House: Sorry, We’ve Got a Black Doctor Already

This week is the final week before we finally find out who will comprise House‘s new team. I cannot say that I am sad to see it’s coming to an end. When this whole thing started, who did you think would make it? Did you see them bringing in an outside doctor just to fire them? Because I did not. I did a little research into spoilers to find out who will be left standing, and I’m not entirely happy about it. But anyways, I found this week’s episode to be pretty entertaining. See if you can discern from my subtle title who goes home this week.

Oh, the injustice!

Hey, we’re at a magic show! Some British guy talks about a trick by Houdini, and Kal and black doctor are both in the crowd. “Ooh ooh” says Kal raising him arm enthusiastically. So the magician brings black doctor on stage. There’s some talking on stage, but black doctor is a terrible showman, and prudish, so it was boring. The magician gets locked in and they’re about to drop him into the water tank for the escape trick. Suddenly the magician, upside down in the water tank, gets a blank stare and blood starts coming from his mouth. Black doctor yells to Kal “Get up here!” kind of like a Mortal Kombat character, and they begin to get the magician out as the credits roll.

What’s Chris Walken doing on House?

House rolls into the room on a scooter, which apparently has no relevancy. Maybe Hugh Laurie is sick of faking a limp all the time. Everyone is sad because they’ve got no patient, and Kal tells House about the magician (his heart stopped). House is trying to tell the doctors about a new challenge where the winner gets immunity and nominates two people for firing, but black doctor interrupts about the magician. House then insults him for going on a man-date. House refuses to accept the magician as a patient, and cut throat keeps wanting to know about the challenge so she can cheat her way to winning it. Kal won’t let the patient go, so House lets him run tests on the magician.

Meanwhile, you guessed it, cut throat asks for about the 80th time about the challenge. The challenge? Bring House the thong of Lisa Cuddy. They all get up to leave, cut throat enthusiastically, which is kind of hot, and they all stop and look at Foreman, who’s been reading the paper the whole time. He plays along, saying it’s how he got hired, and the doctors all go to embark on Operation Cuddythong. That’s a likable Foreman, glad to see it this week.

Outside, the doctors all agree to say they failed because it’s demeaning to undergo such a task. Cut throat is the last to agree, and black doctor says she’ll still going to do it. “Of course I am,” says cut throat before she walks off, and I begin to fantasize about the ways she can get Cuddy’s thong.

What? It could happen…

Kal says the results are negative, and he says it dejectedly. Cute woman walks in and asks about the patient, and she tells the magician why Kal is disheartened. The magician asks if it would help if he puked, and he pukes a deck of cards. At the least he’s probably caught magic fever. Maybe? The magician does a card trick for cute woman, and while she’s helping him with it, she’s asking him about the failed trick. He doesn’t seem concerned, and he continues with the trick. Kal says they’ll prep him for some procedure and doesn’t want to aid in helping with the trick. Eventually he obliges and gives his wallet over. The magician opens it, and it catches fire. He blows out the fire and there’s cute woman’s card. As soon as they see it, Kal and cute woman lose interest in curing him and want to know about the trick.

Wait a second, weren’t you in Pulp Fiction?

Creepy is busy being a doctor, and by that I mean he’s staring at Cuddy while she’s working. Cut throat comes up and asks him if he’s participating in the challenge, and then they talk strategy about getting Cuddy’s panties off. “Can’t keep her panties on if they’re wet,” comes from cut throat. That’s for sure. I suppose there could be worse things than an episode focused on panties. They decide to either form an alliance, or creepy will win and allow cut throat to convince him to let her stay. So they walk up, creepy fake trips or cut throat pushes him, failing to spill on Cuddy, and then cut throat asks to help Cuddy in the clinic.

Kal reports his findings of nothing to Foreman because he’s scared to talk to House. So Foreman recommends checking the magician’s lungs. Cut throat calls the clinic to get Cuddy to the nurses station, and she tries to set off the sprinklers with a cigarette. That fails, so she uses her lighter. She goes out to find Cuddy, who isn’t there. Cuddy and creepy are outside of the clinic, bone dry, and fully pantied.

Kal is about to do some scan on the magician, and they talk about the magician being or not being sick, and Kal has no sense of humor since his job is on the line. The magician says if he’s a little sick, it would be great for Kal, and when they slide him into the machine, he starts screaming in pain. He’s got some sort of bruise on his side. Suddenly he’s bleeding internally. Now that’s a magic trick.

Kal and cute woman report to House, and Kal says they know it’s not nothing. He hands the results to cute woman, who drops them and gets flustered, and this is made to look important. Then creepy clears his throat and pulls out a black thong he claims is Cuddy’s. House says it’s not hers, and he says that Cuddy’s wearing a red bra, meaning the downstairs would match. Also, cut throat is wearing a black bra, and she refuses to hike up or hike down her skirt, so House discerns that the two are working together. And, more importantly, cut throat is going commando. Foreman ruins the mood by trying to get everyone to focus back on the magician, and he says when cut throat stops wearing clothes, then he’ll focus on her. Damn he is hard to please. House asks if they ever considered how the magician was going to get out of the water tank, and he takes Kal with him to go ask. As they walk out, Kal winks at cut throat, and she looks rather disgusted and perhaps even terrified, which I think is great.

