Jersey Shore: Stormclouds Gather


Ronnie Sam argue.js.8.19.10

Standoff of the orange tans.

Welcome back, beloved readers!  According to the recaps of what we’ve previously seen on Jersey Shore, it looks like this is going to be a Ronnie/Sammi centered episode.  Get ready for some serious déjà vu, some clip-in extensions, and some steroid-fueled mood swings. Can you handle it?  We shall see!

We begin with more footage of Ronnie getting with ho’s out at the local Miami social establishments.  He’s wearing a gleaming white baseball cap perched sideways way up above his forehead, so I’m thinking what woman could possibly resist?  Sitch goes between looking on with a “tsk, tsk” expression and informing Ronnie with guido sign language that he is, indeed, in the IFF.  To us he says that Sam is getting punk’d.  Oooh, MTV cross-promotion.

guido sign language.js.8.19.10

“Yo, let me borrow your hat for a while. It’s a slow night.”

Snooki and Jwoww are on their way home from an innocent outing to a tapas bar when they notice a store that sells only white clothing.  Snooki is charmed as this seems very “Miami,” but wonders what a girl is to do when she gets her period and ruins her white clothing.  But on to more important matters!  She needs to get home and call Emilio, with whom she hasn’t spoken in a couple of days.  When he picks up he’s obviously out enjoying a social life of his own and can’t hear her over the noise of whatever club he’s in.  Snooki’s like, “Ew, what are you doing?”  She implores him to go outside where he can hear her, but he screams at her that he doesn’t have to, there are half-naked girls everywhere, and he’s out… peace.  Uh oh.  Looks like there’s trouble in gorilla juicehead paradise.  Snooki slams down the phone screaming in exasperation then walks away mumbling about Emilio catching an STD.  To us she says that guys are all douchebags who don’t know how to deal with women and that this particular phenomenon explains the rising rate of lesbians in this country.

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“Because with girls there’s no emotional baggage. It’s way easier.”

HA!  That’s awesome.  One of my good friends one time got so fed up with dealing with guys that she asked me if I thought there were camps that existed to deprogram you from being heterosexual.  Snooki?  What do you think?

Snooki storms to her bedroom where Sammi is still pouting and tells her what happened with Emilio.  Sammi’s like, “Yeah that sucks.  Do you think Ronnie is totally effing with me?”  Thanks for your support there, Sammi.  She tries to pump Snooki and Jwoww for information about Ronnie but they are still keeping their mouths shut.  They advise her to stay single, but won’t rat out Ronnie.  Sammi keeps saying that she would be upset if they knew anything and didn’t tell her.  They just keep blinking and looking at their feet.

This is going to be the topic of the entire episode.  The question before the house is:  Do we tell Sammi what we know, or do we stay out of it?  I know that there were lots of approaches and opinions discussed in the comments about how to handle a situation like this, but Snooki and Jwoww are quite tormented.  Too bad they couldn’t have logged on back when this was being taped and gotten some advice.  So anyway they’re stewing out on the patio about what to do and Sammi marches out furious that it’s four in the morning and Ronnie told her he’d only be gone for an hour.  She wants the girls to find out for her what happened but they’re still pretty evasive.  Sammi’s only recourse is to march back inside and write on the chalkboard “Never fall in love in Miami.”  Oh Sammi, that’ll teach him.  Good thinking.

Meanwhile the phone rings and who would it be but Snooki’s loving boyfriend Emilio, of course calling to apologize to her for hanging up on her earlier, right?  Wrong.  Here is what he called to tell her:

Emilios joke.js.8.19.10

He insists that he’s just trying to be honest with her and when Snooki gets riled up enough to yell at him to never call him again, he bursts out laughing, says he’s just kidding and that it’s all a joke.  Snooki screams at him that she hopes he dies and he should never joke about that – all in much more colorful language, naturally.  Jwoww and Sammi witness the whole thing and they are both scandalized.  Seriously, what kind of thing is that to say to your girlfriend?  Is he completely insane?  The phone rings again and Jwoww picks it up and immediately says that she will call the cops or take the next flight to New York – but she’s cut off by Emilio asking “Is this voice mail?”  This cracks Jwoww up and she hangs up.  But don’t worry he calls right back, and this time she at first pretends to be an answering machine, but then gives the following speech:

“Let me explain something to you because we have about 20 f-ing beautiful six-foot-four guys outside our door.  So while you’re f-ing the nasty bitches out there, I’m sure Nicole’s gonna get it in down here.  All right?  So at the end of the day you’re just a loser as it is, and you’re just a drunk skank with no job.  So get it through your f-ing head, all right?”  CLICK.

