It’s a Wonderful Life – PSYCH!

Recaps

By DearCrabby | Tuesday, December 25, 2012 | 6:00 am | 12 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , ,
Posted in: Christmas Specials, Featured, Recaps

“Are you running a business or a charity ward?” Potter asks. He does have a point. He’s like the Chase bank of today. Bailey Sr. asks Potter why he’s such a miserable old bastard – he doesn’t have any family and he can’t spend all the money he has. Maybe he hires whores? Where’s Violet?

Potter calls Bailey Sr. a failure and George comes to his father’s defense. “My father’s bigger than you,” he says, which is kind of rude since Potter’s in a wheelchair and by default is smaller than Bailey Sr. George is shoved out of his father’s office and is back on his own to make his decision to take the poison pills to the lady. He should go to the school yard and tell everyone it’s ecstasy. He could make some cool cash AND get rid of the bullies all in one fell swoop. God, I miss junior high.

Back at the pharmacy, Mary is still at the counter (get a life!) and we hear Gower yelling into the phone that George should have been there an hour ago. Busted! He grabs George and begins to slap him around. Oh, child labor laws, you ruined all the fun! He hits George in his ear and it begins to bleed. Maybe George lost his hearing due to the infection because Gower gave him the wrong medicine! Dammit!

George cries and tells Gower that he put poison in the pills by accident. He knows Gower is feeling bad about his son dying and he didn’t pay attention to the pills. Gower takes a quick taste of the pill and realizes George is right. He hugs George and George swears he won’t tell a soul about what Gower did. It’s like he’s an alter boy! The only problem is that Mary hears this whole thing and you know women can’t keep secrets. We just can’t. Expect this to be all over town by nightfall.

Next, we see George Bailey as an adult as he’s measuring a fish – no, he’s asking for a suitcase THIS BIG. George says he wants a big suitcase so he can put labels all over it. “Italy, Bagdad…” he says. What the hell? Bagdad? Did George enlist in a war we will never win? Crap!

Life 122209-9.JPG

Fish, suitcase, or penis…let me assure you this is a lie.

The sales guy pull out a large suitcase and says, “I don’t suppose you’d like this second hand job?” Did he get a first? Lucky bastard. George loves it but wants to know what it costs. There’s no charge! Why? Because Old Man Gower bought it for him – bought his silence if you ask me. George heads over to the pharmacy and tells Gower, “Thanks for the baggage.” Yeah, it’s going to take years of therapy to get rid of it.

While talking to the taxi driver and a police officer, George sees Violet sashaying down the sidewalk and tells her she looks nice. She looks like Madonna in Shanghai Surprise. Violet flips her hair and all the men look after her. Probably because they’ve all had her.

Life 122209-10.JPG

Not tonight, boys. I need to go meet Sean Penn then leave him
to have very hairy children.

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

A Food Network host wannabe and travel fanatic (only three more continents to go!) , Dear Crabby lived in Chicago for over 10 years before returning to her native Ohio. She loves black martinis, blue cheese burgers, and The Daily Show. A two-time Chicago marathon finisher, she heartily dislikes Smokey Smokersons, slow drivers in the passing lane, and noisy children, especially when they ruin a fine dining experience or a trip to Target. A nouveau spinster, Dear Crabby spends her free time with her Cocker Spaniels and often goes by the pseudonym “Mrs. Clooney.”

12 Comments

  1. 1
    pixielated
    Posted December 23, 2009 at 1:58 pm

    Oh, Crabby, hilarious as usual.

    But didn’t you know that banks don’t have the money that you deposited? It’s kind of like a Ponzi scheme: they trust that not everybody is going to want to get their money out at the same time, so they will have enough to cover the people who do. That’s also what FDIC (Federal Deposit Insurance) is for, to protect people from bank runs and failures. And don’t ever ask about checking!

    Merry Christmas!

  2. 2
    fire@will
    Posted December 23, 2009 at 6:08 pm

    If the Potters (less Harry) had prevailed, we would not be in the financial mess we’re in today.

    Great (fun) recap, but it seems to be missing at least one page (I only get 12)…

  3. 3
    hutchlover
    Posted December 23, 2009 at 7:15 pm

    Pixie’s got the right idea, but prior to the stock market crash (v. 1.0), there was no FDIC. That was one of the things created by the stock market crash (v. 1.0) once Roosevelt (v. 2.0) got into office.

    I love these Christmas recaps, but I must say that this is one of the best Christmas movies ever. Don’t ask me why since it’s so depressing.

  4. 4
    dearcrabby
    Posted December 24, 2009 at 5:57 am

    Yes, one page seems to be missing! I will work on it when I get home from my own soul-sucking savings and loan job, hahaha!

  5. 5
    whoochile
    Posted December 24, 2009 at 6:10 am

    Crabby, you are hysterical! This recap is gold. I’ve never been a fan of this movie, it never clicked for me and now I know why!!! You totally pointed out all the things that don’t really make any sense.
    Can’t wait for page 13.

  6. 6
    ohionancy
    Posted December 24, 2009 at 10:20 am

    I love this movie & your recap was great but I can’t wait for the last page. No matter how many times I’ve seen it when that brother makes his toast at the end I cry every time – I may cry now thinking about it – I’m such a wuss!

    I think it’s hilarious your Potter/Dick Chaney analogy. During the inauguration when Chaney was in the wheelchair all I could think of was “he looks like Old Man Potter”

    Just as a trivia tidbit – the Jew Mary was talking to at the dance was Alfalfa from the Little Rascals.

    Have a great holiday!!

  7. 7
    pixielated
    Posted December 24, 2009 at 7:00 pm

    Yeah, hutchlover, I know that the FDIC didn’t exist until after the Depression. Also, before the FHA, HUD, etc., ordinary people could not get mortgages unless there was a building and loan company in their town.

    Fire@will probably thinks those were the GOOD old days. When poor people knew their places.

    And the reason we are in the mess we are now is BECAUSE of people like Potter, or his lookalike Dick Cheney, who got us into this wonderful war that was supposed to give us an endless supply of cheap oil and enrich Halliburton immeasurably (well, it did do that).

  8. 8
    thatswhatshesaid
    Posted December 25, 2009 at 8:54 pm

    This was hilarious! I love you!!! “Is that Jerry’s Puffy Shirt?” Great line! I enjoyed this movie the one time I saw it, but I was confused by a lot of things. Your recap pointed out a lot of the same things, so I’m glad it wasn’t just me. Thanks for the good work! Can’t wait for page 13!

  9. 9
    Tvsnarkeling
    Posted December 28, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    Love the recap with such a Republican spin. No wonder this will never be shown on a FOX channel

    The taxi drive an cop (on pg 4)are named Bert and Ernie. Cracks me up everytime I hear it

  10. 10
    hutchlover
    Posted December 28, 2010 at 3:58 pm

    TVsnarkeling, Bert & ERnie from Sesame Street were named after B&E from “It’s a Wonderful LIfe”.

  11. 11
    hot cawfee
    Posted December 26, 2012 at 6:53 am

    One of my most fave movies ever!!!! I cry at the beginning when everyone is praying for George esp. the kids. I cry when Mary whispers “Geoerge Bailey I’ll love you till the day I die”
    sigh………back to reading

  12. 12
    Aunt Dorsey
    Posted December 30, 2012 at 2:54 am

    I always hated that movie, bunch of treacle. Enjoyed your re-cap much more.

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