The appetizers arrive and the girls are ready for their mandatory prayer time only to watch Sheree stick the bread in her month. BUSTED! Oops, she was hungry after all that veal and lamb chop talk. A quick contrite prayer and they’re ready to go, although Jessica thinks it more proof that Sheree is a hypocrite.
Out of the blue, Mayte throws out that the olive oil reminds her of some porn stars she met when she was with Tommy Lee. uuuuuuuummmmmmmm, what?! First, she ruined china for us (we want some of that Prince china in the worst way) but now she has to ruin olive oil for us too?! Anyway, Jessica is all over this topic. She knows that coconut or olive oil are great to use during sex because it helps keep yeast infections at bay and helps with dryness. Sheree suggests that if they are dry, they should try some Whoop Ash. It’s a Saturday after 5pm though so they can’t order any.
It’s all natural and your balls will smell like Mango.
Somehow the conversation turns to pate; Jessica starts a lesson on why no-one should eat pate. And then her crab cakes arrive. The ladies all want to know why crabs are allowed and Jessica explains that they are not mammals. Crabs have no “thinking, reasoning and rationalization.” There is so much wrong with her thinking, reasoning and rationalization, we are worried a cow might eat her for dinner. If this is her criteria, then Jose might need to worry if he sees Jessica come at him with some olive oil… The ladies are all calling bullshit on her and we really wanted someone to ask her why crustaceans can die but cockroaches get relocated to the bushes, but they don’t and she calls them all assholes.
The next day, Mayte, Sheree and Drea decide to go vintage clothes shopping but Nicole and Jessica stay behind to drink and soak up some sun.
From Circa 59 to circa 1915
Despite what you see in te above photo, a boring dress montage follows- let’s get back the pool.
Jessica and Nicole are drinking way too much and not praying at all…
VH1′s ode to the olympics
Your vagina’s not as pretty as mine.
Drea, Mayte and Sheree decide to stop off at the store and buy some stuff for dinner. Quiet, innocent Mayte comes up with the idea to buy some lobsters to show Jessica that crustaceans need love too.
The lobster-fedora conference
They actually oooh and aaah over the lobsters (gag) luckily though Sheree is there to put it perspective, “They are going to be gooood for dinner.”
They get back to the ranch to find Jessica hardly able to move because she’s had too much to drink. They are able to sneak the lobsters into the bathroom because Jessica is puking in the bushes, hopefully not the same bushes the cockroach was in. They put the lobsters in the bathtub. Now, we’re not marine biologists but we’re fairly certain that lobsters are from salt water and will die in fresh water but what do we know…
Party foul #1- puking!