Jwoww speech.js.8.19.10

And she may just write on the chalkboard next!

Snooki’s like, “ooh, that was mean… but he deserved it.”  That was pretty awesome.  Soooo… Emilio doesn’t have a job?  That might be the funniest part of all of this.  He thought he’d hitch a ride on the Jersey Shore Express, but it backfired when he got drunk.  To prove that she’s done with Emilio, Snooki picks up some of the flatware and shatters it all over the patio.  Sammi joins her to get out some of her pent-up rage as well.

When the guys roll in empty-handed from their night on the prowl, they sense drama due to the broken plates on the patio.  Good radar, guys.  Snooki comes padding out in her slippers to tell them what happened with Emilio and Sammi’s ears prick up at the sound of Ronnie’s voice.  She’s been waiting to pounce.  When Ronnie doesn’t come to her she goes to him to get the age-old argument started.  She didn’t go out so she could be with him, he doesn’t care, blah, blah, blah.  Ronnie tells the camera that he’s pretty much over it and at this point it’s beating a dead horse.  What Ronnie?  I’m sorry, you totally just lost me there with your metaphor.  Oh wait, he clarifies, “And if a horse is dead you gotta leave it alone.”  OH!  THAT’S what that saying means!  I’ve often wondered.  I’m so glad Ronnie was here to explain things to me.

Ronnie laughs.js.8.19.10

“But sometimes it’s a challenge to ride a dead horse, so there’s that…”

Sammi tells him that she was testing him earlier when she said it was okay if he wanted to go out with the guys.  Back to the camera Ronnie says, “I don’t like tests.  That’s why I didn’t go to college.”  LOL.  It’s okay, Sammi.  Keep fighting for that prize of a guido!  Their fight continues as per usual, ending with Sammi swearing that – once again – it’s all over.

The next day our four guidettes head out to get some sushi.  I’m pleasantly surprised to see that Sammi is joining in instead of spending another day pouting on her bed.  But of course the entire conversation revolves around Sammi wanting to know if the other girls have seen Ronnie misbehaving and all of them looking at the ceiling and over their shoulders.  Jwoww says sometimes she’s allergic to pecans.  Ha ha ha ha ha!

Back at the house Sitch is once again attempting to prepare a house dinner.  He says he wants to try again since Snooki sabotaged the last house dinner (you know, by opening the fridge).  He takes a lid off of one of his stovetop pots and the entire thing falls off and crashes to the ground.  And I don’t think Snooki is anywhere in the vicinity.

spilled food.js.8.19.10

Not just the results of another night of partying.

Turns out it was the beginning of Pauly D’s homemade tomato sauce and now they will be reduced to using sauce from a jar.  Awwww.  Then Sitch goes to take something out of the refrigerator and a whole bunch of stuff falls out on him.  Again, no Snooki.  Somehow dinner eventually makes it onto the table and we have our first family meal.  Sitch starts talking about Klutch, the club they went to last night, and Angelina pipes up, going, “The funniest part was when Ronnie was dancing with that blonde girl and…” complete silence.

Sammi concerned.js.8.19.10

“He’d neva do that to me.”

Ronnie is frantically making the “cut it out” sign while Sammi looks around with a furrowed brow.  Awkward!

cut it out.js.8.19.10

“Could we just flag this whole scene, guys?”

After dinner they all decide to play “a bowl of questions” as Snooki calls it.  Remember when they used to do this on the old school Real World?  Such a set-up.  I really can’t see this bunch coming up with this activity on their own.  Unless it was set up as a drinking game.  Even then, I doubt it.  The girls, however, put their own Jersey spin on things by deciding that this would be the perfect time to dress up in lingerie. Angelina comes out in some tiny shiny black thing and Pauly D says it looks like a trash bag, like she’s dressed up in her luggage from last year!

Angelina trash bag.js.8.19.10

With heavy duty drawstrings.

Vinny goes, “I think Victoria should have kept this one a secret.”  Sexy fail for Angelina.  Anyway the questions are like which two roommates would you have a threesome with?  Sammi gets one that asks which guy in the house would take a dump on her chest?  Oh my gosh, that is so wrong.

dirty question.js.8.19.10

“There must have been cameras in the guest room last night!”

