Season finale! Those eleven episodes just flew by, didn’t they?
The roommates return from their camping trip to discover Pauly and Vinny’s elaborate turning-the-house-inside-out prank, and once they get over their initial surprise everyone takes it really well, barring one cast member. Said cast member bitches and moans and postures threateningly like a silverback gorilla, and refuses to bring his stuff inside even though a rain storm is coming.
I don’t want to name any names though, or he might track me down and annoy me to death.
The other housemates bring their stuff inside and cover whatever they’re not able to take care of right away with tarps, and otherwise act like good-natured people who like each other and can laugh in the face of (entirely manufactured and completely not really that inconvenient) adversity. Mike says he’s leaving today anyway and it’s a shame all the stuff that belongs in his room will be ruined. He then goes to check on his stuff after the rain stops and blows a gasket because it is all ruined. Like he just said it would be. And chose to do nothing about. HATE. Anyway, Pauly and Vinny help him move his stuff back in and some sort of peace is temporarily restored.
(I just noticed that Mike has the same bedding set as my four-year-old son, and feel a need to redecorate immediately.)
Deena’s sister and Mike’s brother are still dating, and since Mike failed to create the Ultimate Dramatic Meltdown that he was hoping for with Jionni, Mike turns his attention to letting the world know that Deena’s sister is a “squirter.” He begins by telling Snooki, who then tells Deena after they run into Joanie at Jenk’s. Deena is not amused. She confronts Mike about what he said back at home, and he denies saying anything, blames it on One Inch, and honestly, he is so hopped up on whatever it is that he’s taking nowadays, Deena would be wise to just back out quietly and leave Mike the hell alone until they move out.
Vinny has resumed his lesbian quest, and succeeds in bringing two lesbians home only to find out that Ronnie and Sammi have moved into the smush room. He finally talks Ronnie into turning the room back into fuck-central instead of a couple’s retreat. The night camera footage looks like the girls are way more into each other and Vinny can’t even get in on a three-way kiss, but Vinny claims that he rode the tricycle. My guess is that they let him watch, but I guess we’ll never know for sure.
On their second to last night at the shore, a huge storm approaches (Hurricane Irene? I think that fits the timeline) and the roommates stand out watching the lightning until Seaside Height’s official get-your-asses-somewhere-safe whistle blows. At which point Deena decides that the safest course of action for herself and her Marlboro Menthol Lights is to get in the car and drive away. Her roommates talk her out of it, and Deena’s first and only chance to travel to the wonderful land of Oz is lost forever.
Despite the weather, our intrepid partyers have to spend their last night out at Karma. Mike’s brother Frank is there with Joanie, and Deena decides that this is an excellent opportunity to confront Frank about what he may or may nor be telling people about her sister. Mike intercepts and talks Deena into letting it go because “Frankie and Joanie are good together.”
After a nice last night together family dinner, Sammi and Deena concoct a water-balloon prank to get the boys back for the furniture incident, which completely backfires on them because a) they’re ding-a-lings, and b) they’ve never read “The Art of War.”
Pauly wakes everybody up with smoke alarms. He is still my favorite, although is someone did that to me I would hurt them badly. Probably with an axe. We see everybody pack, and they start leaving the house. First Ronnie and Sammi; then Paul Bunyan arrives to take JMomm away; then Mike gets several one-armed hugs before getting in his taxi; Mama Vinny turns up to take Vinny away, and I’m not gonna lie, I got a lump in my throat when he and Pauly said goodbye; Deena’s taxi comes to collect her; Big Jerry comes for Pauly; so now it’s just Snooki alone in the house. What is she doing to do to fill her time until her dad gets there?
Raise your hand if you’re surprised. Anyone?
She wanders the house, drink in hand, saying goodbye to the rooms and the furniture and the duck phone. So far as I know, she does not urinate on anything. Papa Snooki gets there, and we’re out!
“Il Fine” reads the final title card. I guess we’ll find out soon enough if that’s true.
See you soon in the full ‘cap!