K-9 Gets the Bad Guys, Girl and Her Goodies

Ted deduces that the spa is the one place London won’t wear her necklace. Maybe I made a mistake; she must be a “D” lister. I thought celebs saved the big pieces for the red carpet. I guess the producer of this film will never know because writing cheesy shit like this he’s not likely to get an invite to an awards ceremoney let alone be nominated for anything.

When Ted says that they should be able to slip in and steal the necklace with ease, Stewey warns him that he can’t handle stress. He gets gas. That explains why Stewey is always in and out of jail. The wet ones he’s busting off are leaving behind plenty of DNA.

When London’s masseuse steps out Stewey steps in. He and Ted rummage through her belongings to find the necklace. Obviously, Stewey is nervous because he’s farted several times, but tries to convince London that the stench is Swedish oil. Ted finally gets his hands on the necklace and then the two run out with the flashlight cops a few steps behind. They ditch the necklace in a box at the souvenir shop that also happens to sell $5 Bow Wow Bling Collars. When did they write this movie? I haven’t seen a $5 gift in a souvenir shop since the 80s.

While in the shop with the Bannisters, Zeus decides he wants to step up his pimp game and buy Bella a Christmas gift. Fortunate for Zeus, George mistakes the $250,000 necklace for one of the fake bedazzled ones. Ted and Stewey spot the Bannisters leaving the store with the necklace. Zeus gives Bella her gift early and she loves it. Later, ladies man George schools Zeus on the ways of women. “…that old thing, ‘diamonds are a girl’s best friend’? Well, that works for hairy girls, too,” he says. He should’ve said “dogs.” A woman who doesn’t own a razor doesn’t need a diamond. Yetis don’t date.

On the red carpet alone again. What’s wrong with me?

Staked outside of the Bannister’s cabin, Ted and Stewey spy on Zeus and the blinged out Bella. Ted plots their revenge on Zeus for making them spend last Christmas behind bars and plans how to get “their” necklace back. All the while, Stewey eats urine-drenched snow, completely unaware of it until Ted points out that it’s yellow. Known for lacking control of his bodily functions, Stewey could easily be eating his own piss.

Out on the slopes with the entire family, George hasn’t been on skis since high school but for some reason believes it’s like riding a bike. That explains why he’s coming down the mountain ass first, poles in air and finishes with a flip. Eventually he does catch up with the rest of the family, thanks to the paramedics. Back at the condo, a stiff-necked George promises to whip up pancakes and bacon—a comment that causes Randy to retort that no one in the twentieth-first century eats bacon. How dare Randy look down his nose job at pork.  Later, on the porch talking to Belinda, George calls Randy a Ken doll. If he were, I bet he’d be anatomically correct. I’m not so sure about George though.