No, I don’t need another pearl necklace, thank you.

They walk into surgery where the internal bleeding is getting repaired. There were lacerations in the intestine. House walks up, reaches in and pulls out a key, and he tells Kal to get lost. But still, how did the key get there?! Magic!

House cleans the key, and drops it in front of the magician after he’s out of surgery. The MRI magnet ripped the key out when it was turned on, causing the bleeding. Damn, what a magic trick that was. The magician asks where Kal is, and House says he’s gone. Then they argue about magic, and tricks being something whores do for money or cocaine, and illusions are real magic. Then the magician does a card trick, er, illusion, for House, and at the conclusion, when House is amazed, his nose starts gushing blood. But there’s not really any rush to stop it as we go to commercial. Maybe the blood was part of the illusion too.

Coke head?

Everybody is in House’s conference room as he says the magician really is sick. Black doctor asks about the underwear challenge, and House says it’s on hold. Then black doctor busts out a red thong. Out of his pocket, he’s not wearing it or anything. Or, he may be, but the one we see is out of his pocket. Everyone looks at cut throat, who then stands up and proves she’s wearing underwear today (not in the fun way) but House still thinks black doctor is lying, so he gets them back on track. Creepy mentions cocaine being a possible cause for this stuff, so House sends he and Kal to check out the magician’s house, black doctor and cut throat biopsy the valves around the magician’s heart, and it’s time for a little one-on-one between House and cute woman. Please ask to see her underwear. Please.

Remember when she dropped the results of the test? House gives her a hypothetical situation asking why someone would do that. He thinks she has a condition and wants her checked out, but she refuses to. House somehow accepts that and she walks out, and this isn’t the last we’ll hear of this.

Kal and creepy, in the magician’s house, find pot, which doesn’t explain the symptoms, but it would be irresponsible to leave it there. Creepy finds rabbits, which could cause some bacterial infection that would explain the symptoms. House walks into the magician’s room, and wants to know how he did the trick. The magician wants to know what House is putting into his IV, but House won’t tell unless he knows the trick. House does a little trick of his own, and then the magician does a trick with House’s vicodin that he’s stolen out of House’s bottle in his pocket. House gets sick of playing around, so he tells the magician that he’s got an infection from his rabbits and they put him on antibiotics so he’ll be better in a few days.

House then goes to pick up some more vicodin, since the magician made them all “disappear.” He sees Cuddy, and he throws the pill-bottle onto the ground. She picks them up, and as she does so, House (and I) stare at her ass. She’s not wearing underwear according to House, and he can tell because of her tight skirt. He says he could see her IUD as well. I could not. Then he asks if she’s seen black doctor, and she starts blushing. House looks around amazed.

Jane, you ignorant slut!

The next day he finds himself on the elevator with black doctor and asks how he did it. Black doctor won’t tell though. Everyone gathers around to give the results from the previous day. The magician doesn’t have rabbit disease, and he’s got bleeding around his heart. Creepy accuses black doctor of botching a biopsy, and House says that black doctor now has everyone’s fate in his hands. They discuss diseases, and House notices cute woman write something, then struggle with shaking hands to get the cap back on her pen. At least he won’t have to worry about her going to surgery. House tells them to find where he’s hiding his cancer.

Black doctor slides the magician into the MRI machine, but beforehand, the magician pretends to be clairvoyant and says he’s going to die at this time tomorrow. As black doctor sits down, cut throat asks black doctor who will be nominated for firing. She gives him this spiel about being one of the best doctors around, even though it’s not true. She seems to get this look of self-satisfaction as she finishes. Black doctor, who’s been doing actual work while she’s been rambling, discovers a strange spot. The magician is bleeding all over! Damnit, this guy is fantastic!

Back in the classroom, everyone is discussing the new discovery. Cut throat sucks up to black doctor’s bad idea, and House tries to predict everyone’s pager going off. No dice. Foreman then looks at the chart and says that everything seems to fit for amyloidosis. Isn’t that always a possible illness, but it never is? Anyways, about 5 seconds after Foreman suggests this, everybody’s pager goes off. The patient’s seizing. Man, his timing is impeccable. This magician is seriously amazing.

Black doctor and Kal are given the job of stabilizing the patient. Kal asks who he’s going to keep, and black doctor says he’ll keep whoever deserves to be there. Kal says that’s dumb, and he also says that cut throat is a racist. At the conclusion of all of this, the magician starts to seize again. Ok, he lost me with that one. Not impressed.

Yawn.

House and Wilson go to pay foosball. House asks if black doctor could have seriously slept with Cuddy, and Wilson thinks that House was attempting to woo Cuddy. So we’re back to that again? There is a serious case of shit or get off the pot with a lot of the plotlines here. Why is House single? He loves Cuddy. No he loves Cameron. No he loves Cuddy. No, sexy lady doctor. Cute woman? Cuddy. Anyways, Kal and cute woman come in and say that the magician’s kidney’s are shutting down. House says he needs a bone marrow transplant, and people argue about amyloidosis or not. Then Wilson jumps in, saying the patient would need radiation if he does have bad blood, which is Kal’s theory. Cute woman makes an argument, with her hands involved, and House, and probably everyone else, notices that her hand is shaking a lot. She’s got the shakes. House gives them two hours to do what they have to do before he’s making them do his treatment.

Black doctor is doing a biopsy, and creepy comes in with an ice cream sundae. It’s not a bribe though. The bribe is in this blank envelope, containing $5,000. Black doctor puts it down, and he tries to continue working. Creepy warns him that his son will need braces. No! Not braces! The humanity! By then black doctor will be able to afford that, and/or have a dental plan. Stupid creepy doctor.

House walks into the lab where Kal and cute woman are working, and Foreman is supervising. House wants to start treatment for amyloidosis. Foreman won’t let him do it though, because, although that was his suggestion originally, he thinks he was wrong. House says to give him the blood, which could be tainted, and the results will be quicker.

Cute woman is giving him the transfusion, and House asks her about her mother, who apparently died at a young age. He also googled her obituary. Cute woman says she had Huntington’s chorea, which is hereditary. There’s a 50% chance she has it too. House switched out the decaf coffee for caffeinated, so the bulk of the shakes cute woman has had are due to that. She yells that House doesn’t know if she has Huntington’s because she’s never gotten tested for it. While House is divulging a life lesson to her, she notices that he’s sweating. He’s sick! NOOOOOO!!!!!! (There have been some weirdly placed commercial breaks in this episode.)

Now House looks really sick. He’s refusing to admit he’s sick, and everyone is trying to convince him that he is. He stands up to walk to his desk, and he stops, saying the room is spinning, and pases out. Somebody drugged him since he wouldn’t let them treat him.

Cute woman and black doctor are the ones who get the sample from House before he comes to, and they discuss who drugged House (she thinks black doctor did it) and why she hasn’t asked him to keep her around. House comes to, and black doctor makes himself scarce. Cute woman still has to get the liver sample, and she stabs House without numbing the area first. House knows she drugged him, and she says she did it because he drugged her. He also noticed her take a drink of water, and after she walks out, House puts a glove over it to keep it from being contaminated, and you know he’s going to test it for Huntington’s.

Practice safe sex. Even if you’re a bottle.

A little while later, House is fine, and he says he was never sick. So Foreman has okayed the amyloidosis treatment, and Wilson is chastising House for risking his life with little evidence to do so. House mentions that he was the only one with AB blood type, and Wilson wants to know how House knows his blood type. This gives House an idea…

House tracks down the magician before he gets to radiation. He wants to know the trick so the magician can live on. But House tells him he was wrong about everything. He said he had the wrong blood type, and he doesn’t have amyloidosis. His body makes an extra antibody. House starts rambling off some things and I’m not really sure exactly what the conclusion is. But House says he finally had a case of lupus. So I’m guessing that’s what the guy had? Anyways, regardless of whether I know, they know what he had, and he’ll be fine now.

Time for the firings. Black doctor nominates cut throat first, and then he nominates Kal. House asks why he picked Kal, because he was right twice and they’re friends. And House gets another light bulb to light up. Black doctor doesn’t want Kal gone, someone else does. That someone? Cuddy. That’s how he got her thong. His reward? He’s fired. The goal was to subvert Cuddy, not work with her. House walks out, and everyone walks over to say their goodbyes, except for Kal, who just walks out. Some friend black doctor. Good riddance.

What ever happened to bros before hos?

Cute woman walks into House’s office, carrying in an envelope what I can only assume is results of a pregnancy test. Ok, it’s obviously the Huntington’s test, but I was close. She complains about having to know she’s going to die, and she doesn’t want to know if she has it. Time for some psychoanalysis from cute woman this time. It makes me angry, but not as angry as when creepy did it. She walks out of House’s office, leaving the envelope in there, and House just drops it in the garbage.

So that was this week’s episode. It looks like next week the interview finally ends, and I couldn’t be more excited. Also, did anybody notice that there was no Chase or Cameron this week, and Foreman barely had any role? I’ll be glad once we get back to a regular story arc to follow, even if it does involve getting to know a new set of characters. Anyways, what did you think about this week’s episode? Surprised to see black doctor go? What did you think about the revelation that cute woman may be dying? Will we have to go through a new set of psychoanalysis for House every week with his new team?