Newsgasm: Step Into My Unmarked Van Edition

Industry

By m_ruv | Monday, January 9, 2006 | 7:58 am | 8 Comments

Today show “film critic”/scarily pedophilic Groucho Marx impersonator Gene Shalit gave an odd review of Brokeback Mountain last week in which he called Jake Gyllenhaal’s character a “sexual predator” who “tracks [Heath Ledger's character] down and coaxes him into sporadic trysts.” Though that’s not the movie I saw, let’s cut Mr. Shalit some slack—when you spend most of the screening down on your knees performing your “French handlebar moustache trick” on Leonard Maltin, it’s easy to miss major plot points. [E! online]
E! is reporting that Lance Armstrong has dumped Sheryl Crow. Though I feel sorry for Ms. Crow’s loss, this bodes well for the sure-to-be-hit-single “My Second-Favorite Mistake.” [E! online]
Today is Howard Stern‘s first day on Sirius Satellite Radio. Why didn’t someone tell me that MR. SULU is his new announcer? Stupendous. [AP]
Indian actor Naveen Andrews, who plays Iraqi soldier Sayid on Lost—it’s okay, ABC just wanted someone “vaguely brown”—apparently has quite a penchant for knocking bitches up out of wedlock. He began this tradition at age 16 and has maintained good form, acknowledging that he fathered a child while separated from girlfriend Barbara Hershey last year. Admittedly, dear Babs is pushing 60, so who can blame Mr. Andrews for wanting to “align the chakras” once in a while. [E! online]

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8 Comments

1

J-Unit

Posted January 9, 2006 at 8:34 am

YES! Although I love Sheryl Crow, happiness in her love life has made for suckiness in her music. Can’t wait for the rebound album!
2

ceenee

Posted January 9, 2006 at 8:36 am

Yum… Naveen Andrews is quite the super stud! I’d align chakras with him any day…
3

Leah3t

Posted January 9, 2006 at 10:22 am

While I do not condone fathering children out of wedlock, I fully support the possibility of creating more men capable of rocking a wife beater as only Sayid can.
4

motown

Posted January 9, 2006 at 11:28 am

My friend came back from Cabo in December with a great Lance Armstrong stropy…it involved shots of tequila and and Mr. Armstrong offering her Rose Bowl tickets if she’d go back to his hotel with him. Her (drunken) response, “But you’re ENGAGED!!”
5

Podger

Posted January 9, 2006 at 8:59 pm

Ahhhhh…Sayid. (Podger daydreaming away right now). It’s the Howard Stern thing that irks me. What a goon. And I used to like Lance Armstrong. But he left his first wife and kids for Sheryl, and now he’s left her for ????. WTF? Come on Lance, let’s have some since of a moral compass here.
6

Helenann

Posted January 9, 2006 at 11:34 pm

Sulu? SULU? Oh yeah, because when I think of the man who came up with ButtMan, I think gay spaceship navigator…That is the most random.pairing. ever.
7

Bobbie

Posted January 10, 2006 at 7:09 am

Isn’t Sulu DEAD?! Of, course, this is satellite radio we’re talkin’; maybe they’ll be able to sign Elvis and Janis and Jim Morrison and all the others who’ve gone to their great rewards…And if I’m mistaken on the condition of Sulu, we can nevertheless hope for the latter possibilities, right?
8

Helenann

Posted January 10, 2006 at 9:57 am

Reading my post from last night, I realize I was delirious from lack of sleep because, “ButtMan” and “gay starship navigator” aren’t so random after all…
gu-FAW!!!