Newsgasm: Show Us Your Boobs and We’ll Show You Success Edition

21 Comments

1. 1
   Court_Love
   Posted March 28, 2006 at 8:17 am

   I was also upset to hear they will be making another ‘Oceans’ movie, nothing can beat the first one, NOTHING!

2. 2
   RealityTV4Me
   Posted March 28, 2006 at 8:39 am

   I hate EM:HE! A friend of mine applied for that show. In my opinion, they absolutely deserve to be featured. Unfortunately, she doesn’t stand a chance because she and her husband have been happily married to each other for 17 years, they have four beautiful and healthy kids, and no one has any diseases or lost any limbs. Heaven forbid! That stuff just doesn’t make good TV.

3. 3
   plexitoes
   Posted March 28, 2006 at 8:44 am

   Scarlett Johansson is gorgeous. Lost in Translation however…I didn’t get it. At all.

   Scientologists believe in complete silence during childbirth??? I read the Rolling Stone article someone here linked to, and thought they were strange. I don’t remember childbirth being mentioned (only something about treating children like little adults)That is too much. I hope Tom Cruise berates Katie for crying out during labor, and then Katie’s father knocks him out. That would be sweet.

4. 4
   EdHill
   Posted March 28, 2006 at 8:58 am

   Soon Our Lord Zenu will be reborn anew!

5. 5
   KateMcV
   Posted March 28, 2006 at 9:16 am

   Anyone else wish they had something horrible happen to their family just so they can get a new house?

   Damn me and my family for our good health!!!

   Where’s the show where they give regular families new houses????

6. 6
   Leah3t
   Posted March 28, 2006 at 10:11 am

   Why not “was stricken with a fetus posthaste—

   HAHAHAH! I am enlisting you to help me write my next brief dude.

7. 7
   BigMax
   Posted March 28, 2006 at 10:22 am

   I wonder if Cruise’s people have been in touch with Johansson yet. They need a back-up in case Katie makes a sound, thereby tainting the miracle child.

8. 8
   Clair
   Posted March 28, 2006 at 10:48 am

   I found this article on scientology birth procedures…

   Even if Katie Holmes, who was raised a Roman Catholic, doesn’t convert to Scientology as fiance Tom Cruise is likely pressuring her to do, chances are she’ll still have to endure a Scientologist’s birth. In short, no painkillers. And here’s a little known fact: No screaming or groaning either. New York Daily News reporter Corky Siemaszko humorously calls it “Katie Holmes’ mission impossible,” noting that practitioners of the religion require a “silent birth” in which the mother is given no painkillers and is forbidden from screaming or groaning for fear of traumatizing the baby. From church founder L. Ron Hubbard’s book, “Dianetics”: “Maintain silence in the presence of birth to save the sanity of the mother and the child and safeguard the home to which they will go.” To this end, Scientologists also recommend seven days of silence for newborns to reduce the level of trauma they experience in their first days on Earth. This can be, shall we say, difficult for women. Actress Kelly Preston, who is John Travolta’s wife, told Redbook magazine in 2000 that she screamed for an epidural while giving birth at home to daughter Ella. Both Preston and Travolta are practicing Scientologists. “It got hard- core at the end because she was big,” Preston told Redbook. Labor lasted 13 hours. Her husband later described it as a “beautiful, still experience that lovingly brings a child into the world without screaming or talking.”

9. 9
   livemusicjunkie
   Posted March 28, 2006 at 11:23 am

   Okay, obviously everyone has the right to their own religious beliefs, but no noise during childbirth and no contact the the baby/noise for SEVEN days??? WTF??? Are they really kidding me with this. This is literally the stupidest, most ridiculous thing I’ve heard in the name of religion.

   Oh and I read the article and this post that a commenter made cracked me up:
   Perhaps Katie Holmes could hold Tom Cruise’s testicles throughout the birth and see if he remains silent!!!
   Julie Lisle

10. 10
    livemusicjunkie
    Posted March 28, 2006 at 11:25 am

    oops I meant: “no contact with the baby”

    not, “no contact the the baby”

    Darn no editing abilities

11. 11
    mandymax
    Posted March 28, 2006 at 11:33 am

    So what happens if she lets out a yell while she’s pushing? Do they stop the whole process and make her hold the baby in “and you jut think about what you’ve done, and when you’re ready to do it right, we can try again!”?

