Hotel Hell Recap: Inns and Outs

Recaps

By PopePhilly | Thursday, August 16, 2012 | 6:10 am | 29 Comments
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Posted in: Hotel Hell, Recaps

Then we find out that Giulian is making $400 per week before taxes. Seriously? Granted, I don’t know if he’s considered full time or part time (seeing as the kitchen is only open for two meals a day). However, that seems to be a pretty terrible paycheck if you’re cooking somewhere that serves a $59 dinner!

Why haven’t you quit yet?

Why has Giulian not started looking for another job? I know the market is bad, but I imagine “head chef at a luxury hotel” looks pretty good on a resume. Yes, it might be hard, but I’m sure that he’d find something! Future employers don’t need to know that he was working for an ass hole like Robert! I don’t know about you, but Giulian’s speech sounds totally scripted. “We’re surrounded by wealth and reminded of poverty.” Who the fuck talks like that? The entire exchange between Giulian and Robert just seems rehearsed. At the end of this little spat, Gordon walks out. I think he was pissed off about how unnatural that reading seemed.

Robert goes back to the RV…oh, sorry “motor coach” to vent to Ari. I’m not sure why anyone thinks that living in an RV is a “fantasy.” I could see if it was someone’s dream to travel the country in an RV. I don’t think that anyone has ever said, “You know, I want to own a great hotel. Then I’ll live outside in an RV. That would be awesome.” 

There is a first time for everything, I suppose. 

Gordon goes to meet with Lida, the former chef at Juniper Hill. We will call her “the smart one” because she actually quit a shitty job. She tells us everything we already know. She wasn’t paid on time, Robert didn’t communicate, and she spent a lot of her own money on supplies. However, we do learn that, if Robert had a private party with his friends, the hotel staff wouldn’t receive tips. Wow. I can’t imagine that. When I get something for free, I always tend to tip better! Bartenders at weddings with an open bar LOVE me! How the hell do you not tip at all for something like that? Wow! When Gordon asks if Lida would come back to the inn for dinner at the end of the week, she refuses. 

Good for you, Lida. I’m not even saying that sarcastically!

I’ll give Lida credit for acting the way she did. She refused to go back because she didn’t want to end up in a fight with Robert or Ari. Good for her. It’s rare on reality TV to see someone acting like this. She doesn’t think that Gordon can fix Juniper Hill because people aren’t going to want to work there. 

Gordon heads back to Juniper Hill and we get another round of staff members telling us how they don’t get their paychecks on time. You know, this entire episode could have been a lot shorter had they not kept going over the same issue again and again. We get it, Gordon. No no one here is happy. Are you really shocked to hear about the staff not being paid on time? You’ve heard at least six people say it!

Ryan, the man in charge of maintenance, takes Gordon down to the basement. The walls are lined with junk! Just more of Roberts collection. It’s like we’ve suddenly switched to an episode of “Hoarders.” Then they get to the office.

I have a feeling we’ll be seeing Robert on TLC soon.

Then Ryan takes Gordon to meet the pigs. I know pot bellied pigs are pretty common pets. However, I’m pretty sure they need access to the outdoors. Keeping them in a basement is probably a bad idea.

The cutest part of the whole episode!

Now they go to the storage units. This is just insane! How the hell does Robert acquire all this stuff? Does no one in his life care about him enough to tell him to knock it off.

Gordon meets with Ari and they sit down to talk about Robert and the business. Ari (I keep wanting to type “Air”) explains to Gordon that he’s put about $1 million into the business. He hasn’t seen any of that investment back. Robert has spent his savings on art and antiques and so now Ari is supporting the business. I love that Gordon says, “Your biggest problem is fucking Robert!” Use “fucking” as a verb instead of an adjective (the way Gordon used it) and the sentence is still true. Robert is such an ass.

Word has spread about Gordon being at the inn (no doubt spread by producers of the show) and business has picked up for the evening. Gordon immediately sees that Robert and Ari know nothing about running a restaurant. Instead of staggering the seating of the guests, everyone is seated at the same time. That is definitely going to cause problems for the kitchen. Giulian is getting slammed with orders. Meanwhile, Ari is making fun of guests because they don’t immediately recognize a painting. Way to go, Ari. At the same time, Robert is giving a history lesson. Wonderful.

When Robert finally comes back to check on the kitchen, Gordon flat out tells him that the ticketing system sucks! Sara, the assistant innkeeper comes in as if on cue. Drinks haven’t been written down. As a result, they’ve lost about 30 of them. How hard is it to write down information? There is no excuse for losing alcohol!

