Newsgasm: The Stepford Bride Edition

Industry

By m_ruv | Wednesday, May 17, 2006 | 4:19 am | 31 Comments

nicoleawkward.jpg

  • After months of disinterested nonspeculation, Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban are officially engaged. The wedding is sure to be a pale, gangly affair. [CNN]
  • Original Survivor Richard Hatch has been sentenced to 51 months in federal prison for tax evasion. Fortunately, Mr. Hatch is already acquainted with the, uh, “prevailing local customs” of all-male penitentiaries. [AP]
  • ABC is massively revamping its fall schedule, introducing more than a dozen new shows, cancelling Invasion, and moving Grey’s Anatomy to Thursday nights at 9:00 (against CSI). Nice… I’m up for a rousing Ellen Pompeo-Marg Helgenberger showdown ANYTIME. [AP]
  • A brief public service announcement. I love the new TVgasm forums. But people: by now, even saying that saying that the saying “jumped the shark” has jumped the shark has… jumped the shark. I beseech you: please, NO MORE. If you absolutely must, maybe say something like “This show has most certainly o’erleapt the porpoise.”
  • This weekend a drive-by thief stole a gift basket that Paris Hilton had arranged to be delivered to Kathy Hilton’s house for Mother’s Day. The basket allegedly contained nearly $10,000 worth of designer shoes, sunglasses, handbags, perfume, and dildos. [AP]
  • And finally, everyone’s favorite snorkeler David Blaine has announced that his next stunt will be to “live harmoniously among wild beasts… alone in the jungle.” Great! Be sure not to let me know how that goes. [NY Post]

About

31 Comments

  1. 1
    Tabby Lavalamp
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 4:47 am

    Noooo! Not Invasion! The season finale was incredibly tense and the suspense was sure to have me tuning in this fall!
    Damn it. Seriously. That was one of the best season finales ever. I really need closure on this one.

  2. 2
    EdHill
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 5:29 am

    Can you say “Grizzly Man 2″?

  3. 3
    nemski
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 5:42 am

    Did everyone see that President David Palmer was shot again last night? As everyone knows, Palmer didn’t really die in 24, he just went into hiding as a squad leader for the Delta Force where he can kick ass like Jack Bauer.

  4. 4
    Lizardqueen
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 6:23 am

    While we’re at it, can we all agree that “I just threw up a little in my mouth” has officially been the most annoying, eye rolling, me killing you, overused statement to ever hop the sperm whale? Please, for the love of all that is sacred and holy, stop saying writing, thinking, doing this disgusting act.

  5. 5
    OD-TV
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 6:39 am

    Thank you LQ.

  6. 6
    Dave J.
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 7:03 am

    With all due respect, saying that saying “jumped the shark” has jumped the shark has jumped the shark.

  7. 7
    jash
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 7:11 am

    well dave j, are you jumping the shark by saying what mruv posted verbatim?

    smells a bit Chondrichthyes to me.

  8. 8
    jash
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 7:12 am

    incidentally, nicole kidman keith ubran rumors have officially MOUNTED THE GREAT WHITE

  9. 9
    Dave J.
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 7:42 am

    well dave j, are you jumping the shark by saying what mruv posted verbatim?

    I’m too meta for my own good.

  10. 10
    Casey
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 8:18 am

    Two cents in:

    The Apprentice phrase “at the end of the day” has soared over the aquatic beast also.

  11. 11
    derder
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 8:22 am

    Lizardqueen-
    yes yes yes- I agree 100%- I am so sick of that term. It isn’t original or quirky- just annoying. Same with “Step up”- he better “step up” She is really gonna “step up”. We have to “step up”.
    ugggg- enough already…

  12. 12
    Tati
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 8:39 am

    david blaine going into the wild jungle is the BEST thing i’ve heard all week!! if any1 is thinking over there, i hope they don’t feed the lions for a few days b4 he goes.

  13. 13
    Clair
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 9:21 am

    I find the phrase “Since Day 1″ to be especially annoying.

  14. 14
    Tony A.
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 9:33 am

    Bottom Line,
    Strategize,
    Synergy,
    Thirty billion a year industry,
    In terms of,
    On the same page,
    In the same sheet of music,
    Oh, Snap!

  15. 15
    Clair
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 10:18 am

    weapons of mass destruction
    24/7
    Guys wanna know what you’re playing for?
    Shazbat

  16. 16
    hardly@work
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 10:27 am

    I’ve never heard “Shazbat” before. Could I have it used in a sentence please?

  17. 17
    Lizardqueen
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 10:29 am

    Play tough D
    Support the troops
    Get the W
    Step it up
    Kick it up a notch
    Lizardqueen, you’re an asshole
    All of these. They have leapfrogged the orca and are banished from the TVgasm lexicon

  18. 18
    k37744
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 11:05 am

    hardly@work, i believe the context you’re looking for is…

    “…gee mindy, how in orson’s name could anyone possibly guess that my egg-shaped body of work would actually include such theatrical gems as ‘dead poets society’ and ‘good will hunting,’ seeing as how i’m currently sporting rainbow suspenders and ranting like a homicidal schizophrenic?”

  19. 19
    Clair
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 11:06 am

    Mork: “I just dropped this anvil on my toe. Shazbat!!”

  20. 20
    k37744
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 11:07 am

    hmmm, i didn’t actually use “shazbot” in a sentence there did i?

    consider the chum tossed.

  21. 21
    derder
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 11:08 am

    Oh Oh I just read someone doesn’t like 24/7- I’ll own it- I use that one all the time. Hmmm- guess I will have to “step up” and find a different way to say that one.

  22. 22
    hardly@work
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 11:23 am

    ok- its a substitue for 4 letter words, I believe my tv viewing was limited to PBS during the mork and mindy days.

  23. 23
    hardly@work
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 11:27 am

    So my short term memory is pretty non-existent (cough, cough) so I can’t remember, was last week the season/show finale for Invasion?

  24. 24
    james_woods_rules
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 12:00 pm

    #23 Hardly-

    No last week was not the finale….i think this week is….

    I am very upset that Invasion was cancelled. I thought it was well played and a riotous romp!!!

    Hopefully the rumours are true that the new “CW” is going to pick it up….

  25. 25
    Leah3t
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 1:42 pm

    I concurr that “threw up a little in my mouth” is over.

    Another one I’d like to see go is “as the end of the day” or “All we can do” as uttered by Merdith Grey or Mary Alice. Anyone else is fine. I’m just tired of their overarching conclusions of nothingness.

  26. 26
    KatiesHole
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 3:48 pm

    Wow..Hatch got 4.25 years. Ouch. He was such an arrogant fuck, I’m glad he got busted. Survivor Sue (season 1) must be doing a jig of glee!

    KH

  27. 27
    HoneyBunny
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 4:17 pm

    Hatch upon hearing his sentence – “I’ve been BAMBOOZLED.”

    hb

  28. 28
    tvtvtv
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 5:08 pm

    A pale, gangly affair. m-ruv, you so funny.

  29. 29
    ATCmurph
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 7:43 pm

    I’ve been hearing a lot of “it is what it is.” We could lose that one too.

  30. 30
    zoobabe
    Posted May 17, 2006 at 8:06 pm

    I wonder how many cameramen will be around to record Blaine’s life “in the jungle”. I SO hope he gets eaten. That would give me multiple TVgasms!

  31. 31
    Vasha
    Posted May 18, 2006 at 11:15 am

    Oh that would be so great Zoobabe.

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