Then OF COURSE Angelina gets:  Have you ever cheated on your boyfriend or girlfriend?  Who saw that coming?  Ronnie goes, “No.  Well yeah.  Everyone’s cheated before.”  And we have another big awkward moment.  Okay enough of this.

The guys all sit out on the patio and encourage Ronnie to keep doing what he’s doing and have a good time, but do it as a single man.  He agrees, but then goes in and asks Sammi if she wants to come to bed with him.  He SUCKS.  She sits there on the couch with his head in her lap.  Way to stay strong, Sammi.

The next day the guys do GTL and the girls try to pick a place to have dinner.  No Sammi this time.  I guess she’s back to pouting.  The three other girls go over each of Ronnie’s transgressions and conclude that Sammi needs to know, but they’re going to tell her via an anonymous note.  An intrigue!  How exciting.  Angelina tells us that she thinks Sam should know, but that even if she knows she’ll still go back to Ronnie, so whatever.  That’s completely true.  Then on the way home Angelina farts all over the other girls just in case anyone still thought she had a modicum of sexiness left.

It looks like tonight will be a roommate night out including everyone, so Ronnie is at the blender whipping up some pre-party Ron-Ron juice.  Apparently he fumbles on the subtle balance of flavoring and spirits tonight because Jwoww almost gags on it, and everyone is telling him it’s way too strong.

Jwoww gags.js.8.19.10

And these people have never met a drink they didn’t like.

Ronnie says no it’s not too strong and offers to chug an entire red plastic cup, at which the guys start asking who will be babysitting Ronnie tonight.  Sammi is on high alert – she’s ready to see what goes on when she and Ronnie are “not together.”  Time to hit the clubs!

For some reason Vinny is dressed up like Mr. Rogers for tonight’s dance party.

Mr. Rogers.js.8.19.10

“Howdy, neighbor. Care for a square dance?”

Sammi starts pouting and Ronnie pulls her aside to argue, telling her to go have fun with her girls.  Sammi keeps repeating, “Really?”  I thought they broke up yesterday, but I guess this is par for the course with these two.  They are always together AND broken up.  Sammi ends the conversation with, “You will never find someone like me!”  And I remember Snooki saying something along those lines to Emilio as well.  Sorry ladies, but I’m afraid all these guys have to do is go to a club to find plenty of other girls JUST like you.  Sammi tells us that in her head she wants to move on, but in her heart she doesn’t.  The girls take her outside and try to comfort her, telling her they’re tired of seeing her like this.  Close your eyes then, girls because this IS Sammi.

The guys decide it’s time to migrate to b.e.d. Oh, everyone but Ronnie, that is.  So Sammi runs back toward the club to tell Ronnie where they’re going.  Jwoww is starting to lose patience and tells Sammi she needs to make a decision.  Sammi’s like, “I just have to make sure he’s okaaaaaaaay.”  Why?  He’s a grown man who’s managed to survive without you on many evenings.  Anyway, as she reaches the club entrance she spots Ronnie hailing a cab and as she runs up to him to tell him who knows what he calmly gets in the cab, shuts the door and has the driver drive away.  He never even looked at Sammi and now she’s standing there in the street like an idiot.

Sammi ditched.js.8.19.10

Traumatized.

She comes back to Jwoww and Snooki to announce that she’s done.  For the four hundredth time today.  In the cab Ronnie is quite pleased with himself.  Like he won’t be right back up in Sammi’s face within the hour.

Ronnie pleased.js.8.19.10

“I’m going to try to resuscitate that dead horse.”

Over at b.e.d. Sammi actually looks like she’s doing okay because instead of running home to her bed she’s standing on a couch dancing with the girls.  Baby steps.  Ugh, but then Ronnie arrives and stumbles over to her to slur, “I haytch you soooo much because I loooooove you so muuuuuch!”  He’s actually having trouble holding himself up and keeps lurching forward into her lap.  Sammi decides it’s time to be Florence Nightingale and assists Ronnie outside so that she can take him home and nurse him back to life.  As soon as she gets him to his bed he rips a huge fart.  So romantic.  He’s totes wasted and starts snoring pretty fast.  When Snooki and Jwoww get home Sammi runs over to tell them that she’s going to take care of Ronnie but it DOESN’T mean they’re back together.  It DOESN’T!  Snooki and Jwoww are over it.

Ronnie somehow wakes up and falls out of bed.  Then the vomiting begins.  What was that you were saying about the strength of your juice again, Ronnie?  So Sammi is right there comforting him while he vomits and then they cuddle on the couch.  Ronnie tells her that at the end of the day they still love each other.  I’d say at the end of the day they’re still masochistic codependent dysfunctional messes, but I guess that’s just semantics.

