I Love Money: They Still Love Money

**This show has already been running and we didn’t have it on the schedule, but you guys asked and a recap angel sent us BellaCucina! Welcome her into the family, won’t you?!

Hey everyone…so I’m a newbie and jumped in a little late with a reality favorite titled: I Love Money!!!  Subtitled with- Because it pays for my bad tattoos, fake boobs, and last year’s liposuction.

That said, let me get you up to speed: people slept around and people were kicked off. Wow, that was easier than I thought.  Seriously though, the basic rundown is that all of these previous “of Love” players have been split into 2 teams- the Gold and the Green.

Every episode has one challenge and the loser of said challenge ends up in the vault where the captain of the losing team (which is randomly selected before each challenge for both teams)  is up for elimination, and the team has to select 2 more team members to also be up elimination.  These 3 people then talk with the captain of the opposing winning team (who gets a name change at this point and is called the Pay Master, oooh la la, que fancy) and try to convince him/her to not vote them off.  Each episode ends with the Pay Master picking the 2 players who can stick around for more debauchery, and the one player they get rid of.  Vaya con Dios.  yadda yadda yadda…

Sooooo in episode 2 Brittanya was immersed in scandal when Chi Chi found out she had also been sleeping with 20 Pack…so when the time came Chi Chi sent 20 Pack packing!!!

“CHI CHI, I LIKE TOTALLY LIKE YOU!”

Mindy was nervous about her first girl on girl kiss… how did VH-1 let that prerequisite slip through her application process?   In episode 3, Punisher thought he could call all of the shots and get Francisco kicked off, but Sassy (who I am definitely not convinced is actually a woman…yet) pulled out the Pay Master card for her team and kicked Alex to the proverbial curb. Hot Wings gets all up in arms and a full on,  girl on girl fight almost erupted.

LADIES, DID NO ONE TEACH YOU IT’S INAPPROPRIATE TO WALK AROUND WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN?

Episode 4 begins with Sassy defending herself to Hot Wings and gets her to understand that she got rid of Alex only because it would help improve the chances of winning for all of the girls.  Hot Wings buys it and the fight fizzles.  Lame.  I want to see some boobie blurs from the girls rolling around with barely any clothes on.  Fight til someone’s naked, that’s what I always say.  But it seems like the 8 girls are actually in cahoots and are going to band together in the “Sassy Alliance” and try to take down the remaining 6 guys.

As the new challenge is about to be announced the new captain’s get announced and it’s Brooklyn for the Gold Team (who, by the way, I have never seen once in all of these episodes…who is he??  He needs a new eyebrow waxer I can tell you that much)!!!  The Green Team’s captain is…dramatic pause…Marcia!!!    For those of you who don’t know, she came from “Rock of Love” and is infamous for puking and then kissing Bret Michaels immediately after!  Any gal bold enough, or drunk enough for that matter, to do that on TV can absolutely lead a team to a win.  I’m betting on Green this time around.

“Tastes like tequila, doritos, and….something else very familiar.”

The challenge clue is “Back that thing up!”  Which apparently for Brittanya is no problem at all- she’s 100% fake booty!!!

WHEN I GO TO THE BEACH, THIS IS HOW I PLAY IN THE WATER TOO.

So the challenge is to “booty bump” your opponent from the opposite team off of a large platform into the water!  But not with their real, or overly enhanced bums, with huge balls strapped onto their asses!  I think I need a moment- I never thought I would use all of those words at one time…in the same sentence.  The challenge begins and it seems like it will be an evenly matched competition.  NOT.  Gold wins 4 to 1.

The Green Team heads to the vault and Marcia will automatically be up for elimination.  This is my favorite time of every episode- all of the drama happens here, when people are scrambling to not be put up for elimination in the vault.  Usually there is someone wearing a tiny bikini and flirting it up with the boys, but this episode is all business.  I’m BORED!!  I want sex and drama…TEARS!!!

YEAH DAWSON SHOW EM HOW IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE DONE!!!!!

Mindy decides to go against the girl alliance and to do what is best for the team, which is to vote the girls in, and none of the guys.  Marcia is of course hurt by this and realizes this really is a “cutthroat game.”  I’m shocked too!  You mean to tell me I can’t trust anything these people say??  It’s vicious Marcia!  So it ends up being between Marcia, Cornfed, and Feisty.

Brooklyn, you remember him right?  Need a reminder- he’s the guy you never see, ever!  But he is the Pay Master and must now put up with 3 very pissed off girls on the “power outing.” Cornfed promises him she will have his back (which no one can ever promise, lamest reason to stay ever); but Feisty wins the bright bulb of the episode award.  She is so dimwitted that everything she says to try and sway Brooklyn to get rid of Cornfed, are all actually very good reasons to keep Cornfed- she’s horrible in challenges, never wins, she can’t Run, she can’t HOP!

YOU CAN’T RUN OR HOP!!!  HOW WILL YOU GO ON???

Poor Cornfed is getting ripped a new one by Marcia, who tells her she’s “lame” and throws a drink on her.  And yet, in typical crazy girl fashion, the argument becomes about feelings and daddy issues… and here are the tears I’ve been waiting for!!!  Yay!  Marcia and Cornfed are crying AT one another, and we learn that all Marcia has to go home to are her CHIHUAHAUS!!!!

Marcia’s Christmas Card…every year.

Meanwhile, Feisty is shooting tequila shots left and right which of course leads to vomiting the whole boat ride home.  Piece of advice to Feisty- you are the same size as Marcia’s beloved Chihuahua’s!  Learn your limits.  Or don’t, because you just made this episode so much more interesting.

Once home Feisty bounces back and says the smartest thing I have ever heard on this show, ” You know what, from now on I’m gonna look out for myself and they can all go screw themselves.”

And on that note, the episode finally becomes everything I could want and more!!!  Marica and Mindy get into a full on battle- and Marcia is naked! She gets all up in Mindy’s face, but Mindy stands her ground.  Marcia proceeds to go on a rampage, and goes after Chi Chi!  Saying horrible things like  how embarrassed his deceased father would be that Chi Chi was his son…and that he should just “buy himself a plastic va-jayjay” because he should have been a girl.  I love you Marcia, for bringing the dramz, but that really may have crossed a boundary of some kind.

So who goes home???  Crazy f*cked up Feisty?  Crazy incapable Cornfed??  Or Crazy maniacal Marcia??  Brooklyn chose wisely and got rid of Marcia..she was outta line and disrespectful to Chi Chi about his deceased father, and Brooklyn won’t tolerate that kind of hater-ation because he too has lost his dad.

On that Debbie Downer point, tune in next week to see who stays and who goes!!!!