K and K Take NY: Kris is Fake Pissed

Kourtney and Kim kick things off this week with a subway ride in NYC. I really appreciate this attempt at forced humor. The girls want to ride “on the 6″ like J. Lo, then they both try to fit through the turnstile. Will the laughs never end? Or start cuz this shit is nowhere near as brilliant as Snooki and Deena doing the same exact thing. They pretend to be scared even though they have an 18 person camera crew with them.

Personally, I’d be more scared of the little Asian lady and her puppet coming down the stairs.

Kourtney and Kim are at lunch when Kourtney gets a call from her agent. One Life to Live wants her to appear on an episode of the show and she’s excited because she watched the show all the time as a kid. Funny how Wendy Williams and Snoop Dogg have also guest starred and they’re all sharing the same ‘loved the show as a kid’ story so yeah…they’re grasping at straws to keep OLTL on the air.

Scott gets back to the hotel and is excited about some new, unnamed product launch. Kim shocks him by saying that she’ll appear and not chage him an appearance fee.

Just don’t stand me next to candles, flourescent lighting or an athlete.

Kourtney gets the OLTL script and finds out that she has to kiss a guy. She’s not happy about it because…well…I don’t know why. They checked the actor out online and he’s a helluva lot cuter than Scott.

Next, Kris (mom/manager) comes to visit because she’s doing Rachael Ray the next day. Kris is pissed that Kim is going to Scott’s event and I almost sense that we’re watching something real. Woo hoo! Kris is concerned that this might look like Kim is endorsing this product and it could have an effect on other business endeavors. Good points because companies are quick to sue. Kim takes this all in and decides that her mother/manager is right.

Kim breaks the news to Kourtney and Scott that she won’t be able to go and Scott takes the news very well. Ugh! This was so much better when he was an angry drunk. Kourtney jumps in and starts insinuating that Kim does whatever their mom says. Now it’s starting to seem fake because Kim rbotically replies like V.I.C.K.I. de la Small Wonder that mommy knows everything and would never steer her wrong. It’s not like any other child has had bad experiences with their family members managing them, handling their finances or urging them to pose for Playboy.

To prepare for OLTL Kourtney gets Adrienne, her brother’s ex, to help her with acting. Kourtney admits that she can not act and this is just for fun. Wonderful. So some schlub is taking classes at the Larry Storch School of Acting for nothing because all of the roles are going to sisters of famous porn stars. And boring, homemade porn at that. Even Adrienne is pissed.

I slept with your brother for eight months to get work! I should backhand your dumb ass.

Next, Scott and the girls are sitting on their balcony having tea and Kim says that she will go to the event regardless of what her mother says. They commend her for standing up to their mother and growing a pair of hairy balls – which will be botoxed within an inch of their life by next week. They end up going to the event and I still don’t know what the product was so I guess Kris laid the smack down on the editing guy. It went well and Kim is anticipating the fallout from Kris finding out.

Meanwhile, Kourtney shows up on the set of One Life to Live and she is a disaster. She hasn’t bothered to learn her lines but in her defense she had to learn her lines for this show. The next day, or later that day, Kourtney gives it a go and she naild it. “Nailed” in entertainment language obviously means “said the lines without puking.” When it’s time for the kissing scene, Kourtney goes into a panic but is relieved to know that the actor is just as nervous about kissing Khloe and being one degree of separation from kissing Scott Disick. They end up doing the scene and it ends up perfectly blah.

Kourtney tells Kim back at the hotel that it was really fun and she might pursue acting if she feels like it. It’s just lovely that these people have the luxury of picking and choosing careers egardless of whether they have the skill, discipline, talent or interest in it. Kris ends up barging in and demands to see her “pretty little liar” Kim. Kim tells her mother that she doesn’t have to report where she’s going all the time. Ummm, the hell she doesn’t. She’s carting around a $65 million ass. She needs to check in, out and up before she so much as thinks about blowing her allegedly finely crafted nose. Kim tells her mother that family, but not reputation, is more important than money and she’ll support any event that they do. Kris is over it because she stil gets ten percent of whatever these little tramps pump out and the episode is over.

From what I’ve been reading this show is a far less interesting than Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami because Kim is just Kim. Boring, stuffy, personality of toast Kim. Anything? Did we think anything of this episode? Bueller…Bueller… See you next week for the season finale! Will Scott finally make an honest woman out of Kourtney? Ok, an honest Kardashian is a stretch but you know what I mean. And where in the world is Scott’s walking stick?!