For a breath of hopefully fresh air we make a stop at the gelato shop where Vinny and Pauly D are scooping and Snooki is sitting at a desk somewhere observing.  The boys are using this opportunity to hit on every single girl that comes through the door, regardless of looks, attitudes, clothing or creeds.  Remember for them it’s a numbers game.  They’re fishing.  A couple of girls tell them they’re in the middle of law school finals, much to Vinny’s dismay.

law school.js.8.19.10

“I can’t believe you know the word ‘technically.’”

He says he’s in Miami and he doesn’t want girls studying for finals he wants them studying for (I think he says “dick.”)  Yes, careful Vinny.  You definitely don’t want to risk hanging out with women who have brain cells.  What a disaster that would lead to.  Best to keep to the idiot skanks.  One girl returns after walking out the door and Pauly D tells her there are no refunds.  She says she doesn’t want a refund, she wants to give Pauly D her number.

butterface.js.8.19.10

“Call me if you want to be on my show Millionaire Matchmaker!”

When she leaves again Vinny goes, “Do we have a butterface flavor or what?” Pauly D goes, “She had summer teeth.  Some are like this and some are like that.”  Prince Charmings numbers 1 and 2,  ladies and gentlemen.  Get in line.

Okay here we go with Jwoww and Snooki to a cyber cafe to get this “anonymous” note written.  FINALLY.  They write the note in all caps and detail everything Ronnie has done behind Sammi’s back.  Snooki tells us that Sammi will never figure out who it’s from because the note uses the word “breasts” while she and Jwoww always say “tits.”  Is the CIA aware of these two and their extensive knowledge of code writing?

note.js.8.19.10

“She also doesn’t know that we can turn on a computer. She’ll never guess.”

Sammi has rounded up Angelina to go out to dinner with her and sit through yet another interrogation on Ronnie’s behavior.  She once again throws down a gauntlet, saying if anyone has information on Ronnie’s actions and doesn’t tell Sammi, they will never be her friend again.  I really think Sammi is of the ilk referred to in the comments that would excommunicate not the cheating boyfriend, but the informant girlfriends.  There has been no evidence to the contrary in any of her behavior.  What to do?  Maybe the anonymous note IS the best option.  On the other hand, it may just lead to more endless interrogations.  SOMEONE had to write it, so SOMEONE had to know.

Later the guys decide it’s time for yet another GTL excursion.  It’s late at night so when they get to the laundromat the place is closed, much to their surprise.  Miami must be a very classy town to refuse to have 24 hour laundromats.  Maybe they could head back to the hood where Vinny got his haircut to see if there are some nocturnal establishments there.

All the girls arrive home to find only Vinny there and the rest of the guys gone.  Sammi repeatedly asks Vinny where Ronnie went and he repeatedly doesn’t know.  Jwoww and Snooki tell Angelina that they wrote the letter and to keep mum about knowing anything.

made the letter.js.8.19.10

“And not even Sherlock Holmes could figure out it’s from us.”

Oh my gosh, she’s gonna figure out who wrote it!  Like Pauly D sat down and typed out a letter?  Come on!  Angelina says she doesn’t want to be involved, but Snooki tells her they’re all involved.  So we end the episode with Sammi still not getting the letter.  Argh.

Next week!  Sammi gets the letter – and it better not be in the final 30 seconds of the episode like this week.  Also, Sitchy D are up to their old tricks by stashing different sets of girls around the house and trying to get with all of them without the girls figuring it out.  I hope none of them went to law school!

So what did y’all think?  Did you make it through this Ronnie/Sammi crapfest?  What’s going to happen?  Will the letter lead to the Jwoww/Sammi fight seen in the previews?

Thanks for reading!
-Honey Gangsta

Late one afternoon in 2005, Honey Gangsta received an invite to join a two person blog set up by her former roommate who had recently ditched LA (California knows how to party) for the bright lights of NYC (these streets will make you feel brand new, the lights will inspire you). The purpose of the blog was to continue their nightly ritual of ripping on reality TV, which could no longer be done in person. Since Honey Gangsta was still watching 18 hours of TV a day and had nothing else to do, she agreed. 10,000 hits later, HG was inspired to submit a Bachelor recap to TVgasm - no one was reporting on Officer Mayo and his time traveling DeLorean - and the rest is history. It's been said that she writes what you're thinking. It's been said she is a genius - a Blogger Laureate of her time. It's also been said that the earth is flat and no one landed on the moon, so you just never know. With her keen observations, and colorful commentary, Honey Gangsta is beloved the world over.

