Jersey Shore Recap: The Icing on The Cake

Recaps

By SunnySideup | Thursday, December 20, 2012 | 10:04 pm | 5 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Jersey Shore, MTV, Recaps

I hope it’s buttercream.  I’m going to need a ton of sugar to simulate being as coked up as these kids were through most of their Jersey Shore run if I’m gonna do this recap of a recap show any justice.  Praise the Lord that this show is only an hour.  I was so afraid MTV would try to squeeze two hours out of this dry stone, I couldn’t even check the TV listing for it until today.  And I am the recapper.  Sad, you guys.  

I wonder if there is some unpaid Intern somewhere that had to count all the fist pumps in this show?  You never know.  People are weird.

 

Bonfire Day!  The Roomies are hosting a big party, the first bonfire in Seaside History.  Vinny and Pauly go to the lumber store, because far be it to them to miss a chance for some excellent getting wood jokes.  They are able to buy bonfire-worthy looking wood, but sadly are unable to fit it into the Escalade.  Le sigh.  I bet I could rig it into my Nissan Versa, and it doesn’t even have hubcaps.  They are so lame.  Vinny ends up having to push the roller cart all the way home, while Pauly follows in the Caddie behind him.

It’s a huge party, and looks like a lot of fun.  Sorry for the shady picture, but I was trying to capture the number of onlookers in the background.  They aren’t even edited out at this point.  You can clearly see all the families, friends, and Roomies sipping on Ron Ron Juice, joking about Vinny’s family getting Pauly as a nephew, and Roger’s true gorilla-dom, as compared to Jionni’s little apedom.  I think they meant chimp, because apes are pretty big, right?  Apes and gorillas are the same, I think?  What do I know?  I work in insurance.  

Jersey Shore bonfire

Veni, vidi, non vice.

Mike takes some time to brag about how he’s in the best shape of his life, and looks better than he did at 24.  He must have looked 53 at 24!  Whoaaaa.  He’s watching the boys play football, andJionni invites him in on the game.  His cat-like reflexes fail to him, though, and he tuckers out pretty quickly to Jionni’s natural athleticism.  I have to admit, I see more of what Snooki says about him.  He’s getting laid later, and yeah Snooki.  I get it.  It’s not my bag, but I get it.  

Ron and Sam break it to their parents, separately, that they are going to move in together in New York.  Their parents agree all around, even though they are sitting nowhere near each other, so this is not a parenting peer pressure situation or anything… they just know how crappy Sam and Ron are together.  Ron’s dad is less vehement than Sam’s, but Sam’s the one who’s had the short end of their stick this whole time so that makes sense to me.  She tells her parents that things are good, so can’t we all just forget that abusive nonsense?  Good luck with that, hon, and be grateful your family is astute about these things.

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I'm Sunni Sideup, and I grew up in Southern Illinois nowhere near Chicago, and you know what Matt Paxton from 'Hoarders said about girls from So Ill?  "I wouldn't mess with a girl from Southern Illinois; they'll knock your teeth out."  Now I live in Tucson, Arizona and this town is my jam.  I love it.

I have no professional writing experience, but I was the Managing Editor of an All-American high school newspaper about a billion years ago.  Luckily, when you're recapping MTV shows, the jokes write themselves.      

5 Comments

  1. 1
    carol
    Posted December 22, 2012 at 1:01 am

    I can’t believe what Ron was saying. Let me correct that, I totally believe that someone like Ron would say that stuff, I am just amazed that he thinks it was okay to say. Then how Sam just agreed with him and was fine with how she was treated. Wrong on so many levels. And the way it was (at least edited) made it feel like it was not scripted was scary.

    This was a sad end to this show. The three best parts were mini-roger beating Mike multiple times in catching a football, the tea-bag cake, and the RIP for the duck phone.

    Also, that bonfire must have been filmed at an odd time. They usually have a massive crowd outside the Shore Store when they are working. Yet, an illegal bonfire on the beach which is closed at night didn’t have that many people watching. And you could see the “police” guarding the beach ramp when Roger & mini-roger showed up. I will give them props, it looked like a great bonfire/night-beach-party.

    What is prime time at the Jersey Shore? From the dates of Mike/Pauly-Ds birthdays, they were filming in June. It doesn’t seem like June would be prime time at the shore, more like July and August.

  2. 2
    Poopsicle
    Posted December 22, 2012 at 1:33 am

    Yeah, that whole Sam&Ron fight was creepy. Let’s just hope they never have kids.
    Mike totally deserved to have his cake T-bagged, so did Paulie- more so for trying to make that ridiculous way he says “awkward” happen. Knock it off Paulie, you’re too old.
    *Speaking of trying to make annoying shit happen, if I see one more commercial of those fucktard wanna be Honey Boo Boo’s say-” just buck it”on that dumbass Buckwild show I will karate kick the hell out of my tv.
    Not sad to see Jersey Shore end, should’ve happened 3 seasons ago. Great recap btw.

  3. 3
    Kimmi Paul
    Posted December 22, 2012 at 11:49 am

    Yes Ron was a total ass and it would have been a cold day in hell before I apologized BUT… Vinny and Pauly were even bigger douches for letting Sam get her ass handed to her and not saying something. Oh yes, they felt bad, but not bad enough to tell Ron to stop berating the poor girl. That was cowardly in my opinion. They messed up….man up and don’t let a girl take your punishment. Sam honey, run, run far far away….

  4. 4
    Dutchiedevil
    Posted December 28, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    I thought the title was the ITCHING on the cake… Oh well, maybe later, as my captcha says: not yet

  5. 5
    TurtleGirl93 TurtleGirl93
    Posted January 5, 2013 at 3:25 pm

    I still don’t understand why Ron was mad at Sammi. If she was hiding the duct tape* from him, well, then he should be mad. Otherwise, Vinny actually caused the poppage.
    *I’m from the South. Everything can be fixed with duct tape. Well, except for the poor duck phone. I don’t think even duct tape would have fixed that.

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