NBC Hit Me Baby, With 1 More Reason To Pick Up A Book – UPDATED

Hit Me Baby One More Time

By madeyoulaugh | Thursday, June 2, 2005 | 10:50 pm | 47 Comments

hitmebaby

It was the musical version of Michael Jordan’s “glorious” return to basketball with the Washington Wizards.

Last night, NBC introduced Los Angeles as “the center of the music universe” as it unveiled its sorrowful HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME. Initial impulse is to make a snarky comment about that quote, but with Paris Hilton and Lindsay Ho-Han both artists of their own albums, I can’t help but shrug and think, “Eh, this could explain a few things.”

With the exception of Spring Break Shark Attack, I haven’t done a traditional TVGasm recap or review in several months, focusing more on the TVGossipGasm, and general commentary. But this show, in all its craptastic splendor, has motivated me to share my fair and balanced review.

UPDATED – J-Unit adds some pictures.After an overproduced intro reminiscent of a NOW THATS MUSIC 7 CD infomercial, the show introduced what appeared to be the winner of the Tom Welling look alike contest 2003 held at Westminster Abby University, Vernon Kay. I’ve never ached for the subtle flamboyance of Ryan Seacrest as I did watching this stiff Brit’s explanation of the shows format.

Much like FOX scoured the nation for contestants to appear on Idol, NBC scoured the vaults of VH1′s Where Are They Now contact sheet to find retro acts to appear on Hit Me Baby. Apparently, “retro” is now synonymous with “has been” and “wash out.” Who knew? These retro artists, made up of Ce Ce Peniston, A Flock Of Seagulls, Loverboy, Arrested Development and Tiffany, are gathered and thrust on the stage to perform the hit that made them famous. Once all the stars have been sufficiently humiliated, in a “Hey, Gary Coleman, say ‘whatchu talkin about Willis?’” kind of way, they then come back and sing a “current hit.” I for one was surprised Enrique Englasias’ “HERO” is a current hit, but whatever. When all is said and done the audience, using cutting edge technology borrowed from Bob Saget’s America’s Funniest Home Videos old set, votes for the former celeb that performed the best for the night.

The winner receives a second chance at stardom by getting an image consultant, a recording contract, and a concert tour. Nah, I’’m just kidding. Those stakes are too high and would make this hemorrhoid on the ass of Reality TV almost enjoyable. Rather, the winner gets to play 20 seconds of their song while the credits roll over them. They also get a donation made in their name by corporate giant, Ameriquest Mortgage Company. If you have a show on NBC primetime and you can’t even get a WAL*MART to kick in some bucks but need to go to Ameriquest Mortgage Company, you know you’’re screwed.

My personal highlight of the night was when Clark Kent introduces the band Loverboy. They were young, energetic and “made had headbands a heavy metal staple.” As the now band of 3 took the stage one couldn’t help but notice Jack Nicholson seems to have taken over as the front man. He was barely able to squeal his way through the off key and somewhat constipated sounding “Working for the Weekend.” The lyric “everyone deserves a second chance” never sounded so sad to me.

loverboy
Loverboy has changed their name to LoverDunkinDonuts

This show was #1 in its time slot for the full hour though lost some ratings in the second half to a re-run of CSI.

In short, I found this show redundant by nature, boring by brand and I thought we were done with Tiffany’s attempted comeback a year or so ago. Appearantly, her comeback is essentially Tiffany touring the global productions of Hit Me Baby.

I’ll check out Rob Van Winkle next week, just to see him singing Ice Ice Baby after having made such an issue about his loathing of Alter Ego Vanilla Ice. Beyond that, I think I may just read a book from 9 – 10 on Thursdays while I wait for BB6.

Am I alone? What were your thoughts?

tiffany1
We loved your first outfit Tiffany.

tiffany2
Not so much the second one.

seagulls_wife
The lead singer from Flock of Seagulls married one of his groupies. If only we all could be so lucky.

cece_peniston
Nice to know Justin Guarini is getting some work done these days.

arrested_development
Was anybody else surprised when they found the old guy from Arrested Development was still alive?
He must be good luck, because Arrested Development “won” at the end.

47 Comments

  1. 1
    Crystal
    Posted June 3, 2005 at 11:53 am

    I totally agree. This show sucked. It was like a train wreck I could not help but watch it. It was sad to see Loverboy. Also Flock of Seagulls only had one original member the lead singer. That guy is an A-hole. They were on VH-1 Bands Reunited this guy hadn’t talked to his brother the drummer for years. What a jerk.

