Well lovies looks like we are being treated to a two parter season ending extravaganza this week on Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Why you ask? Beats the hell outta me. Lets just start with one episode at a time. Then If I’m still alive I’ll do the season finale.
Damn plastic surgery has done wonders for Meltyface!
Ok so that’s obviously not a picture of UnMeltyface. It just happens to be my adorable new nephew Will born on May 21. I’ll try to keep the pics to a minimum and focus on the show. As the show starts Kim, Khloe and KabbagePatch are, where else, out to eat. They are discussing some plan about the stores when Kim gets a call. It’s Kob.
It seems Kob and Adrienne have broken up. How can this be? If these two can’t make it work, what hope is there for the rest of us? Anyway. Kob decides he needs to get his crap and come crash at Kims. They hang up and prepare to leave to go run to baby brothers side. Except Khloe who complains that she is still hungry lol.
Over at Kim’s he explains that there was no big drama. She’s just moving to New York and his life is here so that’s that. Kim says she loves him dearly but then pulls him around the house to explain her rules.
All labels must face the exact same way. Am I making myself clear?
She shows him the laundry room. She tells him which “flavors” of candles he is allowed to use and which ones he will be beheaded for if he even touches them. She tells him not to dirty the towels in the bathroom and how the bed is to be made. Kob tells us this stay will NOT be permanent because Kim is a psycho.
NO WIRE HANGERS!
Later UnMeltyface is trying to wrangle Kenmore and Kleenex so that he can take them to school. Seems Kleenex is running a bit late. And then we see why. When UnMeltyface sees her he sends her into the house and has a small stroke in the process.
I’ve seen whores
Kim wearing less makeup than that!
Kleenex doesn’t get what the big hairy deal is and neither does KabbagePatch who is in the house pretending to do housework. She tells her to wash her face and get downstairs before she’s late. Oh and she also says that UnMeltyface is old fashioned. Ok, this kid is 11 years old. And this is the make up she had on.
I think it looks subtle, for a clown.
Back over in Kimland, she explains to us that she works so much that she really doesn’t have time to dress herself so she has two stylist who keep her clothed and bejeweled. She likes all her outfits and accessories to be labeled for each event she is attending.
It took 3 people to come up with that? Wonder how many people it takes to wipe her ass?
Back over at UnMeltyface Manor, KabbagePatch wants to know how late he made the girls with his insistance that Kleenex remove the quart of spackle from her face. UnMeltyface complains that Kleenex spends too much time on hair and make up for a girl her age while Kenmore is a dream and just wants to ride her horse. KabbagePatch explains that the girls are just different and Kleenex is more girly. UnMeltyface thinks it is absolutely unacceptable for an 11 year old to wear more make up than Tammy Faye Baker. I agree.
Over at Kim’s, Kourt walks in wearing something of Kims. Kim is not happy. On top of that she didn’t ask. And now she wants to borrow something else. Back and forth they go. Turns out Kourt is a Closet Gnome who sneaks in when no one is looking and steals Kim’s clothes.
Ok you can borrow a shirt. Not that one. Or that one. Or that one.
Later Kleenex runs to Khloe for advice. And help with homework. I don’t know know which one of those sentences is more absurd. Anyhoo, Kleenex tells Khloe that Daddy Dearest is soiling himself because she wants to wear “a little make up.” Khloe fills her head with all the crap her other sisters used to wear. Khloe tells her its normal and no biggie.
I’ll have her working the corner before she’s twelve.
Back over at Kim’s Kob is cleaning like crazy because ,ya know, there’s still cleaner left in the bottle. When none other that Kloset Gnome Kourt shows up to “borrow” some more of Kim’s clothes. Kim’s conveniently not home. Kob asks is she even bothered to ask Kim if she can borrow anything and Kourt tells him to mind his own business.
I am so gonna tell. As soon as I finish cleaning this invisible mess.
Kourt not only finds a top to wear but she also finds a brand new Chanel bag that Kim has never used. Ha! Good luck with that sweety. Later at another restaurant, UnMeltyface, KabbagePatch, and Kenmore are waiting for Khloe and Kleenex to arrive. And the look on UnMeltyface’s face says it all.
And Kleenex sits down all innocent like. KabbagePatch pretends nothing is unusal either and says to us that Kleenex is a great kid and she’s not going to lay down and play dead for anyone. And she makes this face.
I will defend my girls right to look like a hooker till the death!
Meanwhile this is whats causing UnMeltyface to have a stroke. And again I can’t blame him.
Damn, Ashley Simpson looks kinda cute.
Before UnMeltyface can go into full seizure mode, the editors shoot us over to yet another place where Kloset Gnome Kourt is having a meeting with that Plateface dude and some other guy about some fake business venture. Ooopsy, guess who else just happens to be joining in on this little meeting?
Hey BITCH! That’s MY bag!
A small back and forth argument occurs with Kourt saying one of the dumbest things I’ve heard in a very long time. She tells Kim she doesn’t need to borrow her bag, she has bags of her own. Really? Then why do you have it? Kourt tells us that Kim is selfish and she would let Kim borrow anything she has and its frustrating that Kim is not the same way. Well lets see, Kim has more money that you, so more than likely your stuff is crap. Why would she want to borrow from you? Just a thought.
Back to UnMeltyface and his upcoming melt down. No pun intended. He tells Kleenex she looks like a 30 year old. KabbagePatch tells him he has to deal with his kids growing older. UnMeltyface says its too much make up and the wrong dress and then Kleenex seals her fate and says “My friend Dillion likes the way I dress.” And then she asks “How old was Kourtney when she got a boob job?” Then she asks KP the same question and UnMeltyface announces that’s it, they are leaving.
Get your tarted up ass to the car!
Back to Bitchfest 09, Kim asks Kourt what events she has coming up so that she can make sure to lock her closet. Haha good one. Then Kim kinda makes fun of the braids in Kourts hair and asks her who she stole that idea from. Again, I chuckle. So does everyone else. Except Kloset Gnome girl. She gets up and leaves. And returns. She gives Kim’s purse back to her and I shit you not she has put all her things in a ziplock bag.
Hey she stole that idea from my Meemaw!
Everyone is laughing and Kim tells her to take the purse back but Miss Attitude says no and also she will never ever ever ever borrow anything from Kim again. And furthermore she doesn’t get people who are as selfish as Kim and she finds it disgusting to be related to her. Ouch. I’d shove that ugly ass bag up her thieving ass. But I am just too lady like for my own good. Instead Kim just says she’s leaving and high tails it, ok pun intended on that one, outta there.
Outside, Kourt, Plateface and NoName are discussing the incident. Kourt suggest that was awkward. Then she starts telling this long ass boring story about how she and Kim used to steal each other clothes all the time. See she and Kim had a pair of jeans that they took turns wearing. Kim made the mistake of wearing them on Kourts day so Kourt had her NANNY drive her to Kims school and she went to Kim’s class and demanded her jeans back.
If she’ll shut it we can still make the Liza concert.
The next day at UnMeltyface Manor, Kleenex is moping around still in bed. KabbagePatch comes in to investigate. She asks Kleenex why on earth she is still in bed. And Kleenex, the brilliant future actress that she is says “Because Dad hates me.” Well KP is aghast at the thought. Why on earth would this precious child think her beloved father hated her? And my suddenly fav kid on the show says “He grounded me.” and she says it in the most perfect pathetic way imaginable. I love this kid.
Mommy will fix everything!
KabbagePatch assures Kleenex that her Dad loves her and just wants her to grow up to be the best she can be. You know, the opposite of her sisters. She kisses her darling baby girl child and heads off to corner UnMeltyface in the bathroom. She makes him explain himself until he’s too confused to realize what the hell his own point was and somehow in the process convinces him that if she ends up on the pole its all his fault for not letting her wear make up at the age of 11. And with that Kleenex is no longer grounded. Damn she is good.
When I count to 3 you will awaken and agree with everything I say.
Over at Kim’s, Kloset Gnome Kourt shows up to apologize for her thieving ways. They make up. They bond. And then Kourt decides that to make up for it, she will accompany Kim to the TV Guide event she is attending that very night. Kim is so happy that she offers Kourt one of her very own magical outfits to wear! Isn’t that the sweetest?
You are gorgeous! No YOU
Now for the little sit down with Kleenex and Daddy. UnMeltyface claims he’s raised enough girls to know how it works. Kleenex tells him she’s just growing up and he has to accept that. She promises to limit the makeup after he tells to not get carried away with all that stuff. She promises not to grow up to fast if he promises to get her a strap on and some birth control for her 16 birthday. Ok I made that last part up. I apologize.
Just do the exact opposite of everything your sisters do.
In the end they hug it out and show a montage of the girls as kids. So cute. So adorable.
Then my DVR went crackers and I couldn’t pull the picks but ya didn’t miss anything so there.
Next episode, Kourt catches Asshole cheating and a bunch of other awful things happen. Oh yeah and it’s the finale episode of the season. Yay!