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Previously, Mike made some poor girl his Queen Guidette which is one step above the magic moment a Juggalo chooses his Juggalette. It’s barfy, y’all. Deena’s parents made it seem like she was raised right by coming down and lecturing their still-day-drunk daughter that she can’t claim Meatball Days as a valid legal right to be drunk in public. Jenni and Roger got into a four-day stand-off because neither of them know how to act right, Jenni only slightly less right than Roger. Two wrongs make a Jersey Shore couple.
It’s raining, which is weird, in the opening shot. I hope that s a coincidence rather than an intentional albeit cheap edit to tug at the heart strings. Jenni and Roger are still on the duck phone, she’s makeup-less and scary but actually looks her age instead of like a 53 year old Beverly Hills alcoholic. He doesn’t dump her, which we already know considering we have the Internet and we know this was filmed prior to earlier this evening when it aired. He doesn’t want to go out with her anymore though, not to the clubs anyway. I wonder if maybe they think we’re as dumb as they are? MTV… give me some credit here.
Mike is fretting about Paula. Some dudes just get immediately twitchy. I know Paula got a little weird, but Mike got weirder. Probably after he asked her to make it official, after years of being emotionally available cheese pizza, he pulled away like a hot slice of pepperoni and she reacted by getting clingier. Ron mentions that he just misses back when she would obey. Gross. He also tries to say that because Mike has made it through rehab, he can make it through a relationship, but that makes no sense whatsoever so it probably resonates with Mike.
At work, Mike, Deena, Ron, and Danny hang around shootin’ it. Danny gives Deena a jail jumpsuit, and she acts like she worries about fashion. It’s a good look for her, as there’s finally no way we can see her pixellated cuka. Mike wants to fix up Paula. He says she’s an 8.2 naturally, but as his human doll, he would get her some new clothes, and get her some new teeth. Run girl, please let something ping in your peach-pit sized brain, and run Paula. He’ll be bankrupt in two years, anyway. Don’t be the poor man’s Spencer and Heidi, run.
Run Honey, run far far away from this gaping hole in humanity.
Instead of taking off for witness protection for exes of misogynistic reality tv ‘characters’, she walks into the store to say hello, which in Mike’s head isn’t so much ‘sayin’ hey,’ as it is ‘checking up on me.’ Grow up already. Your girl was out and about and said hello. Better dump her! Stalkery!
Meanwhile, Vinny and Pauly plot to prank Deena. The decide to take her pictures of her and her boyfriend out of their frames, and replace them with pictures of themselves in photographic recreations. They get out on the Boardwalk, and pose in the photo booth, and it is every bit as adorable as they know it is. I remember why I keep forgetting how much I hate them.