  2. 2
    The Player
    Posted June 3, 2005 at 12:03 pm

    huh, I liked it. yeah Loverboy was pretty bad but Arrested Development rocked and Cece Peniston is actually a better singer than I remembered.

  3. 3
    wow
    Posted June 3, 2005 at 12:10 pm

    Not a great show…but did anyone see the bust on Tiffany…WOW WOW WOW WOW!!!!!!!

  4. 4
    bonedaddy
    Posted June 3, 2005 at 12:10 pm

    That show was ASS. I’m not sure they will air a 2nd episode. And if they do, BIGGEST DROPOFF EVER.

  5. 5
    J-Unit
    Posted June 3, 2005 at 12:19 pm

    Tiffany – OMG. She has to be either preggers or recently preggers. That first outfit she had on was practically soft core. The second outfit, she had some handles hanging out over her belt, don’t know how they let her get away with that.

    Pictures from the episode should appear this weekend. And perhaps some photo-updates on the following weeks. other than laughing out how washed up these folks are (and there is a lot of that), there isn’t much to write.

    Arrested development didn’t sound bad, but why that awful song?

  6. 6
    Brenda
    Posted June 3, 2005 at 12:28 pm

    You all are just looking at this wrong. I started watching thinking it was going to be the funniest train wreck I’d seen in a long time–so I was thrilled. Mike Reno looked like a sausage, Tiffany needed an underwire and a girdle, and a Flock of Seagulls front man takes himself way too seriously. I was Lovin Every Minute of It. In that “high school reunion/all the cheerleaders got fat” kind of way.
    In fact, I look at most things in life that way.

  7. 7
    Papercuts!
    Posted June 3, 2005 at 12:39 pm

    Am I the only person who pronounces it CeCe PENIS-ton?

  8. 8
    Poke
    Posted June 3, 2005 at 12:43 pm

    Are you kidding…this show will definately be back next week! I am totally stoked to hear Ice Ice Baby. They were brilliant to put Mr. Van Winkle in the second episode. Now a third episode…that may be pusing it, unless Right said Fred, or Snow are on it.

  9. 9
    Stefanie
    Posted June 3, 2005 at 12:47 pm

    i can’t even believe i wasted my time watching (read: mocking) this. half the time was spent on the phone with my friend convincing her to ease her current anguish with ridiculing the has-beens.

    still watched it, though.

  10. 10
    Eddiebosox
    Posted June 3, 2005 at 1:52 pm

    I had no idea my fat middle aged uncle Bob used to be the lead singer for Loverboy.

    You learn things every day.

  11. 11
    Betsy
    Posted June 3, 2005 at 2:17 pm

    Okay, I for one have gained a couple of pounds myself since High School. That being said. I cannot believe how fat Mike Reno and the guy from Flock of Seagulls were. Additionally, guy from Flock of Seagulls and other men out there who might be reading this. Wearing a baseball hat does not hide the fact that you are bald. It’s a big screaming neon sign that says, I am bald. Even though you’ve gathered the hair from the back and around the sides and have grown it into a nasty pony tail. We all still know that under the baseball cap you are bald. Accept and embrace it.

  12. 12
    couchpotato
    Posted June 3, 2005 at 2:28 pm

    I can’t believe the show came in at #1 (for the first 30 minutes). This show is bad, but I agree with most of you in that it’s a train wreck you can’t take your eyes off of. The Vanilla Ice show next week should be fun to watch, and by fun I mean to make fun of.

  13. 13
    D
    Posted June 3, 2005 at 2:35 pm

    Oh My GOD!! I had to watch this because I was dying to see what Mike Reno had turned into! We used to think he was so hot back in the “old days” – all I can say is “Wow”! This show should be called FEED Me Baby, One More Time because everybody got BIG! Tiffany looks like she ate Debbie (oh, excuse me – DEBORAH) Gibson! I had so much fun watching this show – I can hardly wait to see Vanilla Ice next week!!
    I’ve been trying to think of other great one-hit-wonder acts they can put on there – like Go West, Animotion, K7 – this show could be an absolute gold mine!!

  14. 14
    Jeans Mommy (formerly Familybound)
    Posted June 3, 2005 at 3:10 pm

    I was shocked (okay, not so shocked) to see some of these performers — heck, I was a child of 80′s music!! Though I too can’t wait for Vanilla Ice just to see him belt out the song which he despised so much LOL.

