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“I knew these would pay off!”
Jersey Shore, The Premiere continues. So where were we? Ah yes, Snooki has been pouting in her bed and no one really noticed, which means she’s not getting enough attention and therefore wants to go home and forget the whole thing. If you ask me, packing her crap is a last desperate ploy for attention which will most likely work.In the morning Mike has decided to try to make up for last night’s hot tub indiscretion by making eggs for Sammi and telling her how excited he is to work a shift with her today at the t-shirt shop.
“I made you eggs, so you’ll sleep with me now, right?”
He wants to know if she is at all attracted to him and Sammi goes, “Yeah…” then ducks her head and giggles. Mike figures he has this “situation” in the bag. He tells her he’s not afraid to say there’s “a little bit” of attraction on his side as well, how generous of him.
Today Pauly D and Angelina are the first pair to work a shift at the t-shirt shop and wouldn’t you know it – it’s raining cats and dogs. They somehow manage to arrive on time and Danny briefs them on how very important it is for them to make the sales once the day gets going. Angelina doesn’t like this at all. She is not at the Jersey Shore to work, she is here to NOT cheat on her boyfriend! Danny senses that she may have trouble pestering people who come into the store. Angelina asks if she’ll need to be working, what, about once a week? Danny laughs and tells her she’ll be working a lot more often than once a week. Angelina tells us that this job is beneath her because she is a bartender and does great things. Let me repeat that: This job is beneath her because she is a bartender and does great things. I think the scale of greatness around here is way out of proportion. It’s a sad situation when a bright orange tan, scanty clothes and disfiguring makeup constitute greatness. Okay, so selling t-shirts on the beach isn’t exactly curing cancer, but neither is bartending. In fact, what’s the big difference? That at her regular job her customers are too drunk not to like her?
As the day gets going Angelina realizes that one of the main problems for her is working eight or nine hours IN ONE DAY. Seriously? Where do these people think their dads were all day while they were growing up? I’m sure they were gone for eight or nine hours every day. That’s called a job. She can’t make any sales, so Danny puts her on hanger duty, which she can’t do either. He starts calling her “Jolie” which is funny, though way too good a nickname for her, and yet easier to type than Angelina, so it may stick.
Back home Sammi has joined Snooki in her bedroom to try and convince her to stay. Snooki says that no one understands her here, while back home she is the Princess of Poughkeepsie. (Is there prize money associated with that title?)
No, but there is a free spray tan.
In other words, she’s not the center of attention and she’s not used to competing for that role. Plus she’s not mature enough to be on her own right now. I’m sure that part is true, but I doubt it’s her real reason. Sammi tries to get Snooki to “stay wid it,” by telling her that no, she did not like her the first night because of how sloppy she was, but the next day she realized that there was more to Snooki than the drunken slob of night number one. Wow, thanks for sharing your feelings Sammi. Snooki thanks Sammi for her offer of friendship, but she still hasn’t decided if this gamble for attention has paid off.
Naturally the boys have headed to the gym to get their guido on. Mike skips backwards on the treadmill and then tells us that they take the gym very seriously.
The senior citizens on the neighboring treadmills look way more serious.
They work hard and eat the proper food afterwards – meaning a protein bar. Yawn. On the ride home Mike and Ronnie discuss going out and Mike wants to know why Ronnie didn’t take advantage of the street girls who came willingly to the hot tub last night. Ronnie says if he just wanted to get sloppy he would have gone ahead and pounded Snooki the very first night. Ha! That is so true and so repulsive at the same time. PS, he would definitely pound out Sammi. Just the fact that he calls making love “pounding out” tells me that he’s not ready. Mike wonders if Ronnie will mean competition in the race for Sammi’s favor, but quickly rules it out because of his abs and all around good looks, conveniently forgetting that Ronnie is just as ripped and orange.
At home Snooki has decided to stay so she can party and meet sexy guidos, big surprise. She heads to the t-shirt shop to let Pauly D and Jolie know that she’s staying and also to buy something that makes her look hot – a new face? ZING. Pauly D takes a moment to tell us that in a weird world he and Snooki would make the best little guido and guidette kids with poofs and blow outs. Oh please spare the world that disaster.
Later on Sammi and Mike come to do the second shift at the t-shirt shop and Mike decides that this is his big chance to bestow some of his magnificence on the unsuspecting shoppers of the Jersey Shore. His strategy is to pounce on any female clientele, lift his shirt over his head, then convince them to buy booty shorts with iron-on lettering that says “I Love The Situation.” And it works! Guidette after guidette drools over the abs and purchases the world’s tackiest pair of butt shorts.
Mike’s third customer proudly displays his purchase.
Danny is pleased because it’s cash in his pocket, but Mike is over here telling us what mass appeal he has. I guess if you want to say that pleasing the very subculture that you strive to epitomize means mass appeal, then sure. Sammi looks on and laughs at it all. She’s got a good attitude, which makes her endearing. She also knows when to keep her mouth shut. I’m kind of rooting for her, which makes me cringe.
As the roomies get ready to hit the town on their first big night out we come back to the topic of Jwoww’s boyfriend. She admits that she likes flirting with Pauly D but she would be stupid to mess up what she has going on back home. I bet she will anyway. As for Jolie, she’s on the phone with HER boyfriend, who is trying desperately to get off the phone and get some things done. Jolie tells us that he’s terrified she’s going to cheat on him, but he really didn’t sound too concerned to me. Oh and here’s how Jwoww ensures that she won’t mess up what she has going on back home:
“My boyfriend is proud of what he paid for.”
The others are smothering themselves in clouds of hairspray and cologne, donning their sunglasses and pre-drinking. They decide to swing by the t-shirt shop to taunt Mike and Sammi who have to work and Mike is really put out that the roomies would have the nerve to go out while he and Sammi are stuck working. Mike would never go out unless everyone could come. Oh that is such crap. He flips them all off as they head out to a club appropriately named Karma. Right away Vinny hits the floor and starts dirty dancing with a plump middle aged lady, telling us it’s hilarious. Yes, I can’t stop laughing, how about you?
Wow, Vinny is the biggest player in the club. Look out!
Snooki is elsewhere in the club trying to find an orange muscle man to bring home.
Apparently in blackface.
She spots one that will do, but as she drags him across the room a cute blonde girl stops her yelling out that it’s her boyfriend. Oops. She finally finds an unattached guido and promptly guides him out of the club and back to the house. Jolie also doesn’t hesitate for one second to grind up on any guy who will buy her a drink – boyfriend be damned.
In a slightly interesting turn of events Jwoww has turned her full attention to Pauly D, who tells us he is happy to be “that guy,” meaning the one who is the plaything for Jwoww while she’s away from her boyfriend. Well good, everyone is happy then!
Later when Mike and Sammi return from the t-shirt shop they are too tired to begin the whole guido grooming process so they decide to chill out on the roof and gossip. Sammi wants to know if any of the guys in the house are into her. Mike immediately says “Definitely not Ronnie.” Hmm, so much for Ronnie not being a threat to Mike. This is totally going to backfire on him too because now Sammi will see Ronnie as a challenge. They are soon joined by Snooki and her flavor of the evening… and then all the other roomies make it home to pass out.
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Jwoww and Pauly D have quite the tease-a-thon on his bed, which leads to Jwoww discovering that Pauly D has a very special piercing that “no one knows about”… until now when everyone knows. And that’s the extent of their sex scene for the moment.
They had to call it a night after Jwoww spilled a bottle of Clorox on her jeans.
Snooki’s guido is named Robbie and Robbie wants to watch the sunset (Snooki tells us), oops I mean sunrise (she also tells us), so they’re cuddling on the roof and Snooki can’t figure out why he’s not kissing her. She went to all the trouble of bringing him home and now he’s totally ignoring her. Robbie’s holding really still and then… he pukes all over the roof.
“This is NOT a regular Princess of Poughkeepsie duty. Actually yes it is.”
Well there you go – that’s why there was no make out. So it wasn’t your hair, Snooki. Snooki sends him over to the railing to finish and goes to the kitchen for clean up supplies where she runs into Vinny and Ronnie who want to know what’s going on. When they learn of the vomit they say, “So you’re not banging then,” and Snooki demands to know just what they think she is! Oh COME ON. What you’ve been advertising yourself to be! That’s what we all think! Anyway her night ends on a boring note just walking Robbie home and refusing to kiss him because he threw up.
Bright and early the next afternoon the roomies wake up and discuss last night’s goings on. Jolie wants to know what she did because she can’t remember and her new friends regale her with tales of a large wrestler who was grabbing her butt. Jolie claims that none of this rings a bell, but Mike isn’t buying it. He thinks her “not remembering” is a way to not get in trouble for disrespecting her boyfriend. Jolie immediately races upstairs to the duck phone to clear the air with the boyfriend. Unfortunately he is in a meeting – people who work eight or nine hours a day have to attend those from time to time. Jolie tells him that she doesn’t have all day to talk to him so he needs to listen to her now. He says he can’t and hangs up. So she goes onto other activities and calls him later at a more convenient time. OR NOT. She picks the phone back up and proceeds to call him 900 times thinking that he’ll eventually pick up and listen to the story of her grinding up on a wrestler all night. He doesn’t. Yeah, this boyfriend doesn’t seem too interested in any of this. Sorry Jolie.
In another room Vinny discovers that he has contracted pink eye. I’ve heard of this, but never had it so I looked it up and it’s only an eye infection that usually heals on its own. It’s very common, but no big deal. It’s spread through direct contact. Ronnie tells him he probably got it from dirty dancing with the plump older lady. Yeah or maybe one of the hot tub girls you were licking, Romeo. Vinny immediately changes into a hoodie, puts on his glasses and begins moping around the house informing everyone in a very solemn manner that he has contracted pink eye. With these theatrics you would think he just tested positive for swine flu.
“Listen guys. I’ve got the Black Plague. And it’s terminal.”
Pauly D panics, assuming that pink eye is airborne, and insists that the roomies get some Purell in the house. Vinny trudges over to the t-shirt shop to tell Danny that as much as he would love to work today, he can’t because he has to go see a doctor to treat his dreaded pink eye. Danny’s like, “Whatever, just get someone to cover your shift.” But wouldn’t you know it – none of the roomies want to work a crappy 3-9 shift, especially on a hot day. What pals. Sammi offers to work from 3-7, then trade off with someone. Well, that’s more than anyone else is willing to do. She asks Jolie if she’ll relieve her, but Jolie says she’ll only come in if she can leave by 7 to start getting ready to go out at 11:30. Okay yes, that is really stupid, but I have to say that none of the guys volunteered to help a guido out. None. These people suck.
Well the doctor tells Vinny that it’s pink eye, but a very mild case. Great news – he can still go out tonight! So immediately Vinny heads over to the t-shirt shop to send Sammi home and finish out his shift, right? Wrong. Okay in all fairness, I don’t know if he does this or not, but I’m guessing not.
Ah look, it’s time to start the pre-party once again. Ronnie has a very special concoction called Ron-Ron juice that consists of watermelon, cherries, cranberry juice and what I assume are vast quantities of alcohol. This not only gets the party started, but also gives everyone a raging case of diarrhea. Sexy! Sammi descends the staircase wearing white booty shorts and a tight black t-shirt from 1986 that has been deliberately shredded all across the back. Mike does some cat calls and then tells us that as far as Sammi, it’s not a matter of if she wants to hook up with him, it’s a matter of when he decides. Oh. My. Gosh. Why would you say that out loud? Into a camera? What an idiot. Ronnie also makes some (cruder) comments about Sammi and Mike tells us that not only is Sammi in love with him, but Ronnie probably is as well because he wishes he had what Mike has. Oh clearly.
Tonight’s club is called Bamboo, and it’s pretty indistinguishable from the other club. Vinny is right up in everyone’s face – pink eye and all – but it’s okay because he’s wearing sunglasses. What a disgusting creep. Mike decides that the time has come to lay the mack down on Sammi. What a lucky girl! He grabs her and they kiss a little. Mike is exceedingly pleased with himself.
“Now I’ll keep her on her toes by scoring some other honeys.”
On the other side of the room Jwoww is busy shoving Pauly D’s face into her belly button ring. This again. They kiss, but not really, because Jwoww puts her hand in front of their faces so that the camera can’t pick it up and she can claim innocence.
“I was just telling him a secret!”
She then takes Pauly D’s shirt off and tells him that if he “goes on” another girl she’ll kill him. THEN she walks out of the club holding Pauly D’s shirt and keeps right on walking all the way back to the house where she takes a time-out to tell us she had a sudden craving for some ham and water. Thank you Jwoww, and good night.
Back at the club Sammi is having a revelation about how hot Ronnie is. Hmm, this wouldn’t have anything to do with Mike telling her that Ronnie wasn’t at all interested, WOULD IT? Sammi asks Ronnie to dance and he hesitates for about a nanosecond before leaping head first into her arms. Pretty soon they have their tongues down each other’s throats and Mike is puffing angrily on his cigarette across the room. He marches over and grabs Sammi, wanting to know what the crap is going on. Well at first he wants to know, but then he just degenerates into whining at her that he can’t believe she would hook up with someone from the house right in front of him. Sammi just keeps telling him to do his thing – which she has told him from day one, but Mike wants to whine and whine he shall! But when Sammi doesn’t respond to his whining and keeps right on dry humping Ronnie on the dance floor Mike gets ready to take out his frustration in other ways – like stepping to a random guy at the club. Apparently this guy was “looking at” Mike. Of all the nerve! Pauly D joins in and when someone “pushes Vinny” Pauly D freaks out and hits him in the face. Immediately club security is all over them and the best part of this are the security guys’ shirts, which are black and say BAM on the front and BOO in the back in huge white letters. So simple, yet so clever. I tried to get a screen shot, but the camera man was getting knocked around during this “incident,” so it’s all a blur. Anyway needless to say our guidos are escorted right out of club and onto the street.
Mike is still mad because even though he started a fight, Sammi hasn’t pushed Ronnie aside and come running back to him. In fact, she and Ronnie have made it back to the house by now and are up to who knows what. So as the guys walk home, Mike notices three girls walking behind them and wouldn’t you know it – the night is BACK ON.
The 3AM last ditch effort.
Mike goes to one of the girls, who remembers him from the t-shirt store and then he babbles to us about how everyone at the Jersey Shore knows the situation and if you don’t love the situation he’s going to make you love the situation. Yes, everyone except Sammi, Mike. And she happens to be the one you want most, so choke on that. Anyway the guys manage to lure the girls up to the hot tub – probably with the promise of hairspray or a spray tan – and Mike heads to the kitchen to fetch supplemental alcohol and who should be in the kitchen but Sammi and Ronnie! Immediately Mike starts trying to talk Sammi into realizing what a huge mistake she made by passing him over and Sammi keeps on with her theme of each doing their own thing.
“Your angry breath is disturbing my clip-in extensions.”
Mike – she doesn’t care! Sammi passed on you. She doesn’t want you, she’s not interested, she could care less. Save yourself a little dignity and shut up. Well he doesn’t. It just goes in circles. Laughing the hardest is Ronnie, who giggles as he makes himself a snack. Mike keeps talking about how he has some hotties upstairs so Jolie finally pipes up saying, “Mike. Go upstairs to your whores.”
Mike runs up the stairs and like the little bitch he is tells the new random girls that his girl roommates are calling them all whores. Geez, he doesn’t know when to quit. But here’s something weird. Jolie comes up the stairs after him and starts beseeching him and Vinny to come inside and hang out. To the camera she tells us she’s a cockblock – she’s not going to lie. Oh brother. Your own boyfriend doesn’t even pay attention to you, why would these guys? Of course Mike concludes that Jolie is jealous that he’s giving other girls attention. Okay, I am in a Twilight Zone of delusion. These people are out of their freaking minds. The random girls leave and Mike goes back inside to tell Jolie that he hates her and she’s jealous. Jolie says why would she possibly be jealous when she’s as hot as she is. Mike tells her to lose 10 pounds and they’ll talk. Ouch. Then Jolie delivers the funniest line of the night: “I will cut your hair while you’re sleeping!” Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! THAT would be awesome. Here is how Mike ends the night while Sammi and Ronnie canoodle:
“Are there any more protein bars?”
What a loser.
This season on Jersey Shore: A guy punches a girl full on in the face! That is absolutely disgusting. I wonder how they’re going to handle that! Seriously, that is just wrong.
LOVE your comments guys – hilarious! Hey, where was Snooki during the second half of this episode?
Thanks for reading!
-Honey Gangsta
TV Social
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28 Comments
Is it wrong that I can’t wait to see Snickers get punched in the face?
ive already seen it a thousand times and cant wait to see it again.
Honey Gangsta, I loved your recap..kudos.
This show is the perfect Christmas present..Thank You MTV!
So much male and female douchebaggery in one show.. I’m so in love.
Did anyone notice how Mike “sad horns” Situation put a towel down on the classy velvet settee during his emo breakdown, so he wouldn’t leave a Soul Glow grease mark from his hair? HA!
I’m so glad you mentioned what a little bitch Vinny was about the whole pinkeye thing. I’ve had pinkeye several times in my life and it is such not a big big deal. Plus I love how he couldn’t work but could somehow go infect everyone at the club. I can’t stand Mike. Anyone who names himself “The Situation” will never be okay in my books. Great recaps!
Oh yeah, this show is such a treat. By the middle of this episode I was completely hooked.
It’s like when you go shopping for gerbils and they are 50 gerbils in the cage at the store, so you choose a couple at random and bring them home and now they’re YOUR gerbils, so of course you love them.
Then next thing you know there are a bunch of these squirmy things that might be baby gerbils, except when you go back to look again they’re all gone, because the first gerbils ate them.
And then a few weeks later the original gerbils die too, and that’s when you discover that you were supposed to be feeding the things.
Who knew?
thanks for the great recap.
I especially enjoyed when in the show they kept calling Snookie (Snooker?) Snickers and every other variation of the name.
And that jerk that said he wouldn’t go out without everyone? What an ass. And he’s not even cute.
Lovin’ this nonsense. I crack up every time the guys call her Snickers. And her dating puking all over the patio was just too perfect.
My trainer told me the new episode was on tonight but I don’t see it. Please tell me I heard him wrong and that MTV didn’t cave and pull it!!!!
Honey Gangsta-
Before I comment on this holy grail of trash televison (for me, at least), I must admit I’ve been one of those fervently-dedicated-yet-too-shy/lazy-to comment readers but your recaps of Jersey Shore have popped my “commenter cherry” and I am happy to get slutty with you all this season!
Anyway, it seems that no matter how trashy the show may be, I find myself attempting to empathize with the characters (I, too, refuse to see this as a documentary) because it’s fun and/or sadistic to put myself in that mystical haze of unaware self absorbency.
At one point, I became so endeared by Snookie’s motherliness with Puke Guy (she was like a leathery vomit-fairy sans magic saw dust) that I reacted to Ronnie’s slut-cusations with the same bepuzzled innocence as our bepoofed damsel. However, I quickly shook the intoxicating fumes of Aquanet and Axe body spray away off my mind and remembered that this was the same Class Act who stripped down to her last-ditch-attempt-to-be-liked’s and tried to lick and suck herself into friendship.
If I’m not careful, I may develop JSS (Jersey Shore Syndrome) and find myself fist pumping at inappropriate times or compulsively giving things nicknames (BTW, when the hell did this trend of reality show goons getting donned with ridic’ nicknames ON THE ACTUAL SHOW begin, anyway?. Recappers are, of course, entitled to rename characters in order to rebel against these aforecomplained-about nicknames.)
I will end my first inter-web comment by commending you on both a fantastic style of recapping (I read the Bachelor, as well!) and your subtle use of an Arrested Development line: “Just the fact that he calls making love “pounding out” tells me that he’s not ready.” Brilliant.
Thanks for the laughs!
XOXOX
pink is the new blog has an interview with mike
Great recap! I must say I love this show and can’t wait to see Snooki get punched in the face later on. As for this episode, I’m on Mike’s side when it comes to the whole Sammi/Ronnie thing. I feel that it was disrespectful and it makes him look like a chump because he was making out with her in front of everybody and suddenly she’s making out with his roommate. Not to mention that it made her look really slutty IMO. I don’t really like Sammi after that because she basically led him on and then went for Ronnie, although I can’t say that I blame her because he’s way hotter. Still, not cool. Anyways, I hope MTV doesn’t cancel this show or anything due to the controversy, its the best thing that’s happened to them in forever.
I think the best part had to be when Mike was running around repeating “hata” over and over. I’m pretty sure he is like 27 years old and probably shouldn’t be using that word. But then again, what else can you expect from someone who refers to himself as “the situation”.
Also, I have to say when I watched the episode and Ronnie kept saying how he wanted to “pound out” girls, I immediately thought of this website and thought “how romantic” of him haha.
I used to come upon these types of guys at the club in my single days and used to think that they were HUGE douchebags! The tans! The gel! The tweezed brows! The too-tight shirts! The big muscles and teeny tiny heads! Then I saw MTV’s True Life: Jersey Shore (or something) and now this and I realize that they are bred and raised like chimps in captivity and released into the rest of the world. Yikes.
