Hollywood Exes Recap Hookahs in the Desert

Recaps

By Jane and Blanche | Saturday, August 4, 2012 | 2:00 pm | 8 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Hollywood Exes, Recaps

Jessica doesn’t want to hear anything about their day because “they’re boring.” Sheree feels that all Jessica’s shots are aimed at her…this shit is about to get real!

They break out the hookah- nothing illegal in it.  It allows them to talk to Drea about Percy- she really likes him but no “love” word yet since it’s been less than a month. Drea also retells the story of her wedding day. R Kelly decided they should get married, so they did. She wanted to get a dress but he had already planned it and had everything ready in the next room. Drea reminisces about how romantic it was and the girls oooh and ahhh. Hmmm. See that kind of thing just would NOT fly in our family. We would need our parents there. We would need a pretty dress and a big yummy cake… R Kelly is R Creepy in our book.

The ladies realize Jessica is passed out just as Sheree comes out of the kitchen in a very pissy mood that she had to make the entire meal by herself. She’s not having the great time she had hoped for on this trip.

Mayte is ready to show the lobsters to Jessica as she feels they need to teach her a lesson. Mayte goes on to disclose that she lost her baby due to a partial molar pregnancy, primarily caused (she says) by her vegan lifestyle at the time. Now we are not OB-Gyn’s but all of our extensive Wikipedia research says that veganism does not cause this kind of pregnancy.  So end that guilt trip Mayte it wasn’t your fault. Nicole shares that she has heard lobsters scream when they are put in boiling water and it sounds like torture. We are not expert lobster linguists either but ehow.com says that lobsters communicate by urinating. Much like frat boys.

How YOU doin?

Jessica is now awake and appalled that the girls bought live lobsters. She thinks they are picking on her and can’t understand why they would do something so awful after her veal conversation. Well Jessica, maybe they did it because they watched you eat crab? Just sayin. Jessica is arguing for the hierarchy of life, that we need to be more kind and responsible with other living creatures on the planet.

Drea is ready to get real. She says she appreciates the life lesson but doesn’t understand how people can picket restaurants that serve veal but then will abort a baby.

***Crickets***

This was a jaw dropping, sit straight up on the couch, shout “holy shit” kind of TV moment. Who had an abortion?! Jessica! Apparently she recently told the girls she had an abortion at some point but asked them never to mention it.  Way to not mention it. Drea!! Sheree points out that Jessica called her a hypocrite when Jessica is one too. This pisses Jessica off and she “outs” Sheree for drinking heavier alcohol off camera. This news doesn’t seem near as mind-blowing but it made sense to Jessica. Sheree and Jessica start getting loud and Jessica wants to just walk away but not before accusing Sheree of going too far with the abortion remark. ???? We’re pretty sure Drea said abortion first. It’s not a moment you forget quickly…unless you’re Jessica.  Jessica keeps walking away shooting some choice hand gestures as she goes.

You just opened a can of whoop ash!

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We grew up on the prairie; Blanche is older and became blind by her teenage years... Jane is the adorable younger sister, known as "half -pint." Ok, so that's not true but we were raised in Texas, so kinda close.

We're all grown up now and are official card-carrying members of the Asshole Social Society, it's kinda like an exclusive country club, but for snarky  people who have no money, and would rather stay home talking to the tv than to other people.

Growing up we fought like crazy but only during the commercials... Now we're sisters that love and respect each other, only on the 8's tho (kinda like the weather channel...)

We love all reality tv and meat products.

We will try to make you laugh but a majority of the time we just make ourselves laugh so you may get a raw deal.

People love us! At least to our face they do, which is proper southern etiquette .

8 Comments

  1. 1
    Realityfor100Alex Realityfor100Alex
    Posted August 4, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    Great recap ladies! Who needs enemies when you have friends calling you out for terminating a pregnancy? All I know is Sheree is ready to lead Jessica to the altar NOW in a straight jacket. Finally this show has given us something to look forward to instead of Mayte’s pining for Prince.

  2. 2
    joyia joyia
    Posted August 5, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    Feel better Jane!

    Wow this show went from zero to 100 fast in the drama department! I wish her abortion hadn’t been exposed like it was but I can understand the frustration with her holier than thou comments about treating living things with dignity while stuffing her face with crab. Sheree can be grating though. Too much with the holy roller stuff. I’m just not buying what she’s selling.

    Great recap. I rarely actually watch the show because I rely on your fantastic recaps :-)

  3. 3
    Jane and Blanche Jane and Blanche
    Posted August 5, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    Jane is good; a little dinner and she’s already receiving gentleman callers ;)
    We go back and forth on most of the ladies. Of course up until this week, they were all just mildly annoying. Now! They’re finally getting real!
    In the twitter-verse Sheree admits she should have handled it better. Jessica hasn’t said much so maybe she’s holding a grudge? We’d be pissed too but why at just Sheree? Can’t wait for Wednesday…
    We’re also covering Bachelor Pad so be sure to check us out and keep commenting- its healthy to vent! :)

  4. 4
    Chenell
    Posted August 7, 2012 at 8:49 am

    The information Mayte was given (I can only assume by a misguided medical professional) that her vegan diet was responsible for what happened during her pregnancy is completely false. I had a successful vegan pregnancy, as have millions of women worldwide. How irresponsible and uninformed whomever perpetuated this ridiculous and cruel myth to a grieving mother must have been.

  5. 5
    Jane and Blanche Jane and Blanche
    Posted August 8, 2012 at 7:45 am

    Mayte has been answering questions about that on Twitter- she says that every body is different and hers reacted poorly to the lack of animal proteins, something she didn’t realize until the pregnancy. She supports her vegan friends as well as her meat eating friends and doesn’t judge. Jessica says she also doesn’t judge but likes to educate her friends, something I’m sure they all appreciate…

  6. 6
    kloewent
    Posted August 8, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    Just to answer the question from the last recap, the foil on the fingers is to get acrylic nails off. You soak cotton with acetone, then wrap foil around it, 20 or 30 minutes later, they peel off, (actually, they still have to clip them and soak again!) I got talked into getting them, never again!!!

  7. 7
    Jane and Blanche Jane and Blanche
    Posted August 8, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    Yikes! Beauty is pain and all… Who’s watching tonight?

  8. 8
    atlgirl
    Posted August 8, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    Funny recap!

    According to Drea’s twitter, she claims that what she did was okay because she didn’t name any names when she brought up the shmashmortion, Sheree did, which is true, but it’s still awfully passive aggressive if you ask me. If Jessica asked them to keep it private they should have. And if she wants to eat crab cakes, but save roaches and lambs, that’s her business, no it doesn’t make any sense, but who really cares?

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