  15. 15
    A-girl
    Posted June 3, 2005 at 3:39 pm

    Please tell me I’m not the only one who noticed the Flock’s lead singer’s classy wife! I bet she was hot back in ’82.

  16. 16
    Jayneatomic
    Posted June 3, 2005 at 3:55 pm

    Hey madeyoulaugh, what book are you going to be reading?

    I promised myself that I would throw my tv out the window and finally finish my Proust, but then I discovered tvgasm and I am reading about shows I don’t even spend time watching.

  17. 17
    runswithscissors
    Posted June 3, 2005 at 5:42 pm

    Would love to see you do more recaps myl

  18. 18
    TinkerbellAPixie TinkerbellAPixie
    Posted June 3, 2005 at 8:06 pm

    I was kinda excited by the prospect of this show at first as I am a total child of the 80′s. Then I watched it…what a disappointment. It was depressing and bad. For the second half I actually did read and read quite a lot – only glancing up long enough to peek at outfits and such.

    How depressing.

  19. 19
    Raychel
    Posted June 3, 2005 at 8:59 pm

    Will they be re-airing the first ep again? I totally missed it! (I’m lame…)

  20. 20
    jaded
    Posted June 4, 2005 at 12:32 am

    Tiffany reminded me of a pre-op Carnie Wilson. The show was mindless and dumb, therefore I will be watching. :)

  21. 21
    Lisa
    Posted June 4, 2005 at 9:34 am

    Ok I just watched this show last night because we DVR’d it. The whole family sat down to watch. After about 10 minutes my husband said why did you tape this? 5 minutes later my 10 year old who always believes we have all kinds of fun when he goes to bed realized going to sleep was way better than what was on TV and went upstairs to his room. Me on the other hand thought it was quite hysterical. They were all fat! All I could think of was 25 years from now, NSYNC will be on that stage all fat and bald trying to rock!! I told my husband that the baseball cap that the Flock of FatRetards was wearing was the one with the ponytail attached — Hello your bald long hair is not attractive on you!!! Maybe it was hair cut from his wife’s head– did you check out how long it was and how skanky she looked? I also thought Tiffany was pregnant. Why would she wear those outfits? Were are Trini and Suzanna when you need them?

    This show is programmed to record every episode. I will continue to watch, just for a laugh.

    On a different note, PLEASE someone at TVgasm make fun of ABC’s Dancing with the Stars. I did not watch it. It would have been way too painful.

  22. 22
    Ogre
    Posted June 4, 2005 at 6:38 pm

    This show was HORRIBLE. If you guys at TVGasm want some good summer television you should watch Kept with Jerry Hall. It is the fucking funniest show EVR! I am sad because the ratings on it are so poor and it might get pulled. Don’t worry. Watching it wont make you ghee. You guys need to cover this show. It’s brilliant.

  23. 23
    ldini79
    Posted June 4, 2005 at 8:25 pm

    they should have britney come on and sing the title song. she’s a washed up has been at the ripe old age of 24.

  24. 24
    b-side
    Posted June 6, 2005 at 1:56 am

    I miss the baby reading the book.

  25. 25
    toadsag
    Posted June 6, 2005 at 6:26 am

    You gotta admit thought that Arrested Development was great. In the interest of full disclosure, I do own their first album which I love. However, I think it was clear that they were the only ones that actually showed some class while singing. They didn’t look ridiculous being up there. And their cover of Los Lonely Boys’ song was fantastic! They didn’t just sing the same song; they put their own kind of spin on it, which is the point of doing a cover, right? And I agree that it is odd that Mr. Van Winkle is doing this lame-ass show when he talked on Surreal Life how much he hated the past. He’s desperate. But we all know he’ll win by a landslide…

  26. 26
    Catie
    Posted June 6, 2005 at 7:27 am

    MYL, may I recommend you start Oprah’s book club’s Summer of Faulkner? http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0307275329/ref=s9_ts_a/103-1252524-6083046

    I can’t believe it, but I actually love this show. I know it is horrible, but seeing how awful some of these people look/sound is just too great!

    I agree that Tiffany is either pregnant or just had a baby. I am leaning towards just had one since they made no mention of a pregnancy in her little update segment.

    Did anyone else notice how white trash the lead singer from Flock of Seagulls is? And his wife? OMG!

  27. 27
    Robyn
    Posted June 6, 2005 at 7:30 am

    Was it just me.??… or was the host totally friggin annoying!!