44 Comments

  1. 1
    marijai
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 10:39 am

    Loved Snooki’s take on the “exploding lesbian” population! I wish MTV would just run an hour of Snooki philosiphizing (is that a word) about America in general. That would be hilarious.
    Okay…back to reading!

  2. 2
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 10:45 am

    They wouldn’t buy white because, “what if you get your period?”???

    Ummm……WEAR A TAMPON…..W.T.F.???? Weirdos.

  3. 3
    MissKris RTVfan
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 12:13 pm

    I’m going to keep a running count of how many times these jokers use the phrase “at the end of the day…”

  4. 4
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 12:24 pm

    @Nikki or what about the other 21 or so days that you aren’t on your period? Most women have an idea of when it’s coming. The good Lord blessed us with all those fun indicators like cramps and bloating. Thanks alot Eve…

  5. 5
    msjacqmills
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    Snooki tells us that Sammi will never figure out who it’s from because the note uses the word “breasts” while she and Jwoww always say “tits.” Is the CIA aware of these two and their extensive knowledge of code writing?

    LOL!!!

  6. 6
    nashuaf
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    I’m so sick of the Sammi/Ronnie storyline. In the words of Sammi, “I’m out”!

  7. 7
    Moli Moli
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 2:08 pm

    @Nikki, I NEVER know when my period is coming on. I can say it will be from 24-50 days from the last. Every hormone treatment causes a weird reaction:(. But, the comment was too freaking funny! Snooki tells us that Sammi will never figure out who it’s from because the note uses the word “breasts” while she and Jwoww always say “tits.” Is the CIA aware of these two and their extensive knowledge of code writing?…..Hilarous! Sammi and Ronni GO AWAY!!!!

  8. 8
    Moli Moli
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 2:10 pm

    Gotta love that my comment is on the first page for all to see, I’ll go hide in my corner now until my cheeks are no longer purple

  9. 9
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 2:20 pm

    All Ronnie’s drunken bullshit aside, the deal-breaker for me would have been when he shit his pants – because that was NOT just a fart.

    First rule of thumb in the PCheez Manual of Dating Policies and Standards: If the guy shits his pants, he’s not dating material.

    Sorry kids, but a girl’s gotta have standards, knowwhatimean? LOL.

  10. 10
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 3:19 pm

    Remember the days when Sitch was the asshole at large in the house? I miss those days. At least he was fun to watch. And as far as we know, alcohol didn’t make him completely lose his shit.

    If Sammi’s hair extensions weren’t weighing down her skull and making it squish her brain, she would have figured out by now that the girls know something but don’t want to tell her. And, honestly, I can’t completely blame them. They’re friends with both parties and don’t want to instigate any further drama between them. And Angelina is probably right that the reveal wouldn’t make Sammi cut off Ronnie for good.

    Also, Sammi? You don’t need to cuddle Ronnie when he’s that drunk. Just get everyone to help you lift him into the bathtub. (If there is one. If not, use one of the hot tubs.)

    Emilio: Ronnie’s new best friend. You know they should be.

  11. 11
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 3:53 pm

    @Moli: If you don’t know when your period is coming from all the weird pre-cramping warning signals, then consider yourself lucky!!

  12. 12
    Moli Moli
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 3:58 pm

    @pcheez, you have that one right!!!!
    @Nikki, that’s what they tell me….no cramping no bloating no anything…just SURPRISE I’m here!!….Let’s just say the best kind of birth control

  13. 13
    marijai
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 4:14 pm

    Agree with ya Cheez. And Moli….what a lucky lady you are! Is it just like those commercials when Mother Nature just pops up in the middle of your vacation? LOL

  14. 14
    Pixielated
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 5:29 pm

    @marijai: I keep Serena Williams around to fight off Mother Nature.

    Haven’t we all had a “surprise” period? And how about spotting between periods?

    @ProdigalCheez: I think we all have had “not shitting his pants” as a minimum standard for boyfriend material since we were about 5, haven’t we? Or we should, anyway! LOL

    Ronnie’s too damn ugly, too.