Seriously, when I heard these chicks saying that they actually seek guys out with all these “qualities”, milk came squirting out of my nose. And I haven’t drank any milk in about 2 weeks!
I don’t condone any sort of violence against women but Snickers doesn’t act like a woman so I’m actually looking forward to see what leads up to her making out with somebody’s fist. Tee hee.
P.S.
@ Itchy: Loved the whole gerbil rant! Brilliant.
I’ve been a lurker for a while but I MUST comment on this show. Wowza thank you for living up to stereotypes. New Jersey thanks for you collectively bringing down the states IQ with just your presence. Now I like Sammi and ^5′s(er fist pumps!)for blowing off Mike, what a douche (not that Ronnie is to many steps up..) but someone had to knock him down a few. Though I don’t condone throwing it in his face the whole night by having hers planted on the neanderthals. You can’t help who you’re attracted to but she did lead him on. Sucks to think you’re the player and end up getting played..
Oh and did anyone else notice “JWow’s” hair? Do they not sell brushes in Jersey? They obviously sell hair gel by the barrel. She probably has a squirrel or something living up there! And frickin “Jolie” what a c u next tuesday! Who DOES she think she is? Obviously her BF is blowing her off (take the hint!)so she tries to mess up any of the guys chances of hooking up? I bet a million bucks she wouldn’t do that with any of her female roommates. Wtf was so slutty about the girls they brought back (not the hot tub girls) anyways? They were just sitting there drinking,omg how whorish of them! I love “Snickers” I just think she is immature and has low self esteem. I do want to send her to a dermatologist though, one who will shake her and scream “MELANOMA”! It’s tragic really. Oh and I know broads can be annoying and all but you should NEVER root for a girl to get cold clocked like that by a dude, he looked like a big dude too and she’s like 2 ft tall. A good old chick fight is one thing but that is just NOT okay and it’s NOT okay to cheer it on. Shame on you all.
Sorry just one more! AWESOME RECAP by the way. I was cracking up. I kept waking my 3 month old up from giggling so loud. I hope they don’t cancel this show, I know people are making a big deal over the whole “guido” thing but I just so happen to have a family with a “guido” (sans the tan and bad vocabulary) and he comes from a large Italian family and they’ve always used the term,so I hope it doesn’t effect the show. Sorry for the long posts, I just am glad to have ppl to dish with. Keep up the “wicked awesome” work!
(Oh I channeled Whitney from BGC, I need to shower now..)
BEST SHOW ON TV
Cast analysis: JWWOWW – Obviously brought a crate of double sided tape. NO way can you slut it up at da club without a boob or 2 poppin out. Needed to have to “boyfriend @ home security blanket” so if none of the roomies wanted to pound her out she can save face. Paulie D – Exactly what shape is his head – I say upside down pentagon? No way is he 29 either – if he is WOW so SAD. Angelina – ALL NATURAL is that supposed to be impressive? If your claim to fame is a cockblock then get an ALL NATURAL cloth and stuff it in your ALL NATURAL mouth. Vinnie – Geek – next episode gets a hangnail and is lifeflight to Roosevelt Hospital in NYC for emergency surgery. “The SITCH” still chowin down on humble pie – new name Mike “karma’s a bitch”. Sammi Sweetheat – HO WA be careful karma is creepin at the Jersey Shore. Ronnie – bipolar – roid rage but can be cool at times. Overall question – how can these “people” drive Escalades, BMW’s etc or are they surgeons, hedgefund managers, senators in “real” life?
I agree it’s not right to punch a girl in the face but since it already happened I can’t wait to see it!
These people are pure entertainment gold. I can’t believe the guy with the tampon hair thought he beat someone’s ass. He sucker punched a guy that was being held back by Boo or Bam. As for JBowow!!!! Gross-well all of them are gross. But I think it sends a good message to the kids- don’t over tan, over grease, or over douche bag yourself it adds years to your looks. great recaps!
Itchy – friggen hilarious!
This is going to come off a sounding childish and immature, but if I saw Snickers out I would have to snatch that fucking white clip out of hair. And then throw in the trash so she couldn’t ever wear it again. One if her friends needs to tell her how bad it looks. Sorry the clip thing just sort of annoys me.
