Hop on kids, we’re going on a magic carpet ride through the world of the latest rag-tag gang of orange bitches with big hair all trying to talk over each other. Follow me after the jump. And by jump I mean me possibly jumping off a cliff to avoid watching this rubbish next week.
Maybe I could just stick my head in one of those nice plastic dress bags…
We open in what appears to be a business of sorts. Orange bitches with big hair are all talking over each other in a manner that I assume my closed captioning would translate into –unintelligible talking and laughing–. Even if you pay really close attention and manage to focus all your listening on just one guidette you still find that they’re just saying, “ruh ruh ruh ruh ruh ruh ruh ruh ruh.” They’re also putting away what I assume would be considered pretty dresses if you had a hot date for a prom that was somehow taking place in 1992.
Let’s do the Time Warp again…
The ugly dress store is owned by a mom and her two daughters. They introduce themselves, but who cares about their life stories, really? It’s not like they’re people. I mean… They’re from Jersey for fuck’s sake. People from Jersey don’t have souls, and therefore they don‘t deserve backstories. Their store is called Diane and Co. I was gonna do some fun Photoshop editing to correct the sign to say Diane and Hos, but my desktop is fried and the netbook I’m currently left with has no photo editing software, so here’s a lame unadulterated photo of the sign instead. Feel free to color on your monitors to simulate my amazing Photoshopping skills.
DIY Photoshop
The older sister is the responsible one
Nothing screams responsibility like an identifiable animal print
And the younger sis is Cr-A-Zy
Nothing screams crazy like unidentifiable… Oh never mind
There’s a younger brother and a dad around too. The brother works as a DJ when he’s not in the store, so I hate him already. Dude, you play pre-recorded music in sets and for some reason that I’ll never understand that makes girls basically hand their vaginas to you. My iPod does what you do and it’s not surrounded by a posse of slutty coke-heads 24/7. Ladies, listen up and listen good. DJ-ing is not a “talent.” It’s not a job that should come with groupies and free sex. DJ’s are basically walking mixtapes with an over-inflated sense of entitlement. Yes, they can probably get you into clubs for free, but so can bouncers, and at least with a bouncer you have someone who could move your couch for you or rough up some hooligans. Okay, end rant. DJ’s suck.
I’m from Jersey. And I gotta say. It’s not as easy as it looks. Especially when you leave Jersey and go somewhere else in the States. Because the rest of you people are so fucking boring, it makes you want to pop someone just to wake things up a bit.
Just sayin’
The recap is awesome but I’m not gonna let myself get suckered into watchin’ this shitfest. They should have made it a competition style show.
I’m from jersey too, although not italian. Unfortunately I married an italian (thankfully, not a jersey italian which is its own nightmare and the shame of all italians) so when people hear all the vowels in my last name and hear I’m from jersey, they understandably shrink back in horror waiting for me to commit some act of etiquette treachery. Can’t watch another show about jersey italians, I moved hundreds of miles to get away from them all, but will read your recaps. the paragraph about dj’s alone was worth it.
Hey, I don’t blame you guys at all. I don’t think I could live with myself if I encouraged people to spend an hour a week on this crap. So long as you read the recaps I’m happy.
hands down, one of the funniest recaps I’ve read so far on here! you had me in stitches the whole time. 
I agree 100% about dj’s, and not just because I dated one for over 4 years, haha. he was a radio dj though, so I feel like he was a notch above the iTunes-spinner.
I unfortunately caught this show just last night & it will likely become my new guilty pleasure. I was determined not to get into this jersey crap, but I fell in love with Jerseylicious & now this stupid show! they are all so orange, it’s mesmerizing.
I totally LOL’d at “Hey there lllllladies. Watch me hit ‘Next’ on my iTunes playlist.” Aaaaaaaand now I just snorted. That’s like belching after a great meal, a sign of respect.
