Newsgasm: Oprahvescent Edition

12 Comments

1. 1
   hjordanc
   Posted December 2, 2005 at 9:07 am

   Man that picture of Oprah and Dave sends chills down my spine. Bow down before Oprah! Like Kathy Griffith says, Oprah thinks she’s Jesus.

2. 2
   Mike
   Posted December 2, 2005 at 9:33 am

   “Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck have spawned. They are proud new parents of a baby girl, who will undoubtedly grow up to have beady little eyes and man-shoulders.”

   And a jaw that Clutch Cargo would envy.

3. 3
   EdHill
   Posted December 2, 2005 at 9:38 am

   Fianlly my hopes for “Reindeer Games 2: the next Generation” have been realized.

4. 4
   ha!
   Posted December 2, 2005 at 9:41 am

   To the Lost girls:

   From Lionel Barrymore in “It’s a Wonderful Life”:

   Happy New Year to you… in jail!

   hehehe

   ha!

5. 5
   redhaiku
   Posted December 2, 2005 at 9:57 am

   Anyone else think that sprog’s going to have terrible taste in movies?

   “Daddy, I think Gigli is the best.”

6. 6
   Lizardqueen
   Posted December 2, 2005 at 10:45 am

   “Honey, we all have gums.” Yeah that’s true but some gums are stankety stank stank. For instance, Anna Nicole Smith. “Anna could you please turn your head? I’m trying to swallow my food.”

   I’m also thinking that “Bennifer 2″ is unoriginal and should maybe be replaced with “Scuzzifer”. Whattaya think?

7. 7
   British
   Posted December 2, 2005 at 11:31 am

   I never, NEVER trusted those “Tailies”. They throw you in traps to mess with your mind, steal your gun, accidentally shoot your girlfriend, claim they are the sole survivors of the Oceanic flight, mistaken people for “the others”, and NOW add a DUI to that. Jeesh!

8. 8
   Papercuts!
   Posted December 2, 2005 at 1:27 pm

   I so want Michelle Rodriguez to throw me down a flight of steps. It would be the hottest thing of ever.

9. 9
   The Dogg Pound
   Posted December 2, 2005 at 2:04 pm

   Looks like Danny from Real World Austin has a baby sister!

10. 10
    GOGOHurley!!
    Posted December 2, 2005 at 9:47 pm

    “Lost stars Michelle Rodriguez and Cynthia Watros were both arrested last night in separate DUI incidents.”

    Awww that sucks.. but shame on both of them for driving drunk… or “under the influence” or whatever the hell you wanna call it.
    Heard they were fined $500 and gotta appear in court and go to some sorta car class crap and blah blah blah.

11. 11
    Victoria
    Posted December 4, 2005 at 12:01 am

    If those mug shots aren’t of drunk people-then I don’t know what drunk is.

12. 12
    chronic
    Posted December 4, 2005 at 5:02 am

    I dunno, looks more like Watros was crying than anything else – red puffy eyes, flushed, blotchy complexion, I mean no one looks that bad when they’re drunk.

    That picture of David and Oprah, however, will give me nightmares. That woman is EVIL!