When this episode of House started I almost thought I was on the wrong channel. It’s shot like your NYPD Blue or your The Shield, with jumps cuts and handheld cameras and that “gritty” filter. By the way, The Shield is shot in my neighborhood, so you can tell I’m very wealthy and high-class. Anyway, the cameramen are having fun with this scene. A cop car is chasing a huge SUV, heavy with the bling and the blang, down an alley. The perp (I’m so hardcore) gets out and runs through an empty building with the cop right behind him. The cop loses him before figuring out that the guy hid in a Dumpster. The cop starts creepy-laughing and shouts “hands on your head! C’mon out!” to which the perp comes out sassing, saying he can’t get out with his hands on his hand. True, but perhaps not the right time to be getting all smart about things.
The cop is still laughing and pointing the gun at the guy. He bullshits through the Miranda rights and waves the gun in the air…like he just don’t care, actually. And I think he doesn’t. The criminal panics and shoots the cop in the chest/shoulder area. It’s a neato CGI shot, and the cop falls to the ground, bleeding and laughing. It’s creepy.
Things are less creepy at the hospital; more of the status quo, with Cameron still full of hate toward Foreman and Chase just wanking about like usual. I sense trouble, though, because Foreman is being chatty and charming. A normally surly fellow making us smile? No good. Cameron doubts the veracity of the perp’s story that the cop was laughing. House points out the his name is Babyshoes, so he must be a good guy. I love hearing Hugh Laurie say Babyshoes with that earnest look and wee little lisp…Ovaries go ping!
There is much discussion of what could be wrong with him, but I think we all know it doesn’t matter this early in the show. The decision is made to put the cop in a hyperbaric chamber. Chase tries to explain the issue with the doctor who is completely cracked out still, and says he keeps a “pretty clean home.” So of course we go to his place, which looks completely diseased and terrible. Clearly he has a chemical imbalance, because this is just wrong Foreman is getting a lot of samples of nastiness. Ew, a pigeon! Betcha it’s that rat with wing’s fault. Cameron tells the cop that he probably has a carbon monoxide leak at his house, and they have someone checking it out now. This is the one and only time the cop looks serious. Back at his house, Foreman opens a shed and OH! SNAP! THAT IS A LOT OF MARIJUANA! A metric buttload, more or less.
House decides the cop has Legionnaire’s, so testing begins again. In the next scene, Foreman and Chase determine that the cop has gone blind. It took me two watches to understand how they figured it out, but he’s looking in the wrong direction while talking to Foreman. It’s weird that the patient doesn’t say something like, “by the way, I can’t see anymore,” so I guess it’s nice that he has such good doctors.
Cameron and Foreman test Joe’s eyes, and Foreman is kind of mean. Kind of a lot mean. Turns out he can technically see, but his brain can’t process the information. Later during discussion time, House calls Joe “Officer Krupke.” Nice West Side Story reference, you marvelous heterosexual, you. Anyway, House wants to do an MRI on Joe, but Foreman explains in rather deep detail how he’s figured out the kind of bullet used and why that bullet would explode in an MRI. The nice thing here is that House is truly in awe of Foreman’s knowledge. Because Foreman is from da street!
Later, Foreman is still really aggressive and mean toward Joe. Hmm, wonder what’s going on? The group meets later in the morgue while House looks through the body lockers, explaining that he mom didn’t pick up when he called earlier. Snerk. He also explains to Foreman that cops are their friends, and Foreman should go to them if they ever get separated at the grocery store. House is on a roll! Also, that happened to me once when I was four. As House talks, he pulls out the accoutrements necessary for shooting a corpse, and proceeds to do just that.
He used the same type of bullet Joe has stuck all up in his grill, so they can test the MRI on the corpse. House isn’t all fun and games, though. He frowns at Foreman, who is having a grand old time. The usual Foreman is rather disapproving of such lighthearted ethical quandaries. Later, House wants to know exactly how rude Foreman was, but the conversation is interrupted by Cuddy complaining about having to explain why a dead cancer patient has a bullet wound in the face. House clicks go on the MRI, and…kablooey. We see the bullet work itself out of the dead guy’s forehead and shatter the top of the MRI tube, pitching the whole room into darkness. Whoops. And it’ll take two weeks to fix. Too bad, other patients!