  28. 28
    Alicia K
    Posted June 6, 2005 at 8:26 am

    When Tiffany sang “I Think We’re Alone Now,” I was pleasantly surprised – it seemed like she could finally carry a tune!

    Then she sang “Breakaway,” and I realized I was on drugs.

  29. 29
    Catie
    Posted June 6, 2005 at 9:36 am

    The host is the same guy from America’s Funniest Home Videos…which happens to be my guilty pleasure show.

  30. 30
    Catie
    Posted June 6, 2005 at 10:46 am

    Oh wait, I’m confusing my horrible summer reality tv show hosts… The guy from AFV hosts Dancing with the Stars. Opps.

  31. 31
    ashes
    Posted June 6, 2005 at 1:57 pm

    Someone really should have told Tiffany that when you’re in your mid-30s, there is no shame in having a little bit of pudge you didn’t have at 15, but there is shame in trying to dress like you’re 15!

  32. 32
    Danni
    Posted June 7, 2005 at 5:30 am

    I still had to laugh when Arrested Development came back on stage and my roommate asked who was that — A Rest Home in Development?

  33. 33
    British
    Posted June 7, 2005 at 10:59 am

    The show was just awful.

    I missed the first 30 minutes since I threw my back out, but man I wish I could have seen Loverboy. Mike Reno used to look like Emilio Estevez. Apparently from that pic he ate him.

    Tiffany, wow, she wasn’t lookin’ so good. She popped up a couple years ago and was looking 100 times hotter than when she first sang. Apparently that time has gone.

    The AFOS appearance was bad, simply because it was just one Seagull. The vh-1 bands reunited had all of the members performing. Apparently now it’s just the singer + random band like he was doing before. Some progress, huh?

    While I didn’t like Arrested Development, they deservedly won by default. They didn’t change at all(which in this case, is a good thing).

    This show is going to hurt(if possible) the careers of said acts, and never help.

  34. 34
    she_bop
    Posted June 7, 2005 at 11:09 am

    Sad, sad, sad. I, too, am a child of 80′s music. Love it, but DAMN, this was sad. I was stoked to see how everyone would look (FAT!!!!) and sound (HORRIBLE!!!) but, yeah, it was like a class reunion where you get to make fun of the cheerleaders cuz they all got fat asses and the jocks cuz they got beer guts and no hair. Oh, Mike Reno…you and Simon from Duran Duran ,as well as the goob from Flock of Seagulls (I actually saw them in ’82–opening for the Go-Go’s), oh yeah, and Belinda Carlisle, need to call Jenny Craig. And Tiffany, honey, I am glad to know I am not the only one with a mommy belly. All my 80′s dreams are now crushed. Thanks, NBC….

  35. 35
    British
    Posted June 7, 2005 at 12:43 pm

    If you want an ’80s musician who hasn’t aged a single day it seems, check out Terri Nunn from the band Berlin. If anything, she’s even prettier.

  36. 36
    Trixie
    Posted June 8, 2005 at 1:12 pm

    The show Bands Reunited on VH1 is WAY BETTER than this waste of an hour, but of course, summer TV is lame, and we watch anyway. That poor bastard Mike Reno. He has more chins than a chinese phone book. Tiffany got fat, and why did she sing that awful Tommy James song…she should have sang Could Have Been. The Flock of Seagulls singer was wearing a phonytail hat (you know, the kind where the tail is sewn into the material), Arrested Dev should still be performing, and so should CC (maybe they are). The show is really really sad. I felt badly for all of them. GET THE POPCORN READY FOR THURSDAY!

  37. 37
    badbean
    Posted June 9, 2005 at 7:57 am

    Yikers! It’s nice to see that the well-known prediction made in the 80′s that in the future everyone will have super big boobs came to pass! On tiffany- Hot. On Loverboy- not so.

  38. 38
    Kim
    Posted June 11, 2005 at 4:53 pm

    You guys suck who keep raggin’ on mike reno… the guy is fucking 50 people…Geezus… Talk about shallow.

    Mike Rocked that piece of shit stage NBC threw together. Hell they’re website is down because of all the hits… there are videos on there of different songs done presently.. turn me loose is one… he DOES hit those high notes incrediably well.

    THey travel and play 80 to 100 shows a yr…
    alittle overweight or not… talent is talent.

