Hollywood Exes Recap: Better than Ambien?

Drea is finally going to Millenium!! As she’s walking in, she starts worrying about her turn out. She has 3 students and Mayte- we thought this was impressive for a first time class that she obviously hasn’t spent much time promoting but Drea is mortified. She vows to make sure the next one is better. In the meantime, we get to see her finally dance for real and she has some real talent. Although we have never taken a single dance class and can make our “thighs clap” it’s getting them to stop clapping that’s the challenge. 

Finally, a ponytail!

The ladies are all meeting for dinner. They sit down and the waiter asks, “So, who wants fried chicken?” Really dude? You ask a table with 4 black women if they want fried chicken? He’s lucky they didn’t eat him for dinner. The ladies begin talking about difficult conversations they have had with their kids. Nicole says she had to describe an orgasm to her daughter and condoms with her son.  Our mom gave us a book to read on our own that likened sex to jumping rope- you can’t do it all day without getting tired.

Nicole is setting Mayte up on a blind date- Sheree and Jessica start giving her advice about what to wear and how to act and what not to bring, namely Prince china. Drea is jealous because she wants to be set up as well. The ladies discuss the pitfalls of having famous exes- they can’t escape them. Wherever they go their exes are there. Sheree even remembers a time when she was in China, turned on the TV and her ex, Will Smith, was on speaking chinese. Wow, we want to go to China, stop whining Sheree…

Jessica goes to Mayte’s house to help pick the perfect outfit for a blind date. As long as she’s not giving hair advice, it’s a good plan. Mayte’s stressing over what to wear.  She’s been given conflicting advice; be sexy, but not too sexy, etc. Jessica is in the sexy camp and picks out a short dress that is tight enough to show some boob.

Thank you. Now, get out.

Sheree and Drea are off to the farmer’s market. Sheree thinks it’s the perfect place for Drea to get her swirl on. Sheree dives right in with the first white guy that walks up. She peppers him with 20 questions and he shoots them down in a spectacularly painful fashion. He says, “I’m here for the tomatoes, not for you.” Wow, no swirl happening here.

He didn’t want her fruit. Or vegetable

They continue the hunt and find new prey in a younger white guy. He’s more open to talking to them but the conversation just gets weird and frankly neither woman seems to have much game- they really shouldn’t be doing this. Please make them stop. After a lot of awkward fruit talk, high-fiving and Drea-jabber he walks away and we have no idea if they exchanged numbers or will ever see each other again. VH1- what was the point?!! Even when you have a storyline, you can’t keep it. Don’t make us come out there and teach you about reality TV!

Time for Mayte’s blind date! What are the chances of a love connection? He shows up in a white hoodie. It’s over. We’re not sure what Nicole was thinking. Mayte was married to Prince, dated Tommy Lee and Nicole sets her up with Cedric the Entertainer’s half-brother’s cousin? Mayte can’t even remember his name. This is not going well. She starts coughing and when he threatens not to kiss her, she coughs non-stop. He seems sweet but he’s definitely not for her. He gets his doggie bag and it’s time to go. She calls Nicole and laughs like a woman ready for revenge.

They’re dating like it’s 1999

Everyone’s meeting at Mayte’s house to talk about the blind date. Not much to say, it didn’t work out. Nicole is going to keep trying though. Sheree makes fun of the china again and Mayte says that’s nothing-she has some of his clothing! The ladies get to fondle and wear Prince’s shirts.

Smell it- then we can hunt him