Khloe and Lamar: Daddy Dearest

So I’ve been watching Khloe and Lamar for all of ten seconds and I am already relieved to know that it will be nowhere near as staged and scripted as that throwaway Kourtney and Kim fiasco. Plus there’s a huge cast of characters on this one and there should be no shortage of juicy storylines. Drug addiction, annoying friends and heavy drinking abound. And that’s just the recapper.

President of NAADR: National Association of Athletes against Drunk Recappers

In case you don’t know, Khloe married Lamar Odom, an NBA player, after only knowing him for about a month. To their credit, they have lasted longer than my last Brita filter which is three whole months longer than anyone would have guessed. Also, my water tastes like pennies and Adderall. Filters are expensive. Anyway, the young couple has done something very intelligent by allowing Khloe’s brother to live with them. When you’ve only known each other a month, the best way to develop a relationship is to ensure that you never have too much alone time to really figure out who you married.

Robert: No! You can’t go into the bedroom and defile my sister.

We find the Odoms on a lovely morning in a mansion that makes my three family look like a crackhouse – that needs to be demolished. Khloe asks Lamar what kind of juice he wants -that is so sweet- and then he makes it himself – go girl! Malikah, Khloe’s BFF and assistant, runs down Khloe’s schedule and reminds the two of them to have sex on Friday because she will be ovulating. Lamar says he would rather spontaneously “pop off” (yuck!) and then he farts (double yuck!). Khloe covers her nose and laughs it off so you know that she’s in this for the long haul. Long haul is defined as until his NBA career dries up or Ryan Seacrest replaces these sisters’ with their impressionable younger sisters’ shows.

Lamar’s been playing professional basketball for twelve seasons and he’s yet to play in the annual All-Star game. He wants to be a part of it and Khloe is sure that he’ll get it. His friend Jamie, who he’s known since they were high school freshmen, is also going to be featured prominently in this show. Something tells me he might not love the light he’s portrayed in on this show. After all, they stuck him in the backseat on the way home. That can’t be a good way to get chicks.

.Plus he just realized that he’s too small to be the governor of New Jersey.

Next, Kourtney and Khloe are at a book signing when Khloe gets word that Joe Odom, Lamar’s dad, is there. Joe is an addict and though Lamar financially supports him, he does not want too much else to do with him. Khloe has a conversation with him and Joe shares that he’s appreciative, he’s proud of his son and he wants tickets to a game or two.

I’d also like to stop being dressed up in a disguise. I’m not E.T.! I swear!

Khloe, Robert and Malikah are out at dinner and she tells them what happened with Joe. She explains that she does not want Lamar to regret not talking to his dad because she lost hers and wishes she could just say one more thing to him. And then I turned this show off because this heiffer made me effin’ cry. When I turn it back on, she states that he has no siblings and his mother passed away. Now I’m crying more! Ugh…well they all agree that he should talk to him and Khloe is going to work on that.

Rob was asked to be in the Celebrity All Star game so Khloe debates whether she should go or not. After all, Lamar may not take to kindly to watching Justin Bieber and Scottie Pippen play while he gets beer spilled on him in the stands by a former Flavor of Love contestant. Khloe lovingly goes on a one woman campaign to get votes for Lamar to be an All Star. Let’s hope that this doesn’t backfire like Zack Morris’ charity basketball game for Melissa. You know Melissa. The one who had to be in a wheelchair ALL THE TIME!

About his dad, Lamar doesn’t want Joe at his games and has told Khloe as much. Lamar talks to Jamie about how it took 17 years for Joe to wake up and kind of get it together and it was too late for Lamar. At this point, he just wants him to act like a dad.

I just want a piggy back ride.

The gang gets together and they decide to call Joe so that Khloe understands their  relationship. Joe proceeds to ask Lamar for money for sneakers, groceries, Lakers tickets and a haircut. I could’ve sworn Joe was bald. And it wasn’t an elective “I want a bald cut” either. It was a “if I’m going to be bald I might as well make it extra shiny” bald.

Khloe understands where Lamar was coming from and feels that she has to learn to trust him and his feelings. Now, it’s time to find out who will be on the All Star team and the gang watches at home. Lamar didn’t make it and they are all disappointed for him. He comes home upset and discusses how he found out from reporters after the announcement was made. I actually feel bad for him but I’m so happy that I’m watching something that seems real! He seems like such as nice guy and Khloe is trying her best to be supportive. She promises to not bring up All Stars anymore.

Then they pinky swear that this scene of him wrapped in a cheetah blanket will not be shown on TV.

Next, Khloe, Lamar and Rob do some basketball drills and it’s cute how they are playful with each other. This is the only time I wish I was a millionaire that is married to a millionaire NBA player and had a TV show. Rob chooses this time to ask about them going to his celebrity game. Lamar says that they are going to Mexico and Rob is upset so he leaves the court. Rob’s not dumb enough to mess up this free ride and Lamar is contractually obligated to give the Kardashians one child or three seasons of this show so he shows up to the game in the end and all is well.

This season, there will be love triangles, bastard children, broken friendships and lots of horizontal kissing. I’m not disgusted by any of this so I’m in for the rest of the season. Are you? What’d you think? And I don’t spend a lot of time comparing the Kardashian girls but Khloe is perfectly cute, her body is perfectly fine and she has the sweetest, richest guy out of all of her sisters. So there haters. Also, she may want to take out neck insurance.

With a man that big, she’ll need all the flexibility she can get. Color me mucho jealouso!