    Mike RENO is STILL SUPER HOT! I’d do em’ :)

    oh… one more thing. loverboy should have won that first week… the online poll said so.

    let america vote NBC!

  39. 39
    Maddie's The Boss
    Posted June 16, 2005 at 7:43 pm

    Bad show, some good bands (A Flock of Seagulls, Arrested Develoment) and a lot of badpop acts (Tiffany, Vanilla Ice, Haddaway).
    I only watched the first episode and A Flock of Seagulls were mediocre, abd aged badly. And Tiffany still has an annoyinh voice and looked chubby (good thing she didn’t wear a midriff). Arrested Development and Loverboy were fairly good, though for the covers segment, only Arrested Development pulled it off. Second episode…didn’t watch since Vanilla Ice was in it. It “Jumped the Shark” too soon.

    I’d rather watch “The Suite Life of Zack & Cody”…heck even the mom, who’s a fictional has-been pop singer, looks better than Tiffany and Ashley Tisdale is the best young actress I’ve seen in a while! (Not to mention cute, BTW, I’m a year older than the actress)

  40. 40
    Maddie's The Boss
    Posted June 16, 2005 at 7:47 pm

    One more thing:

    Heck, even Debbie Gibson rejected this mess!

    (BTW, I respect Deborah Gibson and like her music ;) )

  41. 41
    Koolfingaz
    Posted June 16, 2005 at 9:10 pm

    Deborah gibsons a f@@king mook!! She is a big time fat liar!!! What is she doing in that playboy with her lame ass body? All of her fans are fags now. HER CAREER IS OVER!!

  42. 42
    Spongebob8086
    Posted June 16, 2005 at 9:13 pm

    I agree koolfingas. She is not what we want at this moment. She showed her body to make a “comeback”? lol yeah her fans are a bunch of homos now. Soomeone says they “respect her music/her”? She dont give a crap about anyone but her $$$$$. Its over for her

  43. 43
    Ivana
    Posted June 18, 2005 at 9:59 pm

    Arf!, Arf!, Arf!, Arf!, Arf!

  44. 44
    debfan74
    Posted June 19, 2005 at 4:46 pm

    Yes, I am a homo fag, and I love deborah. The store I work at, I tell everyone that she is the best! As for her body…. Ill leave that to the real guys. Im just a girl. I pretend to say she’s hot, I really like guys. Im really into deborah gibson for the fashion, I put on electric youth t-shirts and dance to her music all day.

  45. 45
    pattyg_1821
    Posted June 20, 2005 at 3:44 pm

    Hey, I am into the deb fashion also and i must say that people in myt area think im lame. I think just beacuse I built a websit to deb that i am cool. But im really a homo-phobe. My wesite is popdebbie.com, and its a little tacky. Anyway check out this deb site, its got a bunch of gays here also. (the forum). the link is http://www.debski.com. All kinds of weirdo’s like myself go there and talk about whatever farts out of our head. You should check it out sometime instead of bashing deborah. I want my daughter to have sex with as many backstreet boys as posible then my nieces.. maybe deb will know i exist then… “im not crazy am i?” Oh btw Im hot for deborah gibson too.
    email me here: http://www.deborahgibson-fan.com/scgi-bin/cutecast/cutecast.pl?action=email&user=pattyg_1821

    pg

  46. 46
    Woops! (Electric Youth)
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 1:48 pm

    I’m a straight male, early 20′s, and like Deb. And I think she’s a very talented, classy, and sexy…like Nicole Kidman NOT B.S.

    Even in the ’80′s she looked hotter than those current pop acts that lack talent and look like tramps. She also tops other songbirds like Jewel & Celine Dion, which I can’t stand both, when it comes to ballads.

    Go and listen to her post ‘electric youth’ albums like “Think With Your Heart”, “Deborah”, “M.Y.O.B.”, “Colored Lights”, “Memory Lane Vol. 1″ (only available on her site) and even “Anything Is Possible” & “Body Mind Soul” to see that she’s one of the best artists out there who actually have talent.

    If not, you’re missing out on one of the most talented & hottest artists out there.

    As for looks, atleast she’s natural, not some human Barbie doll like Angelina Jolie.

    Gay, Straight, Male, Female, Christian, Catholic, White, Black, we all have the rights to listen to good music!!!

  47. 47
    Maddie
    Posted June 21, 2005 at 11:44 pm

    Ashley Tisdale is a goddess!!!

    Wait, wrong board.

    I hope she DOESN’T end up like Tiffany!!!

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