Newsgasm: Suffer the Little Children Edition

Industry

By m_ruv | Wednesday, May 24, 2006 | 4:08 am | 8 Comments

zaharabookstore.jpg

  • Infant jaded-fabulosity icon Zahara Jolie apparently has come down with a mystery illness, screaming and refusing to sleep. Hell, if I were trapped in the Namib Desert with two mohawked dumbasses and a pregnant alien I’d EAT BROKEN GLASS if it got me outta there. [The Sun]
  • ABC has tipped Charlie Gibson to be the new face of World News Tonight, replacing interim anchor Elizabeth Vargas. In related news, authorities have finally tranquilized a shrieking, foaming-at-the-mouth Diane Sawyer after a late-night window-smashing rampage over on West 66th. [ABC]
  • Oh, that naughty Madonna! During one portion of her tour opener in LA this week, she donned a crown of thorns and dangled herself from a giant mirrored crucifix. I didn’t realize she meant “Hung Up” LITERALLY. [Daily Mail]
  • Sadly, Nicole Richie and her fiancé have called it quits. Happily, her father should have no trouble finding her a replacement suitor in the Arab world. [AP]
  • A PETA poll has named Prince the “world’s sexiest vegetarian.” I’d start a poll to determine the “world’s dumbest poll,” but I think that question’s already been answered. [AP]
  • And at this point I’m out of Michelle Rodriguez imprisonment jokes, so if you’d like to have a write-in contest next time, I’m sure it can be arranged. [People]

About

8 Comments

  1. 1
    Leah3t
    Posted May 24, 2006 at 7:35 am

    oh sad! i hope that is not true. that is the cutest little baby.

  2. 2
    zoobabe
    Posted May 24, 2006 at 7:55 am

    She is a cutie.

  3. 3
    HoneyBunny
    Posted May 24, 2006 at 11:18 am

    You would think even Madonna would be sick of Madonna by now.

    hb

  4. 4
    gamera87
    Posted May 24, 2006 at 11:40 am

    Madonna is the greatest entertainer of the last 25 years. No one who has seen one of her shows would disagree.

  5. 5
    tvtvtv
    Posted May 24, 2006 at 1:33 pm

    I’m pretty sure Nicole and “DJ AM” have devised an evil plot to continually make up and break up in order to ensure her regular appearance in People, US, and Overpaid Celebrities Picking Their Toenails Weekly.

  6. 6
    derder
    Posted May 24, 2006 at 1:43 pm

    I read that DJ AM couldn’t take her non- eating habits. I know she is excruciatingly thin, but I saw a picture of her recently that shocked me. She had a bikini on and was thinner than my 11 year old neice (who is of average size).
    Found it- here it is… I am amazed her family hasn’t intervened and demand she be hospitalized.

    http://www.usmagazine.com/blog/2006/05/22/nicole-richie-and-dj-am-it's-over/

  7. 7
    Donna Martin Graduates!
    Posted May 24, 2006 at 2:51 pm

    ^ damn — that Nicole is one seriously sick chick.

    Poor girl needs help (as do all peeps suffering from anorexia and/or low self esteem).

    :shudder:

  8. 8
    Ubiquitous
    Posted May 26, 2006 at 7:20 am

    I think they said it best on Family Guy when they called Madonna a “stupid whore”.

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