I found a few of the lost drinks!

As a result of the terrible seating, Giulian is sending out over cooked food. When called in about the burnt foie gras, Ari just laughs it off. This is why you’ve lost $1 million Ari! Take the business seriously, for fuck’s sake!  Gordon demands that no more tickets be taken to the kitchen for ten minutes to Giulian can catch up. He finally asks Robert to put down his phone and take off his jacket and act like a host. Gordon then flips out on Robert for not communicating with Giulian. Gordon is right. If Giulian doesn’t answer the question the first time, ask him again. 

Thankfully, Robert decides that he can help take food to the dining room. Gordon also tells Giulian that he needs to be more aware of what’s going on in the kitchen. When he puts up dishes to be served, he has to make sure they are indeed taken to the dining room. 

After dinner, Gordon gathers the staff along with Robert and Ari to talk about what’s going on. Sara pipes up first and tells us that there just isn’t any structure. Again, it all boils down to communication. While Giulian is trying to work, Ari interrupts with “I am the boss.” Gordon, being wonderful like he is, just says, “You can’t call yourself the boss if you don’t pay them!” I love you, Gordon! Robert also explains the late checks. He’d rather write a late check than write a check that will bounce. However, he never gives the staff any warning that the checks will be late. No one should have to beg for their paycheck!

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PopePhilly

Aside from making fun of reality television on a weekly basis, PopePhilly is a legal assistant by day and avid kickball player by night (well, at least on Thursdays). On the nerd front, she is an active member of the forensic speech and debate community. She spends her time judging at tournaments throughout the country and serving on the board of directors for the West Chester University alumni chapter of Pi Kappa Delta (yes, speech nerds get to pretend to be cool by having Greek letters).

29 Comments

  1. 1
    WishICouldDance
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 8:09 am

    Those so called “storage units” are (if I’m not mistaken) shipping containers!! They are either 20 or 40 feet long and almost 8 feet wide. He had at least four but I think five of these and they were FULL!! Yeah, the folks on that hoarders show would be in heaven!!

    Given the ‘quality’ antiques he has acquired… YARD SALE!!! Then he call sell the containers which are probably worth more than the crap inside or, at the very least, stop paying rent on the things!!

    Did Robert EVER hold a job with any sort of responsibility before hooking up with Ari and his money? I honestly don’t remember if they said anything about his background. And what the heck is Ari’s background? Wait! I know!! Maybe he was a customer service rep for my mortgage company!!!

  2. 2
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 8:18 am

    Just to clear something up from the minicap thread: I think Robert did say that Ari was Finnish. According to their website, they held a “Finnish Christmas Even Dinner” at the inn. The price was still $59 for three courses.

    Robert and Ari also list themselves as “innkeeper’s” and I want to take away their apostrophe privileges.

  3. 3
    michkabibbles
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 8:26 am

    barbara looks better than any of the real housewives!

  4. 4
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 8:56 am

    A lot of stuff on this show just doesn’t add up or make any sense. Plus it had a lot of creepy feel to it. That 1 room wasn’t the only thing that stunk.

    Even if you scratch out things like editing and being staged and formulas that most shows like this have.

    Robert and Ari come off looking like just 2 big lumps of stupid multiplied by crazy. That don’t even want to be running a hotel in the 1st place. So you can’t help but wonder how come they didn’t just do something else.

  5. 5
    Hbgchick
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 9:19 am

    Lol at mitchkabibbles, you said it! And she seems a helluva lot more like a person I’d want to hang with, too.

    Ahhhh, man. So much to say. First of all, great recap again PopePhilly! But honestly, this whole epi really pisses me off. Love, love, love Gordon, and I get that he needed something “big” to start the season off with a bang but…Gawd. These guys had a whole lot of money at the start (I guess) and through complete living-in-an-RV-while-we-own-a-perfectly-beautiful-property Douchebaggery, coupled with the world’s worst business sense, manged to lose it all and run the place from what looked like something pretty decent into the ground. Then, by some grace of God they get GR to turn it all around for them, on national TV, without really lifting a finger of their own. Anyone know how Gordon picks his locations for his shows? I would NEVER EVER EVER spend a dime in this place unless those two tools were long gone and Barbara was in charge. I’m serious.

  6. 6
    KartofflMuter
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 9:23 am

    I agree it is sort of predictable. Actually,what’s predictable is how many idiots there are in the world and how few people with decent ideas exist. You have an Inn. One room stinks. Where do you put put Ramsay? I was surprised the 3 little pigs weren’t sleeping under the bed. But no signs to tell guests where their rooms might be? They never watched Gilmore Girls? There’s got to be some advantage to being gay.

