It’s a Wonderful Life – PSYCH!

Recaps

By DearCrabby | Tuesday, December 25, 2012 | 6:00 am | 12 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , ,
Posted in: Christmas Specials, Featured, Recaps

***More Christmas recap goodness from Dear Crabby! Merry X!!

We open It’s a Wonderful Life in Bedford Falls, New York, so already we’ve been lied to. We hear many voices in prayer asking God to help George Bailey, and I’m guessing he was naughty not nice. They really should be writing to Santa. One voice says, “He never thinks about himself, God, that’s why he’s in trouble.” This is exactly what Oprah and Dr. Phil say to harried mothers!

Life 122209-1.JPGAnd you are f***ed!

As could be expected with a Frank Capra movie, the prayers all float up into the heavens and a bunch of constellations start talking to each other like it’s The Twilight Zone. One voice says that they will need to send someone down to help a man named George Bailey. “Right, George Bailey,” another voice says. “Tonight’s his crucial night.” Is he losing his virginity?

Life 122209-2.JPGWhy does the center one look like a fetus?

The voices decide to send someone named Clarence who they admit has the I.Q. of a rabbit but the faith of a child. Either way, sounds like Clarence is taking the short bus to see George. When Clarence shows up as a dot next to the voices’ constellations, he asks if George is sick. “No, worse – he’s discouraged.” I’ve been sick and I’ve been discouraged and I think the former is worse, unless the discouragement is in the form of a dead-end job, then I’m too discouraged to think about it.

“At 10:40pm earth time, that man will be thinking about throwing away God’s greatest gift,” says one of the voices. He’s going to throw away dark chocolate? “Oh dear, his life!” Clarence says. Okay, let’s go with that.

Clarence asks if he accomplishes his mission, could he become a full-fledged angel by getting his wings? Way to think about yourself, Clarence! So typical of the clergy and related professions. And how the hell have you been flying around until now, jet pack? One voice asks what book Clarence is reading and it turns out to be The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. The voice tells him that if he helps George Bailey, he’ll get his wings. How did reading Tom Sawyer help that situation? Maybe I should put a copy on my desk at work. Next to my voodoo dolls of the exec team.

So they begin to tell Clarence George’s history. One of the voices asks Clarence to pay attention and Clarence says he can’t see anything. “Oh, I forgot, you haven’t gotten your wings yet,” the voice says. Uh, where were you 5 seconds ago when we talked about that? Stupid voices, pay attention!

The picture clears and we see a group of boys playing in the snow and sliding down a hill. Turns out it’s 1919 and George is just a boy of twelve. Pay attention, there may be a math quiz later. George slides down the hill on a shovel with the handle between his legs. I’m guessing Clarence will be saving George’s balls when he slams into something? I mean, you’re just asking for a rupture with that kind of activity.

Life 122209-3.JPG

Get ready for a pounding, testes!

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A Food Network host wannabe and travel fanatic (only three more continents to go!) , Dear Crabby lived in Chicago for over 10 years before returning to her native Ohio. She loves black martinis, blue cheese burgers, and The Daily Show. A two-time Chicago marathon finisher, she heartily dislikes Smokey Smokersons, slow drivers in the passing lane, and noisy children, especially when they ruin a fine dining experience or a trip to Target. A nouveau spinster, Dear Crabby spends her free time with her Cocker Spaniels and often goes by the pseudonym “Mrs. Clooney.”

12 Comments

  1. 1
    pixielated
    Posted December 23, 2009 at 1:58 pm

    Oh, Crabby, hilarious as usual.

    But didn’t you know that banks don’t have the money that you deposited? It’s kind of like a Ponzi scheme: they trust that not everybody is going to want to get their money out at the same time, so they will have enough to cover the people who do. That’s also what FDIC (Federal Deposit Insurance) is for, to protect people from bank runs and failures. And don’t ever ask about checking!

    Merry Christmas!

  2. 2
    fire@will
    Posted December 23, 2009 at 6:08 pm

    If the Potters (less Harry) had prevailed, we would not be in the financial mess we’re in today.

    Great (fun) recap, but it seems to be missing at least one page (I only get 12)…

  3. 3
    hutchlover
    Posted December 23, 2009 at 7:15 pm

    Pixie’s got the right idea, but prior to the stock market crash (v. 1.0), there was no FDIC. That was one of the things created by the stock market crash (v. 1.0) once Roosevelt (v. 2.0) got into office.

    I love these Christmas recaps, but I must say that this is one of the best Christmas movies ever. Don’t ask me why since it’s so depressing.

  4. 4
    dearcrabby
    Posted December 24, 2009 at 5:57 am

    Yes, one page seems to be missing! I will work on it when I get home from my own soul-sucking savings and loan job, hahaha!

  5. 5
    whoochile
    Posted December 24, 2009 at 6:10 am

    Crabby, you are hysterical! This recap is gold. I’ve never been a fan of this movie, it never clicked for me and now I know why!!! You totally pointed out all the things that don’t really make any sense.
    Can’t wait for page 13.

  6. 6
    ohionancy
    Posted December 24, 2009 at 10:20 am

    I love this movie & your recap was great but I can’t wait for the last page. No matter how many times I’ve seen it when that brother makes his toast at the end I cry every time – I may cry now thinking about it – I’m such a wuss!

    I think it’s hilarious your Potter/Dick Chaney analogy. During the inauguration when Chaney was in the wheelchair all I could think of was “he looks like Old Man Potter”

    Just as a trivia tidbit – the Jew Mary was talking to at the dance was Alfalfa from the Little Rascals.

    Have a great holiday!!

  7. 7
    pixielated
    Posted December 24, 2009 at 7:00 pm

    Yeah, hutchlover, I know that the FDIC didn’t exist until after the Depression. Also, before the FHA, HUD, etc., ordinary people could not get mortgages unless there was a building and loan company in their town.

    Fire@will probably thinks those were the GOOD old days. When poor people knew their places.

    And the reason we are in the mess we are now is BECAUSE of people like Potter, or his lookalike Dick Cheney, who got us into this wonderful war that was supposed to give us an endless supply of cheap oil and enrich Halliburton immeasurably (well, it did do that).

  8. 8
    thatswhatshesaid
    Posted December 25, 2009 at 8:54 pm

    This was hilarious! I love you!!! “Is that Jerry’s Puffy Shirt?” Great line! I enjoyed this movie the one time I saw it, but I was confused by a lot of things. Your recap pointed out a lot of the same things, so I’m glad it wasn’t just me. Thanks for the good work! Can’t wait for page 13!

  9. 9
    Tvsnarkeling
    Posted December 28, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    Love the recap with such a Republican spin. No wonder this will never be shown on a FOX channel

    The taxi drive an cop (on pg 4)are named Bert and Ernie. Cracks me up everytime I hear it

  10. 10
    hutchlover
    Posted December 28, 2010 at 3:58 pm

    TVsnarkeling, Bert & ERnie from Sesame Street were named after B&E from “It’s a Wonderful LIfe”.

  11. 11
    hot cawfee
    Posted December 26, 2012 at 6:53 am

    One of my most fave movies ever!!!! I cry at the beginning when everyone is praying for George esp. the kids. I cry when Mary whispers “Geoerge Bailey I’ll love you till the day I die”
    sigh………back to reading

  12. 12
    Aunt Dorsey
    Posted December 30, 2012 at 2:54 am

    I always hated that movie, bunch of treacle. Enjoyed your re-cap much more.

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