Also any guy that describes sex as pounding it out you know us horrible in bed. He probably is
tiny and lasts all of ten seconds.
When watching the show I just keep imaging how bad the house must smell. A combination of cheap booze, throw up, hair gel, Axe body spray, coconut oil, and twadry sex with just a hint of J-lo perfume.
Also I have to agree with the cast and say that it does suck that they have to work. It just adds to the whole staged reality show feeling. I would much rather just watch these people going about their normal routine of going out and then spending all day getting ready to go out. Also do they realize that they are at the beach? Do you think that we will ever see them at the actual beach?
All this delusion of grande and awesomeness has to come from a place of low self esteem. These people are just quivering blobs of insecurity. I don’t know how else to explain all the time they put into their looks, talking about how good looking they are. and then trying to prove themselves by hooking up with as many people as they can. So far the only ones that have remotely real personalities are Sammi and Pauly D. From the previews it looks like the entire cast is going to be getting arrested at some point during the season.
Having low self-esteem implies some degree of self-awareness, so I think our gang of gerbils is safe there.
I’m really starting to like Jwoww. There’s something about the contrast between her volleyball breasts and her kind of plain jane face that’s just really charming. Can’t wait until they get her to string three coherent words together.
I loved the look on Mike’s face when JWow walked into the t-shirt shop in her yellow top or whatever that cloth draped around her . His eyes nearly bugged out of his head. I have to admit, I’ve never seen one of those shirts on anyone outside of a Frederick’s of Hollywood catalogue.
Another great recap. Keep up the good work.
Oh itchy I beg to disagree about the lack of self awareness in the gerbil cage. These kids are very self aware of their image as a “guido” or a guidette” and realize that their efforts on this show is going to lend support to the stereotypes. I am thinking that they hope that America will start to see italians this way as the guido and guidette.
But I will agree that after this point the gerbils do suffer from a dangerous lack of self awareness. I love, love, love the gerbil description. It is the most perfect way to discuss the cast.
Okay so maybe all the time they spend getting ready, talking about getting ready, hooking up with girls, trying to hook up with girls, and talking about hooking up….the fake tans, the fake hair, huge muscles and protein bars, working out, and bronzer applied with a trowel isn’t about them having low self esteem.
But it is really their effort to live up to each and every guido and guidette stereotype, so they can be dubbed by the other guidos/guidette as the prime A example of a guido. The best guido in all the land.
The guru of the guidos; that teaches all the nebies how to properly saturate themselves in Axe Body Spray and Cool Water, how no amount of gel is too much, shirts are always optional in any situation, and then they would take them to the gym and teach them all the best ab workouts.
Also someone said that Snickers looks like Xtina from her dirty days. I finally realize who she reminded me. So I had to pass along the insight.
And before anyone else says it- Yes. I do need to get a life. And Yes, I know. I am thinking way too much about this show, but I just finished school. And I have been sitting around having a break day that turned to two days. So I have just been sitting around watching tv, having few people to talk to, and now that I have entertainment I am thinking too much about the show and writing much too long of a comment.
“It is the most perfect way to discuss the cast.”
Sorry I meant to say that the gerbil description is the prefect way to describe them. And it makes me laugh when I try to explain what one of them did because I am thinking of them as gerbils. Because only a gerbil would be as stupid as these people. Thanks for the laugh itchy
HoneyG. you are blessed to have Jersey Shore to recap. This show is heaven. Hev.un.
Fantastic recap and all of the comments are as entertaining as the recap and actual show.
Yes reckless_saturn, I do see dirty Xtina in Snickers, but all I can think of when she’s on screen is Donna Pesco (Annette)from Saturday Night Fever. Tony!
That should be Donna Pescow.
Did anyone watch the aftershow where “the situation” made angelina admit they hooked up a few times before the show aired, I think that is why she was cockblocking so much.
“At one point, I became so endeared by Snookie’s motherliness with Puke Guy (she was like a leathery vomit-fairy sans magic saw dust) that I reacted to Ronnie’s slut-cusations with the same bepuzzled innocence as our bepoofed damsel. However, I quickly shook the intoxicating fumes of Aquanet and Axe body spray away off my mind and remembered that this was the same Class Act who stripped down to her last-ditch-attempt-to-be-liked’s and tried to lick and suck herself into friendship.”
My dearest KumiNumi,
You were born to recap! Best new noun — leathery vomit-fairy