  7. 7
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 9:23 am

    @Hbgchick: I would totally go there if it meant I could just hang out with Barbara for a while! She was the best part of the show. She and Ryan should run the business and let Giulian handle the kitchen.

    If you go to http://www.juniperhillinn.com you can see that Robert and Ari are still pretty snobby.

  8. 8
    KartofflMuter
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 9:25 am

    Pope-absolutely-burn the camper while they sleep-accidentally.

  9. 9
    Pikey578
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 10:20 am

    Love Gordon! Love this show! He actually said “moppet” not “muppet” – a simpleton or fool. Which fits Robert rather nicely… Loved seeing Robert and Ari brought down to earth about the actual value of their “antiques.”

    Looking forward to the recap of part 2, especially if it is as good as this one.

  10. 10
    BlueCanary
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 10:26 am

    Brian cameo! Love it.

    And yeah, these dudes are nuts. I’m working on the recap for part two, and still shaking my head over the delusion and denial. Ari is just a stone cold sociopath, and Robert should just go ahead and hire Robyn from HK, because that brand of crazy would fit right into that place. I hear she’s looking for a job!…

  11. 11
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 10:56 am

    @Pikey578: Thanks for clearing that up. I think in the back of my head I knew that the word “moppet” existed but had a brain fart. Also, I had just watched “The Muppets” before writing this recap. Perhaps it was wishful thinking. Either way, I played the ignorant American this episode!

    @BlueCanary: I have a feeling that Robyn and Ari would get along quite well. :)

  12. 12
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 11:04 am

    And just when you think the whole thing couldn’t make any less sense. Here’s an article from their news. It’s from Feb. After the show had finished up:

    Dean said that he learned from Ramsay, a consummate professional, that he needed to demand accountability from his staff.

    “I learned what I was doing incorrectly, which he drove home to us, was that I need to be a boss first and a friend second” he said.

  13. 13
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 11:34 am

    @kthxbai: Robert is a shitty friend too! I would hope that AS A FRIEND he’d want to pay his employees on time.

  14. 14
    sagittariuskim sagittariuskim
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 11:35 am

    The only president Robert needed to list was Teddy Roosevelt. Teddy Roosevelt is the only awesomeness you need listing anybody else would just undermine his awesomeness.

    If they prepare lunch when a guests asks for then why was Julian so thrown off ?

    How much did Robert buy the inn for? It doesn’t seem like a cheap place to buy. What was he doing before he bought the inn?

  15. 15
    speegee
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 11:41 am

    “I learned what I was doing incorrectly, which he drove home to us, was that I need to be a boss first and a friend second” he said.”

    haha. uh. If you mean the part of being a boss where you pay your employees, then absolutely, Robert! I couldn’t agree more!

    What a dolt.

  16. 16
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    PPhilly, great ‘cap! Love how you let your lust show. Naked Ramsay next time? I’m in.

  17. 17
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    @snowshoecat: Hahaha, thanks! BlueCanary’s minicap lets us enjoy a little of the Naked Ramsay. I’m a single woman, so a gorgeous man who can cook is like heaven to me!

    @sagittariuskim: Had it been Teddy Roosevelt riding on a bear, Gordon would have to just walk away defeated.

  18. 18
    SuburBint
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    @ PopePhilly — I totally made the same comment to MisterBint about changing “fucking Robert” from an adjective to a verb. Great minds, etc. We were also extremely curious as to who the 3rd president was. Probably Nixon, and that’s why they don’t brag about it.

  19. 19
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    No, Nixon would be nothing to brag about. Yikes!

    I’m a married woman, and a gorgeous man who can cook is like heaven to me too. Hubbycat, sadly, doesn’t know where I keep the kitchen.

  20. 20
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    @SuburBint: *High five* to you and MisterBint. It just reminded me of a Demitri Martin joke: “It’s funny how finger puppets sounds OK…as a noun.”

    @snowshoecat: “doesn’t know where I keep the kitchen” made me laugh very loudly in my office. Ha! I figure, if he brings home a pizza, that is probably good enough.

    I kind of wondered if the third president was someone who is still alive (Bush, Clinton, other Bush, Obama) and does dine there from time to time currently. It might be a security thing then. Also, that might just be my mind used to working in DC and watching the motorcades pass all day.

