Jessica Simpson’s The Price of Beauty: Makeup Equals Inner Beauty!

It’s the finale episode of Jessica Simpson’s The Price of Beauty! I’m not exactly sure what Jessica has learned besides the fact that women feel pressure to be beautiful everywhere, no matter what that looks like. Big surprise.

“I’m firing Ken with my newfound confidence!”

Anyhoo, HOLLA to all you rock stars who left me comments last week! It makes me happy to know I’m not writing into a black hole – even when it’s a Jessica Simpson show. And I love hearing your favorite moments and thoughts on the whole mess.

On with the finale! The gang arrives back in LA to assess how this entire process has changed them. What is different now that we all know the price of beauty? How will we enlighten the world? Jess is still wearing her hair extensions so she obviously hasn’t overcome all of her vanity.

“These extensions help me meditate!”

She decides that the best place to find out what’s going on in the good old USA is a high school. Hmm, the perspective of high school students may be a tad skewed, wouldn’t you think? High school is the height of self-consciousness, but whatevs. Let’s see what the LA high school girls have to say. And can I just give an aside here? If someone had told me when I was in high school that I was to attend a seminar on INNER beauty hosted by Jessica Simpson I would have checked out early and gone home. Who wants to hear about inner beauty from someone who makes a living on her looks? What does she know about it? Ahem. Back to the show!

Being Purdy 101

Jessica and crew perch on tall stools in front of a small group of girls, and with cleavage on full display Jessica explains to them how eye-opening this journey has been. Jessica invites questions about what she found on her travels, but the first girl just wants to know if high school was hard for Jessica. Well besides being rich and famous, Jessica’s house got toilet papered and there were days she didn’t want to come to school. Poor thing! We should start up a fund. In all seriousness, I’m sure she took a lot of crap for being famous, and that probably sucked. But who’s laughing now?

Jessica invites the girls to share their struggles with feeling beautiful. Melody says she’s on the dance team with all of these petite thin girls and she feels so fat that she won’t even wear jeans anymore.

Jessica suggests Melody try softball instead.

Jessica can totally relate. She used to write in her journal about how fat she felt and even still she has to remind herself not to feel fat. Do you remember feeling like that in high school? I do. I used to be so certain that I was HUGE, and when I see pictures now it’s ridiculous how distorted my body image was. I think this is a pretty common feeling among adolescent girls. Hang in there, girls! Wait until you turn 30 and stop caring completely. It’s fabulous! Trudy says that she feels like she doesn’t measure up to her friends or family in the looks department and she worries about it all the time.

Jessica tells Trudy that bangs will give her inner beauty.

Francesca says she lost 20 pounds over the summer and feels like she should lose 20 more.

Jessica reminisces on her time in the fat hut.

We get a little pop up that says between 50% to 70% of normal weight girls believe they are overweight. Yup. Ken says that’s nice, but they’re only in front of other high school students. Imagine how Jessica must feel being in front of so many people all the time. Way to validate their feelings, Ken. He goes on to congratulate Jessica for being so confident after her trip around the world and she announces, “I feel beautiful!” The girls all sit there like, “Are you serious?” They start making the girls stand up and say, “I’m beautiful!” and pretty soon it’s freaking Dead Poets Society. Somehow I don’t think the girls really buy it.

Later Jessica invites Melody, Trudy and Francesca to the Jessica Simpson Showroom (who knew?) because she would like them to be a part of the grand runway show she’s throwing. Yes, another runway show. Because what debunks the idea of shallow beauty better than a fashion show? Good thinking, Jess! The girls are super excited to be models and start trying stuff on. Ken keeps asking them if they feel beautiful – you know, for good measure.

Next stop is Ken’s salon. Wait. Ken has a salon? He does other people’s hair besides Jessica’s? So who’s been manning the store while Ken has been off getting spa treatments? More questions than answers, I’m afraid.

Grand Reopening!

Jessica says that while inner beauty is the most important thing, we are still women and like to pamper ourselves. Nice try, Jess. That said, I would LOVE to get a makeover from Ken because these girls look awesome.

Jessica announces a late arrival. It’s Panya from Thailand! She’s the lady who had used skin lightening cream to bleach her face and ended up completely destroying all the pigment. Ever since, she’s been too ashamed to be seen in public.

And she’d really like to audition for Thailand’s Next Top Model.

Well, Ken is going to help! Actually Ken is going to help for the fashion show. Jessica tells us that she’s also hooking Panya up with her dermatologist for some longer term help as well. That’s nice of you, Jess. Meanwhile Panya is teary and grateful and tells Ken she’s always wanted long hair. Long hair? Ken’s great at that! Just look at Jessica’s ever-changing locks. He whips out a weave and gets to work.

And it’s over to Smashbox Studios where Jessica is getting ready to present her fashion show of looks-seen-round-the-world. But first! Panya comes in to show everyone her makeover. She looks absolutely amazing. Props to my man Ken – that’s impressive. Panya hasn’t looked in a mirror yet, so they sit her down and show her. She cries and thanks them over and over. It’s really sweet, but kind of reminds me of that messed up reality show, The Swan – remember that? Oh well, good for Panya. I’m glad she won’t have to be embarrassed about her looks anymore.

“I look tan – like I’ve been working in the sun! Didn’t you guys listen?”

Now for the show! Jess, Ken and CaCee come out and remind everyone that they have been on a worldwide journey of discovery and they’re bringing a little bit of that discovery to you now. Do you know what makes up beauty worldwide? Outfits! We see a Harajuku girl, an Indian woman in a sparkly sari, a geisha and a French girl in a beret (how original). There are even a couple of African girls who look like they’ve been in the fat huts.

Melody, Trudy and Francesca – the high school girls Ken made over, come strutting down the runway wearing items from Jessica’s fashion line, I suppose. Their hair and makeup looks great!

Eat

your

heart out!

Ken comes out looking dapper and jaunty in a gray plaid three piece suit. Not sure which culture he’s representing, but okay. Jessica had offered to hold Panya’s hand and walk the runway with her, but Panya takes off solo. She don’t need Jessica no mo! Then Jessica DOES take Panya by the hand and lead her back out onto the runway with her to make an announcement.

Panya’s so over it.

She tells the audience about Meena, the little Indian girl with the cleft palate that Jessica helped to operate on. Oops, I mean that Jessica visited. Jessica announces that she is starting a New Movement with the support of Operation Smile. It’s called Initiative: A Beautiful Me. Believe in yourself, change the world. That’s a long title. And if anyone needs help believing in themselves, Ken’s offering makeovers at his salon, right? Right? Anyway Jessica implores the audience to join her in helping to insure that kids all over the world have the inner beauty they need to make a difference. Hmm, how’s that, exactly? What, we send you checks? To help kids have inner beauty? I’m skeptical, but who am I to spoil anyone else’s good time?

So that’s it! That does it for Jessica Simpson and her quest to discover the price of beauty. Do you think she learned anything? Besides that you need extensions to have inner beauty? Did you learn anything? I’d love those final thoughts!

Thanks for hangin in with me on this semi-interesting show, guys. It just wouldn’t have been the same without you.

Thanks for reading!

-Honey Gangsta