    I don’t understand how such a concept is enforceable.

12. 12
    AbbyAnn
    Posted March 28, 2006 at 11:44 am

    The actress Leah Remini from King of Queens (seriously, why are all the celebs scientologists now?) said in an interview that she stayed silent during childbirth and then didn’t talk to, sing to, coo at, etc. her newborn for a week because if she had, it would give her child negative energy that he would carry for the rest of his life and it would be all her fault. So if Katie makes any noise, she’ll be blamed for the inevitable psychological problems this child is going to inherit from the father.

13. 13
    zevonia
    Posted March 28, 2006 at 11:47 am

    The scientologists will probably strap Katie down with duck tape over her mouth to make sure she “does it right”.
    All Hail Xenu!

14. 14
    Leah3t
    Posted March 28, 2006 at 12:54 pm

    man, I thought Leah Remi had more sense than that.

    don’t all these psychological studies show that the most important moments are the bonding between mother and child right after birth? oh wait. i forgot. psychology is evil. forgive my glibness.

15. 15
    TinkerbellAPixie
    Posted March 28, 2006 at 5:37 pm

    A few weeks back they were here shooting an Extreme Home Makeover – in Altamonte Springs. My sister was one of the volunteers. (Her Episode airs this Sunday, watch for an artist with a white tank and short shorts under the usual blue t-shirt).

    Anyhow, she said Ty only showed up the first and last days – most of the other cast were pretty absent as well. All of the work was done by the behind the scenes crew and volunteers.

    For the record if anyone does watch on Sunday – my sister did the Fish bed, sculpture and murals in the little boy’s fish room, she painted murals in the walk climbing room, and built the frames for Ty’s secret room.

16. 16
    Keyser Soze
    Posted March 28, 2006 at 6:44 pm

    This screams of Rosemary’s Baby.
    Anyone wanna bet this kid doesn’t grow up to look like L.Ron?

17. 17
    ATCmurph
    Posted March 28, 2006 at 6:55 pm

    Dang, no wonder I’m so messed up. I’m gonna call my mother right now and berate her for yelling out in pain while giving birth. How dare she!!!!

18. 18
    KatiesHole
    Posted March 29, 2006 at 3:17 am

    Desperate Housewives video game? Oy Vey. What would be the challenges:

    -Try to keep clutzy Susan on a ladder, don’t let her fall and injure her spleen!

    -Susan’s spleen is wandering. See if you can find it.

    -Keep Bree out of the wine cellar…fun!

    -Keep Gabrielle from being told she’s hot! Endless fun there.

    -Have Lynette chase her children around town. If you can get her to hit her kids with an umbrella or get fake kidnapped, you win a bonus!

    The fun is never ending.

    KH

19. 19
    jelliepair
    Posted March 29, 2006 at 5:54 am

    I am dumbfounded at the comments about Extreme Home Makeover – YOU MEAN TO TELL ME that Ty is not there for every one of those 168 hours yelling into his bullhorn and working in his secret room? The other “team members” are not weilding their saws and color wheels and paint samples? Have I been shedding tears every Sunday night for nothing?? I actually love that show because I thought it truly was real. How silly of me!! Is it fake? Does a deserving family, with whatever challange, NOT get helped week after week. And how about the towns they are helping on the “After the Storm” 4 week special? I have even contemplated shopping at SEARS for gods sake.
    I must know the truth!!!

20. 20
    TinkerbellAPixie
    Posted March 29, 2006 at 4:35 pm

    Jellie,
    Don’t dispair. The people who are getting the home are real, their story is real. Sears along with many other sponsors really donated their goods. The volunteers are real. My sister said it was the most touching thing she’s ever done. She was there from Wednesday until the reveal on Friday without sleep working through the night. She said the feeling was one of just really pulling together to help a worthy family (in this case Sadie Homes and her kids).

    One explanation for why Ty was not there is that they have multiple homes going up at once and he is dashing from one build to the other. That’s why they don’t use all the same design people on every episode.

21. 21
    jelliepair
    Posted March 31, 2006 at 7:48 am

    Tinkerbell -
    Thanks for the info – I was truly sad thinking this show was a fake. It all makes sense now – I can still shop at Sears (really hubby and I think we should go there and shop since they are such a good company and give so much to the people on this show). But just for appliances and shit – I cant imagine getting into the “softer side of Sears” but who knows.