  21. 21
    Pyper
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    Ari could always get a job doing the Capital One commericals as the new “Peggy”

  22. 22
    sagittariuskim sagittariuskim
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    @PopePhilly Gordon would try to walk away, but Teddy would then slaughter the bear bare handed (pun slightly intended) and make Gordon cook him some bear burgers.

  23. 23
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    @Pyper: Brilliant! That would bring in some extra cash. Ari has GOT to be better than Jimmy Fallon.

    @sagittariuskim: I would BEG Flipit to let me recap that episode!

  24. 24
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    I think the people don’t quit because there’s nowhere for them to go. Windsor is a tiny town and is kind of in the middle of the New England wilderness. There probably aren’t a whole bunch of thriving businesses up there. So I’m not sure where they would work if not for the hotel.
    A little bit of money coming extra late after you beg for it is probably better than no money at all.

    I feel sorry for Robert. Clearly, he grew up poor and is obsessed with owning things that he perceives as luxurious to make up for that. People like that never realize that they are buying junky, shitty antiques until they get their items appraised and find out its all worthless. That happens alot on Hoarders, which might actually be where Robari really belongs.
    A few pieces in there looked nice…he had a beautiful desk in one of his storage trailers, but for the most part, that shit is junk. Especially that hideous painting that Ari was going on and on about.

    The whole situation is just odd, because these are two grown ass men. One of them had at least a million dollars in severance and retirement, so he can’t be a complete idiot. You would think that between the two of them, they would realize that they need to start opening up the inn to locals, start pricing their rooms and services competitively, and start offloading some of that antique shit. You don’t have to go to business school or be a genius to know that…kids who run lemonade stands and garage sales can figure out those basic principles. And for the staff to quietly take it also odd. I would understand why they wouldn’t want to quit, but I wonder if they ever all got together, went to Robari, and made a real complaint.

    And the chef was sad as well. I want to blame Robari because that’s what easiest, but I think he may just be a shitty chef. I think he knows he’s a shitty chef too. The look on his face when Gordon complained about the nasty lunch and then pointed out the charred brisquet that was passing itself off as foie gras said it all. My guess is that he was a prep cook and then when that lady left, he was thrust into a position that he really, seriously wasn’t ready for. Maybe that’s why Gordon didn’t really come down too hard on him.

  25. 25
    c8h10n4o2
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    Yay! More Teddy (and Gordon) fans! One of the books that I’m reading at the moment is about the National Parks Service and involves some great descriptions of wrestling and boxing matches in the NY governor’s house and the White House. Gordon & Teddy going at fisticuffs would be pretty awesome, come to think.

    And I HATE people who are convinced that their obvious crap is worth a fortune. I’ve done a lot of appraisal work in my time, and arguing with some idiot who is convinced that grandma’s painting that she had in her basement in BFE Kansas since the god knows when is a real Manet oil painting because you “did some lookin’ around on the internet” is hardly the best way for either of us to spend my billable hours. Especially when the piece is a watercolor and dated after Manet died. We call it the “Roadshow Effect”.

  26. 26
    Pyper
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    @c8hlon402 – I totally agree about the Roadshow effect. Used to go to all these awesome shops and fairs and things were reasonable, until the dreaded Roadshow, dealers then priced themselves out of the water and many out of businesss thinking their stuff was gold, when it was really just old, but as they say, its only worth what someone is willing to pay for it. Do you watch Picked Off ?

  27. 27
    ChaCha
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    Having spent over three years working at a five star old-hotel/resort, I got a good taste of what a classy place is all about. This place doesn’t even come close–my tiny condo comes closer! Sure, sure, Gordon shows them how to improve the place, but that doesn’t mean it’ll stay improved. These owners are terrible at being in the hospitality field–guest SERVICES is not part of their oeuvre and probably never will be. I feel terrible for the staff and hope they can find better jobs elsewhere.

  28. 28
    annie Annie
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 5:38 pm

    this episode was just comedy gold. My boyfriend and I were speechless, then we laughed and laughed. Does anyone remember Sebastian from Kitchen Nightmare’s “Sebastians” restaurant….well Ari and Robert made HIM look legit.

    And yes i agree, Ramsay in that sweater…** squeeze** adorable :)

  29. 29
    c8h10n4o2
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    @Pyper: I don’t have cable, so if it’s not on Netflix, I haven’t seen it. I used to get such good deals in little stores on the backroads. I have a cigarette dispenser that’s the same one that Don Draper had on his office coffee table the first couple of seasons for about $15. Those days are sadly gone *sigh*.

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