It’s a Wonderful Life – PSYCH!

Recaps

By DearCrabby | Tuesday, December 25, 2012 | 6:00 am | 12 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , ,
Posted in: Christmas Specials, Featured, Recaps

“Something happens here you’ll have to remember for later on,” the voice tells Clarence. Boy after boy flies down the hill safely until George announces his kid brother, Harry, who says he’s not scared. To quote Yoda, you will be Harry, you WILL BE. Harry skids across the ice and right into a flowing river that wasn’t there when everyone else came down. Maybe the river’s there now because the bowels of hell opened and melted the ice?

Harry screams for help and George jumps right into the water. The boys create a chain and bring them both back to safety. Voice tells us that George saved Harry’s life that day but caught a bad cold that gave him an ear infection that cost him the hearing in his left ear. Or maybe like my parents’ dog, he’s only selectively listening to people.

Voice says it was weeks before George could go back to his after-school job at Old Man Gower’s drug store. We see George and his friends with baseball gloves walking through town and the scene is clearly in the middle of summer. How fast do the seasons change in Bedford Falls? Looks like global warming started there.

As George and his friends are walking through town, they see Old Man Potter ride by in his horse-drawn gold-encrusted carriage. Clarence asks if that’s a king. “That’s Henry Potter, the richest and meanest man in the county,” Voice says. Man, every county has one, don’t they?

Life 122209-4.JPG

Or is it Queen Victoria? Let’s take a closer look…

Life 122209-5.JPG

…no, it’s evil Mr. Potter.

George enters the drug store and says hello to Old Man Gower. “You’re late!” Gower says. Always with the glass half-full, Mr. Gower. Also, you look like a crazed homeless man which probably doesn’t instill a lot of confidence in your customers. No, wait, you’re just drunk. That’s what I like in my pharmacist!

A young brunette girl is sitting at the counter when another girl, a blonde, walks in. Fight! FIGHT! Blonde girl drips honey as she says hello to George, then says hello to Mary like Mary’s a leper. Well, she is brunette. Mary, looking like she doesn’t care, says, “Hello Violet.” Ah, Violet. We’ve established who the whore is.

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Bitch.
Skank.

Violet needs two cents worth of shoelaces, probably for auto-erotic asphyxiation, and she tells Mary she likes George. “You like every boy,” Mary says. “What’s wrong with that?” Violet asks. Nothing, except you start looking like Colin Farrell in female form. Violet gets her laces and leaves.

Mary tells George she wants a chocolate ice cream and he asks if she wants coconut. She says she doesn’t like coconut. He can’t believe she doesn’t like coconuts (it’s like mushrooms or chiropractors – you either love them or hate them, there’s no middle ground). He calls her brainless which totally turns her on, and tells her where coconuts come as he just read about it in National Geographic. Thanks, Poindexter.

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

A Food Network host wannabe and travel fanatic (only three more continents to go!) , Dear Crabby lived in Chicago for over 10 years before returning to her native Ohio. She loves black martinis, blue cheese burgers, and The Daily Show. A two-time Chicago marathon finisher, she heartily dislikes Smokey Smokersons, slow drivers in the passing lane, and noisy children, especially when they ruin a fine dining experience or a trip to Target. A nouveau spinster, Dear Crabby spends her free time with her Cocker Spaniels and often goes by the pseudonym “Mrs. Clooney.”

12 Comments

  1. 1
    pixielated
    Posted December 23, 2009 at 1:58 pm

    Oh, Crabby, hilarious as usual.

    But didn’t you know that banks don’t have the money that you deposited? It’s kind of like a Ponzi scheme: they trust that not everybody is going to want to get their money out at the same time, so they will have enough to cover the people who do. That’s also what FDIC (Federal Deposit Insurance) is for, to protect people from bank runs and failures. And don’t ever ask about checking!

    Merry Christmas!

  2. 2
    fire@will
    Posted December 23, 2009 at 6:08 pm

    If the Potters (less Harry) had prevailed, we would not be in the financial mess we’re in today.

    Great (fun) recap, but it seems to be missing at least one page (I only get 12)…

  3. 3
    hutchlover
    Posted December 23, 2009 at 7:15 pm

    Pixie’s got the right idea, but prior to the stock market crash (v. 1.0), there was no FDIC. That was one of the things created by the stock market crash (v. 1.0) once Roosevelt (v. 2.0) got into office.

    I love these Christmas recaps, but I must say that this is one of the best Christmas movies ever. Don’t ask me why since it’s so depressing.

  4. 4
    dearcrabby
    Posted December 24, 2009 at 5:57 am

    Yes, one page seems to be missing! I will work on it when I get home from my own soul-sucking savings and loan job, hahaha!

  5. 5
    whoochile
    Posted December 24, 2009 at 6:10 am

    Crabby, you are hysterical! This recap is gold. I’ve never been a fan of this movie, it never clicked for me and now I know why!!! You totally pointed out all the things that don’t really make any sense.
    Can’t wait for page 13.

  6. 6
    ohionancy
    Posted December 24, 2009 at 10:20 am

    I love this movie & your recap was great but I can’t wait for the last page. No matter how many times I’ve seen it when that brother makes his toast at the end I cry every time – I may cry now thinking about it – I’m such a wuss!

    I think it’s hilarious your Potter/Dick Chaney analogy. During the inauguration when Chaney was in the wheelchair all I could think of was “he looks like Old Man Potter”

    Just as a trivia tidbit – the Jew Mary was talking to at the dance was Alfalfa from the Little Rascals.

    Have a great holiday!!

  7. 7
    pixielated
    Posted December 24, 2009 at 7:00 pm

    Yeah, hutchlover, I know that the FDIC didn’t exist until after the Depression. Also, before the FHA, HUD, etc., ordinary people could not get mortgages unless there was a building and loan company in their town.

    Fire@will probably thinks those were the GOOD old days. When poor people knew their places.

    And the reason we are in the mess we are now is BECAUSE of people like Potter, or his lookalike Dick Cheney, who got us into this wonderful war that was supposed to give us an endless supply of cheap oil and enrich Halliburton immeasurably (well, it did do that).

  8. 8
    thatswhatshesaid
    Posted December 25, 2009 at 8:54 pm

    This was hilarious! I love you!!! “Is that Jerry’s Puffy Shirt?” Great line! I enjoyed this movie the one time I saw it, but I was confused by a lot of things. Your recap pointed out a lot of the same things, so I’m glad it wasn’t just me. Thanks for the good work! Can’t wait for page 13!

  9. 9
    Tvsnarkeling
    Posted December 28, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    Love the recap with such a Republican spin. No wonder this will never be shown on a FOX channel

    The taxi drive an cop (on pg 4)are named Bert and Ernie. Cracks me up everytime I hear it

  10. 10
    hutchlover
    Posted December 28, 2010 at 3:58 pm

    TVsnarkeling, Bert & ERnie from Sesame Street were named after B&E from “It’s a Wonderful LIfe”.

  11. 11
    hot cawfee
    Posted December 26, 2012 at 6:53 am

    One of my most fave movies ever!!!! I cry at the beginning when everyone is praying for George esp. the kids. I cry when Mary whispers “Geoerge Bailey I’ll love you till the day I die”
    sigh………back to reading

  12. 12
    Aunt Dorsey
    Posted December 30, 2012 at 2:54 am

    I always hated that movie, bunch of treacle. Enjoyed your re-cap much more.

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