Newsgasm: REPENT! REPENT! Edition

23 Comments

1. 1
   ldini79
   Posted April 18, 2006 at 4:46 pm

   thank xenu, i couldn’t take anymore scary ginormous katie holmes pictures anymore. some of those are worse than the herpes infested pictures. “placenta pilaf” is going to echo in my head all night though, thanks for that.

2. 2
   derder
   Posted April 18, 2006 at 4:52 pm

   Nice Graphic!!

3. 3
   Aries
   Posted April 18, 2006 at 4:58 pm

   At least the baby’s an Aries. She just might have a chance in spite of her father.

4. 4
   Belinda
   Posted April 18, 2006 at 5:00 pm

   I hope she screamed her damn head off, ball gag and all!

5. 5
   The Svan
   Posted April 18, 2006 at 5:48 pm

   Fucking hell. The Svan saw a headline and decided to avoid all news about this piece of shit. That lasted about 10 mins due to it being posted here. Why the fuck is everyone so obsessed with celebrities?!?

6. 6
   HoneyBunny
   Posted April 18, 2006 at 5:50 pm

   Suri Cruise – cast member Surreal Life 2030.

   hb

7. 7
   Firecat
   Posted April 18, 2006 at 6:12 pm

   It has begun…

8. 8
   mangos
   Posted April 18, 2006 at 6:40 pm

   It’s going to be nice for Katie to walk around without that big pillow strapped to her belly.

9. 9
   wandernview
   Posted April 18, 2006 at 7:20 pm

   Just another female of the species added to the world which Tom won’t touch. Hey imagine that she popped out right as the MI3 propoganda err promotion machine geared up on Cruise Tonight ahh Entertainment Tonight.

10. 10
    JerseyGirl
    Posted April 18, 2006 at 7:24 pm

    What’s even funnier is that Brooke Shields gave birth today too.

11. 11
    Casey
    Posted April 18, 2006 at 7:40 pm

    JerseyGirl, that’s true, both couples had children today.

    He probably thinks that Brooke, that antidepressant-taking God-fearing Catholic, is trying to steal his publicity.

12. 12
    opleiadeso
    Posted April 18, 2006 at 7:43 pm

    Maybe I am wrong and there are many words for ‘princess’, but Suri does NOT mean ‘princess’ in Hebrew. Ask any Sarah (myself included), and that honor goes to our name.

13. 13
    dredge
    Posted April 18, 2006 at 7:45 pm

    wow what a showdown! looks like Brooke won, since Tom couldn’t actually give birth..He must be real pissed.

14. 14
    Tracie
    Posted April 18, 2006 at 7:58 pm

    Poor child.

15. 15
    MtnWoman
    Posted April 18, 2006 at 8:20 pm

    There is just something creepy about this relationship. It makes you feel uncomfortable. And I used to think Tom Cruise was hot, hot, hot. But now I think he’s weird, weird, weird.

16. 16
    carol
    Posted April 18, 2006 at 9:16 pm

    what I still think is very very funny about this whole thing is that Tom’s little swimmers dead in the water. That is one of the many reasons why Nicole and Tom never had children. Where oh where did this new little creature come from??

17. 17
    KatiesHole
    Posted April 19, 2006 at 3:50 am

    All the talk show hosts better get new couches, I suspect a lot of Cruise couch jumping will start again. You’ve been warned.

    Who cares about this insane egomaniac?

    KH

18. 18
    flipkicks
    Posted April 19, 2006 at 5:56 am

    Suri, according to the Official Scientology Book of Baby Names means “daughter of gay actor and brainwashed idiot.” Perfect.

    http://www.flipkicksandnightbellows.blogspot.com

19. 19
    palmtree
    Posted April 19, 2006 at 6:58 am

    The name Suri is Irani and means Red Rose. Here’s a link.

    http://tehran.stanford.edu/Information/girls.html

    Then check out this site that lists it as a last name
    http://www.ancestry.com/learn/facts/Fact.aspx?fid=10&yr=0&ln=Suri

    I love the internet you can find anything!

20. 20
    zoobabe
    Posted April 19, 2006 at 7:28 am

    I’m suprised that the baby wasn’t bigger b/c Katie had such a HUGE belly, but in spite of the snarkiness I’m happy for them. I don’t need to hear about it every five seconds, but at least she actually managed to pop the kid out amongst all the scrutiny. Maybe they can just hide away at home and shut up about it now? Please?

21. 21
    zoobabe
    Posted April 19, 2006 at 10:19 am

    btw- I forgot to add that I agree with derder’s comment about the graphic. Can I get one of those to sit on my dashboard next to my Buddy Christ?

22. 22
    katybee
    Posted April 19, 2006 at 11:47 am

    Does anyone else think it’s too creepy of a coincidence that Brooke Shield’s baby was born on the same day, was a similar weight and length, and born in the same hospital? And that the announcement of both Katie’s pregnancy and delivery came shortly AFTER Brooke’s announcements? It’s almost as if Tom is trying to “keep up with the Jones,” as it were. I smell a very twisted publicity ploy by psycho Tom…

23. 23
    ldini79
    Posted April 19, 2006 at 3:51 pm

    thanks for putting that pic back up, cause it imspired me to read the original post in all it’s glory. still funny, almost a year later:
    http://youcantmakeitup.blogspot.com/2005/06/cruise-uncontrollable.html