  15. 15
    marijai
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 5:50 pm

    @Pixie….LOL…..I can be such a mean bitch when I have PMS, I think Mother Nature gets scared of me! Luckily, being on the pill pretty much guarantees me no “surprises”. :-)

  16. 16
    k37744
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 5:57 pm

    I dated a smoking hot (yet obnoxious) musician from NYC in my 20s. During one of his visits he was so drunk that he pissed all over my bed…aannnnd then went back to sleep. Needless to say I was MORTIFIED and that turned me off right then and there. Jobless, light on morals, butthisface, creepy…..all forgivable. Pee where I sleep? Check please.

    Yet, also in my 20s, (there may have been some alcohol involved back then–hard to say), I could totally see holding on…desperately reaching for that glimmer of hope that would get me back together with the guy I considered my “one true love.”. (Mind you, not bed piss guy). Young girls are dumb and far too forgiving…and even Ronnie screwin a girl in Sammi’s bed wouldn’t turn her off for long. Sadly, the one thing that can cure all of this is for her to meet a hotter, funnier, guidier guy and be distracted. That puts it all in perspective.

    Either that or she bangs Sitchy D. Simultaneously. Ooooooo snap, Ron.

  17. 17
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 6:01 pm

    I wanna go to surf and turf night when the Sitch cooks. His lobster and steak last season looked so delish. (Except he needs to get up on that Old Bay…YUM!)

    Sammi was so confrontational to Angelina, it was like she was looking for someone to blame/hate for secrecy…something she would never pull with the other two girls. Poor Angelina just wants to be liked..can’t you smell the desperation?

    I know 2 girls that became lesbians after getting screwed over by guys. The first, a divorced mom of two (still in her 20′s), had such bad luck with dating she switched to girls fora few years. The 2nd dated girls while in college because she had ‘issues’ with men. However, both eventually arrived at the conclusion that ‘issues’ are a lot easier to deal with when there’s a penis involved.

  18. 18
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 6:40 pm

    Honey you’re recap is funny. I want to throw stuff at the TV when Ron The Douche appears and I want to grab Sammiby her shoulders and shake her. And how abbey the brain trust of Snooki and JWowww?

    They write an anonymous letter to Sam and put it in her drawer in the house! Gee no one will guess who did it, if it appears in the house.

    I once told a good friend, that her boyfriend was sleeping with my neighbor, she stopped speaking to me and that was 25 years ago. My boyfriend at the time was angry that I put my Mose in other peoples’ business. I thought he was right, until I found out he said that because he was cheating on me. I’m still glad I told my friend, and I wish someone had told me, I think a lot of people knew.

    Someone just shake Sammi, Ron The Douche is not worth all the tears. Plus, not liking tests is not the real reason he didn’t go to college. I don’t think he can even spell college.

  19. 19
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 6:42 pm

    Sorry for the typos, small keyboard and old lady fingers = lots of typos.

  20. 20
    Robin Robinez
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 6:56 pm

    “First rule of thumb in the PCheez Manual of Dating Policies and Standards: If the guy shits his pants, he’s not dating material”

    “Jobless, light on morals, butthisface, creepy…..all forgivable. Pee where I sleep? Check please.”

    “I think we all have had “not shitting his pants” as a minimum standard for boyfriend material since we were about 5, haven’t we? Or we should, anyway! LOL”

    Snort..lol hahahaha ! One of the funniest threads in awhile..still laughing..

    TC,Robin

  21. 21
    marijai
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 7:36 pm

    Damn captcha bullshit erased my witty comment to @Classy and @Chemgal and now I’m ready to throw the damn computer against the wall, and I’ve got Robinez’s CRS today, so I can’t retype it all.
    FUCK!!

  22. 22
    marijai
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 7:37 pm

    And now I’ve posted the wrong comment to the wrong recap! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

  23. 23
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 7:48 pm

    LOL – marijai, hit Control + C before you post, then if it doesn’t go through you can Control + V and then reenter Captcha. That’s what I do on every one, I got sick of losing my stuff too.

  24. 24
    marijai
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 8:57 pm

    @Cheez…I usually do that, but didn’t tonight. Sigh………..

  25. 25
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 9:37 pm

    Dear @Robinez,

    Please work the phrase “Burp Tail” into the comments section.

    Thank you.

    Sincerely,

    PCheez

  26. 26
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 10:04 pm

    Captain Obvious says:

    When everyone leaves the club but Ronnie stays behind to be off-camera, it’s because he’s buying drugs.

    These people are contractually obligated to ‘party.’ No reason to go to B.E.D. every single night, especially if you two-step with bored faces while piercing a faux leather couch with your stilettos.

    Oh, and another excellent recap, HG. Obviously!

