Hollywood Exes Recap: Better than Ambien?

This week’s installment of Hollywood Exes again answers the question why they don’t put more nice people on TV. These ladies seem very nice and relatively normal… for California… and reality TV.  VH1 needs to give them a storyline or drama or SOMETHING! We never thought we’d be wishing for Dina Lohan (she was rumored to be doing the show at one time). Maybe momma Lo would have thrown in a little splash of crazy…

Let’s go crazy!

Ah well, enough with the wishes, we have an episode to recap…

We start with Nicole and Jessica at the beach. They met while working out together and continue to enjoy it.  Jessica’s vajayjay has hot guy-dar and instantly zeroes in on some hot guys on the beach, she keeps jogging though because she must discuss Jose. He still hasn’t called their daughter to let her know about his move to Boston, blah, blah, blah. Why is she jogging with her hair down? Who does that? Is it a bad weave? Will we see her tracks? This makes no sense and has totally distracted us from whatever else they are talking about. Fortunately it’s just more talk about Jose and really, he’s a douche, move on.

Drea calls her best friend in Chicago who is taking care of her children while she is away. Her son got an A and we finally get to see her do a dance. She struggled with the decision to leave her kids but her father supported her decision to move and start a new life and she will see them again soon. Whoever is writing the storylines needs to be fired immediately. Good choices and decent, hardworking people do not make good reality TV. Furthermore, why aren’t the kids with her ex? Is R not able to tear himself away from making no music to take care of his own kids? Asshole.

Nicole and her 22-year-old actress/model daughter are shopping together for her daughter’s new apartment. They discuss career choices and Nicole admits she has been approached by Camille Flawless to model some dresses. Camille Flawless? Isn’t she a porn star? Nicole is nervous though because she’s gotten “a little thick” and has “some junk in her trunk.” If Nicole Murphy is thick then all hope is lost for the rest of us. There isn’t a moment that Nicole is on-screen that we don’t comment on how perfect she is; her skin, her eyes, her hair. Yes, we are a little gay for Nicole Murphy.

I would die 4 U

Nicole and Bria had some lovely moments and seemed genuinely close. Good parenting- this show continues to break all kinds of reality TV rules. Good for them, bad for ratings and hard for us to be funny.

We’re off to join Jessica and her daughter riding bikes together where Josie calls Jessica a racist for speaking spanish. Definitely different parenting relationships on this show. Jessica is trying to broach the subject of Jose moving to Boston. He hasn’t called Josie so she has to break the news. Josie seems a little upset but luckily she has a “man figure” in her life, in the form of her 15-year-old boyfriend. Yeesh- where’s Dr Michelle when they need her? Oh wait, Josie and a friend went to Planned Parenthood to “read” about birth control, but don’t worry, she’s not going to have sex. RIGHT and all those men buy Playboy to “read” the articles and not look at the pictures. These kinds of conversations embarrass Jessica and she wishes Jose were around to field these questions (get it? “field” come on folks, we gotta find the laughs wherever we can). She’s not too embarrassed to have a vaginal rejuvenation on TV with Nicole all up in her business but she can’t handle candid questions with her daughter? And does any father handle these questions well with their daughters? Our dad walks out of the room if we even mention sperm whales.

And why is Jessica’s hair still down? Who rides a bike without a ponytail?  Is she messing with us on purpose?

Let’s walk soon- this seat is messing up my perfect vagina

Nicole is now in Vegas trying on dresses for Camille Flawless. Nicole is stunning in dresses that fit her perfectly.

Enough said