audio was horrible at times, and the covers of current hits were generally off key and an uninteresting. Maybe I like my video games too much, but I would have given the win to Juice Newton.
If NBC does this next year, I hope they give the acts plenty of time to practice and plenty of food to get fat. But if we never see this show make it back on the air (admittedly, not a horrible scenario), I will always be able to hold on to one lasting memory – an anonymous dancer with shapely ass. And that’s a win for all of us.