I hope it’s buttercream. I’m going to need a ton of sugar to simulate being as coked up as these kids were through most of their Jersey Shore run if I’m gonna do this recap of a recap show any justice. Praise the Lord that this show is only an hour. I was so afraid MTV would try to squeeze two hours out of this dry stone, I couldn’t even check the TV listing for it until today. And I am the recapper. Sad, you guys.
I wonder if there is some unpaid Intern somewhere that had to count all the fist pumps in this show? You never know. People are weird.
Bonfire Day! The Roomies are hosting a big party, the first bonfire in Seaside History. Vinny and Pauly go to the lumber store, because far be it to them to miss a chance for some excellent getting wood jokes. They are able to buy bonfire-worthy looking wood, but sadly are unable to fit it into the Escalade. Le sigh. I bet I could rig it into my Nissan Versa, and it doesn’t even have hubcaps. They are so lame. Vinny ends up having to push the roller cart all the way home, while Pauly follows in the Caddie behind him.
It’s a huge party, and looks like a lot of fun. Sorry for the shady picture, but I was trying to capture the number of onlookers in the background. They aren’t even edited out at this point. You can clearly see all the families, friends, and Roomies sipping on Ron Ron Juice, joking about Vinny’s family getting Pauly as a nephew, and Roger’s true gorilla-dom, as compared to Jionni’s little apedom. I think they meant chimp, because apes are pretty big, right? Apes and gorillas are the same, I think? What do I know? I work in insurance.
Veni, vidi, non vice.
Mike takes some time to brag about how he’s in the best shape of his life, and looks better than he did at 24. He must have looked 53 at 24! Whoaaaa. He’s watching the boys play football, andJionni invites him in on the game. His cat-like reflexes fail to him, though, and he tuckers out pretty quickly to Jionni’s natural athleticism. I have to admit, I see more of what Snooki says about him. He’s getting laid later, and yeah Snooki. I get it. It’s not my bag, but I get it.
Ron and Sam break it to their parents, separately, that they are going to move in together in New York. Their parents agree all around, even though they are sitting nowhere near each other, so this is not a parenting peer pressure situation or anything… they just know how crappy Sam and Ron are together. Ron’s dad is less vehement than Sam’s, but Sam’s the one who’s had the short end of their stick this whole time so that makes sense to me. She tells her parents that things are good, so can’t we all just forget that abusive nonsense? Good luck with that, hon, and be grateful your family is astute about these things.