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Well Gasmi the time has finally come. All good things must come to an end. And eventually krappy things will too. Welcome to the season finale of Keeping Up With The Kardashians!
We start off with Kourt and Khloe laying in bed. Khloe asks Kourt if Scott has called her yet? That would be a negative. Shouldn’t he have called by now? Yes he should have. He’s gone to New York for a visit. Khloe tells Kourt that sounds like some shady shit to her since its now 3am in New York.
He sounds a little nervous to me. He’s all “Oh I called didn’t I?” Uh no you didn’t. And suddenly plain as day we all hear a GIRLS VOICE! And the line goes dead.
Khloe is all “Call that fucker back! He’s obviously being shady as hell. CALL HIM BACK!” Kourt says he acted like he was sleeping but then she clearly heard a girl speaking. Yeah we all did. I’m sure it’s nothing. Probably just the maid.
Kourt calls back and Scott pretends that Kourt hung up on him, back and forth they go. When she confronts him about the girls voice, he hangs up again. The next day Kourt’s phone is blowing up and she finally answers and its the Asshole. He tries to tell her some kind of bullshit story about how he wasn’t with a girl. There was a girl there, but she was NOT with him.
Then he tells her that the girl was drunk and unfortunately went into his room and passed out. On his dick. Ok I made that last part up. But you know it happened. Everyone knows it happened except Countess Clueless. After he explains that the girl is like a sister to him and he’d rather cut his own peepee off than touch another girl, he tells her he loves her and to please understand. Kourt tells us that she doesn’t want to be stupid but she believes him.
Khloe can’t believe she’s falling for that shit and has the same look on her face that most of us do right now. Khloe says “You don’t actually believe anything about that conversation was honest right?” Kourt’s reply. “I don’t know, I’ll have to think about it.”
Much later the girls are chit chatting about scarves for their imaginary stores when the door bell rings. It’s some lady from a jewelry store. My first thought was it was an “I am sorry I fucked that girl gift” for Kourt but as it turns out its a gift for Khloe! From a dude!
The lady drags in a suitcase of jewelry for Khloe to chose from. She’s so happy and it makes me happy for her. She looks at earrings, bracelets, rings.
Happiness abounds as Khloe looks at every single thing in that case. Kim is even happy for her. Everyone is. Well ok not everyone.
Kim tells us that this is the first time Khloe has had a boyfriend in years. She’s really closed off and doesn’t trust guys. She tells us that Rashad must be an amazing guy for Khloe to be so happy and allow him in. I want to be happy for Khloe but I have a really sickening feeling that before long, she’s gonna have the same look on her face as I did when I caught my first husband with his dong in the vacuum cleaner attachment.
Back over at Dash, Kourt is talking to her 2 employees about where the best place would be to open a second Dash. Hold it a sec……hahahhahahaa. Ok I’m fine now. Anyway, Kourt is trying to decide between New York and Miami. She’s leaning towards New York because Scott has a place there. Even her employees try to explain to her that Scott is a piece of crap.
In walks Khloe wanting to know what they are talking about. They say Scott. She is irritated and says it’s a waste of time. Kourt tells Khloe she can’t talk to her about Scott because she is so judgmental and her employees aren’t. Khloe explains to this dimwit that of course her employees aren’t judgmental, they want to keep their jobs.
Kim walks in and basically tells Kourt the same thing. Kim says Kourt won’t listen to them so she needs to talk to someone who is a pro.
Over at Smooch, Kourt runs to Mommy to try and get her on her side. You know, the side where Scott isn’t a giant douche. No such luck. KabbagePatch reminds her that she knew he was scum the first time she met him. She reminds her of the texting incident where he was texting someone he called his “Wife”. This is Kourts logic. “When he’s with me, he’s amazing. It’s when we are apart that we have problems.”
KabbagePatch tells her that’s not good. Kourt says “He’s a Gemini.” Uhhhhh……..WHAT? This girl really is retarded. KP says she doesn’t care if he’s an alien you shouldn’t have to babysit the person you love!
So it’s off to the shrink for Kourt. She tells her the same crap she’s been telling everyone else. After listening to her load of crap she tells the doc this. Kourt thinks that life in Calabasas is boring for Scott so when he goes to New York he just wants to party and let loose. And this doc asks her the most amazing question I’ve ever heard. She says “Why would you want to be with someone who finds you boring?”
I think she actually gets thru to Kourt and tells her that it really doesn’t matter why he seems to go out of control in New York. Bottom line is, he’s not doing what he needs to do to be with her.
Over at Kim’s condo, Khloe is having a bit of a trauma. She texted Rashad and he hasn’t texted back. I knew it. Kourt tells her to just call him. Khloe tells us that they text each other a thousand times a day so its bothering her that he hasn’t answered. Kim is known as the family FBI agent when it comes to boyfriends. And she offers to break into Rashad’s voice mail account.
As they listen to his voice mails, they are from another female thanking him for the good time they had last night. It’s horrible to listen to and makes me want to go find this dude and kick him in his nuts! Khloe is devasted. She tries to hide it but it is plain to see. She tells us that he has a game tonight so she will wait until tomorrow to confront him. Oh hell no! I would be on the field screaming like a fishwife about what a cheating lying tiny penis having ass bag he is. Each to his own I guess.
Kim is really worried that this is just going to make Khloe’s walls even worse. The next day Khloe calls him and I can hear parts of it. She asks him why was he even with her? She also got into his facebook account and found other things. She tells him he could have at least been clean about it. She tells us that he got caught and now he’s over it and on to the next person.
Kourt takes a lesson from her much wiser sister and decides that she needs to dump the no good Asshole for good this time. She calls him and they talk and she cries and tells him she loves him and blah blah blah. They talked for 5 hours. They both agreed its over.
Boy this girl ain’t playing either. She packed up all his shit and even had a wrecker come get his Range Rover lol. Good for her.
Later at Dash Kourt and Khloe are all smiles and single and ready to mingle. They’ve also decided to start the new store in Miami. Well Kourt decided and then talked Khloe into it. Later as Kim and Kourt are looking at furniture Khloe shows up and says the deciding factor in her moving to Miami will be how Kourt looks in a thong bikini. Not kidding. Kourt tells us she would never wear one in L.A. but maybe in Miami. Then Kim and Khloe try to pull Kourts pants down so they can write Miami on her ass.
Back at UnMeltyface Manor the girls go to tell KabbagePatch about the move to Miami. She’s actually thrilled. UnMeltyface makes a brief appearance eating a peanut butter sandwhich then returns to the basement. Khloe reminds KP that she threw a fit when Khloe was going to New York but KP says that’s because she was going alone. And this way she and Kourt will be together and she couldn’t be happier. And they do some sort of Kardashian hoochie coochie witch dance.
Well sweeties, that’s it. No more Kardashians. The end of the season. I know you will miss them as much as I will. Don’t worry though, much like the flu, there’s always another season to come.
I love you all!