Khloe and Lamar: Breaking Up is Fun to Do

Our favorite millionaires and they’re hangers on are back at it again! Jamie’s chicken’s come home to roost, Rob solidifies his position as moocher of the millenium and Lamar becomes even more lovable when he stands up for himself and his company.

As if we didn’t suffer enough two weeks ago, Khloe confronts Malika about her having sex with Rob. Khloe thinks that it’s disgusting but Malika thinks that it’s convenient. I just think it’s remarkable that at least one Kardashian has a gag reflex. I think that Malika will end up regretting this whole arrangement in the long run. It might be convenient now but it’s just going to awkward when they break up and have to eat their Rice Krispies across from Khloe and Lamar’s breakfast table. You know? Cuz their both moochers and all.

Anyway, Jamie has made a full fledged comeback this week and viewers everywhere have let out a long sigh. The king of all slackers is in Lamar’s car and he asks the driver, Mac, to run him around on some errands and then drop him off at the airport. Well, Pep Boys must have run out of Mac’s favorite fuzzy dice because he loses his shit and tells Jamie that he doesn’t work for him and taxis run all night. Jamie can’t believe this and asks Mac to just take him to the airport. Then he demotes his own request and says that he’ll just take a taxi. That’s so Queens of him! Lamar just laughs at the whole exchange.

“I don’t care. I hate you all. And Lamar, you can have this ebony and ivory friendship bracelet back!”

Rob asks Malika to go to San Diego with him for an appearance. Malika thinks that this is interesting because usually the whole crew goes. She’s excited to have Rob all to herself but then Rob says the “Secret Word,” which appears to be putz, and Khloe attempts to attack him with tongs. Actually, she says that she is going to rip his balls off with them. These two are way too close. Malika wisely notes that he’s the only one who can make a Kardashian so she better stop.

And if that’s where his balls are, Malika must be a very happy woman. 

Elizabeth, Lamar’s business manager, calls and states that Jamie did not show up for a meeting with the designers of Lamar’s clothing line. There’s a meeting set up with an investor so Lamar plans to pop up and see what’s happening. Khloe hears he entire conversation and is so happy that someone else has finally called Jamie on his crap.

The face of a vindicated woman. Incidentally, the same face as a woman who’s worh more than me, y Sergio Valenti jeans and my 15 collector Barbies.

Lamar calls Jamie and he claims that he postponed the meeting. Lamar laughs it off but then has a mini rage episode when Jamie says that he’ll get it done “…you know that.” It’s kinda funny to see that but it’s Lamar rage so it’s like a cute little puppy getting frustrated with his plush toy. Plus he sounds like Nell Carter in his angry voice.

Malika and Robert are in San Diego ad they’re having a great time together until Rosa shows up to surprise him. Who is Rosa you ask? Rosa is an English-challenged Miamian that Rob met a couple of years ago. Plus, she’s a whore. Malika tires of Rob’s flirting with Rosa and she tells Rob that she’s tired and leaving. Malika calls her sister to vent and she claims that she’s not jealous but yeah right! Khadijah tells Malika that she does not have an official relationship with Rob so he can do whatever he wants.

Rob and Rosa go back to his hotel room and she is perfectly comfortable with stripping and revealing her daddy issues on camera immediately. While in the bathtub, she tells Rob that they’re going to role play. He’ll be Santa Claus and she’ll be a little girl waiting for his presents. Interestingly, Rosa has no problem with doing and saying all of this but refuses to say the word penis/dick/schlong/wang when she references the aforementioned presents. Rosa’s not a bad looking chick but this is her today…

This is her in 20 years..

Mark my words!

Rob says that he feels sexual tension and he thinks that it will be a sexual night. And apparently, ‘sexual’ is the secret word today. Unlike putz, this word won’t make anyone try to rip his balls off but he will most likey end up at a clinic. Next, Lamar appears at the investor’s meeting to see how Jamie’s doing. Jamie shows up late and a little hungover and is shocked to see Lamar there. Of course, Jamie is completely unprepared and left the sketches at home even though Elizabeth called him that day and told him to have them. Lamar is embarassed and they end up losing the “investor”.

Investor, inchmestor. Isn’t this the dude from “Rush Hour”?

Back in San Diego, Rob and Malika are in the limo on their way home and Rob claims that he’s hungover. Malika asks if Rob stayed with Rosa but Rob refuses to answer, says it’s not her business and says “it’s all fun.” Malika passively aggressively gets back to the house and says that she’s getting her key to leave. Of course, Khloe follows her to find out what’s wrong and Malika explains what happened. Khloe asks if they’re dating. Yikes! Everyone is letting her know that she technically has no right to get upset about this. Malika storms out and Khloe explains to Rob that he can’t hook up with Malika and then think that she won’t get hurt if he hooks up with someone else. Oh gosh, now I’ve caught the ”hooked up” bug. It’s like that 28 Days Later virus. I’ll probably get infected with that relaxed Lamar rage instead and beat some self esteem into myself (much like Jamie’s gonna have to do).

Our friend Jamie has royally effed up and Lamar has a talk with him. Lamar explains that he is going to have to remove him from his position at Lamar’s company because Jamie’s performance is going to ruin their friendship. Jamie retorts by saying that Lamar sounds like his wife. He also accuses Lamar of being put up to this by her. This guy! His life is pretty much financed by his BFF and he has the nerve to give him lip. Jamie also acknowledges that this company is all he has. Ummmm, wouldn’t that mean that everything should be done damn near perfectly?

After a few days, Lamar goes to check on Jamie who has not been answering his phone. Lamar finds Jamie lying in squalor and feces. He forces Jamie to get into the shower and he promptly falls down in said shower. I really hope that this is real because I’d never let myself go out like this; 30 something years old, throwing a tantrum, living off a friend and drunkenly falling down in the shower like some spinster recluse! Jamie is still riding this I was sick and almost died four years ago train but Lamar reminds him that he actually did lose someone, his child. Lamar had a six month old baby who died and he felt like he didn’t want to play basketball, talk to anyone or do anything. Jamie feels bad that Lamar had to see him like this and Lamar leaves him to think about what they discussed.

Rob and Malika have lunch and she tells him that they have to be a couple or be nothing. Rob says that she can’t keep her hands off of him and she’ll fall in love with him soon if she hasn’t already. I’ll take Bullshit Answers for $3000 Alex. What an idiot! The bigger idiot though would have to be Malika who smiles and laughs at this deflection.

Smile now, cuz you’ll be crying next week.

On the season finale, Rob may have sired an heir to his fortune of $27.00 and Khloe may not be able to have children. No mention of Jamie who will probably still be huddled in his protective bunker. We all know how hard living off of your best friend’s success can be. Our thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time Jamie. See you next week!