  27. 27
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 10:16 pm

    I thought the same thing when he went off in that cab @sarcas. He’s doing coke, meth, Ecstasy or a combo of the three. When he was doing the “finger trail” dancing at the club, it was definitely Ecstasy – as a veteran of many, many Dead shows I’ve seen it many times before with people dancing on ‘shrooms or LSD.

    MVP like to party, but they’re clean-living guys for the most part. I don’t really even think they take steroids, honestly. Ronnie’s thing is different, he’s self-medicating to some extent and I also think he takes steroids. I also think that’s playing into his pattern of pushing Sammi away when they’re out, then wanting her after; first, he doesn’t want her to know what he’s doing, and second, he’s calmer after he gets his little hit.

    And I forgot to add – it really was a great recap Honey G!!

  28. 28
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 10:25 pm

    “first, he doesn’t want her to know what he’s doing, and second, he’s calmer after he gets his little hit.”

    Exatamundo!

  29. 29
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 10:30 pm

    Oh, and I hope Captain Obvious didn’t imply that everyone else was doing drugs. He highly doubts that..which is why the rest of the cast all look so bored at the club night after night, while Ronnie is off-the-wall. He is so junkied out..not cool or sexy.

  30. 30
    Pixielated
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 10:33 pm

    In my 20s, I had a BF who was a druggie, and he would just disappear for long periods when we were out at a club or bar. Then he’d come back in a really good mood. I was so clueless, but I had a rude awakening when we moved in together. That cured me of any codependent tendencies I might have had!

    He didn’t shit his pants or pee in bed, though. I’ll give him that.

  31. 31
    Pixielated
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 10:38 pm

    @sarcas, about girls turning lesbian: I never did it, but that might be because I had a couple of lesbian friends and realized that, sadly, when sex and “romance” enters the equation, everybody has issues. Women can act just as badly as men do. I used to think, “Well, at least a woman would be on the same wavelength and I am. No Mars and Venus anyway”–not true.

  32. 32
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 23, 2010 at 11:01 pm

    No, Captain Obvious was pretty clear, and I’m in total agreement! ;) LOL

    Well @Pixielated, two of three ain’t bad, bless his heart. LOL. My ex was a major drunk, he once peed in the closet. It was his closet so I didn’t care, not even when he wondered aloud why his shoes were damp as he put them on the next morning… Idiot. LOL.

    I probably sound ancient right now, but… BACK IN MY DAY, there was a lot less experimenting with sexuality. If two of my girlfriends ever started getting it on in a hot tub – I would have been scandalized and had no doubt they were gay. I had friends that were gay, don’t get me wrong – but the lines were a lot more defined back then as far as I know. I have no issue with anyone’s sexuality – but I think kids today are a little too promiscuous and it’s really confusing to them.

    Snooki’s kind of an example of that – she’s a fish out of water. What she really wants is true love with a guy she can trust, what she gets are a bunch of assholes who think she’s easy. Unlike with Jennie I think it eats away at her self-esteem; Jennie on the other hand is perfectly fine with it, and seems to be able to keep an upper hand with whatever guy she’s with. I’m secretly fascinated by that, BTW.

    Just in case you were wondering I went to a school in a one-room schoolhouse, and got there by hiking 3 miles through the snow barefoot, carrying my books in a bandana-satchel tied around a stick I hoisted over my shoulder….

  33. 33
    Pixielated
    Posted August 24, 2010 at 12:18 am

    I had to hike uphill–both ways! And we wrote on slates. We didn’t have a globe, because everybody still thought the world was flat.

    Promiscuity is fine if you are just looking for a “good time,” but it’s a mistake if you want to settle down. Those kind of guys don’t want to settle down with an “easy” girl. Unfortunately, there is still a double standard.

    I think there was quite a bit of experimentation going on between girls, especially in college, but it didn’t go as far. No full-fledged relationships, for sure. I think some of the girls nowadays, aside from the ones that are disillusioned with men, think it is “hip” to sleep with girls, or think that guys get off on it, so it’s “cool.” There’s no harm in it, I guess, unless somebody ends up getting hurt, which will probably happen.

  34. 34
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted August 24, 2010 at 12:43 am

    @Pixielated: We call those girls BARsexuals.

  35. 35
    k37744
    Posted August 24, 2010 at 4:15 am

    @sarcas: …”two-step with bored faces while piercing a faux leather couch with your stilettos…” OMG. You painted the picture perfectly! And two-step indeed..Sammi can’t sufficiently scan the bar for Ron-Ron Terminator-style if she actually ENJOYS herself.

