Jersey Shore Recap: Control the Crazy, aka I Guess My Friend Michelle Watches This?

Chris shows up for Date Night, and Deena asks him how he feels about their relationship, if he’s comfortable with how clingy she is.  He gives the most awesome answer ever, and I am floored.  Jaw, meet ground.  He tells her that he expects a certain level of clinginess and he digs it.  But she can’t call him at 4 am anymore.  It’s kind of a perfect answer, and I’m suddenly inexplicably seeing Deena in a different light.  Still not you, a college degree light, but maybe the teeniest bit more insightful than I’d previously given her credit.  

Paula arrives, and Deena coos over her ability to look like a porn star, but like a girl-next-door.  WTF?  I didn’t know that was an enviable look?  On their date, Paula lets it all hang out, and it turns out that Paula is pretty raunchy.  I know girls like this, and they crack me up – I love them.  Mike, on the other hand, is not amused.  Deena thinks she’s auditioning a Meatball and mentions getting arrested as a pre-requisit for admission.  Paula confesses she was never arrested… in Seaside.  Mike acts like he’s appalled she’s been arrested.  Afterall, he dreams romantically of a lady in the streets and a freak in the streets.  He’s such a gentleman!  He’s better than Paula!  

His Craigslist Ad: Greasebag hoser seeks insecure girl with lady-like porn-star style.

The ladies step outside for a smoke break, and they discuss that Paula’s good for Mike.  He tries to be a bad boy, but he’s a sweetheart.  And that, Amigos, is the problem with Mike.  It’s what makes him act like a dick most of the time.  When he drops the act, he’s watchable.  When he’s  hoser, he just makes me cringe.  Speaking of cringing, Paula confesses she’s very open, but they’ve not discussed poop.  Hold on.  I have to run barf real quick… no! For REAL, YOU GUYS!!  Deena says, Eh, it’ll come,” and takes a giant drag on her Marlboro Light.  

Mike uses Chris for a quick therapy sesh, and Chris counsels him that he’ll get used to letting things go.  I’m kinda over the “Mike struggles with commitment”  story line.  They all head out to the rides, and while waiting for a roller coaster to start, Paula throws a shocker hand-sign to Deena.  ”Whoo-hoo, shocker!”  I’m leaving it to y’all commenters to explain the shocker.  And I’m not sorry.  It didn’t seem like a big deal, but Mike acts mortified.  They head back to the house to get ready for the club.

Snooki’s there, sacked out on a bean bag.  I can’t imagine how she’d get up out of that thing.  

Seriously.  Snooki/Hobbit fanfic.  Do it.

I’m thankful we don’t have to see it, too.  Ron and Sam are staying in, but everyone else is just about ready for tee-shirt time.  While they’re hanging together in the pre-shirt time, Mike puts on his Captain Dick cape, gets in the Dickmobile, and floors it.  He brings up how Paula threw a shocker, and his innocence was, well, shocked!  They all have a good time with it, and Paula’s rolling with it.  Snooki even takes some heat by sharing that she likes some shocker action once in awhile.  But Mike’s not havin’ it.  He explains that he’s ‘keepin’ it in check,’ and bless her heart, Paula asks what he means.  He goes on to explain that when he can’t control what comes out of her mouth, he has to keep it in check but that when she just sits there and smile,s it’s all good.  Oh REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAALLLLLLYYYYYYYY??????