K and K take NY: Personality Minus

Christmas came 8 months early. This is the last episode of Kourtney and Kim Take a Thirty Minute Nap and Call it a TV Show. The girls do one more super touristy thing and take a boat to see the Statue of Liberty. The Statue of Liberty found out that she was going to be on the show.

Kardashian’s kill.

Scott and Kourtney, the princess and the prick, are out to dinner and they start talking about going home and moving into their new house together since they got along so well in NY. This leads to a convo about their relationship and anniversary because coincidentally a couple at the next table is celebrating one. Since they’ve had so many ups and downs, Scott and Kourtney can’t remember their anniversary and choose to make that weekend it. Isn’t that great! I hope there’s room for his walking stick.

Meanwhile, Kim meets up with friends and fills them in on Kris Humphries, the new guy she’s dating. In true Kim fashion, he’s an NBA player who’s really funy and nice. Holy crap! Funny and NICE? Why didn’t you fuck him sooner girl?! I didn’t know he was funny AND nice! Kim’s keeping this info secret from Scott and Kourtney until she feels him out. And up.

The next day, Kim is still being secretive about her nightly wherabouts. Scott kinda lets it go because he wants to go shopping for Kourtney’s anniversary present. They get to the jeweler but Kim is too distracted to be of any help.

Oooh look! My old nose.

Scott decides to buy an engagement ring instead because he’s a whopping 27 years old. Then there’s that whole had a baby with Kourtney factor too. The scene almost seems real but here’s where it does not make sense. Wouldn’t Scott make sure that Kourtney wants to say yes before he makes such a huge move on national television? Kim should have been sent on a fact finding mission that doesn’t include inspecting the genitalia of the nearest football team so that Scott could do this properly. Also, did he ask Kris (Jenner) or Bruce for permission? I know it’s old fashioned considering that three out of their five girls have had their pictures hanging in prisons since 2002, but still. It’s nice to pretend that they have moral-ish ways.

Kim and Kourtney make a stop at Dash and say goodbye after ridiculing a foreign customer who smelled really badly and touched Kourtney. I can’t wait until next season when they find out that she’s really that creepy old man from Thinner.

Next, the editors were kind enough to splice together a scene to introduce Kim and Kris Humphries’ relationship. Perez Hilton got wind of their date and posted it on his site. Kim tries to be coy but her vagina is practically grinning from cheek to cheek so we all know the rumor is true. Kourtney tries to pull the whole “you didn’t tell me you were dating” attitude but Kim glazes over that because that script was from like 3 whole episodes ago.  Kourtney says that Kim is boy crazy which is an unbelievably gracious way of saying Kim is a needy woman with daddy issues and a pimp for a mother.  Kim shares her mating strategy which is literally pointing a guy out and ordering him to come to her. Good to know that she’s not full of herself yet. Kim thinks that Kris is really hot and ummm yeah…I guess if you’re into Corky Thatcher-esque dudes with millions of bucks and a curly fades, go for it.

Next, Kourtney and Scott get ready to go out for their anniversary and Kim doesn’t even try to drop a hint that Kourtney should be really excited. Further proof that this isn’t real: the whole damn Kardashian family would’ve flown to NY, or floated over on their oversized asses, to observe and pimp this disaster.

Kim heads out with her friends Jonathan and Simon and some other girl. They ask if she’s seen Kris and altough she doesn’t answer, one of the guys jumps in and says “I thought once you go black, you can’t go back.” Last time I checked, Kris was half black so that would make him right. Douche bag. And it’s not true.  Kim proceeds to tell her friends that her life is so much more different than her sisters.

My name only has three letters.

Kourtney and Scott are at dinner and they discuss how they’ve had lots of ups and downs but they have a great relationship. Kourtney immediately jumps into saying that everything is so good that they shouldn’t mess it up. Scott makes the point that they have a family and it’d be great to get married. Then Kourtney asks if marriage is something he’s always wanted to do. WTF! In four years of dating, two of which included pregnancy and an actual baby, they never discussed their position on marriage?! These are questions you ask on the first damn date.

Some things should be established immediately.

The next morning, Scott and Kourtney pack and get ready to go back to California. Scott desn’t know if Kourtney will ever want to get married. Kourtney justs wants to decorate her house and mentions nothing about seeing her son and Kim is going to stay in NY because E! will probably try to do yet another spinoff or season of this .

I can not WAIT for Khloe and Lamar. It looks about 800,000 times more interesting than this “show.” I realize that part of the reason this sucked is that these girls have virtually no facial expressions (hence lack of hilarious screen grabs), they’re trying way too hard to look good instead of being entertaining and the plotlines of each episode have absolutely nothing to do with the next. Also I’d like to bury they’re overused phrases of the season: She’s a smart girl, Ah-mazing and Man Menu. So what’d you think of the season? And are you watching Khloe and Lamar? The trailer looks amazing! It should. After all, Khloe is a smart girl.