It kind of amazes me that someone actual wrote a special theme song just for this show. I tried looking it up to see if it was a real song and maybe it inspired the name of the show. Every song I came across called “Hotel Hell” was not the theme song. Maybe it’s me, but I get annoyed when a theme song is just someone singing the title of the show over and over again. It’s just too literal for my tastes.
Speaking of literal.
And suddenly, we have a tiger!
OK, let’s get into the episode for real. The Juniper Hill Inn is a mansion that was built in 1902. It has 28 bedrooms and two dining rooms. This is when we get our first meeting with Robert, the owner. He tells us that the inn is filled with original works of art (remember that for later) and antiques. Robert and his boyfriend Ari bought the business six years ago. Robert goes on to tell us that he doesn’t want guests in the hotel who don’t have a lot of money. Shut up, Robert. If the guests can afford to pay you for a room, why does it matter how much they have?
This is what a snob looks like.
We also learn that the hotel has a two-night minimum at a cost of $350 per night. Are you kidding me? Those rooms better be made of gold an include a personal staff for everything the guests may need! Bookings are at an all time low and the hotel is in serious financial trouble. What was that you said about not wanting people who don’t have money, Robert?
Despite not making any money on bookings, Robert is using the inn as his own little clubhouse. He’s comping meals and rooms for all his friends. As a result, the inn staff isn’t getting paid on time. The business is losing money at the rate of about $200,000 per year. How the hell is it still functioning?