As the Outhouses run ultrasounds on Joe, he starts bleeding uncontrollably and going into cardiac arrest. Chase, Cameron, and the nurses are on it, but Foreman just stands to the side and taunts Joe and his plight. What a bedside manner this one has. When we come back from commercials, Joe is in isolation…with Foreman, who insists he isn’t sick. Foreman’s annoyed, but still finds it all rather amusing. (Also, I saw MI3 this weekend, and Cameron looks a lot like Keri Russell.)
Since Foreman’s the only doctor who got sick, House figures it’s not person-to-person contagious, but probably a toxic substance. Cameron’s assigned to test the substances from Joe’s apartment, while Chase draws more of Foreman’s blood. He also drops the used needle (plot point) that Foreman says he’ll pick up later. Foreman diagnoses himself with a staph infection. Cameron wants to go back to the apartment because she’s weird and a martyr, but House outlaws it. Instead, he’s going to do brain surgery on Foreman. They can’t do it on Joe because he’s on blood thinners. In the isolation chamber, Foreman is finally serious and taking notes into his tape recorder, notes about both himself and Joe.
Foreman won’t sign off on the brain surgery until he see the MRI. Even then he wants to be treated for staph, by having some sort of something put in his brain. Um, how stupid is Foreman? Because once House has Foreman’s brain cut open, he can do whatever he wants, and he does, taking out a little piece of Foreman’s noggin for testing. The next scene is no more fun and games, y’all. It’s really sad and scary. Joe has finally realized he’s blind, so he’s scared. He’s also in a lot of pain, and says the morphine isn’t helping. Foreman is determined that they’ll find a cure. He has an invested interest, at this point. Joe even wants to pray together, even though neither of them believes in it. You guys, when atheists start praying, you know they’re in trouble.
The Outhouses and Wilson gather in House’s office. They are sad and stressed. Cameron still wants to go to the apartment, but instead is assigned to watch over Foreman and run regular tests on him. Wilson says that House is being too cautious because he cares, so House snaps back and asks how many of Wilson’s doctors have caught cancer from their patients. Oooh, we are seeing guilt.
In the isolation chamber, Cameron explains to Foreman that they didn’t go back to the apartment because it’s too dangerous. Foreman isn’t taking this very well. In fact, he stabs Cameron. That’s right, stabs her right in the leg with the used needle Chase dropped earlier. That’s certainly not very neighborly.
This puts Cameron in a rough spot, because if she tells House what happened, he’ll put her in an isolation chamber too. Instead of that, she has to go back to the apartment and see if anything else suspicious is there. Later, Foreman conferences with Chase and House while Chase yells in pain in the background. House asks after Cameron, who told Chase she had errands to run. Pretty damn lame cover story, actually. Looks like House agrees with me.
Foreman finally gives Joe more morphine, even though he’s already over his limit. It doesn’t do a damn thing, and Foreman almost starts crying. Chase is ordered to put Joe in a coma before the pain kills him. While he does that, House asks Foreman why Cameron is gone. Cut to House waiting for Cameron outside the apartment. She says she’s there to cure herself, but House points out that chances of infection are slim and she knows that, which is why she’s wearing a hazmat suit – she’s doesn’t really think she’s already sick. It just gives her a good excuse to find a cure for Foreman. “What does a guy have to do to make you hate him?” asks House, not really asking about Foreman. He towers over Cameron and orders her to hand over her bags of grossness, which is like some sort of bizarro Halloween bag. Also, he is smoldering when he demands the bag from her. He could demand my bag anytime. And by bag, I mean encyclopedia. No I don’t. I mean vagina.
House looks like the items in the bag and finds the three loaves of rye bread rather suspicious, since nothing else in the shithole apartment would indicate that Joe is a planner. Cameron goes out on the balcony and calls to the pigeons and throws bits of bread. A flock arrives immediately, and House calls them rats with wings, just like me, which proves we are soulmates. Joe has been using the pigeon poop to fertilize his pot, which I could have told him was a bad idea. He totally should have called me first.
Back at the hospital, Foreman is berating himself for not finding the poop when he visited the apartment. He also asks after Cameron. Shut up, Foreman. The testing takes an hour, so Joe and Foreman can’t be treated immediately. When the hour is up, Cameron looks rather concerned and runs out of her lab. Just as she gets to the chamber, Joe’s heart fails him, and despite Foreman’s best efforts, Joe dies. He keeps pounding Joe’s chest, of course, because this means a death sentence for him, too, because Cameron’s testing showed that pigeon poop was not the culprit, so they’re still in the dark. Whatever, pigeons are still gross.