Newsgasm: The Teens Have Chosen Edition

Industry

By B-Side | Monday, August 21, 2006 | 10:46 am | 12 Comments

mischa082106

  • Fox aired the Teen Choice Awards last night where K-Fed debuted his sweet hip-hop stylings. The AP called the performance not “half-bad,” but then noted this morning that the reviewer had been accidentally watching a dancing Coke can instead. [AP]
  • Mischa Barton was at the Teen Choice Awards too. (Just wanted to show her picture).
  • Suspected JonBenet slayer John Mark Karr was flown to Colorado this weekend via business class on Thai Airways. While not watching The Last Samurai, he dined on many items, including pate, salad, fried king prawn, steamed rice, broccoli, roast duck with soy sauce, yellow noodles, pizza, chocolates, and chocolate cake. He washed this all down with a glass of chardonnay and a bottle of Evian. Sadly, it wasn’t until he requested a box of Krispy-Kremes that authorities realized they had accidentally apprehended BRUCE VILANCH. [AP]
  • Snakes on a Plane manages to underperform, despite all its internet buzz. This bodes poorly for the upcoming Ellen Pompeo vehicle, Newts on a Tricyle. [E! Online]
  • Osama Bin Laden’s former sex-slave, a woman named Boof (which is not an exotic type of queef), says that the terrorist had a morbid obsession with Whitney Houston. Even though he called her music evil, he still thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world. Yes, but would he remove her dingleberries? I don’t think so. [NY Post]
  • Mel Gibson reportedly attended a function held by an Australian group that believes the Holocaust never existed. However, the beleaguered actor’s camp denies this charge, saying he never even heard of the organization. Clearly just another lie by the Jews. [NY Post].
  • Harold & Kumar star Kal Penn will be joining the cast of 24. This marks a major coup for the show, which is embarking on its groundbreaking everyone-gets-stoned-at-CTU season. [Reuters]

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12 Comments

  1. 1
    umnata
    Posted August 21, 2006 at 10:58 am

    seriously, queef is the funniest word ever

  2. 2
    AbbyAnn
    Posted August 21, 2006 at 11:00 am

    Newts on a Tricycle? You have outdone yourself, my friend. And I can totally picture Ellen Pompeo’s squinty eyes looking on in horror as the newt pedals by. I’m also highly amused at the idea of the CTU-stoners plotline. Jack carries everything else in his bag, why not pot?

  3. 3
    EdHill
    Posted August 21, 2006 at 11:21 am

    Wait, there was a break in the Jon Benet case? Why hasn’t the news media mentioned this?

  4. 4
    laughterkey
    Posted August 21, 2006 at 11:30 am

    I think one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen was on MXC once they named a guy “Queefer Sutherland”. Now that is some talented writing.

  5. 5
    dredge
    Posted August 21, 2006 at 12:22 pm

    John Mark Karr is the latest Rovian distraction. You can bet your bottom dollar..our bottom dollar that he’ll be dining on prawns, paté and chardonnay.

  6. 6
    HoneyBunny
    Posted August 21, 2006 at 2:35 pm

    Wait – JonBenet is dead?

    hb
    hey d~

  7. 7
    zoobabe
    Posted August 21, 2006 at 3:21 pm

    What a fucked up world we live in when a whackjob child molester/alleged killer flies and eats better than I do.

  8. 8
    LagunaBeached
    Posted August 21, 2006 at 6:39 pm

    1. From what I heard K-Fed’s preformance was horrible.
    2. Mischa Barton is beautiful but overpaid
    3. John Mark Karr was in Thailand?1 Wierd because my friend was there on vacation.
    4. Im surprised about Snakes on a Plane
    5. Osama&Whitney 4Ever <3 may crack and terroism splurge into one.
    6. Mel Gibson just keeps getting wierder and wierder.
    7. I dont care.

  9. 9
    Ubiquitous
    Posted August 21, 2006 at 6:56 pm

    Even though he called her music evil, he still thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world. Yes, but would he remove her dingleberries? I don’t think so.

    I shall regret admitting that I know this, but they were “doodie-bubbles”, not “dingleberries”. Perhaps we can capture OBL by offering him a guest appearance on the second season of Being Bobby Brown?

  10. 10
    Ubiquitous
    Posted August 22, 2006 at 5:33 am

    Cletus’s “performance”:

  11. 11
    EdHill
    Posted August 22, 2006 at 9:19 am

    “From what I heard K-Fed’s preformance was horrible.”

    LagunaBeached, thats not the kind of thing you need to get confirmation on. It’s like saying “I heard from NASA that the sun is hot.

  12. 12
    LagunaBeached
    Posted August 22, 2006 at 4:35 pm

    Lol, I’ve been told that too.

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