The WB & UPN May Be Dead… But The CW is ALIVVVE!!!

Last week, we said goodbye to Felicity, Buffy, Angel, Dawson and any hope that What I Like About You’s cancellation was all a big hoax as the WB said good night, and good luck, for one last time. But all is not lost, my dear TVgasm readers! Tomorrow night, the new CW launches with its first night of programming. What better way to kick off a new era of television than with Tyra Banks? Or as I’ve been starting to think of her, the really good transvestite who is impersonating Tyra Banks. That’s right; the new CW has put its first night’s hopes on Tyra and her gaggle of Supermodel Wannabes. But what’s next? What happens after Tyra’s massive breasts? For that I, Umnata, the TVgasm writer who is most in touch with his inner fourteen year old girl, will take a look at what’s coming up on the CW, especially since those You Can’t Do That On Television-style marketing posters plastered all over the place leave more than a bit to be desired. So find out what’s in store after the jump!What’s New?
Not too much. The CW is only premiering two new shows this fall, Runaway and the Girlfriends spin-off The Game. This is probably wise since the rest of their stable of established hits will help the hemorrhaging that a new network launch will inevitably cause. Runaway‘s premise follows a con-snore-pacy – is there any show on television that doesn’t have a conspiracy at it’s center anymore? – that sees Donnie Wahlberg playing a dad on the run with his wife (Leslie “Mrs. Dead Jack Bauer” Hope) and two teenage kids. At first I wasn’t at all intrigued by this show, because I figured that it’d be like kind of just a twist on the standard on the lam story. I didn’t realize that this family is settling into a town and staying put for a while, which might be more interesting than new wigs/facial hair every week as they try to avoid the fuzz. However, this being the network formerly known as the WB rumor has it the show spends a lot more time focusing on the sullen teenagers then it does on the frazzled parents. Plus, if you had to pick any former NKOTB-er to support shouldn’t it be ex-bad boy Donnie? I mean, do you really want to have to go buy the new Jordan Knight CD?

I suppose your interest in The Game begins and ends with your interest in the show Girlfriends, of which I’ve caught a couple of episodes here and there. I understand that straight white twentysomething males are probably not the target audience for this show, so my interest in The Game, is somewhat limited. However, the one thing that could change my mind is the inclusion of half of some of my favorite twins from my childhood. The show stars Tia Mowry (one of the twins from the WB classic, Sister, Sister - I just can’t remember if she was the ugly one or the UGLY one) as a level headed Med Student whose boyfriend is professional football player. Which becomes problematic as she finds out dating a sports star isn’t so easy. Hmm.. really? Among the cast is also Brittany Daniels (no longer a Sweet Valley High-er) as the token white girlfriend of another player. The premise is actually appealing, but the show will probably end up being very Footballers Wives-lite.

What’s Good?

Everyone Hates Chris moves from Thursdays to anchor a Sunday Comedy block at 7 PM, which means that I can finally watch what everyone was calling the best new show of last year. Tichina Arnold – I’ll follow you anywhere! As far as programming is concerned, teaming this show up with returning favs Girlfriends and All of Us, and newbie, The Game, might not be the most demographically diverse programming decision, but it’s been working for UPN until now. So that will keep fans happy, while probably luring a few newer ones as well.

Also, the pairing of Gilmore Girls and Veronica Mars on Tuesdays is heaven for anyone who likes well-written, smart television. This season, Gilmore will be going forward without creator Amy Sherman Palladino, who despite being possibly crazy is also the purveyor of the rat-tat-tat dialogue this show has become famous for. On the other hand she is also the reason that many people believe last year’s Gilmore was it’s worst yet, with Rory & Lorelai on the outs for months, the sudden appearance of Luke’s long lost daughter and the Season Finale shocker where Lorelai ended up in bed with childhood sweetheart (and Rory’s dad), Christopher. I happen to be a huge fan of Christopher and Lorelai, but this most likely being the show’s last season, expect a Luke & Lorelai reconciliation around Sweeps. Meanwhile, our favorite teenage sleuth (sorry Encyclopedia Brown!) Veronica Mars is a freshman at Neptune Univeristy, err, I mean Hearst College, with buddies Mac (bumped to series regular) and Wallace in tow. This year the story structure will change from one overarching, season-long mystery to three shorter, more comprehensive arcs, starting with the Heart College rapist introduced last season. The change is actually quite welcome, for even though this show is one of my favorites on television, upon re-watching the season on DVD, it’s quite clear how convoluted things got. That being said: CAN YOU BELIEVE BEAVER RAPED VERONICA!?!?! I heart this show.

Fanboys will leap with delight at the pairing of Smallville and Supernatural on Thursdays. Many people complained about the last season of Smallville, but I remain optimistic. Not to mention the fact that it’s already been announced that Oliver “Green Arrow” Queen and Jimmy Olsen will be a part of the show’s ever growing mythology. Yes, I realize that it’s gimmicky, but that’s only a bad thing if you aren’t succeptible to gimmicks, which I never claimed not to be. Sign me up for another Aquaman/Kid Flash/Cyborg episode! Supernatural is more problematic, since it’s on Thursdays at 9 PM, and may end up being carnage in the aftermath of the Grey’s Anatomy/CSI Battle 2006. It’s a positive sign that the show is deciding to put the freak of the week style storytelling from it’s first season on the backburner and amp up the mythology of monster hunting brothers Sam & Dean.

What’s Bad?

7th Heaven and One Tree Hill will still be on the air. That’s not only bad in terms of scheduling since better shows Everwood should be in one of these two spots, but also in terms of quality programming. Look, I’m not suggesting that Smallville is a piece of art, but in comparison to the abortion that is 7th Heaven it is like watching a smarter version of The Wire. And if Haylie Duff joining the cast doesn’t reek of the Apocolypse, I don’t know what does. Over on One Tree Hill, I have no idea what is happening other than Chad Michael Murray looking for his next wife. Also, if the CW is trying to shake off the memories of UPN, keeping WWE Smackdown! on Friday nights is probably not the smartest move.

What’s Real?
America’s Next Top Model keeps getting stronger and stronger, especially after last year’s cycle with the series best villain ever: Jade. This year the show promises more surprises, the return of Janice Dick and the further compliance with the new CW’s policy on employing ugly twins, by having these two girls in the running to be America’s Next Top Model:

Regardless, I don’t think there is much that can knock this show off its track, so look forward to another solid season.

So there you have it in a nutshell. My DVR is already set for Tuesdays & Thursdays on teh CW and I’m going to give Everybody Hates Chris and Runaway a spin.