It’s a Wonderful Life – PSYCH!

Recaps

By DearCrabby | Tuesday, December 25, 2012 | 6:00 am | 12 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , ,
Posted in: Christmas Specials, Featured, Recaps

Back at the Building and Loan, Violet needs money, probably for a back-alley abortion, and asks George for a loan. With what collateral, her ass? She kisses him and leaves lipstick stains on his face. Skank! Or skunk! That hat she’s wearing sure looks like one.

Life 122209-33.JPG

Here’s your money, just don’t tell my wife about this.

Uncle Billy tells George what happened and George freaks out. He walks through the streets and back to the bank with Uncle Billy and realizes they are screwed but good. Back at Uncle Billy’s home office, George freaks out, grabs Uncle Billy and screams, “Where’s that money you stupid old fool!” He says it means scandal and jail and sex with men. “One of us is going to jail and it won’t be me!” Dramatic much?

Life 122209-34.JPG

The next knot you tie should be around your neck!

George shows up at home with no overcoat, hat or gloves looking like a man who is about to blow his head off, but Mary is just concerned about her Merry Christmas wreath. She continues to decorate the tree as George grabs one of his many kids and hugs and kisses him like he’s a man on death row. Mary turns and sees that George is coo-coo for cocoa puffs.

Life 122209-35.JPG

His non-verbals aren’t doing him any favors.

Mary tells George that their daughter Zuzu (please tell me that’s a nickname) has a cold because she brought a flower home inside her coat and didn’t button it up because she didn’t want to crush it. Or, she got the cold from the other snot-nosed, germy kids at school. George heads upstairs to see Zuzu and it’s odd that they put all the kids’ beds in one room when they have an old mansion with like 50 rooms.

Petals have fallen off Zuzu’s rose and she asks George to put it back together. He puts the petals in a pocket in his pants and tells her to go to sleep. He puts his hand over her face to check her temperature but it looks like he’s trying to suffocate her.

Life 122209-36.JPG

Uh, dad? Cyclops doesn’t really work for me.

The phone rings and it’s Zuzu’s teacher. George gets on the phone and tears her a new one for sending his kid home “half naked.” Dude, she’s not Potter, calm down. Then a man’s voice comes over the phone and it’s the teacher’s husband. He and George get into it – it really is a banner day for the Baileys!

Life 122209-37.JPG

I can’t believe teachers get a six-figure salary
and send kids home half naked! You make what? HAHAHAHA,
okay, nevermind, I’m just glad you’re not naked!

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

A Food Network host wannabe and travel fanatic (only three more continents to go!) , Dear Crabby lived in Chicago for over 10 years before returning to her native Ohio. She loves black martinis, blue cheese burgers, and The Daily Show. A two-time Chicago marathon finisher, she heartily dislikes Smokey Smokersons, slow drivers in the passing lane, and noisy children, especially when they ruin a fine dining experience or a trip to Target. A nouveau spinster, Dear Crabby spends her free time with her Cocker Spaniels and often goes by the pseudonym “Mrs. Clooney.”

12 Comments

  1. 1
    pixielated
    Posted December 23, 2009 at 1:58 pm

    Oh, Crabby, hilarious as usual.

    But didn’t you know that banks don’t have the money that you deposited? It’s kind of like a Ponzi scheme: they trust that not everybody is going to want to get their money out at the same time, so they will have enough to cover the people who do. That’s also what FDIC (Federal Deposit Insurance) is for, to protect people from bank runs and failures. And don’t ever ask about checking!

    Merry Christmas!

  2. 2
    fire@will
    Posted December 23, 2009 at 6:08 pm

    If the Potters (less Harry) had prevailed, we would not be in the financial mess we’re in today.

    Great (fun) recap, but it seems to be missing at least one page (I only get 12)…

  3. 3
    hutchlover
    Posted December 23, 2009 at 7:15 pm

    Pixie’s got the right idea, but prior to the stock market crash (v. 1.0), there was no FDIC. That was one of the things created by the stock market crash (v. 1.0) once Roosevelt (v. 2.0) got into office.

    I love these Christmas recaps, but I must say that this is one of the best Christmas movies ever. Don’t ask me why since it’s so depressing.

  4. 4
    dearcrabby
    Posted December 24, 2009 at 5:57 am

    Yes, one page seems to be missing! I will work on it when I get home from my own soul-sucking savings and loan job, hahaha!

  5. 5
    whoochile
    Posted December 24, 2009 at 6:10 am

    Crabby, you are hysterical! This recap is gold. I’ve never been a fan of this movie, it never clicked for me and now I know why!!! You totally pointed out all the things that don’t really make any sense.
    Can’t wait for page 13.

  6. 6
    ohionancy
    Posted December 24, 2009 at 10:20 am

    I love this movie & your recap was great but I can’t wait for the last page. No matter how many times I’ve seen it when that brother makes his toast at the end I cry every time – I may cry now thinking about it – I’m such a wuss!

    I think it’s hilarious your Potter/Dick Chaney analogy. During the inauguration when Chaney was in the wheelchair all I could think of was “he looks like Old Man Potter”

    Just as a trivia tidbit – the Jew Mary was talking to at the dance was Alfalfa from the Little Rascals.

    Have a great holiday!!

  7. 7
    pixielated
    Posted December 24, 2009 at 7:00 pm

    Yeah, hutchlover, I know that the FDIC didn’t exist until after the Depression. Also, before the FHA, HUD, etc., ordinary people could not get mortgages unless there was a building and loan company in their town.

    Fire@will probably thinks those were the GOOD old days. When poor people knew their places.

    And the reason we are in the mess we are now is BECAUSE of people like Potter, or his lookalike Dick Cheney, who got us into this wonderful war that was supposed to give us an endless supply of cheap oil and enrich Halliburton immeasurably (well, it did do that).

  8. 8
    thatswhatshesaid
    Posted December 25, 2009 at 8:54 pm

    This was hilarious! I love you!!! “Is that Jerry’s Puffy Shirt?” Great line! I enjoyed this movie the one time I saw it, but I was confused by a lot of things. Your recap pointed out a lot of the same things, so I’m glad it wasn’t just me. Thanks for the good work! Can’t wait for page 13!

  9. 9
    Tvsnarkeling
    Posted December 28, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    Love the recap with such a Republican spin. No wonder this will never be shown on a FOX channel

    The taxi drive an cop (on pg 4)are named Bert and Ernie. Cracks me up everytime I hear it

  10. 10
    hutchlover
    Posted December 28, 2010 at 3:58 pm

    TVsnarkeling, Bert & ERnie from Sesame Street were named after B&E from “It’s a Wonderful LIfe”.

  11. 11
    hot cawfee
    Posted December 26, 2012 at 6:53 am

    One of my most fave movies ever!!!! I cry at the beginning when everyone is praying for George esp. the kids. I cry when Mary whispers “Geoerge Bailey I’ll love you till the day I die”
    sigh………back to reading

  12. 12
    Aunt Dorsey
    Posted December 30, 2012 at 2:54 am

    I always hated that movie, bunch of treacle. Enjoyed your re-cap much more.

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