    @pixie:in the 90s I dated a guy with a pager who always disappeared from bars. Turns out he was our neighborhood’s 4 star coke dealer. Did I do drugs? Nope. Did I leave him? Nope. I spent two years trying to change him because I loooooved him. *Gag* I know all my young girl idiocy was -thank God – fairly harmless and educated me beyond belief…but now I have a 5 year-old daughter…and will forever be trying to figure out why girls turns a blind eye to insanely stupid/dangerous shit their boyfriends do. Shitting pants not excluded.

  36. 36
    mick
    Posted August 24, 2010 at 8:42 am

    I find it hilariously sweet that Snooki and Jwoww honestly believe that Sammi will never guess who wrote the note after she finds it *in her drawer.* Stealthy, those two.

    And Sammi *totally* knows that the girls *totally* know something is up with Ronnie – she just keeps herself in denial so that she can blame the girls for not telling her, as other posters have said. I can recall liking boys I knew I shouldn’t have been into, but what can you do when your 20-something brain is arguing with your 20-something genitals? The genitals are going to win.

    Remember back in season 1, when Sitch was all over Sammi? He really dodged a bullet there.

  37. 37
    Baxter
    Posted August 24, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    Ronnie’s interviews also look like he is stoned out of his mind. I remember hearing rumors when they were filming that one of the jersey kids was going wild in Miami on drugs now I know which one.
    The thing about Snookie and Jennie is why are they not thinking they are being filmed so whatever they do will be found out? Maybe I’m thinking too much about this show. I love those girls though.

    I really wish ronnie/sammie weren’t on the show. I HATE how much focus is on them. They both suck as people. Sammie just seems like an awful friend. Poor Snookie was upset and Sammie couldn’t even spare her 5 seconds to talk about it. Also funny that Snookie got so upset about her boyfriend yet an episode before she was in Vinny’s bed……ahhh to be young again.

  38. 38
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted August 24, 2010 at 1:04 pm

    Since the kids went from filming in Miami, straight to fliming in the Jersey Shore, I’m guessing they haven’t seen any MIA footage yet. No TV’s, cell phones, internet..just GTL to get FTD to meet girls DTF.

  39. 39
    marijai
    Posted August 24, 2010 at 1:43 pm

    @Baxter…I said the same thing about Snooki. Last week she’s in Vinny’s bed asking if he wants to fuck and this week, she’s mad when her latest juicehead tells her he slept with someone else. LOL Though she and Vinny would be cute together.

    MTV should get rid of Angelina, Ronni, and Sammi, cut their losses, and move on.

  40. 40
    Moli Moli
    Posted August 25, 2010 at 9:02 am

    I’m going to say it, I really think Ronnie is on steroids AND cocaine. Steroids wouldn’t give him that wild club Ronnie look, I think the housemates(at least the guys) know about his problem. Would also explain how his personality has totally changed from season 1. Sober Ronnie is the one who IS still in love with Sammi(ick) and druggie Ronnie is the one that is down right evil towards Sammi. As someone said previously, when you look at his interviews he stoned out of his mind!

  41. 41
    Baxter
    Posted August 25, 2010 at 11:01 am

    sarcasatire- Good point! When and if Sammi ever watches the footage from Miami she is going to be pissed. I wondered why I was seeing pics of them holding hands on the Jersey beach. Although with her I feel like what someone else said, Ronnie could literally have sex in the bed with Sammi being in the same room and she wouldn’t leave him.

  42. 42
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted August 27, 2010 at 12:05 am

    I read on another site that the cast watched all of the Miami episodes together prior to/while filming in Jersey and sammi realized that everyone lied to er and moved out. But that $30k an episode made her reconsider and she returned. We’ll see.. I’m sure they wouldn’t edit it that out. It’s reality, isn’t it?

  43. 43
    shelly
    Posted September 20, 2010 at 12:40 am

    I just want to know about the white dress the girl had on that went home with The Situation in last weeks episode & got up & left. She had on a badass white dress, I want to know where I can find that dress.

  44. 44
    Robin Robinez
    Posted September 20, 2010 at 2:24 am

    “I just want to know about the white dress the girl had on that went home with The Situation in last weeks episode & got up & left. She had on a badass white dress, I want to know where I can find that dress.”

    Is that you Monica? I am sure that the Situation will give you some DNA..He is real good about things like that.

    :-) TC,Robin

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