Khloe and Lamar: Dirty and Big

This week, Kourtney battles her weight, Lamar makes a mess and Kris Jenner proves that she’s one rung below Andrea Yates on the list of All Time Worst Mothers.

And just one rung above her.

Khloe kicks of the scriptisode by sniffing brown stuff that’s smeared on the sheets. It turns out that it’s just chocolate but we get to hear Lamar say “Khloe dookie” which I really enjoyed hearing as I sipped my chocolate smoothie. Lamar is too cute in that “I’m a little boy who doesn’t clean my room” kind of way. I just want to pinch his cheeks…and his face. Khloe starts randomly finding disgusting things around the house and is complaining about how messy Lamar is. Since she’s compulsively clean, this is starting to get to her. Hmmmm, messy house, angry woman. Where have I seen this before?

Family Matters and every other sitcom pre-2000 A.D.

Also, Kourtney and Ki did an episode on that. Jersey Shore. The Real World seasons 1-57. Ugh, I’m losing faith in this show being kinda real already. Khloe is flipping out over a few candy wrappers and something sticking to her foot and I am so glad that she can not see what is surrounding me at the moment; it might shock her into a size 2. More on that later. Khloe goes on a cleaning rampage while Rob amuses himself with a Shake Weight.

The worst part is this scene just earned him $87,000.

Rob basically tells Khloe that she needs to workout. Actually he says that she would be a beast in the gym. Likening your sisiter with whom you live and lasvish in isn’t the smartest idea. Then again, he is probably just the sacificial lamb who was given this role this week and has to do this to avoid losing his lucrative position as manager of BG5. A group named afer a vitamin. Brilliant! Khloe tells him off and mentions something about her nuts (they’re high in fat Khlo Khloo!) and the second plotline is set up for the evening. Yawn.

Khloe walks into Rob and Lamar having dinner later on and they have left dishes all over the kitchen. If I’m not mistaken, the maid is off for a week so the guys aren’t used to cleaning. They tell Khloe that they know she will clean it up because fat women are notorious for  licking leftovers off of plates. She chooses not to do that and instead says that the kitchen will stay that way for another week. By the way, while this conversation is going on, Khloe hands Lamar papers to sign regarding his house in Miami and he just does it without question. I know he’s an adorable little cuddle bunny, but he better start reading stuff befoe she has hi sign his life away. Do you know how many fraudulent weight loss products Kris Jenner will have to make him endorse to replace that Lakers money? Well I don’t either but I’m sure she’ll figure it out.

Rob starts reading blogs, no doubt in preparation to manage BG5 of whom no mention was made this week, and he comes across discussion about Khloe’s size. Lamar did an article with Playboy and commented that Khloe isn’t small. He wasn’t saying that she was big but if I recall this article, he was making some point about them not having a sex tape. They get Lamar on the phone and he immediately clears up what he meant. What he meant was, she’s not small. Huh? Ok, I’m gonna let it slide because, well, he’s rich.

Meanwhile, the house is still a mess and Lamar can not believe that Khloe would leave it like this. Lamar refuses to clean becase it’s just not something he does. And the standoff begins. Khloe is tells Malika that she is ging to one up him and she’s eating pudding off the counter while she decides this. As in, the pudding is spilled onto the counter and she’s still eating it. Khloe decides to make the mess even worse by spreading shavings, fake bloody tampons made with Kool-aid and toothpaste all over the place. Sounds like my place so I’m not really seeing what’s so bad about this.

Next, Kris calls Khloe to discuss how her fat ass is ruining the Kardashian brand although fat asses ARE the Kardashian brand. Kris feels that Khloe doesn’t care about the business because she talks about cookies to the media too much. Khloe flips out on her and asks what she wants from her because one minute Kris wants a grandkid and the next Khloe is too fat. This anger spills over to the next day at an event they are doing for Glam Silly Bandz. Way to cut a deal Kris! The girls now endorse a product that doesn’t even fit around Khloe’s cankles. Khloe ignores her and then Kris does the mature thing and ignores her too. In Kris’ defense, if Khloe doesn’t want to be the Chewbacca of the family she should stop doing things like this.

Not a good way for Khoe to combat her image as King Kong.

Or maybe the whole damn family is so happy that they’re doing the dance of joy.  Rob and Lamar a few minutes later…

Khloe decides to do something about her weight so she goes back to the 80s. Isn’t that when we were all thinest. And no, Kris hasn’t gotten them a time machine endorsment (yet), Khloe’s taking a class with Richard Simmons at Slimmons Fitness Studio. For the record, this is Khloe’s body.

If this is fat, I’m a house on feet.

Khloe gets home and Lamar says that he saw a red tampon in the toilet. He didn’t fall for it because he’s 31. He also knows that it is just not in Khloe to leave that kind of stuff around. Neither party is willing to budge on the issue, so we’re going to have to drag this out for a few more minutes. The next day, they do a photoshoot and Khloe is trying her best to camouflage what she feels are her flaws. She’s not into it and Lamar is trying to be supportive but Khloe isn’t hearing any of it. They get home and Khloe explodes when she sees the mess at home. She starts to cry and Lamar immediately says that he will clean it up for her. She’s upset about people always getting on her case and she pretends to be okay with it although she feels disgusting. I’m pretty sure that every woman has been there. Actually, I’m there now and about to start crying with her. Lamar “Best Husband in the World” Odom gets on the floor with her and says that he’ll clean. Awww, nothing like a good old fashioned cry to get a man to do something for you. He reassures her by telling her that she’s beautiful and confident and that while he’s cleaning, he’ll look under the couches and seats to find that confidence he fell in love with. Then he lets out a fart and says that that’s dusting. Hell, he can’t do anything wrong as far as I’m concerned. I want to eat his little face; he is so cute!

Next week, it’s Malika’s turn to break down andRob rats out the boys and they turn on him. What did you think? Was Kris out of line? Is Khloe big? Did you want to go to Richard’s class? I do! See ya next week.